Experts in this issue | Pei Ying picture source | unsplash source | The possibility of growing up. My baby is 5 years old and 2 months old. Two very emotional situations have happened recently. They were both persistent expressions of something missed or regretful, but Things hav

Experts in this issue｜Pei Ying

Picture source｜unsplash

source｜Possibility of growth

The baby is 5 years old and 2 months old. Two very emotional situations have happened recently. They are both persistent expressions of missing something or leaving regrets. But things have already happened and cannot be turned back. I would like to ask where the focus of guidance should be on this situation. The thing is like this:

The child was playing with friends in the community one night. A child from the same building wanted to go home. When the child found out, he also said that he wanted to go back together because he was a step too late and did not catch up. The other child was already there. Went upstairs. The baby was very emotional about this situation and wanted to go upstairs together. We talked downstairs for about 20 minutes, acting very angry and sorry, because it had already happened and we couldn't make up for it today. I said that if we wanted to go back together, we would agree to go back together in the future. The baby was still immersed in the current emotion and kept saying that she wanted to go back together today. Similar stubbornness has been shown in other matters before.

For example, he went to his friend's house to play, and the friend gave him a card as a gift. On the way home, he found that the card was missing. He called the other party's parents and found the card. The other party specifically sent a voice message saying that he would keep it safe for him. At this time, if he returns The journey there and back takes an hour. But the baby will keep saying "I want it now". I would like to ask you about this situation, where is the child developing, how should it be guided, and where should the focus be?

Zhongke Qiyuan Child Development Center Child Psychology Consultant Pei Ying

Thank you to the parents for their questions. I also see that parents actively help their children solve problems at the behavioral level. Maybe you are wondering why I respect him and understand him so much, but he still stubbornly insists on his own ideas? In fact, I have seen in your question that you have found the key point of guidance-emotion. we understand this in several steps.

First of all, see the differences between each other.

When faced with the same thing, children and parents have different understandings, for example: "The child wants to go upstairs with the children" and "The child wants to retrieve the gift". Parents’ understanding is that the matter of going home together is over, or if it takes too long to go back to pick it up, we will immediately think of a solution - make an appointment next time, and pick it up next time. This is how the adult brain handles problems. way, think of a solution. What the child faces is, "I have lost the experience of going upstairs with the children to go home" and "I have lost the experience of bringing gifts home." So in the world of children, what they experience is "loss".

Secondly, when we understand that what children are facing is a "loss", we take another step down to see their emotions.

Children may have emotions such as sadness, loss, regret, anxiety, etc. If parents cannot see these emotions, the children will not be able to receive all behavioral responses, because only through "emotion" can they understand "reason".

Finally, what the child needs is the closest and most trusted family member who can empathize with him, that is, be understood.

Because it is difficult for a child to express his thoughts and feelings accurately, and parents’ response to emotions is like a mirror, allowing children to know what is wrong with them from a mental level. At the same time, this emotional response will also make children feel To the sense of security of "I am with you", "I know you", "I understand you".

Such a sense of security can help his emotions cool down, return his emotions to an adjustable state, and his mind can work again. Try giving suggestions at this time, maybe the child will accept it easily.