"
I was particularly afraid that Yuexia would abandon me at the time. She said in her ear with a tender voice, "Don't cry, I will buy you delicious food when I grow up."
—This is the 664th story of the National Story Plan—
1
In the chilly spring season in the south, Yu Yuexia didn't know where to take a baby back, wrapped it in an old cloth jacket, and secretly hid it into her home.
The baby's round little face was blown red by the wind, and the tears at the corners of her eyes were scabbed, but she still couldn't stop crying loudly. No matter how Yuexia coaxed her, she couldn't coax her. But as soon as she was putting her in Nuannuan's quilt, she stopped crying.
Yuexia looked at her freely squeezing face and said, otherwise she would call Nuannuan, and she would never have to be frozen in her life.
that time was 1992, and this child was me.
Grandma didn't like me, and always pointed at me, saying that Yuexia was a chicken that couldn't lay eggs, and she didn't know where to bring back a wild child. If it were in ancient times, she would have been divorced. It was not until my dad secretly told Grandma that it was his problem that Grandma stopped it. .
Because I have no blood relationship with my grandma, she doesn't scold her mother, but she is still as harsh to me.
Dad works outside all year round. Yuexia has to do farm work in the fields during the day, so she throws me to her grandma to take care of her.
In the winter, my grandma directs me to mix pig food. She asked me to lift my sleeves to my elbow, put my hand into the pig feed bucket, pour water into the pot, mix the remaining potatoes and rice, crush them until they bubble, and then pour them into the pig food trough .
Once when I was feeding pigs, because I was a little, the pig feed bucket hit the stone steps of the pigpen and knocked it over. I was afraid that my grandma would scold me, so I put the piglets out and let them eat on the ground. But the piglets ran out of the door and I quickly chased them. But I still watched them disappear into the valley at the door of my house.
these two piglets were bought by my grandma and planned to raise them for the New Year, one of them was slaughtered and the other was sold for money. Raising pigs and slaughtering pigs is a custom in our countryside, and we can save some food for the coming year.
After learning that two piglets were "released" by me, my grandma was so angry that she beat me up. She picked up a half-burned wooden stick and beat me hard, which made me cry.
But my grandma still didn't stop until my crying stopped abruptly and didn't breathe for more than half a minute. Grandma thought I was pretending, and continued to beat the stick, but was protected by Yuexia who came back with a hoe.
She held me in her arms and kept patting my back with an empty palm, and I finally recovered.
l5
Since then, Yuexia has never thrown me to her grandma to take care of her. When she is working, she put me in a basket to carry me. I followed her to the field. She farmed, I played with mud on the side. She carried water, and I played with water in the bucket.
Until I was five years old, my grandma suddenly passed away. Her ascites and her belly became bigger and bigger. I hid under the willow tree and dared not go forward. She screamed, and my aunt brought her scissors. I watched her stab into her abdomen, so that she could relieve her pain.
After my grandma left, I went to school, and I was always under the halo in school because of my outstanding memory. A nursery rhyme and story, the teacher usually teaches it twice or three times, and I can repeat it.
Neighbors often tell my mother that Yuexia is really lucky to pick up such a smart doll.
At that time, I was not sensitive to the word "picking". At that time, my parents scolded their children and said, "You were picked up from the cesspool."
I thought this was just a way of chatting between adults.
I thought this was just a way of chatting between adults. , I didn't take it seriously. Even though I had doubted it, I never questioned Yuexia, because she treated me even more with my own mother.
2
Actually, I had a "clean obsession" when I was very young. Many people always understand cleanliness as unwilling to touch dirty things. In fact, I just hate "other people's things".
I don’t like to share a cup of water with others. I also have to write my own name on the bowls and chopsticks. I don’t want to share snacks, and I will never touch others’.
During the time when my grandma was sick, my aunt bought a lot of supplements. My grandma opened the packaging and couldn't swallow it, so she took them all for me. I threw all of them away. Grandma called me heartless. Yuexia actually knew this problem, but she never blamed me.
Every winter, the wind sways into your body. Yuexia is not as skillful as the mother of other children in the village. She knows a variety of scarves and gloves. Sometimes she picks up the remaining gloves and clothes her cousin wears for me.
I didn't want to wear it, so Yuexia held back her tears, took off the sweater into a ball of thread, and re-woven it into my own "new" sweater.
There were small vendors in the village. Whenever Yuexia heard the shouts one after another, she would buy me some fried rice candy and peach crispy cakes. Then she wrapped it in a separate box, she never touched it herself.
When my father comes back during the holidays, he always brings back all kinds of fresh and rare toys and the most fashionable clothes. Although he ignores that I will grow up and my clothes are often tied to my body, I am still happy because it is not "other people's things".
In short, Yuexia and her father have never treated me badly in terms of food, clothing and consumption, and have always been careful to hide my strange problem from outsiders.
Sometimes I think that living with such parents is not a kind of happiness.
But good days came to an abrupt end in the year I went to elementary school, which was 1998.
Father went to work in Beijing that year and never came back. In the past two years, he would use the excuse of rushing the construction period or having difficulty in salary to delay time. After that, he lost an excuse and disappeared without a word.
At that time, rumors spread in the village, saying that my mother would not give birth to a child. She was young, who would like to live a lifelong life with a child without blood relationship. There are also rumors that my dad has a family and a child outside.
During the day, Yuexia ignored such rumors and hugged in the quilt at night.
I was particularly afraid that Yuexia would abandon me at that time. He said in her ear with a tender voice, "Don't cry, I'll buy you something delicious when I grow up."
Yuexia hugged me tightly and told me that she would never abandon me in her life.
The more I am afraid of being discarded, the more things happen. Once at school, because my classmate drank my water cup, I was so angry that I smashed the water cup at her, and nosebleed was smashed out.
Yuexia came and paid the medical expenses for the injured children and apologized to them in a humble manner.
And my "cleanness obsession" gradually emerged. I started to have no friends, and I was alone in everything I did, and my personality gradually became arrogant.
Until I was 15 years old, I went to junior high school and had no good friends.
3
Junior high school went to school and started staying overnight. Due to the limited school facilities, two people had to work together a bed, one with a quilt and the other with a mattress.
I don’t want to, I dislike the people who are fighting with me for body odor. He even said in front of everyone that there was a strange smell on her body, and the girl sobbed quietly by me.
When Yuexia found out, she pulled me and forced her to apologize to the girl. I didn't want to, so she dragged me into the corridor and told me that I would hide my bad habits in the future, and not have conflicts with anyone, and not cause any trouble for her.
I cried, "Is it me not your biological child? You just dislike me, you just want to abandon me like your father."
Yuexia slapped me in the face in anger. I cried louder, attracting the students around me to watch. The parent of the girl who was scolded for being weirdly pulled Yuexia and said, "No need to apologize." Later, they took the initiative to propose to the teacher to move to the dormitory next door.
Since then, I have doubts about Yuexia’s love.
At the end of the term, I still entered the top three in the school with excellent results and received a scholarship of 800 yuan set by the school.
Yuexia came to the parent-teacher meeting and received praise, with a smile on her face. But on the way back, we heard a gossip, "Nannuan inherits the genes of her biological parents, so she is so smart. How could Yuexia teach well?"
Both of me and Yuexia didn't speak along the way.
During that time, I had the habit of writing diaries. The diary was full of guesses about my biological parents: Are they teachers? Or a doctor? They should be in good condition, but why should I leave me behind? Maybe they also have a cleanliness obsession. Will they get more respect if they live with them?
Yuexia seemed to have forgotten what she said to me at the beginning of school. She told everyone that my daughter is promising. She still chooses to hide my bad habits and never mention them to outsiders.
As long as you eat and sleep at home, Yuexia still prepares bowls for me as usual.
When I was in high school, the class division of liberal arts and science was about to be reached, but I secretly applied for art. I didn’t have any talent for art, but because I was chasing stars at that time, I felt that learning art would be closer to them.
At that time, both in the eyes of teachers and parents, art students were all useless and had to spend more tuition. And it is undoubtedly a pity for them to abandon liberal arts and science.
Teacher and Yuexia agreed to let me study science, and only then can I have a way out.
During that time, I had an argument with Yuexia again, blaming her for not giving me this little power, and even saying that she just couldn't bear to spend money on me. If it was the biological daughter, would she still object in this way?
At that time, Yuexia was already in her forties and had already consumed all her youth on me. She had never said that I was not my biological child. Only I stimulated her again and again.
In the end, Yuexia couldn't persuade me and agreed to sign up for an art class.
Because of the "idle life" of the art class, I was finally tired of it. After studying for a semester, I found Yuexia again. Yuexia said, I finally figured it out, it was still time, it was too late.
After she discussed with the teacher, the school made an exception for me and allowed me to switch to the science class halfway. Maybe because of my good foundation, I still got into college even after a semester.
When I saw the joy on Yuexia's face after getting the college admission letter, my heart was sad.
even if you are your biological mother, you can only do these things.
4
2010, I went to college. It’s more than a thousand kilometers away from home in college, and I can’t go home until the winter and summer vacations.
The first winter vacation, my father suddenly came back. At that time, Yuexia had white hair on her temples and her skin became sallow. My father has been gone for decades, and the years have left traces of old age on his face.
As for why he suddenly came back, Yuexia didn't ask, and I didn't mention it either.
At that time, I often heard people say that my father had no children outside, it was not that Yuexia could not have children, but that it was my father's problem. My dad chose to come back at this time, but he couldn't make money when he was old and his lover ran away.
Yuexia also ignored these rumors. She still said the same thing, just come back.
Sometimes, I burst into tears as I thought about it. Over the years, Yuexia can clearly remarry and have a child of her own. Instead of worrying about my food, clothing and expenses all day long, I worry about my cleanliness.
When I was in college, she often told me to make more friends, and to have more friends and more ways.
She has long regarded me as her biological daughter. In fact, in my later study and life, my "cleanness obsession" was gradually overcome, thanks to Yuexia.
After his father came back, he has been with Yuexia. Now he has stopped working as a construction worker and has been digging and planting trees for people in the village.
At that time, all the farmlands in our village were planted in beech , and every household was very busy every day.
You will get some income for digging trees for people every day. My father gave all the money to Yuexia, perhaps because he wanted to make up for the regrets he had when he was young.
occasionally he would call me a few times and ask me if I was doing well and whether I was used to eating. I could hear from the phone that he and Yuexia had a good relationship, maybe Yuexia never cared about it.
In my sophomore year, Yuexia suddenly called me and said something happened to my dad and asked me to go back quickly. I hurriedly asked for leave from the counselor and flew back. By the time I arrived at the emergency room , he was declared dead.
He has been absent from my life for more than ten years, but when I heard this news, I still couldn't help crying.
Yuexia said that since he came back, he has been digging trees day and night. That day, he felt a little uncomfortable, and Yuexia asked him to go to the hospital for a look. He said it was okay, just take a nap.
At night, he ate a little ice watermelon and Yuexia was watching a TV series. He went to throw the watermelon peel after eating. Then he never came back. When Yuexia went out to look for her, she found that she was sitting in the corner of the wall and was motionless.
Yuexia hurriedly called for someone, and when she was sent to the emergency room, the doctor said she didn't need to save her, and the person was gone.
Yuexia didn't believe it and kept telling me that she clearly heard the sound of him opening the door and throwing the watermelon peel, and he said that it would be fine after a night's sleep, why was it gone?
From my dad's return to his complete departure, they only had two years together. In the days afterwards, Yuexia is another person.
5
After my father left, Yuexia seemed to have lost her soul. Maybe he will never come back in his life, and Yuexia still has a thought. Now that the person has left, there is nothing left.
In 2014, I graduated from college and took Yuexia to the rental house where I went to work.
I always felt like she was having a bad time. She told me several times that she was not used to living, she was too bored and always wanted to go back.
I was afraid that she would be thinking about it alone at home, so she would take her to watch movies and go shopping every day when she came back from work, but she still couldn't eliminate her loneliness.
In the end, Yuexia returned to the village. I also installed a camera at home. Every day during my spare time, I would talk to her.
yuexia opened a vegetable field at her doorstep and planted vegetables in the yard.
One day Yuexia called me and asked me if I wanted to find my biological parents. She said that many children were found on TV through the Internet and TV programs.
Yuexia also said that when she brought me back that year, the other party only gave me one copper lock , which said the date of birth. As for my biological parents, she had no idea. She said that the Internet is now developed, and if I want to find it, I will definitely find it.
so many years have passed, and Yuexia has never mentioned this to me. Maybe she saw my diary from that year, or maybe she has other plans.
I told her, what else do I care about my biological parents? Isn’t Yuexia my biological mother?
She mentioned it several times later, and I promised her that I would never look for it in my life. Since they threw it away, why should I humiliate myself to find them?
And I have Yuexia now, Yuexia is my only mother. I told her not to mention this matter in the future. Since then, Yuexia has indeed not mentioned it again.
Another two years later, I got married. My partner is my colleague and fellow villager, Ding Yuan. Every time he returns to his hometown, he will go to see Yuexia and bring some food and clothing. She also often took Yuexia to play and took many photos of her.
He knew that Yuexia's cough was always incurable, so he asked someone to take her to see a famous old Chinese doctor. I took a few medications and it was quite effective.
He also has a good cooking skills, and Yuexia often praises him.
One morning, I was drying clothes, Ding Yuan was cooking in the kitchen, and Yuexia made a fire in the bathhouse. I listened to their conversation.
Ding Yuan said, "Mom, can you help us take care of Nuannuan when she has a baby?" Yuexia said happily as she listened, "Okay, give birth to a few more."
Later, Ding Yuan told me that in fact, he asked Yuexia to help take care of the baby because she was afraid that she would be lonely. With the child, she would get busy and would not think too much.Then I will hire a month nanny and , so Yuexia will not be tired.
A year after marriage, my baby was born, and Yuexia really couldn't let it go. She didn't let the confinement nanny do anything she could do, and she also taught the baby to speak and walk, just like she taught me back then.
Later, the child went to kindergarten, and Yuexia spent most of her time in her hometown. In her hometown, Yuexia picked up her small vegetable garden again and planted a lot of fresh vegetables.
Just had a heavy rain that day, Yuexia said that she would bring the vegetarian dishes she grew at home and cook them for Tiantian (my daughter's nickname) , and said that Tiantian loved to eat the vegetarian dishes she made.
I originally planned to ask Ding Yuan to pick her up, but she insisted on riding her bike and said she would arrive in an hour. I told her to be careful on the way.
At that time, I was working overtime at the company, and Ding Yuan was cooking at home, waiting for Yuexia to come. Tiantian also cheered on the side, "Grandma is here, I will bring me some delicious food."
But I waited until six o'clock in the evening. Before Yuexia came, I called and it showed that the phone was turned off. At that time, my heart began to panic. I asked Ding Yuan to look for it the same way, but I hurried home and looked at Tiantian.
About ten minutes later, a strange phone call came over. Tell me that Yuexia is in the hospital and come over quickly.
My hand holding the phone suddenly froze in the air and couldn't speak for a long time. It was Tiantian who helped me call and asked Ding Yuan to look back and take us to the hospital.
When I arrived at the hospital, I learned that she had a car accident.
Just had a heavy rain that day. The car she was riding was too fast and slipped on the downhill road. And that road was sparsely populated, and when someone discovered it, her blood had solidified.
But the dishes on the car are still intact.
I waited outside ICU for more than an hour. The rescue doctor came out and told me that I might not be able to save it. I have been brain-dead , and I have suffered multiple fractures in my head and a lot of bleeding in the skull.
I suddenly burst into tears. I begged the doctor to save her no matter how much money I spent, and she hasn't enjoyed her well yet. The doctor said that the best result is also vegetative.
I thought at the time, it’s okay for vegetatives, so I kept taking care of her, at least I could watch her every day.
But in the afternoon two days later, Yuexia still left and didn't even give me the chance to accompany her.
Ding Yuan comforted me, she missed my dad and wanted to reunite with him.
I cried so hard that I lost my tears. I haven't closed my eyes much for several days and nights. I am so haggard that I just can't figure out how Yuexia could leave.
even in the following years, I still didn't believe in the fact that Yuexia left. Those days with her were like yesterday.
Tiantian also often asks me, when will my grandmother come? Why haven't you come yet? Ding Yuan told her that grandma was tired and went to find grandpa.
Sometimes I cry as I think about it. Maybe just like Ding Yuan said, Yuexia missed my dad. In another world, they might have a cute baby who lives happily. ( Shen Yan/Wen )
(excerpted from WeChat official account National Story Plan )
