The room was so dark that it was impossible to tell anything, only the ignition of mosquito coils in the corner of the wall, and the signal light was lit up red. Even when there is no wind, whenever someone walks by the floor, these windows will be quakes.

Text \ Zhang Jie

1

Dusk is like a huge sponge, slowly sucking the flames of the daytime slowly. The noisy city sound gradually declined. The city is like a pot of cold thick porridge . The room was so dark that it was impossible to tell anything, only the ignition of mosquito coils in the corner of the wall, and the signal light was lit up red.

Light-colored floral curtains blow gently in the evening breeze, and the glass windows sway slightly in the swaying of the breeze. Even when there is no wind, whenever someone walks by the floor, these windows will be quakes. This is an old house, with gray-yellow walls. Each floor has a groove in the middle, but it is still stained with spotlessness by Aunt Lu. The mahogany furniture and the edges and corners on the furniture are still hard and hard; the windows are also very similar to the format of the church, narrow and long, and the top is still an arched piece... In front of the row of windows facing south on the second floor, there is an old walnut tree with broad leaves, one begonia , and two Japanese pine trees that are not old. From the first time Lubei River entered this yard, more than 20 years have passed, and they are still so tall. But it can be seen that they have grown much older. People will grow old, but trees will not grow old?

In summer, the thick shade of walnut trees and crabapples will not only filter out the heat of the sun, but also block people and what happens in the window. In winter, although the leaves of the crabapple tree and the walnut tree have fallen out, who would have such a big addiction to stand in the cold wind and peek at other people’s windows?

The blue brick walls around the house were covered with green vines. The windows, which were not bright, were deeply trapped in the thick vine leaves, like thick moss on the edges, and an ancient well where few people came to draw water - just like the family tradition that the Zuo family rarely interacted with. Before Lu Beihe married Zuo Wei, the Zuo family seemed not so cold.

In terms of dealing with people, Lu Beihe adheres to the principle of keeping a certain distance. At her age, she was watching how her family fell, and how those families were similar to her family fell. The memories of the early years, the first, completely inverted from the old world, will never be separated from her again like the rings growing into the heart of a tree.

So Lu Beihe loves the darkness of this old house.

This small building belongs to Zuo Wei’s father. During the ten-year catastrophe of the "Cultural Revolution", he escaped the disaster like a paradise. This is because Zuo Wei's father is not only one of the best national treasures in China, but also a very status and influential figure internationally. So it was preserved as a specimen.

The couple was eligible to apply for a new house, but Lu Beihe refused. Money is a small matter. If they go out and set up their own houses, they have to be placed on the front line and get into trivial matters. Many things will happen to their heads.

Lu Beihe stood up from the sofa and twisted the floor lamp beside him. The light shines through the green gauze, reflecting a small halo. She avoided the halo and picked another corner of the sofa and lay down.

After dinner, Lu Beihe lay motionless on the sofa, thinking about her thoughts alone.

Zuowei went to the train station to see her son off.

is Zuo Wei, and she will not tell him what she has not considered mature. When did he come up with a decisive opinion? Thinking of this, Lu Beihe smiled faintly.

When will my son become an adult and support this family for her? He didn't have a little bit like her. It’s really the blood of the Zuo family, and it’s worse than when Zuo Wei was younger. She is very different from other women, and she is not blind because of her love for her husband or son.

She picked up a sunflower fan and shook it slowly. I think about my husband for a while, and then I think about my son for a while, and I don’t know if it’s bitter or sweet.

Perhaps young people today are very different from when they were young.He seems unscrupulous in everything he does, and rarely considers his words and deeds. What impression will his every move leave on others or what political impact will he have on. It seems that they only plan to survive today and not live tomorrow.

Xiangdong is not politically developed, and he is not even a member of the League and has never written an application for joining the League. Lu Beihe had talked to him about this matter for many times, but he almost knelt down and begged him to write an application for joining the group.

He promised it was pretty good. "Hey, mom, I'll write it."

"See it after writing it."

"Hey."

After a month, there was no movement. If you urge him again, you should lose your temper. Lu Beihe wished he could write one for him. However, he must be willing to hand over it over. She can't submit an application for him, accept the test of the organization for him, and take the oath to the group, right?

It would be fine if he refused to join the group himself. What will others think? For example, comrades in the institute. Will they say that even their children are not well disciplined, so why are they the deputy secretary of the Party Committee and deputy director?

Besides, if you don’t join the League, you will be affected if you don’t join the party in the future and you will be assigned to your work and studying abroad. When will this little boy understand this amazing thing? She couldn't tell him clearly about these interests. Then he would jump three feet high and shout to her, "Oh, it's really your reason to let me join the group for this." Then she would lose his respect.

This summer vacation, I went to Yunnan with my classmates for a trip, and Zuo Wei even bought him a sleeper. Other students can sit down, why should he "lie down" alone? If you can't sit, just don't go. You have to show off your makeup. If you have it at home, you can do whatever you like.

Lu Beihe is not reluctant to give up money. In the Zuo family, when has money been put on the agenda and been considered? However, having money cannot be like this, just like a big notice. This is equivalent to telling others that your family takes advantage of the money, the bad nature of your family’s bourgeois intellectuals, or bourgeoisie. Since the day Lu Beihe has been sensible, he has never dared to forget his origins for a day. There is no change in the slightest desire for enjoyment, corruption, depravity, and labor. The worst thing is, who dares to guarantee that there will be no more exercise? The "Cultural Revolution" is said to be no longer done, and it can be changed to individual nouns or tricks. Some experts in this regard are.

Alas, there is no politics in your mind. Why can't I stew some tremella at home like her, wild ginseng , bird's nest... People don't know, ghosts don't realize it, how affordable it is.

The nanny chosen by Lu Beihe is absolutely reliable. Although the wages were a little higher, it took many years to use this family, and nothing was leaked from her mouth, even during the extraordinary period of the "Cultural Revolution".

Because she is not a little tacit, Zuo Wei's mother always says, "Look at her face, it looks like a gray brick wall."

What's wrong with gray brick wall?

She never interacts with other nannies. She doesn't like them, holding her master's children, sitting under the shade of a tree or under the large wall facing south, shaking off her master's old background, and choreographing her master's not.

She will never ask what she didn't say to her. As long as it was not for her, she wouldn't hear anything no one said in front of her. If a guest comes occasionally and happens to be all the host is not at home, no one can tell from her where the family members are going and what to do. When she asked her what she said, she shook her head expressionlessly and said, "I don't know." Even if she had served tea for this guest many times and prepared meals, she would be the same as if she didn't know her.

The guests kept complaining to Lu Beihe. After hearing this, Lu Beihe just smiled with his lips.

Where is this a nanny? It's clearly a treasure. Unlike the nanny in the Zuo family, she loves talking too much, visiting friends too much, and meddling in other people's business. Shortly after Lu Beihe got married, he found a reason to let Zuo Wei send her away. When the nanny left, she held Lu Beihe's hand and she was crying and reluctant to break up. Lu Beihe felt very uncomfortable, and kept sending her to long-distance bus station .

Lu Beihe and Zuo Wei are just one child. Both generations of the Zuo family are single-handed.

But this child came late, and he was not there after several years of marriage. In the first few years, my mother-in-law's eyes swept around her belly, just like a whip whipping her nerves. She wished her belly would be as bulging as a basin overnight.

She even saw a look of annoyance in her mother-in-law's eyes. What is my mother-in-law upset? Are you upset that Zuo Wei did not marry Zeng Ling'er and finally married her?

If that is the case, why use Zeng Ling'er's love for Zuo Wei to imply that she wears the right-wing hat for Zuo Wei? Why did Ren Zengling'er be assigned to Xinjiang like an exile, but Zuo Wei didn't go with her? In the Zuo family, it seems that Zeng Ling'er has never been in the world... the old lady's annoyance is just like the Zhou Pu Yuan in "Thunderstorm". She has provided photos of Lu Ma for decades and retained some of Lu Ma's childbirth habits without any distortion... but it is all an extremely sincere hypocrisy.

Toward the east is the flesh in their hearts and the beads in their palms. But it is not like this to care for children. He should be allowed to practice the hard skills of being invincible in politics since he was a child, and this is the truth. Even Lu Beihe took the issue of naming his son very lightly and thoughtfully. The surname is Zuo and the name is Xiangdong. When will she think about this name in depth, she will have a small layer of goose bumps on her body. However, in this name, no matter who it is, you can no longer smell the tiredness of the Zuo family and the smell of the money of the Lu family.

Old man, old lady, Zuo Wei only knows how to buy sleeper berths for Xiangdong who are traveling around, but he doesn't care that Xiangdong cannot tell the names of the few deputy prime ministers and state committee members of China. They don't understand, and they don't want to understand what is important or what is not important.

Lu Beihe sighed softly, his eyes falling on the photo of the opposite wall. She adjusted the angle of the lampshade and allowed the light to project onto the photo. That was her and Zuo Wei’s wedding photo.

She stared blankly at the twelve-inch large photo, thinking about what people often say.

People say that the couple are very similar. Where exactly does it look like? But no one can make it clear.

He has a straight nose, flying eyebrows, and bright eyes. She has a thin and angular face, looking like a tough guy.

And she, a pair of smiling eyes of Buddha, hides the eyes that people can peek into their hearts from there. A round nose, a round face, looks like a kind and wealthy person.

: In terms of temperament and character, they are also very different.

When I was in college, Zuo Wei was an activist in social activities. Department of Student Union President. We organized spring outings, autumn sports meetings, art performances, partying with Soviet students, and speaking at the city's May 4th Youth Day commemoration... In short, we are people who show up in public on all important occasions.

cares about clothing. The tailoring is well-designed, but it doesn't seem weird.

is exquisite and has a high talent, but his homework is only above the medium level. Perhaps too much social activities took up his time.

I remember a film studio filming a film with the theme of college students' life and searching for actors from various universities. The director took a look at Zuo Wei at first sight and hoped that he would play the leading role in the film. This opportunity that many young people dream of but could not get was rejected by him. When asked why, he just smiled and didn't answer. Only Lu Beihe knew that the people from the Zuo family would not do such errands. Although he had never told her the reason, or anyone else.

At that time, they rarely talked. Even if you talk, it is a work connection, and you are busy and a few words. She just learned about the Zuo family from the bones of the Lu family. Although there are fundamental differences, there are fundamental similarities.

He is romantic and elegant, but he is not entangled with girls. Zeng Ling'er may be the only girl he has loved - if that is also called love. It’s not that he is as virgin as jade, he just--it just doesn’t know how to love. There is a kind of person who seems to have no nerve of love in nature. In other words, he finally married Lu Beihe, which is essentially no different from marrying a woman from the street.

She herself has always been a student with mediocre homework. Since high school, she has been the secretary of the Youth League branch. When I arrived at university, I was the party branch secretary of the grade again. At that time, there were very few party members among students, and they could only establish a branch in one grade. Now he is the deputy secretary of the Party Committee and deputy director of the institute. She may be in this position of "secretary" for the rest of her life. Since China entered the socialist society, people have been ups and downs, ups and downs, and revolving light is dazzling. Only she is neither very popular nor very black.

is still strange. No matter how delicate her eyes are, she can no longer find any trace of her origin in a wealthy family.

From the 1950s to the present, regardless of how many crazy impacts of women's hair, clothes, and boots have experienced, she has always had short hair that is as thick as a head of ears, hanging on her head like a noodles, and a black hairpin that is as thick as a thin as a large iron nail. The color of the shirt is either light gray, light blue or white. Small lapels, and two large pockets with protective lines on the chest. Dark blue or dark gray trousers. On her feet are a pair of black cloth shoes with trips. When I was studying in school, there was a thick layer of rubber on the soles of my shoes.

In public, she tries to appear silent. Sitting in the last row, or in a chair with a certain horn. From under the half-closed eyelids, I quietly observed the people and things around me. If someone finds her and must let her sit in a prominent position, she will smile humbly and refuse: "This is very good, have a meeting quickly, don't affect everyone's speech." After that, she will still sit firmly in her original position. She always reminds herself that she is just a deputy. Even if the top leader is away for some reason, she will let other deputy positions go up.

No matter who comes to her to report on her thoughts, work or life problems, she will listen with all her attention. His eyes were fixed on the other person and he would never slip around absent-mindedly. He nodded constantly, and from time to time he made a short sentence that seemed sympathetic and surprised: "Is that true?" Then he repeatedly held the hands of the person talking and sent them all the way to the gate. Standing there, looking at the distance of the other person for a long time, at least when the other party turned around, he could still see her standing at the door. She always does things that people come to ask for help without involving a particularly complicated background.

...

. Are there any similarities between them? But people always say they look like them. Let me ask them again, where is it? They can't explain it clearly.

is so weird. Where does it look like?

stairs are ringing. Listening to the ignorant footsteps, you know that Zuo Wei is back.

"Send it away?"

"Send it away." Zuo Wei took off a short-sleeved shirt with a natural mesh on his body, threw it on the back of the sofa, and twisted the fan next to the sofa and the chandelier on the ceiling. The room suddenly shone brightly. "Why didn't you go downstairs to watch TV? There's a football game tonight."

Lu Beihe hung his shirt on the back of the sofa on the clothes hanger in the corner of the wall. "I feel a little uncomfortable tonight, and I'm afraid I'll make a noise." She didn't say that she needed to think about her quietly.

Zuo Wei is a filial son. My mother-in-law was having difficulty giving birth when she gave birth to him, and finally she took it out with a caesarean section. Nowadays, caesarean section is not considered a major operation, but in that era, with such poor medical standards, my mother-in-law suffered many problems. It often hurts here and there, it hurts here and there. At this time, Zuo Wei felt extremely uneasy, as if all the illnesses and pains of his mother-in-law were brought by him. So no matter what disputes occur at home, as long as my mother-in-law says something uncomfortable, Zuo Wei immediately doesn't say anything. How could Lu Beihe not understand this?

Zuo Wei really looked at her with a smile. When he smiled, he was still charming. The corners of his mouth were grinning, and his smile burst out like a small golden spark, bursting out from his dark eyes. Lu Beihe was as excited as when he was young, and was once again conquered by this smile. This is so miserable, she thought.

She took Zuo Wei's slippers from the bedroom and changed them to him. "Look at how hot you look, I'll go downstairs to get you a bottle of beer.”

When passing by Zuo Wei, he grabbed her hand and said, “I’ll go by myself. "

" You just came back, let's take a break, I'll go. "She slowly pulled out her hand from Zuo Wei's hand. The lights on the south-facing room on the first floor of

were still on, and the old lady might not have been asleep. Lu Beihe knocked on the door gently.

" Come in. "The mother-in-law ordered in that lazy but majestic voice.

Lu Beihe tiptoed open the door and saw the old lady leaning on the bed railing and resting. "Mom, are you getting better? "She asked softly.

"Oh, that's it. Is Dong'er gone? "The old lady never asked her grandson to be "East East". Anyway, those who listened to it couldn't tell whether it was "Winter" or "East".

" left. Do you want to take a pill of "Save the Heart". "

"He"He" was bought for the old lady when Lu Beihe visited Japan last year. It is said that it has a special effect on angina pectoris. For this reason, she was not willing to buy a small souvenir, which made Xiangdong stomp her feet and lose her temper. "You don't even bring a pocket recorder for me. Who is as stupid as you, wasting a tax-free indicator in vain. "

"Don't you have a big recorder? "

" is so inconvenient to take it out to play. "

She gave Xiangdong a blank look, such an ignorant child.

"I don't want to eat it. Didn't read the newspaper? The bear gall in ‘Save the Heart’ was replaced by the Japanese with pig bitter gallbladder. "The old lady said coldly.

Lu Beihe's heart sank. But he said, "Yes, adulteration in the medicine is really a misleading person. It’s better not to eat. If you have something to do, let Aunt Lu call us. "As she said that, she moved the little copper bell that was asked to be used on the bedside table and then moved to the old lady's hand. "I'll come down to get some drinks for Zuo Wei. Do you want to use something? "

" doesn't want it. "

" Where is dad? "

" read Lao Zhuang in the study. No matter what he wants to use, he takes it himself. "

" Yes, then I'm going up, you have a good rest. "

The old lady closed her eyes again and nodded invisible. Lu Beihe retreated and gently brought the door to the room, giving her a breath of air.

Everyone in the Zuo family loves to be sarcastic.

The old lady especially disliked her. Although she had never said a harsh word to Lu Beihe and lost her face once, Lu Beihe could feel the air conditioning coming out of the crack of her bones.

It is difficult to be her wife.

l2

But no matter whether she likes or not, Zuo Wei still became her husband. The old lady is about to be seventy-three years old. It is said that 73 and 84 are two obstacles, but who knows whether this is effective?

Aunt Lu came out of her hut and looked at Lu Beihe as if inquiring. Two tall cheekbones , like two silent mountains, pressing on her face.

"It's okay, Aunt Lu, you rest, I'll do it myself. "Lu Beihe opened the dark glass door of the wine cabinet and took out a blue grinding glass.

Aunt Lu disappeared without a sound like a shadow.

Lu Beihe took out a bottle of beer and a box of ice cubes from the refrigerator. Zuo Wei likes to put ice.

Lu Beihe knows that some people are not compatible enough, and they are wondering that they live so harmoniously - at least in the eyes of outsiders. In fact, this is very simple. Even those animals with impermanent temperaments will close their eyes and become obedient and quiet under the caress of humans. Why isn't humans the same? She is easy She knew very well that this was not because she was outstanding, but because he needed her in that extraordinary period. Although Zuo Wei pretended to be crazy and crazy, she also pretended to be moved by his love. In this way, they had been acting for decades. Even now, even they believed it themselves, or were used to it: this was probably true.

Lu Beihe held a tray, held a wine bottle, ice cube, cup, and handrail of the stairs, and slowly walked upstairs. He was thinking in his mind, how to tell Zuo Wei what she had just sat alone, or didn't say it at all? It would not work if he didn't say it, he would know sooner or later.What should he do if he is willing to cooperate with her if he refuses to cooperate? That would be a waste of her hard work. It’s just that this way can we do things well without making it difficult for him to lose face?

Research Institute will hold a new ultra-micro electronic computer development and preparation meeting in City E. Under Lu Beihe's strong support, it decided to invite Zeng Linger to participate in the work of the microcode compilation team.

Because there are reports that Zuo Wei has been designated as the general manager of this microcode compilation team. Although it is not yet time to officially announce the organizational structure, this appointment still needs to go through some necessary procedures, but there will be no further changes.

No one can understand Zuo Wei like Lu Beihe. I'm afraid even Zuo Wei herself may not understand herself as much as she knows him. He is a confident man. But if Lu Beihe had no secret support and mediation, what could he do? These are something Lu Beihe would not let Zuo Wei feel it no matter what.

When he was still in college, Lu Beihe saw that Zuo Wei was not good, but he didn't expect that he was not good at this. She doesn't regret it because she loves Zuo Wei.

love!

She has sound reason, nerves, mind and enough strength to resist any temptations in this world and protect herself. However, she could not help but love Zuo Wei. There are probably always exceptions for people who cannot help themselves.

asked Zuo Wei to be responsible for the microcode compilation team, and Lu Beihe was both worried and happy. What I am worried about is that Zuo Wei's ability will reveal his true skills in this real work. What is happy is that this pair of Zuo Wei has a decent ending. Living on this capital, you can always survive until you retire. She had already noticed that the people in the institute felt that Zuo Wei was incompetent. Some people also hinted that if Zuo Wei did not have a wife who was the deputy secretary of the Party Committee and the deputy director of the institute, he would be nothing.

must seize this opportunity. In order to make Zuo Wei make this only, most likely final shot, Lu Beihe has to do this perhaps unethical thing - he insists on and even racks his brains to join the work of the microcode compilation team.

Among all college students, Zeng Linger has the most outstanding academic performance and has always preferred mathematics, which has a great practical significance for microcode compilation work. As long as Zeng Ling'er is willing to participate in the work of this group, she will take on all the actual work. Zuo Wei just needs to carry the sign of the person in charge.

But if she knew she was going to cooperate with Zuo Wei, would she still be willing to do it? After all, this embarrassed her... Moreover, some people are unwilling to absorb her into this job, and as long as she finds an excuse to shirk her responsibility, she is likely to change her people.

Didn’t someone propose it at the work meeting of the Personnel Office? "This... is most suitable for Comrade Zeng Ling'er's ability. Of course, this person... the rightist problem has been completely rehabilitated in 1979, but in terms of life style... our use of intellectuals should be both talented and moral. We cannot just implement the policies of intellectuals and attach importance to the role of intellectuals... Hey, don't let it go again." There was silence in the venue.

Who is willing to come out to speak for Zeng Linger? Except for Lu Beihe, no one here knew her or knew her. But even Lu Beihe could only hearsay about her situation after graduation.

An ordinary scientific and technological personnel who have worked in obscurity for more than 20 years in a small border town. If she hadn't published a computer multiplication process in the journal, which was highly praised by her peers and attracted international attention, who would have known that in the world, no, there was a woman in this major who had been a rightist, had a bad lifestyle and was named Zeng Linger? Who can know what it means to be able to persevere and achieve something with these heavy burdens?

She is like a small border town. For those who have never been there, it is just a small black dot on the map.As for how high the mountains are, how deep the water is, how closed the water is, or how lonely it is, what kind of life are people living, who is interested in finding out what is the truth?

If it were usual, Lu Beihe would not say anything else when it came to such an occasion. Often, everyone is silent for a while, no one objectes or insists, and things just fail. But in such occasions, as long as someone comes out to speak, if this is very appropriate, things may be possible again.

"What we say is. What we need is a technical cadre with both moral integrity and ability. However, the incident that happened to Comrade Zeng Ling'er was also something in his early years. It has been more than 20 years, right? At that time, she was still young and had just put on the right-wing hat. She was under great political pressure. She was far away in a foreign land, and there was no relative or friend around her. Maybe she was weak in love for a while and was exploited by others... Such things never happened again in the future. No one was perfect, and the gold and yuan were pure. Just change it. In order to accelerate the realization of the four modernizations, it is better to mobilize all the positive factors that can be mobilized."

Lu Beihe's speech was very emotional. This is rare in her. To be fair, she said this not all for Zuo Wei. No matter what Zeng Ling'er did after breaking up with Zuo Wei, the Zuo family owe Zeng Ling'er. Even she herself seemed to owe Zeng Ling'er something. People say, "When a person is about to die, his words are good." Lu Beihe is still early to die, but time has made everything sharp, including herself.

things were settled like this.

2

is still far from autumn, but I hear little insects chirping in the grass. Occasionally, there are people walking at night, taking clear steps on the concrete road. Before going to bed, the curtains were not tightened. A beam of moonlight moved quietly in the house through the gaps in the curtains. First, it shone on the stool, then moved to Zuo Wei's bed, and now it moved to Lu Beihe's bed, and on her face, making her unable to sleep.

She didn't dare to go down and pull the curtain tightly. She knew that Zuo Wei was not asleep. He was secretly turning over the thirteenth body. She was sure that this was definitely not because she was afraid of waking her up. Since he turned over so carefully, he didn't want her to know that he couldn't sleep, and he didn't want her to know that he was thinking about his thoughts. She didn't want Zuo Wei to know that she wasn't asleep. It seemed as if she was peeking at his heart. Is there anything strange about

? Although Lu Beihe told him so calmly. She always seems to be wearing a mask, and she refuses to take it off even when she is sleeping.

Zeng Ling'er...

Zuo Wei has long stopped recalling those old things. He is a man who can take it and let it go.

is going to meet Zeng Ling'er again. Is this world too big or too small?

"Say! Tell me! Tell me your accomplice!"

"Be frank and be lenient, resist and be strict!"

hundreds of voices roared at a vague figure on the stage. It seems that during the "Cultural Revolution", it seems that it is not. Lu Beihe woke up from a confused, sleepy state. She could no longer tell whether it was a memory or a dream.

How naive I was at that time, I was criticized on the stage and smiled slightly. Fortunately, I was not very popular at that time. If I were to beat people according to her attitude, I would have to kill me.

She carried a kind of extraordinary happiness and looked at Zuo Wei, who was sitting in a corner of the venue with his head down. What criticism? ! What explanation? ! There is only the person who sits in the corner with his head down and his love for this person. She is willing to give everything she has for him: political future, fame and career, equality and freedom, human dignity...

"Say, who wrote that big-character poster?!"

"I wrote it."

No, Lu Beihe knew that it was written by Zuo Wei and copied by Zeng Ling'er because she wrote beautifully. When Zeng Ling'er copied the big-character poster, Lu Beihe happened to go to the classroom to pick up a book.

's vague signature allowed Zeng Ling'er to give such a favorable answer to Zuo Wei.

"Don't hide the truth of the facts!"

"Say!"

"Explanation!"

Zeng Ling'er said nothing.He turned a deaf ear to the roar of the roars, turned a blind eye to the arms and the camera that kept aiming at her.

Afterwards, Lu Beihe got a photo of Zeng Linger when he was beaten from a school magazine reporter. Lu Beihe only took a look and immediately turned it back, not daring to look at it again. Unless the portraits of the martyrs she had seen in the church when she was a child, there was no vulgar face that could be compared with Zeng Ling'er's face.

The scene has a huge impact on people's feelings. Because all the parties involved were on the scene. Informed, borne by others, and the real "perpetrator". Lu Beihe was really worried that Zuo Wei could not hold on, so he ran up to the stage impulse, pushed Zeng Ling'er away, and explained the truth. Then he will not only be done by himself, but may also be involved in Lubeihe.

is fine. At the critical moment, he still understood that he kept sitting there with his head down and did not do that stupid thing that would be useless.

Zeng Ling'er stood on the stage, like a grass rubbed by heavy rain and wind, but she tried her best to use her tender thin stems to shelter Zuo Wei from the wind and rain.

Zuo Wei's mother came to find Lu Beihe, the secretary of the party branch. "I'm just such a child. You know he just talks casually and has a willful temper..."

Lu Beihe was only silent. She must complete the amount of part of the party branch. It is not complicated to complete the quota, and it is much easier than reading a book or solving a question. But she loved Zuo Wei, she loved him for five years, sat in a corner, calmly waiting for the opportunity to buy, but Zuo Wei was taken away by Zeng Ling'er...

Has she ever hinted that Zuo Wei's mother went to find Zeng Ling'er? She forgot. What did she say at that time? Did Zuo Wei's mother go to Zeng Ling'er later? Lu Beihe didn't know, probably Zuo Wei didn't know either. Only Zeng Ling'er and Zuo Wei's mother can answer such questions. The whole thing was like an unsolved mystery. As Zeng Ling'er became a rightist, all clues were suddenly interrupted.

But they all knew Zeng Ling'er's generosity clearly. Maybe they took advantage of Zeng Linger's generosity... there must be someone who makes sacrifices. Should I let Zuo Wei go? Or Lu Beihe stands out to protect Zeng Linger and Zuo Wei... Don't be stupid, no one can save you. Maybe even Lu Beihe has to get in...

Does she have enough courage to go to E City? Lu Beihe didn't necessarily attend this meeting, and there were still some work in the institute that she needed to stay and handle. But she had to go to E City because she had to meet Zeng Ling'er and convince her to participate in the work.

How can I say that when I see Zeng Ling'er? Has she changed? It must have changed. How can a person not change after so many things? If she was still as stupid as before, Lu Beihe thought things would be much simpler.

Lu Beihe suddenly remembered Zeng Ling'er's nickname. At one sports meeting, Zeng Linger participated in the event as "sit ups". When it reached more than 200, the other players were defeated, and Zeng Ling'er's championship was already secure. But she kept doing it, starting at nine o'clock in the morning and not stopping at eleven o'clock. Every move has reached the point where she cannot complete it without grinning and being pale, and she still refuses to stop. The old principal stood beside the gymnastics mat and said, "Okay, OK, don't do it!" Zeng Ling'er continued to do it as if she didn't hear it. The principal, physical education teacher, and doctor in the school clinic were circling around the gymnastics mat, for fear that something would happen to her. She did it until more than four hundred before she was about to stop, and then lay motionless on the mat, her eyes straight and her lips were purple.

male classmate said, "Tsk tsk, is her belly still a belly? It's like a steel plate." This is how the nickname of "steel plate" comes from.

Zuo Wei asked himself repeatedly: "I no longer owe her anything, right? I have done everything I can."

He had already answered himself and should go to sleep with peace of mind, but this question was still tossing back and forth in his heart.

People say she has fallen long ago. Not long after being assigned to that small town, I didn’t know who I had a son with. A son without a father.

When Zuo Wei heard this news, his feelings were complicated. Why did she forget him so quickly? She used to be his.At the same time, he felt completely liberated - her fall just saved his sins.

But often, after being warm with Lu Beihe, her remaining warmth remained on her body; after laughing with Xiangdong, his laughter still lingers in his ears, Zuo Wei would feel a sudden irritability, as if his soul had flew away. It’s not right to sit or stand, and it’s inexplicably changed its mood and expression. It made Lubei River and Xiangdong at a loss. They would ask him uneasy: "What's wrong with you?" What's wrong with

? !

This is a secret that can never be told to anyone. If he still wants to live such a comfortable life today and be respected by people, he cannot say what's wrong with him.

The phantom of the child, sometimes like a cloud of fog, sometimes like Hamlet's father's ghost, gathered and dispersed in front of his eyes.

Zuo Wei will suddenly have a very strange thought: "Can it be my child?" But more often, he will beg for a lucky mentality and drive away the uneasy thought: "No, it's just one night, why is that coincidental?" or "If it were my child, Zeng Ling'er would definitely tell me. She doesn't say it because she is ashamed to say that it is not my child."

He doesn't owe Zeng Ling'er anything...

Just after she put on the right-wing hat, Zuo Wei went to the department office to open a letter of introduction to go to the street committee to register for marriage.

"Zuo Wei, don't be emotional." The department director advised him.

"Now is the time to draw a clear line with Zeng Ling'er. Not only will you break it off, but you will also marry her. Have you ever thought about the consequences? You will be expelled from the group and be assigned to the frontier far away from your parents with her. You may be silently exhausted there..."

"Stop talking, I beg you to stop talking." Zuo Wei shouted and covered his ears tightly. He knew, he knew everything. However, Zeng Ling'er is his life-saving benefactor and a new parent, and he wants to repay her kindness. Zuo Wei is definitely not a heartless person. "I beg you this letter of introduction to me, please you."

The letter of introduction was so strange. Since he put it in, he knew it was in his shirt pocket; he knew it would tie Zeng Ling'er and him tightly in the future; he knew that it had made him morally perfect and brave, but he felt empty and his steps were floating.

He thought he would love Zeng Ling'er even more for this. But not only did the heroic new love not come in time, but even the old love suddenly, and so quickly - as if in just a second, as he took the letter of introduction, he flew away and disappeared without a trace.

He kept telling himself that Zeng Ling'er was his savior and reborn as a parent, but he was no longer his lover. After understanding this, he was shocked and broke out in a cold sweat.

This is really ridiculous.

He sat in a small pine forest behind the campus for a long time, thinking about it before and after. In an attempt to prove that this is just a temporary phenomenon that occurs when people's mental system fails. Isn't it? There are so many people who have had all kinds of strange hallucinations at so many times, so why doesn’t they have it?

The sun has set. The pine forest became very dark. The tomb of unknown dynasty or figure surrounded by pine forests lies quietly there like a giant beast. And the person inside had already melted and was submerged in the loess. What remains here is nothing more than a huge empty tomb. Listening to the pine forest, the pine waves that rose and fell in the wind, and its stories that were not fresh from ancient times to the present.

Zuo Wei suddenly realized that it was not a short illusion, his love was dead, and it was a sudden death. Everything he does in the future is nothing more than a moral self-complete.

He calmed down and felt that he was not bad. If it were someone else, he had already gotten rid of it.

Zeng Ling'er opened the letter of introduction and gently stroked the unconscious piece of paper with her thin fingers, just like stroking Zuo Wei's eyes, Zuo Wei's eyebrows, Zuo Wei's lips...

Somehow, even when she was held in Zuo Wei's arms, she felt that it was a dream, not real. She always kept touching him to prove that he actually existed to prove that she was indeed loved by him.

She lowered her head and rubbed the paper silently with the same mood. For a long time, a long time...

Then, there were drops of big and heavy tears, the "puff, puff" sound hitting the paper. Zuo Wei pulled out the letter of introduction from her hand and hurriedly wiped the tears from it with her handkerchief. "What are you doing? Look, the handwriting is soaked in tears."

"I'm sorry, I can't help myself. I'm - I'm so happy. I don't know how to thank you, you're so nice to me."

That should be a perfect day. But they were relatively speechless.

Zuowei is constantly busy. Said. He was afraid that once he calmed down, he would face Zeng Ling'er in every way.

"Do you think this piece of material is good? It's good to make a dress. The neckline is open lower to reveal your long neck. It would be even better if you wear a black velvet collar with gems. Do you know? Your neck is beautiful. When you raise your chin, the lines from your chin to your throat are so beautiful, so elegant like a princess..."

How can he be so greasy? !

"It's so good, is this the material you chose for me personally?"

"Of course, I went to several stores to choose it."

"Thank you. But I am the fisherman's daughter, not a princess."

Zuo Wei suddenly felt disappointed. He cheered up again and took out a pair of half-heeled shoes from the cabinet, creamy and star-shaped mesh. "Try the shoes, I didn't buy you full-heeled ones, you're already too tall. Just imagine, what would it feel if a man had to kiss his wife on tiptoe?" Zuo Wei smiled loudly.

Zeng Ling'er did not respond at all. Sitting there, motionless.

Zuo Wei picked up a shoe, walked over and squatted under her feet, preparing to change it for her. "I tell you that many men don't know what number of shoes their wives wear even after years of marriage. But I know yours, don't you think I am a perfect and rare husband?"

Zeng Ling'er stopped his hand that was taking off her shoes. He begged to him gently: "Kiss me..."

Zuo Wei seemed to hesitate for a while, but for a while, he could hardly feel it. Maybe his attention was on the shoes at that time.

He stood up and leaned down toward her. Zeng Ling'er's eyes that looked upwards seemed to hide a kind of fear. He avoided the gaze, hardened his heart and didn't think about what she was afraid of, so he hurriedly kissed her lips.

There seemed to be an indigestion in her mouth. Obviously, she didn't eat well and slept well, and all her functions were in a state of stagnation.

He was moved. "I'll make you a cup of coffee?"

"No, don't leave me."

Zuo Wei had never heard Zeng Ling'er scream like this, as if it was a separation from life and death. He had to turn back, squat at her feet, and asked, "What's wrong with you?" "

"Do you still love me? "She looked at him intently.

" Stop saying stupid things. I even received a letter of introduction to register for marriage. We are going to have a wedding. "Maybe his squatting posture was not very comfortable, he stood up and sat down on a sofa side by side with her.

" But marriage does not equal love. "She said. This is her fault. She likes to think. As a woman, this may be cute, but as a wife, this is unbearable.

In the past, she never asked him, "Do you love me?" "Just as she chased him desperately, she never asked him like that.

Now, when he tried to fill the indescribable gap between him and her with meticulous enthusiasm and concern, she had to stubbornly ask: "Do you love me?"

Zuo Wei's mouth was grinning very big, but his eyes were not smiling. "If I don't say it, it means I love you, and if I don't love you, I will tell you. Do you know? This is a joke told by an American named Johnson."

"But it is not suitable for me. What I want to hear is the answer of a Chinese named Zuo Wei." She said with a generous and desolate smile. "I want to tell a joke, really, but I can't say it. If I can say it, that would be great." Then there was a long silence.

"Why are you so suspicious? You weren't like this before." Zuo Wei lost his patience and suddenly started a fire, breaking almost all the water cups. He seemed to be hysterical.

"We were not like this before," said Zeng Ling'er. She leaned down on the ground and picked up fragments of the glass one by one. "Let's stop being upset. Listen to me, maybe there will be no such days in the future. At that time, maybe we will regret--ah--" The fragments of glass cut her fingers.

"You, did you mean it?" Zuo Wei put her bloody fingers in her mouth and sucked them. Zeng Ling'er looked at him with tears in her eyes.

"I really want to cut another finger," she said.

"You fool!" he roared.

She leaned her head against his shoulder, and so they sat motionless on the floor until dusk came.

"Tonight, I won't leave." She said softly in the shadow of dusk. The sound immediately melted into the night.

Zeng Ling'er spent one night completing a woman's life.

Zuo Wei looked at her strangely. Watching her calmly tie her hair around the back of her head and put it into a bun; watching her walk from one end to the other in the room with confidence; watching her dressing without saying a word... all this made him feel a little unusual.

He could not imagine that the cold Zeng Linger in front of him was the Zeng Linger from last night. Have they really cried like babies afterwards? Did she really look at him intently as if she was about to capture his soul?

"Give me that letter of introduction." Zeng Ling'er ordered in a hoarse voice. "Okay, let's go to the balcony to sit down." She ordered again.

It was still early, and the cicadas on the trees had not started to yell. The sun had just dyed the treetops red. The old man who was sending milk walked by on a tricycle, and the glass bottles were jingling. The dewdrops were still rolling on the petals, grass and leaves. In the distance, there seemed to be a whistle yelling, and the cleaning workers had finished work...

"I hope you will remember this morning." She didn't say that he hoped he remembered yesterday's night. Then, she looked at him weirdly, stood up and walked away. Standing far away at the other end of the balcony. Quickly tear the letter of introduction to register for marriage in his hand to pieces. Zuo Wei ran over to grab it, but Zeng Ling'er stretched her body out of the balcony and stretched out her palm. A light breeze blew, blowing away the paper scraps from her hands piece by piece.

small confetti. It was shaking in the wind, like snowflakes, either falling into dust, falling into the bushes, or drifting with the wind...

"Look, it will melt soon, like snowflakes." She smiled tenaciously.

Because she didn't sleep all night, her eyes were black and her face was pale, just like a resurrected zombie.

"We are already married, you have paid off my debts. We can break up with peace of mind."

Zuo Wei wanted to cry and laugh again. A sense of liberation that he could never speak to others permeated his whole body.

He understood that this was why they hugged each other and cried last night. Zeng Ling'er knew that it was eternal secret.

From that night, to the day she boarded the train, Zeng Ling'er refused to see him.

Zuo Wei was firmly guarding under the old locust tree in front of the girls' dormitory building. There you can see Zeng Ling'er's window. I guess she could see him too.

Zuowei wants her to know that he is waiting for her. But he hoped that she would stick with it more. He was like walking on the back of a crucian carp on Tiandu Peak in Huangshan Mountain. Looking down, there were bottomless abyss on both sides. No matter which side he fell into, he would take his life. He was like a baked cake in a frying pan, and both sides were to be roasted brown, so the cake was considered to be pretty.

He tried his best to practice himself, not eating, not drinking, not sleeping. He lost weight and felt relieved, his cheeks and eye sockets fell deeply, and his eyes were shining with a fierce light. But he knew in his heart that none of this could match what Zeng Linger had done for him.

She just left like that. No piece of paper left behind, no condemnation left. Of course, no one will give her. Did she look at the platform at the moment the train station started? Did she cry? Did she forgive him?

He had no idea.

He had searched in the drawer, hoping to find a small souvenir of her. Even if it is a rubber band with a braid; a photo; or a note from her.

But nothing was found.

He remembered that he had a note, but after reading it, he just threw it into the trash can. At that time, he always thought that life would be long. Besides, Zeng Ling'er's "love letter" is not like a love letter. It doesn't even have a word like "Dear". What value does it have to be retained? She felt smeared when she said the word "Dear". The way she expressed her admiration was strange, but she kept solving math problems for him, which was fast and accurate. I don’t know if there is another person in the world who courtesy this way.

As for the knots, the cardboards, the laptops, and the handkerchiefs she used, he found them at any time and returned them to her at any time. He always thought, if you have people, why do you still have those things to do? Like a foreigner, he would not do anything about hiding his lover's hair in his chest. He felt that those cut hair was not clean and despised.

Zeng Ling'er disappeared from Zuo Wei's life like this. It’s like the time when I come and go, I can’t see or touch it.

Now, she reappears. Although Lu Beihe simply told him that Zeng Ling'er would also participate in the work of the microcode compilation team, he hoped that he would put work first and be careful not to bring personal grievances into his work relationship. He and Zeng Linger should cooperate well, work together for the early realization of the four modernizations of the country, and do a good job. But Zuo Wei always felt that what she said was completely different from what she thought.

They have lived together for more than 20 years, and Zuo Wei still doesn’t know exactly what kind of person Lu Beihe is. He only knew that he should obey her words. Because from the perspective of effect, her opinions are all better than his, and they have benefited him a lot.

While doing this conversation, none of them looked at anyone. He seemed to think they were touching an old house again and preparing to rob together again. Past experience hinted to him.

This is despicable, right? He dared not think deeper. He doesn't want to do it either. And this is Lu Beihe's arrangement and has nothing to do with him. He just shrank his head deeper under the pillow.

He suddenly remembered a mental game he played in his childhood. Which one is heavy, a pound of iron or a pound of cotton?

He irresistibly grasped the question: Who can tell him who the father of the child is?

3

Zeng Re'er felt a little dizzy, and she didn't sleep well last night. That reason seems funny to say, because she will be in a train today.

She often hears people complain about the pain of insomnia, which must be for various important reasons. She understood because she had nights like that.

Now, Zeng Linger’s night is quiet. It is as quiet as the blue and black sky, and can never hear all the noisy sky in the world.

Since Taotao drowned, Zeng Ling'er seemed to have walked through the underworld, drank the water from Wangchuan, and forgotten all the past.

If you have to ask what she has expected, what she is looking forward to is just the train passing by on time every night, as if that train will finally bring her something.

She would wake up on time and lay quietly in her small dirt house very close to the railway. With a little joy, she was patiently waiting for the train, coming from the wilderness, and listening to it, heading towards the wilderness. For a long time, she could still feel its power that made the earth tremble. For a long time, her mind was still chasing its whistle that had no echo in the wilderness.

What exactly did the train bring to her? She couldn't explain it clearly, either. But after that, by the little sleep before dawn, she always slept with great peace. It was like a baby who had sucked enough mother's milk and had not been wet with a diaper.

Tonight, she finally boarded the train.

The train is like a black arrow, whistling, unstoppable through the night, tearing it in half. There was also the sound of metals colliding with each other, as if the rails and wheels were incredibly hatred and were turning each other into powder desperately.

This made Zeng Linger feel thrilling.

is the opposite of this struggle, but the carriage is peaceful and comfortable. The footlights under the small table across the aisle emit a faint, gentle light, protecting everyone's different sleep peacefully and fairly.

Zeng Ling'er opened her eyes and lay motionless on the sleeper, feeling the shaking of the car body. The carriage moved her up and down rhythmically, almost gentlely, and backwards. How could she sleep? What a pleasant enjoyment.

She heard the newlywed woman on the bed opposite, chuckled in her dream, muttering a vague dream. Zeng made the man uneasy and embarrassed. It seemed like she had eavesdropped on someone’s secrets. The woman went to E City with her husband for a honeymoon. The man on the top of

made a snoring sound like thunder, from low to high, repeating itself over and over again. The little boy on the lower bunk of

woke up from his sleep: "Mom, I'm afraid, I'm afraid of a big tiger." I guess the snoring sound was like a tiger roar.

The young mother, struggling with the sleepy, patted her son's spine lightly and heavily, comforting him vaguely: "Don't be afraid, don't be afraid. Go to bed well, um--, um--"

Zeng Ling'er is not like this. When Taotao was young, even if he kicked his legs gently, Zeng Ling'er would wake up immediately from his deep sleep. And I was full of energy, and it seemed that I had never closed my eyes.

Zeng Ling'er still can't sleep. She hasn't taken the train for more than 20 years, and maybe she is a little uncomfortable. It was like an old owner who had never returned all year round, suddenly returned to the old house that had been away for a long time and had been renovated, and felt familiar and unfamiliar.

She reached out to touch the smooth partition from time to time, and the beige plastic veneer was decorated with brown patterns. I remember when she came here, the partitions on the sleeping car were spliced ​​with strips. The middle bunk is not used during the day, and it must be put down, otherwise people will sit on the lower bunk and their waists will not be straightened. Even the small narrow wooden table on the aisle is not fixed. Can be held up or put down. If someone accidentally touches the bracket under the table, the table will collapse and knock all the things on the table to the ground.

The blue grinding glass was broken like this...

I remember that she was so anxious that her head was as big as an empty bucket, and beads of sweat oozed out of her forehead. He gritted his teeth and clenched his fists until his fingernails hurt his palms. A heart-wrenching pain made her cry like a spring...

For Zuo Wei, Zeng Ling'er could keep the only blue glass he gave her. Alas, why did you give her such a shattered thing?

She regretted it. Why do you have to take it out and use it in such an occasion? It seems that those little girls who just fell in love were eager to show off to others that she had received her first gift from her lover?

no, of course not that. She was a little scared, and she started the bumpy journey without preparation. Holding the cup is like guarding Zuo Wei. That day seemed less terrible.

She didn't know at that time, she already had Taotao. Taotao, as big as a button, was already asleep in her slender and dark body. After

, she was so ecstatic.It turns out that she is so rich. It seems that a gold mine was discovered. Overnight, she went from being a pauper to a millionaire.

At night, when she dragged her tired body and climbed onto the bed with difficulty, she always gently folded her hands on her increasingly bulging belly, for fear of hurting Taotao, who was not much bigger than her fist for the time being. Silently praying for God she didn't believe in, and giving her a son, exactly like Zuo Wei.

She also condemned herself and should not have complained about fate's injustice to her in the past. Isn't it? It generously returned Zuo Wei to her again.

She was calm. So that you can look back without shrinking, everything that will make Zuo Wei's image even more unbearable. She forgave Zuo Wei's indifference, abandoned all resentment, and left only her gratitude for him. and a love that is more broad than before.

She is even more beautiful than before. The forehead is fuller, the eyes are more drunk, and the face is more rosy.

, there is a son with her. No matter what difficulties and hardships she encounters or what insults she encounters, she always comforts herself like this. She believed that the unborn son had known her.

"You must explain your mistakes and check the political, ideological, historical and social roots of the mistakes. Who did this happen to? Where? Is it a first-time crime, or is it not corrected after repeated teachings? The motivation and purpose of doing this?"

people took turns to talk to her and asked her to explain. She protected her belly with both hands and shook her head.

"We have explained the policy to you clearly. If you refuse to explain and check, it will only aggravate the punishment of you and extend your transformation time. Your current crime is dual. Rightists add bad elements. Earth, wealth, anti-black, bad, and right, you only account for two items."

Zeng Ling'er still said nothing, just kept nodding.

She felt Taotao move in her belly.

What are you going to do? She asked her son. Do you want to come out to protect your mom and dad? Don't worry, mom will never betray your dad, never. You silly boy, you don't know your mother enough. She is not a grass, she is a tree. She will try her best to spread her branches and leaves to block you and your father-ah, may he have a bright future.

How many people are poking her back, and they can even poke her back through.

Whether it is meetings, listening to reports, or eating in the cafeteria, no one is willing to walk with her, no one is willing to sit next to her, and no one is willing to talk to her.

Once, she heard a report that after taking a seat, she went out to use the bathroom. There was a lesbian who arrived back and didn't know it was her seat, so he sat down next to her seat. When she came back from the bathroom and sat down in her seat, the lesbian actually screamed and jumped away, and kept slapping around her nose with a small handkerchief, dusting her body around her. The people in the auditorium stood up and looked at her.

Even the master in the cafeteria dared to say something wrong and tease her and tease her.

There is a master who actually touched her chin. She couldn't stand such insults, so she pressed the bowl of vegetable soup in her hand, pouring the master's head and feet through.

The master swung the large spoon of soup, slapped her in a scattered manner, and even slapped her in the stomach. The people around just watched the fun, and no one came out to dissuade her because she was a double-class enemy and deserved it.

She bent over and protected her belly tightly with her hands, letting him beat him without a sound. She refused to beg for mercy and refused to run away.

The master beat and scolded her... Afterwards, the leader of the agency called her and scolded her, "Don't forget, you are the target of transformation, be honest."

The son flipped in Zeng Ling'er's belly uneasy and kicked her. She comforted her son who had not been born and experienced the tragic pain in the world. Oh, are you angry? Are you angry? Have you cried? Don't be afraid, don't cry, baby. Let them scold me, my mother is a very loyal woman. Don't worry, time will prove to them. Is life enough? It can add another life.As long as no one poked my father's back, it would be worth it no matter what suffering my mother suffered.

Since then, the master of the canteen has never given enough food to her or food to her. There were clearly some freshly steamed rice and steamed buns on the chopping board, but they sold the leftover and rotten ones to her. He also had to sing and sarcastically mock her.

At that time, she lived a life of hard work. She used a cart to pull loess, vegetables, books, paper, and miscellaneous items to the machine... Not only did she need a lot of food to supplement, but she could grow up by eating it. The cafeteria does not give her enough food, and she has no money to go out to buy food. She only has eighteen yuan in living expenses a month. She was so hungry, often so hungry that she was dizzy.

She had no experience and did not walk into the hospital until the amniotic fluid broke. At that time, there were no taxis. It was midnight again, and I couldn't even call a tricycle. There was a car in the agency, but Zeng Ling'er didn't ask for it. Even if she wants it, others won't give it to it. Just like that, she endured the pain of uterine contraction, walked for a while, crawled for a while, and finally got to the hospital. Like a snail, there was a wet mark behind her.

The admission form was filled out by the nurse for her because she got into the delivery bed as soon as she entered the hospital.

Name, age, origin, work unit, address, phone number...

"Love's name?"

"..."

those jingling knives, scissors, and pliers all quieted down.

"Love's name?" The nurse raised her voice.

"…”

"Zeng Ling'er, ask your lover's name." The nurse paused word by word, almost sternly.

"..."

"Bang!" The nurse closed the aluminum wallet clip with the medical record, like a slap on Zeng Ling'er's face.

She forgot to bring toiletries, and no one in the agency came to see her. She can't ask for anyone. The day after giving birth to Taotao, she asked the nurse to help her go to the hospital convenience store to buy a set of toiletries. "You go by yourself, I don't have time." The nurse said with a frosted face.

The hospital's crossing style is so cold, although it is already in April with red and green willows outside.

The director of obstetrics and gynecology department had a gloomy face and ordered the nurse to draw blood for her to test it.

Zeng Ling'er didn't understand what disease she had. "What's wrong with me, comrade nurse?"

The nurse glanced at her from the corner of her eyes. "Check if you have syphilis."

"How can you treat people like this?" Zeng Ling'er was angry.

"This is the requirement of your agency."

It turns out that someone has come to the agency. No wonder the doctor and nurse were even worse than the night when she was admitted to the hospital in the emergency room and could not answer her lover's name. Zeng Ling'er no longer blames them, a double class enemy, how do you expect people to treat you?

The other three mothers in the ward were particularly pretentious and acted coquettishly towards her husband who came to visit her.

"I'm sure you're your son?" A mother pushed and shoved the child into her husband's arms.

"Look at the wind-catching ears, can there be any mistakes?" In order to make the wife happy, the husband mocked him flatteringly.

Another said, "I told you, I don't want to eat chicken, don't eat chicken, but you just got the chicken." She pushed the Guangkou thermos, threw the chopsticks, turned around, and gave her husband a spine.

"Oh, ah. Don't be angry, don't be angry. Say what you want to eat, I'll get it for you."

"I want to eat your heart."

"Okay, okay. I'll cook it for you tomorrow."

The wife gave him a blank look, burst out laughing, and finally picked up the bowl and took a few sips of chicken soup.

The third one held the baby and leaned on her husband's shoulder and said, "Look, he recognized you. Look, look, he is staring at you."

"Really. Hi, boy, call him dad."

"Go to you, he is so young, can you scream? I think you want to be a dad and you are crazy. No hope."

"Look at you, you are so powerful. Don't forget, half of the credit for giving birth to a son. Can you give birth without me?"

These flirting words made Zeng Ling'er embarrassed. She always turns her face and faces the wall.

That's right, in their husbands' eyes, they are all meritorious ministers.

Every morning, they still have to shake their noses, smell east and west. Then he opened the door of the ward and said with a word: "Oh, why is our room so smelly?" It seems that Zeng Ling'er is already a syphilis patient with ulceration all over his body.

However, as long as you pick up Taotao, all this will no longer exist.

The sacred sacred sacred sacred sacred sacred sacred sacred sacred sacred sacred sacred sacred sacred sacred sacred sacred sacred sacred sacred sacred sacred sacred sacred sacred sacred sacred sacred sacred sacred

Taotao is so thin and small. He is always not full. I can't eat enough when I'm in my mother's stomach. After birth, Zeng Ling'er's milk was not good. She has no chicken soup, nor fish soup. Taotao wrinkled her shriveled face and sucked hard... It hurts so much that she feels so painful. He was hungry and cried in an old-fashioned voice, which made Zeng Rang'er's heart tremble.

How many times have you been? Zeng Ling'er stared at the green postbox in a daze, wanting to write a letter to Zuo Wei. Tell him that they have a son. Tell him that Taotao is not full and she is powerless... Her heart is struggling between her love for Zuo Wei and her love for her son. Zeng Ling'er finally failed to write a letter, and she didn't know if she was sorry for Taotao.

only once, Taotao was critically ill, she was so anxious that she had no idea. Like a madman, he ran to the post office and asked for a long-distance phone number. When the phone was answered, she was so nervous that she couldn't speak. She heard Zuo Wei's voice coming from a very far place: "Hey——, hey——" It was suddenly clear, sometimes blurry, and there was also a clap sound of circuit-induced. She felt that life was breaking free from her body, and her feelings were breaking free from her reason, flying towards Zuo Wei regardless of everything. Her body slid down the wall of the soundproofing room toward the floor. She grabbed the headphones tightly, pressed them against her cheeks and ears, wishing she could insert them into her ears. She didn't understand why she bit her tongue tightly at that time and refused to let herself speak. But I was looking forward to Zuo Wei feeding her a few more times, but with a "click" there, I put down my headphones.

She walked home with her tongue that was so painful that she was already numb, with her sore arms hanging down, and walked home like a sleepwalker, leaning her head against Taotao's pillow, and kneeling by Taotao's bed all night.

In the morning, when the sun rose, Taotao's fever subsided. She murmured to Taotao, "Look, I didn't tell him. We'll hold on, right? When you grow up, you will know that the best way is to rely on no one, but on yourself."

But Taotao did not grow up. When he was fifteen years old, he and his children went swimming in the pond. They pierced their bodies and never came out again. When he was salvaged, he found that his nose and mouth were full of mud in the pond. There will always be two or three years, and Zeng Ling'er can't get rid of the depression of being blocked by the mud.

She didn't understand why she had several chances to rescue Taotao's father, but she couldn't have one chance to rescue Taotao. She was in vain as the fisherman's daughter, and Taotao was in vain as the fisherman's grandson. Taotao Lianhai has never seen it before, but he died in a small pond. She was too careless and thought that only the sea could swallow life.

The newlyweds on the seat opposite, snatching a transparent paper bag containing cookies. The paper bag is beautiful, with dark green and light brown patterns and trademarks. Even this paper bag made Zeng Linger feel happy. She remembered that the wrapping paper in the past was not so particular. She seemed to be Xier who had just walked out of a cave in the mountains and wilderness, and she didn't know that her life had improved to this level.

The bride dodged her husband's teasing, took out the last piece of biscuit from the paper bag, and shook it in front of her husband's nose. "Only this piece is left, I'll eat it."

"No, I'll eat it." The groom reached out to grab it.

The bride raised her mouth coquettishly: "Okay, okay, give it to you."

The groom shaved her nose: "I'm having fun with you, of course you eat."

"No, you eat."

"Okay, let's take a rock-paper-scissors, whoever wins, will he eat?"

He won. However, she still let her eat the cookies.

Zeng Ling'er looked at this moving game with a sad yearning. What a joy to see people falling in love with each other.

She and Zuo Wei have never had such a time.Maybe she won't, she won't act coquettishly. For a woman. This must be a complete flaw, right?

She doesn't understand how women can be such a role in love. She just needs to wait and enjoy the caress of men, and does not need to give her anything. Until now, she can't understand. Because she has only loved once, she has too little experience. In her opinion, it seemed that it could only be a kind of dedication that was in love and without any return. From the first time she saw Zuo Wei, she felt like she was melted. Like hexagonal, delicately structured snowflakes, quietly and slowly melting in the sun. Can you say there shouldn't be a sun? Can you say that the snowflakes should not melt? The sun shines and the snowflakes melt, that's it.

The breeze blowing in from outside the car window twitched a Japanese magazine they threw on the small table. There are colorful illustrations and photos inside. Zeng Ling'er felt that there was nothing to do, and it was also a pastime to flip through it. He asked, "Can I read this book?"

"You read it." The bride replied.

It is a pastime and interesting reading. It's perfect for reading on the journey. Advertising, world news, travel guides, laughing forests, celebrity anecdotes, and some soft little articles. Zeng Ling'er looked around casually. Turn to the chapter "Horse Fortune". Before this, there is a passage about the birthstone. The article says that since the 16th century, some people have used twelve months a year and a different gem as a symbol of people's birth. This represents the gem of each month, called the birthstone. Everyone's birthstone is often used as a birthday gift inlaid on rings, necklaces and other ornaments, and is given to those who celebrate their birthdays. Below, there are also lists of gems representing twelve months.

Zeng Ling'er followed the "Horoscope" again, which wrote in a very detailed and concise manner the personality and destiny of each born person in a year and twelve months and 365 days.

Zeng Ling'er found her birthday with some curiosity, and after the date of her birth, it was written: Emerald. Infinite thoughts about love.

She laughed at this nonsense first. Then, she suddenly lowered her head as if she was hit by a gun.

She put down the book in her hand and looked out the car window.

Outside the window, there is a barren wasteland that can’t be seen at first sight, and I can’t see a village for a long time or a long time. Crocodile of weeds died on the wasteland, and crops of weeds were born on the wasteland. The thorny purple thistle blooms bitter purple flowers, giving some color to the decorate of this wasteland. An old tree with a crooked neck, hanging down to the ground, like a kind old grandfather, embracing the children and grandchildren surrounding their knees. On this barren wasteland, there are so many lives and hopes that are thriving in life and death. In the ditch next to the roadbed, small saplings trembled in the wind, bent their bodies in the same direction. The leaves also tilted their little faces in one direction. From a distance, they looked like small green flags waving in the wind.

Suddenly, at the end of the wasteland, where it meets the blue sky, a lonely horse appeared. No one knew where it came from, and it seemed to emerge from the ground in a flash. It walked slowly towards the horizon, but it was too old to walk.

"Mom, I want rababa."

Zeng Ling'er suddenly turned around, and in a trance she felt as if Taotao was calling her.

The little boy who was frightened by snoring last night said with his two chubby little hands and slid his crotch-open pants behind his butt. The young mother took him to the bathroom.

In 1960, Zeng Ling'er just bought a new white porcelain basin and went home, and Taotao pulled a lot of babas inside. He was very curious about anything new and wanted to try it out himself. Zeng Ling'er rarely bought new things to her family, which made Taotao even more curious. She was poor and had some money to exchange for Taotao for food. It was a three-year difficult period, with a high-priced snack costing six yuan per pound. She couldn't afford a pound, so she could only buy it for Taotao piece by piece. Whenever she saw Taotao finish eating a piece of cake, she sighed with satisfaction, and sucked every finger with endless aftertaste. She felt so sad.

Taotao matured early, not as easy to deal with as he was as confused as Zeng Ling'er.Zeng Ling'er didn't know how to lie to others, so it would be even more difficult to lie to him.

Because he has no father, his classmates often bully him. The teachers also knew the background and looked at him differently. Yes, in such a small town, if a person farts in the east of the city, people in the west of the city will also yell at the stinking.

Taotao never complained to Zeng Ling'er. Only once, Taotao came back from school and seemed to have fought with someone. There was blood on his nose, the pockets on his clothes were torn apart, and a large area was wet on the front. It must have been bleeding from his nose, so he had to wash it away secretly.

"Taotao, are you fighting with someone?" Zeng Ling'er asked in panic.

"No." Taotao's eyes looked elsewhere. When he asked again, he closed his mouth without a sound. Zeng Ling'er didn't want to ask again, and she didn't want to force him.

On the evening, Taotao lay down on the bed behind the small curtain. It took a long time and no movement. Zeng Ling'er thought he was asleep, but he climbed up again and walked over to sit at her small desk. Said: "Mom, can you stop working for a while?"

He looked so cute. He was wearing a pajama modified from her old blue shirt. He was wide and loose. He could already see some of Zuo Wei's chic style.

"Of course." Zeng Ling'er put down the pen in his hand and reached out to rub the soft hair on his forehead. Taotao avoided her hand and asked in a serious tone that was extremely disproportionate to his age: "Do I have a father?"

Zeng Ling'er retracted his hand. I thought, it's coming, this day has finally come. She knew that sooner or later, she would have to answer this question, but she didn't expect it to be so early. Therefore, it seems even more difficult to answer because Taotao is still young and he cannot understand everything.

"Yes."

Taotao took a breath, obviously satisfied with her answer. "What does he look like?"

"He is very cute."

Taotao didn't seem to believe this answer. "Then why didn't he come to see me and you?"

"Because he is very far away."

"How far is it?"

"It's so far away that I can never go..."

"Mom!" Taotao suddenly shouted.

"Huh?"

"When I grow up, no matter how far you are, I will go to see you."

"Thank you, good son."

"Mom?"

"Huh?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you crying?"

"No."

"Let me look at your eyes."

Zeng Ling'er could hardly, but she turned her face to him: "Silly son, mom never cries. Okay, go to bed, mom still has to work."

Taotao learned composition. The title of the first essay is called "My Dad". Zeng Ling'er remembers every word in that essay

"My Dad"

My dad is my mom, and my mom is my dad. Because my mom does more than other dads. She can do anything.

In winter, she digs a vegetable cellar and stores the vegetables that have been spent in the winter. He also pulled a cart to the far suburbs to pull coal and soil with coal. She stretched her neck and bent her waist, like the cute little donkeys in the production team. I followed the car, ran, ran, pushed, pushed, pushed. I'm tired, I won't say it. But my mother knew everything, she picked me up and put it on the cart. My mother asked me, "Are you happy?" I said, "Happy." Because I have never taken a car. I haven't taken any car. My mother said, when I grew up, she would take me to a train to go to a very far place to go to college. I don’t want to go to a very far place, I want to help my mother pull the cart...

No, be good, you are still the one who digs the vegetable cellar. At that time, you were not as tall as the shovel handle, and you waved a big shovel clumsy and struggling, so tired that your nose was flowing out. But you didn't bother to wipe it, just kept sucking the snot that had crossed the river back into your nostrils. I have to stop and help you blow your nose clean. When I pinched your round and wet little nose, I regretted that there were not many days like this. You will soon grow into a big child and you will never need your mother to blow your nose for you.

The slingshot made by my mother is great, not made with wire nests.That kind of slingshot is not good, it doesn't shoot far, and the stone can easily come back and hurt your hands. She made me a slingshot with a small tree fork. She told me that the bottom of the magpies' nest was sharp, the bottom of the crow's nest was round, and the little sparrows had no nest. They could fall asleep in any small crack or under the eaves...

But the first slingshot was not done well, and they split it from it in a few strokes. Have you forgotten? Or are you unwilling to tell your mother’s failure? Later, I made the jujube wood and asked the head teacher to confiscate it.

She can sew very beautiful clothes. On Children's Day, she also sewed a set of sailor clothes for me...

Taotao, don't say that. That will make my mother feel sad. Mom rarely buys you new clothes. That sailor suit was also modified with my mother's old clothes. And it's not appropriate at all, you don't understand.

She will do any homework that I don’t know. The homework she taught me was very good. She calculates calculation questions every day, and has to calculate them very late, very late. I got up in the middle of the night to pee, and she was lying on the table.

I still hate her arithmetic problems. For those arithmetics, she told me less stories and played less games with me...

Oh, be good, I really regret it. Mom has to work during the day, and only at night can she do what she loves.

When you were young, you were so crying. I was afraid of affecting your work, so I always stuffed a pacifier into your mouth. After reading the book, I realized that this will cause a lot of cold air to suck in your stomach. I had to make a bag and carry you on my back like a Cantonese. If you stop crying, I can do my job with peace of mind. But my back is often wet by your urine. Only when I change your diapers can I relax and tease you for a while. You open your teethless mouth and smile so happily. I have to spend a lot of effort to force myself to go back to the table.

Mom is a hero. No matter what unlucky things happen, she never cries...

No, mom cries. Baby, it was late at night, and when you fell asleep...

Chinese teacher used a red pen to comment on the composition text. He also conducted a home visit with Taotao's composition. This is the first time the teacher has come to visit home. Zeng Ling'er was so happy that she was so nervous that she forgot that there was still a pot of meat stewed on the stove. After the teacher left, he found that the meat had been cooked. Zeng Ling'er felt distressed for a long time. More than two pounds of succulent are enough to eat several meals.

"You are enduring humiliation and suffering, and you will be happy. Taotao is a child who has a promising future and will definitely become a great writer in the future." As he said that, the Chinese teacher's eyes turned red first.

bitter? Zeng Ling'er didn't feel that it was hard. Once a person has sustenance, he doesn’t feel so miserable. However, this was dependent on Zeng Ling'er, which made Zeng Ling'er's sorrow disappear halfway.

is gone. She nagged to herself like Xianglin Sao: "I only know that the sea can drown people, but who knows that such a small pond can drown people. Alas, I shouldn't let him go swimming. Really, I shouldn't..."

The women cried and the men were silent. Because of her misfortune, people forgive her past.

However, does she have anything to forgive? Her misfortune has only begun now, or has it been concluded now?

has no Taotao, what is the meaning of this to her!

4

s she needs to verify. She needs to figure it out. She didn't know if she was already very strong. Therefore, after putting down the luggage, Zeng Ling'er walked out in a hurry. Almost jumped two steps to get downstairs. Oh, her legs and feet are still flexible, and her steps are evenly and freely controlled, which makes Zeng Ryuer happy. It is easy to go upstairs and go upstairs and go downstairs and go downstairs and go upstairs and go upstairs and go upstairs and go upstairs and go upstairs and go upstairs and go upstairs and go upstairs and go upstairs.

She and the newlyweds who were on their honeymoon met at the door of the hotel.

"Hi, are you going to swim?" The bride invited Zeng Ling'er.

"No, it's night. Swimming is meaningless now."

"He said the same thing, so I have to go by myself?"

"I'm really sorry." Zeng Ling'er was eager to get out. She wanted to go back to that old dream again.

"Then go together at night?" said the groom.

"Okay, evening. What day do you stay?" Zeng Ling'er agreed.

"207."

"I live in 321. Can you call me? Goodbye, see you at night."

"See you at night."

This is really a strange thing. A quarter of the century has passed, and the two-story post office is still standing there, devoted to conveying each other's messages to people. Zeng Ling'er touched the green postbox at the door of the post office. I put a small yellow flower picked on the roadside and inserted it on a small aluminum plate marked with the unboxing time.

Zuo Wei once sent an extremely excited letter here, telling his parents how Zeng Ling'er saved him from danger.

She re-examined herself, just because that was Zuo Wei? It's changed to someone else. Wouldn't she do that? Yes. She affirmed again, she would. My father taught her this way after he was young.

Perhaps Zuo Wei's mistake in judgment began here. He regarded his gratitude to her as his love for her. That's the problem, she always plays the role of his life-savior at critical moments. He didn't have to repay her love at all. Has she ever asked for or expected such an exchange? No. She was just willing to do everything she could for someone she loved. What she really hopes to hear is the echo of love, not an exchange. She was wrong, and treated the exchange as a response.

After a quarter of a century, she came to do this kind of dissection again... She smiled. She was no longer afraid of looking at the scalpel with a cold glow. She had no other regrets except that it came too late at this moment.

She walked into the only local product company in City E and bought a straw hat with green streamers to put it on. That year, when they were spending summer camp here, they also bought straw hats in this store. There is a men's straw hat decorated with green straw hat braids. The style is really beautiful. Zeng Ling'er bought one for Zuo Wei. He refused to wear it because the hat was green. It seems that he really takes things that are loyal and determined so seriously. That's just a form. She doesn't care.

In the craft store, a ring was ordered to stop. The thin rings and the stents of the flowers are inlaid with a small, round pearl. The price is 150 yuan. Zeng Ling'er remembered the magazine she saw on the train. In her life, no one has ever given her an ornament inlaid with her birthstone on her birthday. Apart from her late parents, I'm afraid no one remembers her birthday.

She had a whim. Now, she is going to buy an ornament with her birthstone and give it to herself.

"Do you have an emerald ring?" Zeng Ling'er asked the old salesperson.

"I'm so sorry, no. That kind of gem is rare. Maybe it can be found in antique stores in cities like Beijing and Shanghai." The salesperson introduced to her patiently.

Oh, no. Of course not. That magazine said it is a relatively rare emerald.

"So, please show me this pearl-inlaid ring." Zeng Ling'er put it on the ring finger of her left hand and tried it. Of course it should be worn on this finger. She is a married woman and she will not forget this. The ring is the right size. "Okay, I'll buy one."

Now she has money, and she has a salary of more than 100 yuan per month. There is no need to buy only one cake for Taotao at a time, now she can buy a lot of cakes for him. But what's the use? When she needed money the most, she was not aware of it. She smiled, rubbed the ring on her fingers and walked out of the craft store.

There was a strange feeling on the ring finger with the ring, as if she had just married someone. But that person is definitely not Zuo Wei.

The store selling candles is still at the intersection. The old man selling candles has been replaced by a girl, and she is burying her head to read a thick and old book. There are still various flowers in the glass cabinet of

. Zeng Ling'er looked over one by one, and a pair of thick red candles of dragon and phoenix were suddenly reflected in her eyes. That year, after becoming involved with Zuo Wei, they also visited this flower candle shop and saw a pair of dragon and phoenix candles that were exactly the same as this one. At that time, she made up her mind to get married. Be sure to buy a pair of candles like this.Zuo Wei once laughed at her "rusticity". She was not convinced and believed that lighting such candles in the bedroom was better than electric lights. Unfortunately, she will never use such a pair of red candles again in her life.

"Hey, comrade, how much does this pair of candles cost?"

"Eighteen yuan." The girl said.

"Okay, please sell me a pair."

Zeng Ling'er carefully put the paper bag wrapped in candles into his handbag. I'll give it to the newlyweds when I go back, will they like it? She walked, while imagining the scene when they lit the pair of candles at night, and she felt so happy. It seems that she finally realized her childish and beautiful wish many years ago.

Zeng Ling'er was hungry. The breakfast served on the train was not good. It's just a blind deal with passengers. Now she didn't have to ask passers-by anymore. She knew that the Western restaurant would be like the Post and Telecommunications Bureau, the local product company, the craft shop, and the Candle.

Sure enough, after going down the slope, I saw that Western restaurant.

Zuo Wei invited her to have a Western meal here. That was the first time she had Western food. She didn't know how to use a fork or a knife to make the plate jingle and could not cut the chicken on the plate. Finally, the chicken slid out of the plate and fell on the table, staining the white tablecloth and knocking down the wine glass on the table. It's very shameful to Zuo Wei. And now, she was not afraid of anything, although she knew that this time was not much smarter than the first time. If you are not with Zuo Wei, everything will appear relaxed, free and confident.

The business of Western restaurants is very good. Zeng Ling'er picked up a table by the window and sat down, and from here you could see the sea.

She began to research the menu.

"Can I sit here?" a man asked in a voice.

Zeng Ling'er was shocked. The sound was so much like Zuo Wei's that she raised her head and looked at the man blankly and blindly for a long time.

"Sorry, other tables are full." The young man in a plaid shirt thought she disagreed and explained politely.

"Of course, of course." Zeng Ling'er moved her tableware toward him again. She breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you." He took his seat. "Are you here for a meeting?"

"Oh, yes. Where are you? Are you here for a trip?"

"No, I'm here for a meeting too."

He's here for a meeting too...

So young, their generation is really lucky. As soon as I came out of school, I encountered a good time. Unlike them, the most fruitful years in their lives were thrown away in vain and could never be recovered.

"You... graduated in the early years, right?"

"Fifties."

"Ah, it's the backbone of our society."

soup is here.

"Is there any pepper?" Zeng Ling'er asked.

"Take it yourself." The waiter said coldly.

"You sit, I'll get it." said the young man in a plaid shirt.

"Thank you."

fried pork chops are on again.

"Where is the spicy soy sauce?" Zeng Ling'er asked again.

"Take it yourself." The waiter said again.

Zeng Ling'er smiled and looked at the young man opposite him. He was also smiling at her mischievously. They said in unison: "Take it yourself!" Then they couldn't help laughing and laughed.

That meal was very enjoyable. Although the opponent in the conversation is young, he seems to have a strong ability to accept and store information. When talking to him, there seemed to be fresh blood injected into Zeng Ling'er's heart.

I once made the angrily think, how good it is to be young, there is still a lot of time to do more things.

After lunch, she went to the beach. The green streamers on the new hat were dancing in the wind behind her head.

She took off her shoes, held them in her hand, and walked towards the far coast.

has begun to rise, and the tide seems to be very large. She thought about it and said, by the way, today is not the first day of the lunar calendar or the second day of the lunar calendar.

wave heads pounced on the shore one after another, splashing her trouser legs below her knees. The legs of the pants were wet and tightly wrapped around her calves, making it a little cool when the wind blew.

She held her feet beside a rock.This was the starting point when they swim that year, called Tiger Head. It was as it was back then, lying there unmovedly, bearing the impact of the waves...

, she thought that the past had already blown like the wind and scattered like clouds, and her memory was like a path covered with weeds, and she could no longer find her way back. However, when I got here, I realized that none of those things were dead and were alive. Just like in the Mawangdui, the female corpse was in the dark underground with more than two thousand years of seeds hidden deep in the sun, and it is said that they can still germinate.

But...

is different from the beginning.

She already understood that it was not Zuo Wei who made her heart turbulent and endlessly attached, but the land where she spent such a beautiful life and her generous devotion to all her heart.

She finally believed the old and old saying: "Time can heal all trauma." What is left behind is the strongest thing.

"Infinite Thoughts of Love"...

This sentence is really good, like her, like her life.

The naked soles of the feet felt the fine sand being carried to the depths of the sea in the back waves, and also felt the almost insensitive and slight sinking. If she had stood here motionless, she might have been trapped at the bottom of the sea.

She climbed to the highest point of the reef and sat down facing the sea. Watching women use a thin iron chisel to cut out oysters on the reef, and an old man fishing.

He seemed to have bad luck and was too impatient. Whenever he put away the hook, he sighed in disappointment and looked around. He is very proud and doesn't want others to know. He is a useless fisherman. This must be an interesting old man. So whenever he recycles the hook, Zeng Ling'er turned around without waiting for him to look around. She didn't want to embarrass the old man, and at the same time, she couldn't bear to see others' failures.

Zeng Ling'er thought of her father, and that was definitely a different person. He was not afraid of spreading his mistakes to others, as if he was very proud of his mistakes and seemed to be justified.

It's cloudy. A terrifying black cloud rose to the south, dyeing the sea in the distance black. They galloped towards the coast. There may be a heavy rain.

The woman who was cutting the oysters left, and the old man who was fishing left. The swimming people rushed back to the beach. People lying on the beach watching the trend, wrapped in large colorful bath towels, and returned to their residences one after another. From a distance, it looks like a group of migrating Arabs.

Zeng Ling'er was still sitting on the reef, watching the sea pouring all its strength, coming from a distant place, rushing towards the reef again and again, but was smashed to pieces by the reef. From the day the sea was born, until now, it has never stopped. And the one who can climb the reef is not the giant of the sea, but just some of its fragments.

Zeng Ling'er closed her eyes and listened to the heroic roar of the sea being crushed by reefs again and again. While thinking, "Sea, why do you have to come to land?"

It rained so hard. It rushed into the sea with all the dirty things on the beach, the land was clean, but the sea was dirty. It's so dirty that it's unbearable to see.

When she returned to the hotel, her whole body was already wet.

The sky is very dark and the desk lamp is on. Was it the waiter turned on the light for her? There is a note on the table.

Comrade Zeng Ling'er:

I just came to visit but didn't meet me, and I feel deeply regretful. At half past six, I'll wait for you in the restaurant downstairs, and we'll have dinner together.

Lubeihe Today

Comrade Zeng Ling'er!

Lubei River?

She fell to the sofa chair at the table and then jumped up again. Her clothes were covered with water, which would make the chair wet.

"Comrade Zeng Ling'er", this title made her interesting and reminded her of Lu Beihe's always serious and upright appearance. Is she still like that?

Zeng Ling'er of course wants to "have dinner" with her. How much she wanted to know the news about her old classmates and how much she wanted to compare their present with what she remembered, it must be very interesting.

She rinsed her hair hard under the shower head, it was so dirty.She rubbed a lot of shampoo and scratched her scalp hard. The train life of several days and nights made her dirty like a mud monkey.

Just after taking a shower, the phone rang.

"Hey, who is that?"

"It's us." The groom's voice came from the microphone.

"Hey, I bought a pair of dragon and phoenix flower candles for you. Do you like it?"

"Of course I like it, thank you so much."

"Really?" Zeng Ling'er laughed happily.

"How is it, didn't we agree? Go swimming at night."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, an old classmate invited me to have a meal at night. Besides-" She looked at the rain outside the window, and it was still raining like a pillar. "It's better to stay at home in such weather."

"No, swimming in such weather is interesting."

The groom must be an adventurous guy, just like when she saw her young age, Zeng Ling'er thought. Maybe he still wants to show his macho spirit in front of his newly married wife.

"It's better if you don't go, let's go. You can go with us tomorrow."

"Where are you swimming?"

"Tiger head."

"You can't go to that place--" Zeng Ling'er shouted.

"Why?"

"No, absolutely not. There is a vortex four kilometers away."

"Don't worry, I just don't swim that far away."

"I advise you not to go."

"Okay, okay. Thank you for your concern, see you tomorrow." The groom hung up the phone.

Zeng Ling'er went downstairs and went to the barber room.

"Do you perm your hair?" The female barber shook a piece of cloth and surrounded her chest.

"No, just blow dry."

Why do you want to go to the tiger's head? Zeng Ling'er became uneasy. The terrifying whirlpool of tiger head...

That summer, on the beach in E City, they spent their first summer camp life in college.

Every night, those swimmers who disdain to bask in the sun always set off from the tiger's head and swim towards the moon with their companions.

The clear light of the moon hangs down from the horizon, laying a silver-like road on the sea, from the end of the sea to the feet that people can never step on - you think that road is only five feet away from you, and you can step on it after swimming a few times. After swimming five feet, it seemed to be just five feet away from you, shining with the silver light that lures you to swim over again.

One day, Zeng Ling'er suddenly found Zuo Wei on his right. Every time he waved his arm, he turned his smiling face towards her.

In the moment, the students' shouts were gone, and the sound of waves caused by the tide was gone. There were only her and Zuo Wei in the world, and the moon in the sky.

Zeng Ling'er knew nothing, but she only knew that she would swim towards the moon with Zuo Wei. It seemed that it was their new house, and she and Zuo Wei would live in the pure moon as water.

The wave head was pressing over, and it came so suddenly. Zeng Ling'er quickly took a breath and drilled into the seabed. When the roaring waves rolled over her head and she suddenly crawled out of the sea, Zuo Wei disappeared, and she felt her soul scattered. She looked around in a hurry, and could not see anything, and even the moon seemed to sink into the bottom of the sea.

"Zuowei--"

has no echo.

"Boom--" Another wave came over like a mountain, and she realized that there must be a stirring rapid underwater. She was scared of Zuo Wei, wondering what Zuo Wei's water nature is and whether she has enough experience to deal with this dangerous situation.

"Zuowei--"

still has no echo. Zeng Ling'er cried, she let go of her throat and howled loudly. Like the wives of fishermen in my hometown, kneeling on the beach, facing the sea, crying at the sky and crying at the husband who can't come back from the sea, and crying to death, the sky is dark and dark.

She finally saw a dark, gourd-like thing floating on the sea not far away. She dived into the water and rushed over like a swordfish. She reached out and rushed forward, ah, that was soft hair, Zuo Wei's hair.

She pulled him towards her hard, but there was a force that was too powerful to compete with, dragging them down to the depths briskly. If there is no death waiting below, this sinking will even give people an indescribable pleasure.

Zeng Linger realized that they were being swept into the vortex.

At this moment, Zuo Wei hugged her left arm tightly, and she suddenly lost most of her strength. She understood that she should have punched him in the head so he could let go of her arm or they would soon be buried at the bottom of the sea. However, she couldn't do it, but just struggled meaninglessly and hopelessly, consuming her physical strength in vain. The legs and arms quickly became as heavy as lead. She was going to die, she thought, being with Zuo Wei. Thinking of Zuo Wei's death, she was frightened and suddenly woke up. She can't sink, she has to live. Only when she lives can Zuo Wei live, and his life is tangled with her.

She was so heartbroken that she punched Zuo Wei on the head. He shivered and let go of the fingers that tightly grasped her. Zeng Ling'er grabbed his hair again and tried to calm herself down. Then she relaxed her muscles and let her body rotate up and down with the vortex. When she felt ascending to the trumpet, she jumped hard and drew out of the water. She took a deep breath and thought, there was something to save.

She grabbed Zuo Wei with one hand and stroked forward with the other arm. Her teeth chuckled, not because of the cold, but because of fear. Her left calf began to twitch because of excessive force. She had to put her body flat and let it float with the waves. She saved every bit of her strength and only strode her arms when the waves lifted her up the wave peak. She only has one belief, she wants Zuo Wei to live.

Just like that, almost with the inhuman will, she finally brought Zuo Wei to the shore.

Zuowei recovered, but Zeng Ling'er limped for a long time due to muscle strain.

"Look, are you satisfied?" asked the female barber.

Zeng Ling'er shook suddenly and woke up from the terrible memories. In the mirror, there is a changed appearance. It turned out that the hair that was wrapped randomly was tied into a glossy bun, piled up behind the head. A tall and wide forehead was exposed in front, and a wide white hair on the right temple added a touch of dark brown hair.

"Thank you for dressing me up so beautifully." Zeng Ling'er said.

"That's because you were born beautiful." The female barber said with a smile.

Zeng Ling'er laughed and looked at herself seriously in the mirror. "Oh my God, this is the first time in my life that I have heard someone praise me like this."

She paid and walked out of the barber room. Looking at my watch, I walked towards the restaurant at half past six.

Outside the window, the rain is still falling. Zeng Ling'er felt an inexplicable uneasiness again.

Why does it keep raining?

5

They looked at each other quietly and smiled.

Zeng Ling'er looked at Lu Beihe's eyes with warm eyes.

Lu Beihe made her look at her whole body unconsciously.

She didn't change. Oh, maybe it's more appropriate to say it's beautiful. Her eyes—ah, because she was a little myopic, she looked hazy, she looked like a gentle dream.

dark green silk shirt with small white dots tied in white trousers. Although the style and size are not suitable - they must have been made in that small town. The tones are extremely elegant.

Why did Lubeihe forget? No matter what clothes he wears, he is very free and easy on Zeng Ling'er. I remember that the year she first entered school, she was wearing the big trousers of her daughter from the fisherman's family, which were short and fat. But when worn on her, she feels elegant.

The waist is still as slim as when she was a girl, and she doesn't even want to believe the conclusions and punishments in the archives.

She noticed the ring on Zeng Ling'er's hand. Is it to commemorate someone or something?

Only in her peaceful and composed expression can we see that she is already a mature woman. That is the peace and maturity that only a person who has experienced hardships or has resurrection from the dead will have.

Faced with Zeng Ling'er, Lu Beihe suddenly felt that he had lost his confidence.

"We're meeting again," said Lu Beihe.The tone of voice unconsciously revealed true joy, and even a little envy of Zeng Linger. She was startled by her emotions. What is Zeng Ling'er envious?

Lu Beihe felt that she was a little strange today, and she was not like herself anymore. She even envied those frivolous girls dressed up in a gorgeous manner. They twisted their thin waists one by one, walking around in front of the man and the dining table as if no one was around. She looked at the gray Pallis clothes on her body and felt very dull. Why didn't she realize it in the past? In fact, her life was spent in this dull gray.

"It's so good." Zeng Ling'er said quietly.

When she saw Lu Beihe, she seemed to be back in her student days. A song she liked very much and hadn't sang for a long time sounded in her heart.

...ah, moon,

Please tell me,

can you know my lover, where is

?

...

"You are doing well?"

"It's okay. What about you? What about old classmates? Tell me their news. After graduation, I lost contact with everyone."

Lu Beihe fiddled with the chopsticks in his hand. Separate, close up; separate, close up... "In 58, Zuo Wei and I got married..." She raised her eyes and looked at Zeng Ling'er.

, this news is a bit sudden. But no matter what news, Zeng Linger would feel suddenly because she had been out of touch with her past life for so many years. Of course Zuo Wei should get married. In short, he should get married, be with Lu Beihe, or a different woman. She had already calmed down and had already forgiven his indifference. Her reason and love for him persisted in fighting for more than twenty years, and now she is enough to withstand any degree of test.

Her heart was still singing:

...Ah, moon,

Please tell me,

Do you know my lover, where is

?

…

The most difficult thing has passed, Lu Beihe thought. She continued: "We have a son who has just entered the first year of college."

son! Zeng Ling'er remembered Taotao. If he was still alive and twenty-five years old, he would be the boy's half-brother.

"Like you, or like Zuo Wei?" Zeng Ling'er was surprised that she said Zuo Wei, as easy as saying umbrellas, pears, glass...

"Oh, no one looks like it."

But Taotao looks like Zuo Wei, the whole thing is Zuo Wei's shrinkage. "Maybe the advantages of you two."

"Disadvantages!" Lu Beihe laughed at himself. Well, this inevitable topic has finally been sent to the Ministry. "Let's order food, I'll treat you tonight. What do you like?"

"I seem to love everything."

"Okay, where's the wine?"

"How about the 'Si Te'?"

"I'll do you like." Lu Beihe said.

Zeng Tinger has a good appetite. All kinds of dishes amaze her. "The cooking skills in the mainland are so good. I haven't eaten such a thing for a long time, and I wish I had two stomachs."

Did Zeng Ling'er still be so thin, her belly is as thin as a "steel plate". Unlike her, she already looks big and poopy. She laughed: "Do you still remember your nickname?"

"Of course I remember. Is the 'steel plate' right? Even now, it is not a problem to do more than 200 'sit-ups'. Do you want me to show you?" Zeng Ling'er pushed away the chair, as if he was going to lie on the floor immediately to do "sit-ups".

"Of course, of course." Lu Beihe held Zeng Ling'er's arm. "You won't drink too much, right?"

Zeng Ling'er raised the bottle and looked at it. "I drank a lot, but I have a good alcohol tolerance. When I was young, I didn't know how to eat or drink water, so my father used chopsticks to dip the white wine into my mouth. It's strange. When I was crying, the adults wiped the white wine into my mouth, and I didn't cry at all. My father hoped that he could have a son who could accompany him to go out to sea and drink with him. But my mother gave birth to a daughter.But when I grew up, he told me that he no longer regrets, and I am more of a man. "

Zeng Ling'er seemed very excited, her eyes shining with light, her cheeks flushed, she kept smiling, and she talked a lot... Maybe this is a good opportunity to talk.

"Comrade Zeng Ling'er..."

"Call me Zeng Ling'er, thank you, this will give me a little more happiness. "

"Okay, Zeng Ling'er, do you know what to ask you to do? "

" holds a meeting. "

" will not only be a mere practice, but also be pragmatic. After the meeting, the task will be implemented, and you will stay and serve as the deputy leader of the microcode compilation team. "

Zeng Ling'er slapped her hands and hugged her chest. "Lu Beihe, you are so cute, give me such news. It’s just in a dream, this is also a job I can’t put down. Really, sometimes I dream of coding. "

" You love too much and do your best. "Lu Beihe thought that she must have dreamed of Zuo Wei.

" Yes, love everything. "Zeng Ling'er remembered the words "Immortal Thoughts on Love" and laughed. "But why should I be the deputy team leader? You know, I have never been an official material. When you were in school, you seemed to have sealed me as a cultural and sports committee member. Because you were incompetent in your work, you were dismissed. Don’t you remember? "

" This is not an official, but a convener. What's more, there is a team leader. "Well..." Zeng Ling'er nodded, as if she agreed to this arrangement. "But is that team leader easy to cooperate? "

" This... is not that difficult, and maybe not very easy, which is exactly what I am worried about. "Lu Beihe said in a deep embarrassment.

"Don't worry about me, I will do whatever I want. As long as I can do this job, I will be satisfied. "

" But... that person is Zuo Wei. "

Zeng Ling'er put down the chopsticks in her hand and stared at Lu Beihe with wide eyes. Lu Beihe lowered her head.

"Which guy arranged this? "Zeng Ling'er felt that someone must be doing a prank.

" Sorry, it's me. "Lu Beihe could hardly speak.

"Why do you do this? Don't you know how inappropriate this is? "Zeng Ling'er whispered to Lu Beihe.

"I know. But is that hatred that can never be resolved? Some people fell in love and broke up when they were young, and then they each had their own happy homes. When they reunited, they could still say 'Hello' like old friends. Forgive him, Zeng Ling'er. "

Fall in love...

Breakup...

No, Lu Beihe doesn't understand at all, nor does he know what happened between her and Zuo Wei. This secret can only be brought into the grave.

Taotao!

Is that the love that has been gathered and separated between young men and girls? Like a trumpet flower, it only blooms for one morning?

Taotao!

Does she have another new love? Like a broken willow branch, wherever it is inserted, it can be shaded?

Taotao!

What is Zuo Wei? Even if she has tattooed his name on her skin, she will cut it off with skin, flesh, and blood. Even if He had printed into her brain, and she would knock on her brain, take it out, and burn the wrinkle of memory. She completed this work after more than 20 years of hard work.

Zuo Wei has become a thing of the past for her.

Only Taotao is a kind of sorrow that dissolves into her blood and seeps into her soul. Why use Zuo Wei to poke this pain point in her?

A person may have a passionate love in his life. However, it is not necessarily the greatest and eternal feeling in life.

"You can't forgive-you don't know, I don't hate him. To tell you the truth, before coming to E City, I can't be sure whether Zuo Wei and I have finished. I thought that after arriving in City E, I would be moved by the scenery and regain my old love. However, I finally figured out that what I recovered in my heart was just the feeling of love. Love the bay, love the reef, love the irrelevant travel companion, love memories, love the past, love the heart of Zuo Wei when I was young, love the micro-electronic computer, love the micro-code compilation group, love everything..., but it is not love Zuo Wei.It's so strange. I'm like Sun Wukong. One morning, I woke up and suddenly found that the hoop on my head was taken off at some point. There have been many years, I can’t love, nor can I love... You have never paid the feeling of not being able to love, and it feels terrible. I am so happy that I have become a person who can fully perceive it again. "

" Is it just because you no longer love Zuo Wei, so you refuse to cooperate with him? "

" Oh, no, no, that's just too embarrassing. "

"He needs help..." Lu Beihe closed his eyes in annoyance and put his forehead on his overlapping hands.

Lu Beihe's heavy and painful tone surprised Zeng Ling'er. "How is this possible? With his ability, he is completely competent. "

Lu Beihe opened his eyes, and there seemed to be many pains hidden in it that cannot be spoken to. "Zeng Ling'er, you don't understand him at all. Although you have loved him like crazy, you love only part of him, and what I accept is all of him. "

Lu Beihe is no longer the ignorant clay Bodhisattva, but a woman as ordinary as her, a woman who has worked hard because her husband does not fulfill his responsibilities. This made Zeng Ling'er feel that she is much more friendly.

"Don't say that to him." "Zeng Ling'er doesn't like to listen to people's complaints.

" You don't understand him. "Lu Beihe emphasized this again. "Help him, you have helped her many times when he was in trouble. "Lu Beihe said weakly. When she planned this matter with a little dark mind, she did not expect that Zeng Ling'er would reflect many experiences that she would not dare to face up to in any case. The deeper the conversation, the less she seemed to have lost her mind. Where did her decisiveness and iron fist go?

She could only beg in a low voice. Because Zeng Ling'er was generous.

In the third grade, Zuo Wei had tuberculosis. He was unwilling to leave school, which would delay a school year. But the school doctor The room did not agree, for fear that he would spread it to other classmates.

A whole year, Zeng Linger had to listen to classes, take notes, do homework, and make up for Zuo Wei's notes and homework. Since the third grade, it was the busiest period in college life.

She never went to bed before twelve o'clock a day, and often didn't have to take a shower for a week, let alone change clothes.

Every time after sitting down beside her, Zuo Wei always swayed her nose like a spoiled cat. "Can you wash your hair? "

At this time, Zeng Ling'er would blush and cover her hair with both hands. "Ah, I'm so sorry, I-forgot. "She didn't even dare to say that she was busy, for fear that he would feel uneasy because he took away her time. Besides, he was sick and had a bad mood and temper.

Or, when Zeng Ling'er explained and made illustrations to him, he didn't look at the graphic, but often stared at the dirt on the cuffs of her shirt, and said to her unhappily: "Can't you change your clothes?" "

Zeng Ling'er smiled apologetically and folded her cuffs helplessly.

"What's the use of folding one by one? Is it clean? Ling'er, I like girls are always refreshing. I ask you to do this for me. "

He seemed to have lost interest in her talent in mathematics speech, which made Zeng Ling'er sad. She was too stupid. She could only win Zuo Wei's favor by competing with her classmates. In the past, whenever she easily defeated all her opponents, she would always get Zuo Wei's warm gaze. But the sweaty hair and dirty shirt destroyed everything.

Zeng Ling'er was extremely desperate, except In math competition, she didn't know any other ways to court.

She only slept later, and even when she was eating, she was memorizing class notes, and even when she was walking and riding a bicycle. She was straight and turned over from the bicycle, rolling to the wheels of the car, almost letting the car run to the hospital. The driver was kind enough to take her to the hospital and bandage her bleeding forehead and knees. But she said, "No, no, it's not your fault." I have something urgent to do, don't worry, it's okay. ”

She gritted her teeth, pretended to be nothing, and stretched out her broken knees for the driver to see.Then she washed away the blood on her forehead and knees under the faucet on the side of the road, and rushed to Zuo Wei's house to give him some lessons.

Her knee was infected, and she limped. She lost weight, had night sweats and had dry coughs at night. But she didn't care. She never thought that Zuo Wei's tuberculosis might be transmitted to her. During the

academic year exam, Zuo Weiquan met the upgrade standard, and did not delay the upgrade due to a year of taking a break from school, and his illness was cured.

"How do you thank you?" When he was in a good mood, he was so cute as an angel.

"Just kiss me. No, not lips. It's here, right, on the forehead."

"What's the point?"

"Hey, have you never heard of it? My forehead is high and wide, and there is wisdom in it. If you kiss my forehead, you will make more progress in mathematics in the next semester."

"What wisdom, you are such a stupid little fool."

Zeng Ling'er smiled tiredly, closed his eyes, and enjoyed the tenderness that Zuo Wei rarely saw. I thought to myself, I would sleep well for three days and three nights, then take a shower and wash my hair, change into a clean set of clothes, and buy a bottle of perfume - maybe I should buy a bottle of cod liver oil, she sweated even more severely at night. But she still bought a bottle of perfume because Zuo Wei liked it.

That summer vacation, she went back to her hometown by the beach. My father was surprised when he saw her gray face and dark circles. "What, are there vampires in the school? The daughter I handed over is as strong as a tiny animal. Why has it turned into a paper-made empty rack now? What does your school do for food? I'll settle the score with them."

"Dad, stop talking nonsense." After that, Zeng Ling'er lay lazily on the beach.

A whole holiday, she lies on the beach and sleeps, as if she has been missing all her life and needs to make up for it here at once. She blew and blew in the sea, letting the fresh air wash her lungs. She ate and ate under the supervision of her father, and ate all the treasures in the sea. My father took a boat to sea, and my father rushed into the sea. He knew what to retrieve from the sea to cure Zeng Ling'er's illness.

Dad made an idea and renewed her for another month's "leave". Zeng Ling'er finally gotten relieved. When she was about to return to school, Zeng Ling'er said, "Dad, I love you the most." Zeng Ling'er's mother died early, and her father loved her and did not remarry. "When I graduate, I will take you to the city."

"Well, you love dad. Dad also knows that there is something that must be snatching your heart. But dad is not sad. People always live one after another. Go to the city, forget it. Dad left the sea and the boat, but he can't live long. Remember to come back to see me often. Don't wait until he's like this before coming back, like he crawled out of a coffin. I feel bad in my heart."

hasn't, Zeng Ling'er has never been back. Because she became even more disastrous later, she didn't want her father to feel sad. Moreover, labor reform officials are not allowed to visit the house. Even when her father died, she was not allowed to go back to attend the funeral...

"I seem to run a group relay race with you. You run 200 meters in front and I run 200 meters in back." Lu Beihe smiled bitterly, and she felt sad from it. What's wrong with her? Maybe it's the effect of wine. She shouldn't have drunk anymore, but her hand couldn't help but pick up the bottle again and filled Zeng Ling'er and her glass.

She felt that she and Zeng Ling'er had changed positions since when. The one who is pitiful is not Zeng Ling'er, but herself.

They are like two boats passing by the sea. One is a magnificent white yacht painted with golden decorations. The boat followed her will and drove smoothly on the sea.

is an old wooden boat, the patched sails are the will of the wind, east to west and south. Zeng Ling'er struggled to hold the rudder and paddle the oar. The wooden boat bumped up and down with the waves.

Her boat soon threw Zeng Ling'er's wooden boat behind and moved towards her destination with full confidence. She stood on the side of the boat and looked back at the distance, and the shadow of the wooden boat that had swayed and moved, was getting blurred.

But the crew suddenly told her that the host on the ship had a malfunction and could no longer be repaired, and water began to flow into the oil pump room...

is really terrible. How could she understand this truth today: she has no purpose in her life, and she will never have no purpose to achieve. She was just walking through the illusory mirage.

She thought, wouldn’t it be better to be an ordinary woman and eat all the sufferings a woman might suffer like Zeng Linger?

"You have transcended because you no longer love. As long as a person stops loving, he will win. Therefore, I want to say a few words that are not afraid of you being unhappy. For many years, we have been competing for the love of the same man, bravely making all sacrifices for him, and in the end it is not worth it. And he is completely unaware of our sacrifice, or he thinks we should do this." Lu Beihe slowly sipped the wine in the glass and said calmly these words that seemed to have nothing to do with him. This may be the first time she has exposed herself since she became an adult. Decades of depression have found a gap here. It's not because of some special reason or need. Her boat capsized, that's all.

"Don't say that. If you love it, then it's not about sacrifice." Zeng Ling'er didn't know what kind of psychological journey Lu Beihe had in the days after separation. Did she and Zuo Wei live a happy life? "Are you happy?" Zeng Ling'er asked sympathetically.

"No, we are so happy. We have never quarreled or quarreled. We are as happy as a master who can do whatever we want, and a slave who obeys the order." Seeing Zeng Ling'er's eyes wide open, Lu Beihe said again: "Do you find it strange? In fact, in the past, you played the same role as me in your relationship with him."

"Day, what did you say? I don't feel that way at all." Zeng Ling'er shook her head desperately.

"Maybe this is not Zuo Wei's fault at all, but something wrong with me... Can you still memorize our historical system and the emperors of all generations?" Lu Beihe smiled nervously and asked this question that Zeng Ling'er had answered countless times when he was in middle school.

Zeng Ling'er thought about it seriously, shook her head and smiled. "No, I can't memorize it. Although I often get 'five points' for this question."

"But people remember Li Bai and Du Fu... right?"

Zeng Ling'er sucked the bitterness in her words. "Yes. There are thousands of roles for us to choose from in life. Cherish what you get. Maybe what I hold is just a mediocre concept... You just need to think about it. Some people can't get it. For example, a woman may be a doctor of mathematics, but she may not win love, and cannot experience the happiness of being a wife. She has to forget that she is a woman... For a specific person, some heights in life are destined to not cross. Everyone is like this, it has been difficult to complete since ancient times, and so are you and me. And... there is no need to make higher demands on Zuo Wei." She held Lu Beihe's hand, which was very cold. She rubbed Lu Beihe's palm, trying to warm her palm.

Lu Beihe seemed to be unruly and upset. "Or... let's finish this."

"What's the matter?"

"Zuo Wei."

"..."

"Please help me finish this last stick." Ah, she can avoid any danger, but she can't avoid Zuo Wei. Perhaps Zeng Ling'er was right, there was a height that no one in the world could not cross.

"You make me think about it..." Zeng Ling'er picked up the wine glass and took a sip: "'Don't let the golden cup face the moon empty, come on, drink a little more!" But Lu Beihe raised his neck and a full cup of "Four Specials" fell down his throat.

Wine is a good thing. With its heat, Lu Beihe worked hard to cheer himself up. For decades, she has played the role of "Lu Beihe" well, but today it is almost ruined. She was so confused, but fortunately Zeng Ling'er was a scheming person.

"Let's forget everything we said just now." Lu Beihe used his palm to clean up his hair and smoothed his clothes. She seemed to have returned to normal and got into her gray clothes again.

is so fast.Zeng Ling'er admired her self-control.

"Of course. You said nothing, and I heard nothing." Zeng Linger smiled knowingly.

Lu Beihe pushed her with a difficult question. How could she cooperate with Zuo Wei?

Zuowei is coming to the venue the day after tomorrow. Lu Beihe said. Zeng Ling'er had enough courage to meet him, nod and shake hands... but she couldn't work with him face to face for several years from morning to night. There are too many painful and embarrassing memories between them. Between them, Taotao is separated.

She remembered the scene of her carrying little Taotao on her back; she remembered her back that was often wet by Taotao's urine; she remembered that for the arrival of this day, in order to devote herself to the society with hard work, struggle and accumulated more than 20 years of energy and talent, she repeatedly rejected Taotao's request to "play with her mother for a while". "I hate your calculation questions." She remembered the notes Taotao once left to her. She originally promised to take him to a spring outing, but she failed to do so. Taotao left the note and went alone... Now she can never compensate Taotao. If one day she could make some contribution to this society, she thought that this contribution would also contain Taotao's efforts and sacrifice... Zeng Ling'er's eyes were wet.

Is her and Taotao's all efforts destined to be blocked by this Zuo Wei? Can she not get over this obstacle?

She leaned and retracted into the quilt, it should have been a wonderful night. Listen to the roar of the wind; listen to the drizzle of the rain; listen to the whistling of the sea; listen to the echo of the waves that have passed away in my heart... How long has it been since she approached the sea.

, what? I seem to hear the sound of being blown by the wind... Who is shouting? What to shout?

I once made the Er hate her weakness. She told Lu Beihe that she did not hate Zuo Wei, and she also knew that Zuo Wei had become a thing of the past. So, what exactly is preventing her?

She couldn't sleep...

She turned on the bedside light and looked at her watch. It was already twelve o'clock in the middle of the night. The wind seemed to stop and the rain stopped. The interrupted call became clearer. It seems like a woman's voice, howling and crying, it sounds like a rash person. This crying sounded so familiar to the other, because she had also howled like this for Zuo Wei.

Zeng Ling'er jumped out of bed, walked to the window, lifted the thick curtains and looked out. I saw a few lights on the beach in the distance, flashing between the dark world.

She was shocked. What happened? She couldn't help but think of the newlywed couple downstairs. An ominous premonition flashed quickly through my heart. She hurriedly put on her clothes, shoes and socks, and ran to the beach.

A woman with disheveled hair was running aimlessly on the beach, running while making a heart-wrenching howl.

Zeng Ling'er ran forward and recognized her as the bride who came to E City for her honeymoon, and immediately guessed what happened.

She hugged the almost crazy woman and hugged her in her arms pity. Her clothes were soaked by the heavy rain, and her upper and lower teeth were clattering, and she stopped for a while and cried again and again. She struggled blindly in Zeng Ling'er's arms.

"I am Lao Zeng, I am Lao Zeng. Look at me, look at me."

The bride looked at her for a long time and seemed to recognize her. She waved her hand silently and pointed to the sea, then she collapsed onto the beach.

Zeng Ling'er sat on the wet beach and let her upper body lean against her chest. They looked at the two speedboats motionlessly, shuttled through the sea, sweeping around the sea with spotlights.

Zeng Ling'er clearly knew that all this was in vain. The groom who did not listen to her warning had fallen into that vortex. It was accidental that she could jump out of the vortex like her. It can only be said that it is a miracle. It doesn't mean everyone can escape. She remembered with great clarity that she was in the vortex of fear, despair, and powerlessness more than twenty years ago... Why didn't she cherish the life she gained after almost no hope of survival? This cherishing means that this life should be given greater meaning in a broader context.

She shook the bride leaning against her while thinking about life and death, an old issue that has existed since humanity.

The bride leaning against her arms could no longer howl. All her energy and strength were exhausted. Only one pair of eyes was still alive, staring at the two speedboats searching on the sea.

Zeng Ling'er couldn't bear to tell her that this was actually meaningless. To accept the meaning that Zeng Linger had already appreciated for this reasonableness, she also had to walk the thoroughness of the road herself. It was a unique but muddy road.

html is about to dawn in 0 days. The sea gradually showed its extremely solemn and majestic posture from the darkness. The light that made the sea contours did not seem to come from the sky, but seemed to be a huge yellow light column that shone out from the depths of the sea, reflecting the sea water into a dimness. Gradually, from the clouds in the east, the magnificent morning glow appeared. A golden light suddenly jumped out of the sea, and the golden light and the sunset dyed the sea surface golden red. The fishing boats in the distance were like small pieces of gold foil folded under the light.

is in tide. The waves kept ringing. Every time it sounds, it takes a step back to the depths of the sea. And the turbid things that threw the heavy rain last night into the sea were spit out one by one. The branches, wooden boards, empty wine bottles, canned boxes, plastic pockets... were back on the beach and on the land.

seas are getting further and further away, and are getting cleaner. The clear blue and clear shines with a quiet glory under the rising sun.

Zeng Ling'er shouted out in surprise: My sea of ​​wisdom...

Suddenly, the salvage people ran towards a beach. Zeng Ling'er helped the bride up and ran in that direction.

It’s him! Never wake up again. The sea even spit out, and it refused to accept everything on this land.

The bride is already crying silently, she wants to cry without tears. She just stroked him with her hands, touching him from his hair, inch by inch, and through his whole body until his toes. It seemed that she didn't believe it, or she didn't want to believe that this man with a swollen face and bruises was her beloved husband. Then she screamed and ran towards the sea. People dragged her back and took her back to the hotel.

Zeng Ling'er took off her dress that had been torn into pieces - I don't know if it was because she tore herself in the madness of last night, or because the bushes on the beach were scratched. He put hot water in the bathtub and soaked her in the hot water in the pool. The poor man seemed to have frozen blood, and his whole body showed a black purple color. Zeng Ling'er stayed by the bathtub until her skin color returned to normal.

She wiped her whole body, changed into clean clothes, forced her to take two sleeping pills, and hugged her and lie on the bed.

She slept, as quiet as death.

Zeng Ling'er opened all the drawers and cabinets, picked up her husband's things together, put them into a box, and locked them. She really wanted to throw this box, or the key to this box, into the sea, but she remembered the impression that the sea gave her, which she would never forget - it spits out everything unclean.

She took a chair and sat down at the window near the sea. Squinted my eyes and looked at the sea in the distance, the sea of ​​wisdom.

At this moment, Zeng Ling'er felt that she had crossed another height in her life. She would work with Zuo Wei, not for love or hatred for Zuo Wei, nor for pity for Lu Beihe. Instead, it is to do something meaningful to this society.

She sighed comfortably, put her hands on the windowsill, and sniffed the breath of the sea to her heart's content. She had to wait, and when the bride woke up, she would tell her that her love had been echoed, and this kind of echoed love, even if it was only one day, was enough. Because there are so many people who have lived a life that has not been echoed after they have finished.

Zeng Ling'er also wants to tell her the sentence about "Immortal Thoughts on Love".

Off-12th February 1984 in Guangzhou