Isn't it a buddha? There are not only these two kinds of mothers in the world

, a mother asked me:

"True mother, you always advise us not to have a baby chicken, then you must be a Buddhist mother?"

I thought about it, I really don’t have a baby chicken. But why is it a Buddha?

Before the child was born, I read dozens of parenting and family education books. The child was born for more than ten years, and those books almost spread to the bookshelf on the whole wall behind my desk; I closed the door with my true dad to discuss It took thousands of hours to bring children well; we chatted with them, took them on trips, and discussed various topics with them; from the time the children were little babies, we explored ways to guide them to read independently and nurture them Become a child with super reading ability and learning ability...

We just don’t accompany our children to do homework, we don’t spend countless time "reading for children", and we don’t send children to do such kind of enlightenment, training, tutoring, and strengthening. Don't force them to have a certain talent that can be "handled".

In this way, if you dare to be called "Buddha", I am afraid that mothers who are supposed to bring a baby should be kicked out of the Buddhist mother group, right?

I don’t know when mothers have been automatically divided into two camps: chicken baby mothers (or chicken blood mothers) and Buddha mothers on the Internet. If you are not a chicken baby, then you must be Buddha is a mother, if you are not "Buddha", then you must be a mother chicken baby.

The popular label does provide people with a very convenient expression. Many people also like to use this expression, but they rarely think about whether their own way of thinking is being greatly simplified by these buzzwords? Is the depth of your own thinking being "thinned" by them?

Of course, there are not only two kinds of mothers in the world, "chicken baby" and "Buddha". It is not just a matter of choosing one of the two options of "high pressure" and "stocking" to raise children with such a complicated task. Peace of mind.

In fact, more mothers who have found a sense of "competence" are neither blind chickens nor pursuing Buddhism. They just work hard to make themselves more capable of being mothers, and then naturally The earth has obtained the fruits of hard work on the children.

So, where does the ability to be a mother come from? I think there may be three sources:

One, solid and long-term learning.

Any kind of superb vocational skills cannot be separated from sufficiently solid and long-term learning. So is being a mother.

Just read a book and only study for a year and a half, so you can't become a competent mother. But if you can read ten, eight or even more important family education books seriously, if you keep improving your ability to be a mother before your children are born until they grow up and leave home, you want to be incompetent, think I am afraid it will be difficult to get mad every minute.

You will know with certainty that what you can do to help your children develop their abilities, and how to do so that they can have a healthier and complete personality. You also know that chicken babies and Buddhism are not the most capable of helping children grow up. the way.

Second, the experience of "successfully be yourself".

In addition to the role of mothers, we are first of all independent people. We must be ourselves before we can be mothers.

With the experience of "successfully be yourself", we can know how we grow up, how to have certain abilities, how to become more confident and happier, and we also know what factors have negative effects on a person's growth effect.

You will naturally use these knowledge and experience in parenting and family education, be able to rationally choose your own parenting style, and carefully avoid the "deep pits" you may encounter.

If we can't even "be yourself", how can we be sure that the parenting method we choose, such as chicken baby, such as stocking, or some other method, will definitely give our children a better future , What about a better life?

This matter is probably equivalent to finding a swimming coach for your child, and that person can't swim by himself.

Third, the parenting practice of constant debugging.

It is not enough to be able to learn for a long time and be able to "successfully be yourself". After all, we are all being mothers for the first time. In this job, the experience is far from insufficient. There must be a long time.Everyone has to be a stumbling "novice", even after the novice period, they will continue to encounter new problems and new challenges. Apart from continuing our own practice, we have no shortcuts.

Of course, it’s not enough to just bury your head in practice, because you may make mistakes, maybe at a certain time, for various reasons, adopt the completely wrong way, and in the matter of parenting, stick to the wrong way for a long time. , It's terrible-you can't do it again.

Therefore, we have to learn to detect errors in practice, and then debug in time.

For example, if you find yourself getting more and more irritable and unhappy, you must be aware of something wrong in time; if you find that your child is getting more and more upset and depressed, you must also reflect in time, right? I used the wrong method myself.

I have met too many mothers who lack the ability to detect and debug - they prefer to walk all the way to the dark to discipline their children, and at the same time they are extremely convinced that they must be doing the right thing.

I think that every mother who has worked hard to improve the "ability to be a mother" will avoid the labels of "chicken baby mother/chicken blood mother" and "Buddha mother" Not too late, because she knows that such a simple choice of two is nothing short of a trivial matter.

My parents (Xu Zhiming/Gao Zhihong)

Focus on the topic of parenting and accompany the parents to grow up