How a normal person's day starts, they wake up - shower - go to school/workplace - come back - sleep and obviously eat those delicious meals. The basic cycle of eat, work, sleep and repeat. During this journey, we somehow jump on a trampoline called life, experiencing those ups and downs, and trying to maintain our balance.
This is my secret to finding those moments of happiness that are like treasures buried on the dark island of worry. I am certainly not a holy Zen monk who would advise you to meditate 8 hours a day and live a life free from materialism and worldly behavior. I really want to do this myself, but it seems impossible to achieve that kind of detachment when we leave society based on social constructs.
So what is a reasonable way to keep us calm?
This is my sure, time-tested technique -
1. Pour your love into something/someone
There is an old saying about "Love is invincible", and whenever I read/listen to it, that magnificent painting of Romeo-Juliet The picture appeared before my eyes. But is that all? No, definitely not. You can pour your love into anything, it can be your pet, your family, your spouse, or my workaholics’ job.
In this modern world, love is seen as money, we hesitate before giving, question after receiving and hide it as if someone wants to rob it. However, the pure joy of giving is so much more than that. For me, watering my plants is a simple gesture.
When I wake up, the first thing I do is drink a glass of water and offer the same to each of my dearest plants. I take a minute or two to observe, nourish, and bless their love and care. This has been the best and constant part of my morning routine for a year now. Although the human brain loves to chase new adventures, it finds security in stability.
For me, the stabilizing factor is my plant, for you it might be your pet. I have a friend who loves her cats, (I mean cats, she has 16/17 of them and I would love to pet them one day). You don’t have to bring pets/plants home, I emphasize nourishing your existing relationships. It can be as simple as saying good morning/night to your spouse and/or giving your kids a hug before going to work.
These little moments will compound over time and your bucket of joy will fill up. Find something to do in your day that takes less than 2 minutes so you can easily maintain it. (I learned this from James Clear’s Atomic Habits – highly recommended)
Here’s a picture of my twin roses to brighten your day:
2. Your urgency is not my urgency
This happens How often do we have our full attention on some scheduled task and someone/something pops up and demands our complete dedication to them/their task. This causes us to lose our rhythm and state of deep focus, and doing so repeatedly can make us susceptible to irritability, stress, and anxiety.
This happens mostly on the work front, where emails, meetings, and Skype pings are all vying for your attention. In this case, it's better to wait 1 to 2 minutes rather than respond hastily. You don’t have to avoid them all together, read that email, look at that meeting invitation, and then stop and breathe. It gives you time to understand it properly, understand the context, and then come up with all the logical and analytical solutions.
Establish a breathing pattern that makes you breathe out longer than you breathe in. A simple strategy is to breathe in - until you count 4, then breathe out - until you count 6. This will lower your heart rate and bring it to a steady pace, which may have been increased due to your boss' follower emails. This is one of the meditation techniques I learned about from Jeff Warren, an expert in the field.
Try it yourself and let me know if it works for you.
3. Living in a Bubble
This may sound controversial and contradicts what we have been told our entire lives, about how to network, how to stay up to date and what is going on around the world, etc. The concept here is not to deny all of that or transform yourself into a man living in a cave, but to be selective about the information you consume.
I grew up in a household where my parents used to watch breaking news at breakfast and prime time dinner hours, and there is no doubt that I would do the same thing again. I was that nerd in school who used to talk about all the technological advancements happening around us. But with news bias tending to report more negative events, it was inevitable that I would stop watching it altogether. I used to wake up suddenly in the early morning to hear detailed descriptions of murders, human trafficking, organ smuggling and other depressing crimes. That was my breaking point, I stopped watching the news and asked my dad to hold off until 9am, when everyone was awake and in their right mind.
Today I have a love-hate relationship with it, and I deliberately limit my news exposure to specific times and spaces. According to one study, it takes 5 positive messages to beat one negative message. Although it may seem harmless, negative things can really damage your subconscious mind .
It doesn’t just apply to news, it also applies to the social media accounts you follow, the people you interact with, and the media content you consume. The key is, take care of your mental health, don't let yourself drift into the river of negativity, be a voyager and steer your raft . The topic of social media and your circles demands discussion and deep thought, so leave it to you to reconsider your preferences and let me know your perspective.
Goodbye for now.
