text/Han Meiyi
reader Aunt Chen’s experience, compiled and recounted in the first person:
01
“Half a month ago, my granddaughter celebrated her second birthday. My wife and I specially took the high-speed rail with the gifts we had prepared, and we were in time. Before my son and daughter-in-law got off work, I went to their house.
Originally, I thought that the family would go directly to the restaurant, book a private room, briefly decorate it, and then go to the amusement park to play after dinner, and buy some for my granddaughter. Some clothes, snacks, toys, whatever she wants, I will definitely stick to her that night and try to give her an unforgettable birthday. After all, a child’s childhood is very short. What can be given to her and allowed to experience All good things satisfied her.
However, due to my daughter-in-law's "protest", my plan was finally abandoned.
My daughter-in-law felt that it was okay if she had this intention, but her granddaughter was still just a child, so there was no need to be so extravagant and wasteful for her. There is no need to pamper her so much. As long as she can be happy, it is the same for birthdays at home. Instead of spending so much money on a birthday, my wife and I might as well save the money and buy one for my granddaughter in the future. The school supplies are all good.
Listening to my daughter-in-law’s nagging, instead of being angry, I felt warm in my heart: My daughter-in-law has been married for six years. She is very independent and has her own ideas. Over the years, she has Not only has the family become better and better, but it has also made my son visibly motivated and stable. Even my little granddaughter has been made sensible, lively and polite.
In order to express my recognition and respect for my daughter-in-law. Thank you. After my granddaughter blew out the candles, I did two things: First, I gave my granddaughter a passbook with 200,000 yuan saved for her. From now on, every year on her birthday, my wife and I will go into it. I saved 100,000 yuan; the second was , and I gave my daughter-in-law a house purchase contract . It was a 140-square-meter house that my wife and I bought in full. It was written in the names of my son and daughter-in-law.
My " "Big deal" surprised both my son and daughter-in-law, especially my daughter-in-law. She declined repeatedly, claiming that they had nothing. Although it was a bit stressful, they were still young and could still work hard for many years. They understood my wife and I's wishes. , but she really can't accept the bankbook and the house, because they were not earned by herself, and it is not practical to spend or live in them.
Seeing my daughter-in-law’s sensible but polite attitude, I couldn’t explain how I felt. After thinking about it, I smiled and asked: Xiaoqian, are you still angry with your mother? Mom sincerely regards you as family now. If you also sincerely call me mom, then don’t refuse anymore, okay?
02
Why is it so "humble" if I give you something?
still has to start from six years ago.
At that time, my son and daughter-in-law were discussing marriage. However, because of my daughter-in-law’s family background, I did not agree to the marriage.
My family only has one son and one child. I am a career editor and my wife is in business. Although the family conditions are not particularly good, they are already doing well in this third-tier city in the south. My daughter-in-law, from a rural family, has one brother and one child. Brother, apart from being better educated than my son, there is nothing he can offer that is “evenly matched” with mine.
I don’t expect my son to find an excellent daughter-in-law. At least he should be a good match for my family. In this way, a lot of unnecessary trouble can be saved. After all, marriage is a matter between two families, and they have similar conditions. , it is easier to chat and spend time together.
However, his son couldn't listen. He felt that character and ability were more important than family background. A daughter-in-law was perfect for him! Although the conditions at my daughter-in-law's family are not good, it is already very good to be able to come out of the countryside on her own and have a decent job in a city (a new first-tier city)!
"Mom, don't think that she wants to marry me just for our family's money! To be honest, if you think she is not good enough for me now, wait four or five years and you will see that your son may not be as good as her." Yeah! Everyone is poor. Counting back three generations, everyone has suffered a lot! A girl who is pragmatic, not vain, and dares to fight is better than those pampered young ladies. What should I marry? I know better than you how this kind of woman lives, so please don’t interfere with me!"
Seeing that my son insisted on doing this, I didn’t need to say more, so I expressed my position: Since you have your own pursuits and integrity, If you don’t let the family take care of it, then don’t bother your dad and me before and after! You can marry whoever you want, but I won't help you with any money!
My son thought I was unreasonable at first. How can any parent not worry about his child's marriage at all? It's not easy for him to meet someone he really likes. If I don't want to take care of anything and rely entirely on him, then what will he do to marry the girl he loves? On the surface, I stopped interfering, but in fact, I was forcing him to break up in disguise!
My explanation for this is simple: Didn’t you say that girl was trying to figure you out? Are you treating him well? In this case, as long as you are together, isn't it true? As for the house, car, and bride price, the two of you will slowly earn it from now on. If she can stand the test and is the one who lives with you wholeheartedly, she will definitely be willing to accompany you from scratch!
I originally thought that by doing this, my son or daughter-in-law would be able to give up. Unexpectedly, instead of "surrendering", they firmly received the marriage certificate.
Just like that, I didn’t pay any money for my son’s marriage. I didn’t even organize the wedding. The parents just sat down and had a meal together, and my son paid for the meal.
After getting married, my son and daughter-in-law stayed at their workplace. Although it was a little far away from home, they would give some "signs" during holidays. Sometimes they would come back to take a look when they had a long break during holidays.
I thought that my daughter-in-law would hate me when my son got married and I didn’t get anything. After all, in the eyes of many daughter-in-laws, their parents-in-law are born to pay for them. It is difficult for a person like me who has nothing to do without arousing hatred, but My daughter-in-law does not. She has always been very calm and decent. My son said that what she buys for her parents, how many red envelopes she gives, and she gives me and my wife the same "treatment". Not only that, every time she comes back with her son, When we were supposed to greet us, she didn't miss a word. When we were supposed to help, she was also very discerning. When we chatted with her, she would smile and say a few words. When we stopped talking to her, she would be quiet. Quietly, there was no hint of any unhappiness or resentment at all.
When her daughter-in-law was seven months pregnant, she and her son quietly bought a 73-square-meter second-hand house. Why should
be silent?
Their savings from working for many years were not enough for the down payment of the house, so they needed to borrow some more money from friends around them. In order not to worry their parents, and in order not to make their parents think that they wanted some support in a "disguised" way, they Bought a house quietly.
My wife and I didn’t know that our daughter-in-law had bought a house until they were about to give birth. At that time, my wife advised me that my daughter-in-law has been hard-working and progressive in her work and devoted and generous to her family. Now that she has children, I should no longer be on guard against her and should help her and her son. , still want to help.
To be honest, even if my wife doesn’t tell me, I know that I should change.
Let’s not talk about “people’s hearts change people’s hearts”. Over the years, my daughter-in-law has accompanied her son all the way. Not only has she never complained about my wife and I “sitting aside,” but instead, our relationship with our son has become better and better because of our hard work together. , if she didn’t really run to live her life, how could she persevere?
After my granddaughter was born, in order to show that I had made concessions, I transferred 50,000 yuan to my son and asked him to find a confinement wife, or a confinement center to take care of my daughter-in-law and granddaughter. At the same time, I also offered: If he If my daughter-in-law and I are willing, I can go over and help take care of the children, but the condition is that they don't live together and rent me a house in the same community.
My son is very happy. He feels that I have finally "enlightened" and finally accepted his wife.
However, after he was happy, his son tactfully said that he and his daughter-in-law had discussed it. Since they are the children's parents, they should be the most responsible for the children. No matter how hard or tiring they are, they will bear it without any complaints.
I actually understand in my heart that my daughter-in-law must have felt that since she never received any funding from me at the beginning, she would continue to live like this without any debt to each other. She is such an independent and stubborn person, and it is so difficult to buy a house. You have begged me, how could you give in so easily now?
My daughter-in-law is a confinement nanny. After the confinement period, in order to save some money, she and her son found a nanny who did not live at home. Until now, the nanny helps take care of the children during the day, and she and her son take care of them at night. Spend time with your children together.
To be honest, I admire my daughter-in-law's "backbone". She is indeed as ambitious and capable as my son said. When she was looked down upon by my mother-in-law, she did not blindly please or compromise, nor did she blame others. Instead, she kept her head down, worked hard quietly, and used her actions to "slap me in the face", proving to me that not all Phoenix girls are just after money, and not all those who are not in the right family can survive. Go down.
Of course, what I admire most about her is that as a woman, she knows that career is the foundation of a woman. Even if life is so difficult after having children, she grits her teeth and would rather give her salary to a nanny. I didn’t quit my job to take care of my kids full time.
I really admire such a woman, who dares to be cruel to herself, understands what she wants from beginning to end, and works ten times, or even a hundred times, for it.
With such a woman as my son’s wife and granddaughter’s mother, I firmly believe that this family’s life will not be any worse!
It is precisely because of this that after I had my granddaughter, I gradually changed my attitude, and even proactively and somewhat humbly offered my daughter-in-law "good things": calling her from time to time, asking her to take care of her health, and making an appointment with her in advance. Every time I go to see my granddaughter, I pack a lot of money. Every time I leave, I give her a big red envelope. I occasionally transfer some money to her in the name of "don't treat my granddaughter badly." However, if the amount exceeds 2,000, everything will be transferred to her. returned.
I respect my daughter-in-law’s sense of propriety, but at the same time I don’t want to become more and more estranged from her. After all, a good daughter-in-law is hard to come by, and a good woman will influence three generations!
After much thought, my wife and I feel that we need to be "tougher". Our son and daughter-in-law can choose not to support us, but as the elderly, we can also choose to help as much as we can. After all, no matter how much we earn, In the end, we are still making contributions to our children and grandchildren. Since our son and daughter-in-law are reliable, why should we be more careful?
Just like that, after much consideration, my wife and I got a passbook for my granddaughter before her second birthday. At the same time, we quietly went to the city where my son and daughter-in-law lived a few times and bought them a house in a pretty good location. House of.
03
Under the persuasion of my son and me, my daughter-in-law finally accepted my kindness and claimed to keep it temporarily. When her granddaughter is older, she will give the house to her granddaughter.
I smiled and patted her shoulder. You don’t have to think so much, and you don’t have to be too burdened. For a child like you, my mother believes in you! Mom can rest assured that I will leave this home to you!
That night, our whole family laughed happily in the small house of my son and daughter-in-law. After thinking about it, it was really the happiest and most enjoyable day for me in so many years.
I know, there must be people who say that I am a "weed": In the past, I disliked my daughter-in-law and felt that she was not good enough for us. I ignored her and was wary of her. Now, seeing that she has become capable, she buys a house and gives me money, and I smile. The "flattery" that greeted each other was so snobbish.
I don’t deny that I do have such thoughts, but isn’t this human nature? What parent doesn’t want his or her children to live well and be happy?
If they know that their children and their children’s partners are unreliable, or that the mud cannot hold them up, then why do parents still do everything to help? Doing so will only make the children lazier and nibbling more naturally. Once you help less or don't help, it will only cause endless resentment from the children;
On the contrary, if the child or the child's friend has If you have the ability to run your family better and better, why should you be on guard anymore? Or why do we have to watch the children in trouble and do nothing? As a parent, I don’t seek to do everything for myself, but I do try my best to help out as much as possible. After all, when everyone adds fuel, the flame will grow higher.
In fact, in many cases, it is not that a good mother-in-law cannot meet a good daughter-in-law, nor that a good daughter-in-law cannot meet a good mother-in-law, but that neither the mother-in-law nor the daughter-in-law have the right attitude.
When you only focus on improving and managing yourself, and do not place too high expectations on others, and do not place all your expectations for a good life on the "help" of others, then sooner or later, what you expect will come true Respect, care and love will come one by one.
In this world, no one should pay for you unconditionally, not even your parents. If you are selfish and lazy, they will sometimes dislike you.
If you want others to accept you and affirm you, you must first have the ability to impress others. "
