Author Yang Wenhui
I have a world myself, I have forgotten it for a long time...
No color, no scenery window
I hear the sound of birds
I see everyone's back
I see my own shadow
I see some text
I see my own heart
Everyone takes their own life to get on the car and get off the car
with their own taste
I take my own daughter
I bring myself to walk past last year
And the way I look up at the sky
...
I am an old house
guarding my own bricks cracks tile
We each dug our own trenches
bleed
but refuse to soothe
...
Let me become a fighter
Winter is also a very beautiful season
Blue sky clearly prints every branch of the tree
I saw the unique green of the pine trees
Reading this melancholy, sad but full of power, my thoughts naturally connected with the author of this text.
Ten years ago, this place was purchased by a large domestic real estate developer. The neighbors opposite the door seized the business opportunity and sold the house he had bought tens of thousands of yuan for dozens of times the price, and bought a new house in the city center and moved away. The house has a new owner, and the neighbor has become a new neighbor.
is a bit nostalgic and a bit suspicious about his new neighbor: What kind of person would he be?
One day, when I went upstairs, a young and delicate mother took a little girl about six or seven years old upstairs. I walked behind them. My mother grabbed her daughter's hand and held her, walking step by step, and she didn't look anxious at all. Seeing me behind me, I immediately stopped and said to the child, "Ke'er, let my aunt go first." The child seemed to have no concern about the mother's words. When he was about to continue walking, the mother pulled the child and moved away and said, "Ke'er, we're walking slowly, let my aunt go first." She smiled at me. I smiled politely, too.
is a young mother, in her thirties, with clear and gentle eyes, but has a kind of power of concentration. When I went up to the sixth floor, when I opened the door, I found that the mother and daughter walked to the fifth floor and continued to walk up. I realized that this is the new neighbor. Looking at the child walking around the corner, she was also looking up at me. She was a very beautiful little girl with big eyes, round face, and extremely white skin. The child stared at me with a childish look, and the mother said to her, "Ke'er, call auntie, say auntie, okay." The child looked at me, "Ah, ah---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The word "good" was said by the mother next to her, and the child's speech speed seemed to be inconsistent with her age.
Mom said, "We just moved here, and we will be neighbors in the future." "Okay, okay, just say whatever you need," I said. After dinner, I heard someone knocking on the door. When I opened it, I saw a strange young man. He smiled and introduced himself, "I am the neighbor of the opposite door. My surname is Rong and my name is Rong Xiaofei. We just moved here today. I came here to say hello. Please take care of you in the future. By the way, I would like to ask my elder brother and sister-in-law for advice." After coming in and sitting down, he said, "Sister-in-law, I heard that you work in Disabled Persons' Federation . I want to know about the situation of our special education center and see if there are any good teachers. Please recommend it to us."
"Is it the Deaf Children's Language Training Center on the fourth floor?" I immediately thought of that child. Xiaofei said: "Brother, sister-in-law, I'm going to tell you that we bought this house just for the sake of the children so that they can receive the best special education nearby. Our children were found to suffer from phenylketon after they were born..." Oh? I was shocked and suspicious for a moment. Ask "What's the situation?"
I don't understand what disease this is? Seeing my husband and I’m surprised and suspicious, Xiaofei said, “It’s what we are saying about intellectual developmental delay.” I suddenly understood. Xiaofei said: "In recent years, Ke'er's mother and I have sacrificed everything for our children and went to famous hospitals and special education institutions, just to save and make up for it so that the child can recover as much as possible." When he said this, the appearance of the little girl with big eyes repeatedly appeared in my mind, as well as the persistence and firmness in her mother's eyes.After Xiao Fei left, I went online and entered the three words phenyl acetone into the search engine. Soon, "Differentiation and diagnosis of phenyl acetone" and " phenyl acetone test", etc., click the link on the mouse, and it said: phenyl pyruvuls is a group of metabolic diseases, with general serious intellectual damage. After a few months of birth, the child will experience a delay in development, irritability, slow reaction, yellowing, white and tender skin, blue iris, abnormal muscle tone, ataxia, hyperreflexia, and a special mouse odor in the urine...
Looking at these terrible words, I felt very emotional inside - what a cute little girl, and then fell into a pale and helpless sigh. I saw too many such misfortunes, but found that I was in it, and even sympathy was useless. Yes, this kind of sympathy is useless. Adding it to the unfortunate will make them even more pitiful. They do not need this kind of sympathy. What they need is support and help. Even a kind of confidence and hope that cannot see the result is better than this kind of useless sympathy. This kind of sympathy carries a kind of secular discrimination and an asymmetry in status and identity.
So, we often meet, and I often say hello to the child from the perspective of an observer. Life is like flowing clouds and water. Two years have passed, and suddenly one day, I met Xiao Fei in the corridor and he told me that they were moving away. "Where did you move? Have the houses here been sold?" I asked a sudden question. Xiaofei told me that he found another better training institution, where they rented a house and moved out this month. "Didn't Ke'er train well here?" I asked. He said: "We trained very well. We hired an hour of tutoring every day, and we made great progress. So we have to choose different training institutions according to the different performances of the children at different stages. This is not the first time we have moved."
Xiaofei said it very easily, as if moving is a troublesome thing like carrying heavy objects upstairs. In fact, if others look at anything, only those who are in it will understand the taste of it. In the following years, I never saw Ke'er and her mother again. The house opposite was also rented out for a while, and different people changed. Only a few times when the tenant changed rent, I happened to meet Xiao Fei who came back to check the house. He came over to sit with us and talked to us about the child's situation. He told me that the child could sing, could write, and could complete self-care well... It seems very common to normal people, and Xiao Fei's tone was filled with unspeakable surprises.
I seem to be able to understand his surprise mood and understand the difficulties better. What parents give to normal children during their growth requires exponential patience, persistence and perseverance to achieve - something that seems normal to us... I don't know what to think except admiration. At the end of last year, the door opposite opened again, and it was very disturbing. I thought the house had been replaced with a new tenant. When I met Xiao Fei, he said to me happily, "We are moving back." When I heard this, I felt that the lonely corridor seemed to be angry soon. "Okay, okay, now it's good, there's a neighbor. Ke'er..." Xiaofei seemed to know what I was going to ask, and hurriedly said, "Sister-in-law, you don't know, Xiao Ke is now amazing, drawing, arithmetic, writing, handicrafts, shopping, everything is fine, you will know when you see it, so we have to move back. This community is full of functions, and the children can get better exercise here."
A few days later, I met Ke'er in the corridor and followed her mother. She seemed to be a little lower than her mother, but she obviously grew up, very strong, and her skin was a little darker. When she met, she immediately said, "Hello, Auntie." She spoke fluently and straightforwardly, and her eyes also became clear, clear and spiritual from childishness and ignorance. When I heard Ke'er's greetings, I didn't know how to reply for a moment, and said one word with emotion in my heart: "Okay". Look at Ke'er's mother. Her black, thin, short hair with ears has no trace of decoration, but she has more vicissitudes than when she saw her a few years ago. Her eyes are still so focused and firm.
2
At the end of the year, I received an invitation letter to invite me to attend the Youth Association of Anjianer Charity Service Center.I know that this institution was jointly established by several parents of older young people with intellectual disabilities. The purpose is to find a way out for intellectual disabilities through mutual assistance, while ultimately creating a space and environment for survival and elderly care for these people. When the institution was established in 2018, I was there, but I was not optimistic about it. I was crowded with another institution, and the workshop was divided into fragments, like a canvas that I temporarily pieced together.
But on the day of the sorority, I still went there on time. When I walked into the hall where I changed my new location, I was shocked by the scene in front of me: the walls of the hall of more than 200 square meters were hung with various paintings, full of a strong artistic atmosphere. Various artworks were placed in the display cabinet next to me, color discs, twelve zodiac signs and various artistic color dolls made with various themes, some were cute and cute, while others were made with lifelike, and the whole work looked unworldly charm - pure, clean, without worldly spirit, which was completely expressed by the soul. Walking further in, the corridors on both sides are also covered with framed paintings. The author and the name of the work are marked in the lower left corner of each work, and there is also a line of words: the price of love is 300 yuan, and the numbers of each work are not exactly the same.
The rooms on both sides of the aisle are also unique. Some are spacious and spacious. When standing inside, there is a feeling of pressure being released; some are cramped and narrow, full of mysterious tranquility; there is also a large studio with the table full of colorful paints, brushes, sticks, and paper, and some completed or unfinished paintings hanging on the wall. The two ladies were sitting on chairs, putting their shoulders on, maintaining a posture, modeling a young man of seventeen or eighteen years old. The young man looked at the person on the chair carefully, then lowered his head and focused on a piece of paper, then looked at it again, and then drew - they were in class. Next door is a military work exhibition room. Under the guidance of a dedicated person, the children display various military art works made of shell . There is also a chime made of different types of shell shells in the corner. The sound is staggered when knocked on, which is very special. On both sides of the corridor on the other side are cake making rooms, handmade processing workshops, mini cafes, classrooms, training rooms, etc., which are all arranged very separately and exudes a warm love. After the
association begins, children, teachers, parents, and caring people show their inner emotions in different ways and release the most real things. The program performance is not professional, and it is not even beautiful. However, I see that these children can sing a song in full with the accompaniment of karaoke, express a poem to the best of their ability with the music played, and can grasp the rules well to complete a game... All of this, what do you think when you don't use the mentality of appreciating professional art and think that this is something a group of children whose intelligence has been suffering from loss since childhood? I looked at a poster in my hand, which read the following lines: concentration, sincerity, and dedication; there are also circled in a box below: cultural cognition, life training, artistic healing, and career reconstruction.
For a moment, I felt moved. It was not that I wanted to cry, but that I was suppressed by a heavy thing, but that I didn’t know what it was. Looking at the crowd sitting in different postures and expressions. Suddenly, a light swept across the entire hall and finally frozen on the people in the center of the stage - a mother and son returning from the United States. The mother and son took a fancy to two works hanging on the wall, bought them on the spot, and took a photo with the author of the work.
At this time, warm applause rang out in the court. I remember what Ke'er's mother told me: I want to share what I have gained over the years with more families... We are a group, we must unite ourselves and live in a common group so that we feel not afraid or lonely.Of course, it requires help from all aspects of society, even a box of paint, a dozen paper, a few cups, a few tables and chairs...
I saw in the crowd, there were crystal clear things on Ke'er's mother's face flashing under the light... In an instant, I realized that this kind of touch came from the people sitting in the audience, including teachers, lawyers, doctors, volunteers, veterans, returning overseas Chinese and strange kind-hearted people... More There are many people who have never given up for many years, struggled hard under the pressure, and looked for a trace of light in the infinite slimness. They are people in this society who are so ordinary that they can no longer be ordinary. For children, they sacrificed their personal dreams, gave up their careers, stayed away from their friends, and lived a life that was almost isolated from normal life. For several years, decades, with a hint of desire and hope, they ran in every corner of the world that was not watched by others...
I am a wild grass
Dirty and lonely
I am in the scenery, but no one can see
I am a tree under the autumn clouds
Lonely and tragic
I am in the crowd
I am among the grass
My heart wanders in the space of my forties
...... .
3
In the few days after participating in the friendship activities, I always associate the scene I saw that day with the Sisif who pushed the stone up the mountain. In the eyes of ordinary people, I push a huge rock up the mountain every day, then watch the stone roll down, push it up the next day, and then roll down... Repeatedly, compared with those who are worried about infinite dreams and are ready to fight on the battlefield of life, what is the meaning of such a life?
Absurdist literature master Camus gave such an answer,
Monâme n'a rien à demander, la vie éternelle faith de son mieux.
translated into Chinese: do not seek eternal life, do your best.
Camus wrote in the book: "I saw him lifting the huge rock with his tight body and rolling it, supporting the huge rocks, supporting the huge rocks upwards along the slope, climbing again and again; he also saw his face tight, his cheeks pressed against the stones, and his shoulders held back, bearing a huge clay-covered object; he squatted firmly and supported it under the stones; his arms held the huge rocks full of stones, and his hands covered with soil showed full human stability."...
This is Sisyph's life, he put in great effort and did something that would not bring any achievements. This seems to be the life of every ordinary person, and it is the life of these special children's parents. What they carry on their shoulders is the huge rocks carried on Sisyph's shoulders. They water a tree that is difficult to blossom and bear fruit day after day, year after year.
But, as Camus said, fate is tragic because of absurdity. As Sisyphus walked back with heavy steps, he realized his boundless survival situation, and he knew that his misfortune would come back. Yes, suffering will not disappear, it will re-enter our lives, into the next journey of our lives, and of course, those helpless and helpless families.
But, just like a blind man who knows that the dark night is endless but always longs for light, in this world, there is such a group of people who are working hard for their children and seeking a ray of light in their hearts for themselves. This is humanitarianism. It is not far away, not a myth, nor high above. It is around us, in these ordinary and unintentional people. They come from the low point of society. They are illuminating themselves with their faint light and the lives of those weak people...
Editor: Intern Zhou Aojun
