gives you a heart lamp, wishing you to become a living person!
Self-control has really become a scarce resource now. The more dissatisfied people are with themselves, the more they lack self-control. People are always afraid, respectful and envious when they see those "men who can always crawl out of bed on winter mornings" and "women who can always dare to be cruel to themselves in order to maintain their figure." Moments are often flooded with articles like this - "You're not successful because you're not precise enough." The articles always describe a person who arranges his daily time accurately to the minute, and his densely packed photos. A schedule that kills lazy people.
Well, just like this one!
Every time I see this kind of article, I want to say to the author who is mindless and only takes it for granted: Stop misleading people, okay? You should implement this plan for the previous year and then talk about your experience! Apart from being unrealistic, can you have any other thoughts?
Real self-control is not like this. This is just what people without self-control take for granted. For example, a mother who always loses her temper with her children thinks that the mother who has published several best-selling parenting books will never lose her temper with her children, and a couple who is in a marital crisis thinks that another happy family never quarrels and is accepting of psychology. A client in counseling believes that his counselor never loses control of his emotions.
We are humans, not machines. But no living person can be as flat and unrealistic as the cartoon images in fairy tales. So, today let’s get to know what a person with self-control looks like in reality.
1. The foundation of self-control is insight .
Knowing what you want and how to really get what you want is the foundation for living a good life. On a larger scale, it’s your outlook on life; on a smaller scale, it’s your five-year plan or even one-year plan. Only by knowing your inner needs can you have the real motivation to restrain your behavior, concentrate your strength, and move towards your goals. Otherwise, you don’t even know what you want and don’t care about it. Instead, you just compete with your own behavior all day long and force yourself to get up at what time, read, exercise, and rest. This kind of self-control means little. Because soon you will give up because you can't find the meaning of something. At that time, all your self-control and efforts in this matter will be in vain.
Do things like this that are always changing and constantly overturning and starting over happen rarely? Even though self-denial is the prerequisite for self-transcendence, if a person has not been able to achieve basic "settlement" in middle age, he will change jobs, industries, and even partners around him. In this way, In this state, no matter how much self-control you have, it is meaningless. Many people like to write QQ statuses on a whim, and then delete them one by one when looking back a long time later. This just shows that the changes in people's status are getting bigger and faster, so big that they can't bear to look at it, and so fast that they are at a loss.
Therefore, instead of always competing with your own behavior and work schedule, it is better to listen to your inner voice and ask yourself what you want!
2. The embodiment of self-control is stability.
Even if you know clearly what you want and what kind of life you want to live, can you make yourself overcome various difficulties and obstacles and persist in doing what you want and should do?
clearly knew that he really wanted to learn how to play guzheng , but after taking 8 lessons, he never succeeded, which made this original dream shelved again;
knew clearly that he should open a public account to persevere. But after pushing 10 articles every Monday, the initial freshness and excitement passed, and I could no longer overcome my laziness and keep writing and tweeting;
...
Therefore, true self-control is The ability to insist on focusing the most time and energy on the most important events in life is the ability to persist in doing the most important things, the things that should be done, and the things that you want to do the most.
Life is a marathon and it is a protracted battle.Once you know your goals, anyone can go with the flow in good times, but going against the current in adversity requires strong self-control. Self-control, to put it bluntly, is the ability to control your own life. Those who cannot control themselves can only be controlled by external circumstances. Even if that man has been crawling out of bed on winter mornings for ten years, even if that woman has not eaten rice for half her life to stay in shape, if she does not do or do what she should do or want to do well, then it will be a waste. It has nothing to do with self-control.
3. The skill of self-control is control.
People with self-control will never watch boring palace fighting dramas while eating? Never read entertainment gossip while squatting on the toilet? Never waste time?
is wrong!
People with self-control can clearly find their own rhythm of concentration, follow their own rhythm, and use control to relax themselves. If watching a boring palace drama while eating can help you read a book for 2 hours after eating, people with self-control will relax and enjoy the TV series instead of forcing themselves to delete all TV series and forcefully demand it. You should finish your meal within 15 minutes; if reading entertainment gossip while squatting on the toilet can make you focus and efficient in subsequent work, people with self-control will also relax and do it.
The mistake people often make is to be too harsh on themselves and feel that they have wasted too much time. In fact, if the wasted time can make you highly focused within even 1 or 2 hours when you should focus, then it is not a waste, but a necessary rest and boost.
The second mistake people often make is that they think they are smart and try every opportunity to improve themselves, such as replacing the entertainment gossip they read while squatting on the toilet with official articles, which are fragmented and nutritious; The fighting drama is replaced by a documentary, which is both satisfying and informative. As everyone knows, for mental workers, the essence of rest is not to use the brain. Only when you get rid of the brain during rest can you be completely relaxed.
Some people may have questions: Jingyi, it turns out that you, the so-called self-controlled person, are also gossiping and chasing dramas, so what is the difference between you and us?
I can turn off the web and TV at any time and switch to a focused state in one minute, can you?
