Habitual refutation is instinct, convergence and restraint are ability.
Writer Li Xiaomo once said:
"Always surpassing others in words, which is the behavior I have ever seen with the lowest emotional intelligence."
If you want to defeat others, you may have a temporary victory, but you will never win long-term respect.
In life, none of us can avoid being refuted or criticized.
But stupid people will habitually confront each other and never win; while wise people will first digest and then introspectively when facing different opinions.
In life, being able to restrain one's desire to refute is the greatest self-discipline.
01
I wonder if you have seen such a person:
No matter what you say, his first reaction is to target you and refute you;
No matter whether the view is correct or not, as long as the words surpass others, he will be proud and proud.
, in fact, refuting everywhere and arguing in everything will only cut off one's own way of retreat and push oneself into an unfavorable abyss.
In Ming Dynasty , there was a Jinshi named Wang Pu. Because of his excessive rebuttal, he often argued with Zhu Yuanzhang .
several times were demoted and returned home because of offending Longyan.
But Zhu Yuanzhang cherished his talents and soon recalled him to Beijing and served as the censor.
I thought Wang Pu's temperament could be restrained, but unexpectedly, not long after he served as the censor, he openly refuted Zhu Yuanzhang in the court.
Zhu Yuanzhang was furious and sent him to the execution ground to suffocate his spirit.
I didn't want Wang Pu to disagree, but instead said righteously:
"Your Majesty has promoted me to censor, and now I have destroyed and insulted me to this point. I just want to die quickly today."
Zhu Yuanzhang was furious after hearing this. Seeing that he was unable to change his nature, he ordered him to be executed quickly, and Wang Pu lost his life.
Some people say: debate is a big killer who ruins a happy life.
Debating with people close to you will make them cold and alienate; debating with others will only increase anger.
Just as Franklin said:
"If you debate and refute, you may win, but that victory is short-lived and empty... You will never get the favor that the other party gives you."
Too much debate will not make people look down on you, but will instead cause you to fall into the trap of life;
Learn to restrain and know how to restrain is the best rule forever.
02
Mr. Lu Xun said: Silence is the best resistance.
is more powerful than talking nonsense; it is more powerful than being petty and being calm and retreating.
During the reign of Emperor Wu of Han, Gongsun Hong , the ability to go from a commoner to the prime minister of the dynasty has a lot to do with his attitude towards life.
Gongsun Hong is knowledgeable. Every time he discusses matters, he will explain the matter in detail, allowing the emperor to make his own choices, but he is often opposed and refuted by his colleagues, but Gongsun Hong never argues.
Because he was extremely frugal in life, the then chief commander Ji An , who was the chief commander, couldn't stand him and said that he would be treacherous and would not explain.
Later, Emperor Wu of Han asked him:
"What you said is right, but when the ministers question you, why don't you defend yourself?"
Gongsun Hong replied calmly: "Those who know the ministers regard the ministers as loyal, and those who don't know the ministers regard the ministers as unfaithful."
In the face of other people's offenses, Gongsun Hong never cared about it, but chose silence and tolerance, and finally made him a marquis and minister.
Kant once said: I respect any independent soul. Although I do not recognize some, I can understand them as much as possible.
has different positions, so there is no need to argue; the levels are different, so there is no need to compete.
Gentlemen are harmonious but different, benevolent people are compatible with the outside.
In this world, there will always be people who will dissatisfie with you or oppose you; if you refute one by one, you will inevitably make yourself full of resentment and make you feel annoyed.
Do not defend against things, it is not about retrenching because of mistakes. It is precisely that while respecting others, it also protects yourself.
A truly mindful person will not argue and convince others from a certain angle, but will keep a silent attitude and retreat.
03
Some people say: Refutation is instinct, and reflection is a skill.
When faced with bad remarks, habitual refutation and explanation will often only show one's shallowness and ignorance.
Only by knowing how to speak slowly and inwardly review, can we turn mediocrity into extraordinaryness.
Shen YinmoHis calligraphy has become famous for its time in Zhejiang.
Once, he improvised a five-character poem at a friend's house.
Unexpectedly, Chen Duxiu read it the next day but commented: "The poem is well written, but the words are not very good, it is fluent and not deep enough."
So, Chen Duxiu was about to see Shen Yinmo. Before the person arrived, the voice had arrived.
"My name is Chen Zhongfu. I saw the poems you wrote in Liu Sanjia. The poems are done very well, but the words are just as vulgar as they are."
Shen Yinmo heard such a sentence "A wake-up call" before he could see the person.
thought to myself: Such blunt criticism is really harsh.
When he was about to refute the rebuttal, he thought about it and hurriedly called the guest to sit down.
Chen Duxiu saw that Shen Yinmo was very humble, so he talked about calligraphy with him.
This inspired Shen Yinmo, so he practiced calligraphy hard and became a master of his generation.
Later Shen Yinmo sighed: "If it weren't for Brother Zhongfu's criticism, I would not have achieved such a high level, and I would not have achieved such a high achievement. I have to thank him."
I read a sentence:
0 If you are watching people's shortcomings, no one can communicate with the world; if you look at people's strengths, everyone in the world can be my teacher.
In the face of criticism and doubt, stupid people will subconsciously refute and trap themselves on the edge of growth.
And smart people will reflect on their own questions as soon as possible and find answers from themselves.
As the saying goes: The weak are trapped by themselves, and the strong are aware of themselves.
When a person has the courage to criticize himself, he also has the confidence to grow rapidly.
04
A professor once said:
"The only thing we can reach an agreement is that we cannot reach an agreement on anything.
But we can make things that cannot reach an agreement through self-growth, making things that cannot reach an agreement become trivial."
unnecessary rebuttal cannot improve our abilities. Only by not defending can we free up enough time to improve ourselves.
Shen Congwen is not only a famous modern writer, but also a historical cultural relic researcher.
But in his early years, he also caused great controversy and attracted a lot of criticism.
Some people mocked him as a writer without thoughts; some people refuted that there are only shallow and low-level interests in his works.
But Shen Congwen did not fight on reason and ignored criticism.
Later, he began research on historical relics.
Some people also commented on him as "playing with flowers and plants all day long and not doing his job properly."
, but he didn't care at all, did not explain, and only focused on cultural relics research.
He goes to bed at 12 pm every day and gets up at 5 pm to study cultural relics; when he cannot write by hand, he insists on dictating and asks his friends to help him write.
Finally, after 15 years, he wrote the book " Ancient Chinese Clothing Research " and made outstanding achievements in cultural relics research.
The Tao Te Ching says: Those who argue are not good, and those who are good do not argue.
When faced with others' refutations, it is useless to say more; if you don't listen to your ears or your heart, you won't hurt you at all.
A truly smart person does not fall into the mouths of others, but only practices in his own heart.
Focus on your actions and deeply cultivate your abilities. When you reach the top of the mountain, you will find that the sounds from the outside world are just passing by.
▽
I have seen a philosophical story:
Someone asked, "Master, what's the secret to happiness?"
Master answered, "Don't fight with fools."
asked, "I don't agree with your point of view at all."
Master answered, "Yes, you're right!"
refuting habitually is an instinct; but being able to restrain and restrain is an ability.
Stupid people like to argue and break their own way out; kind people are quiet but not fighting, and accommodate everything.
Kind people look for themselves, observe and reflect on themselves; wise people smile and improve themselves.
Laozi said: Only if you don’t fight, so no one in the world can fight with it.
For the rest of my life, I will not argue or argue, be sober and calm, calm and at ease.
Source: Chinese Culture
Author: Alpaca
Editor: Deng Rubeng
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