"When will I get better?" This is a question that many patients with depression and anxiety will repeatedly mention. They will find their differences from their current behaviors compared with their previous performance. For example, they used to like exercise, but now they are more willing to lie in bed; in the past, they always gather with friends, but now they don't want to say a word.
A patient friend said: "I always compare myself unconsciously with the past. After each comparison, I feel more sad and desperate. I complain about what I did wrong and why I caught up with this disease? When will I get better? Then I get stuck in this mood and cannot come out, and then I feel that my condition is getting worse and worse."
This is a psychological process that many patients will experience. They are eager to get better quickly, and then they constantly compare themselves with the past, hoping to find clues to prove that they are getting better soon, but things often go against their wishes. It is precisely because they are too worried about "whether they are getting better", and their focus is often more likely to focus on "or are the same" or even "becoming and worse" details.
In fact, when we start to expect our "good" behavior, we have already derived the opposite "bad" part in our hearts, and there is an opposition situation in our hearts. Therefore, when we distinguish our behavior from "good" and "bad", we are already judging ourselves.
A large part of the reason for suffering from depression and anxiety comes from our "judgment" of ourselves. When we always think that we have not done better, when we are stuck in a mistake and cannot jump out, when we reject other people's requests, we will easily doubt ourselves, thinking that we are too lazy, too bad, and too selfish, and then we will fall into negative emotions, which will lead to psychological pressure.
Therefore, we must learn to stop "comparing" with our past self and accept our current self.
So, if we develop negative emotions, how should we face it?
Let’s first take a look at Ms. Li’s situation.
Ms. Li has been suffering from depression for a year. During this year, she will always feel powerless on one day. It seems that there is nothing unusual that day, but she just wants to do nothing and just lie in bed.
I asked her, "What do you think of your emotions at that time?"
Ms. Li thought seriously for a while, but shook her head and said, "I don't know either."
After a period of consultation, I learned that Ms. Li was not allowed to express emotions in her original family, especially negative emotions. She said, "When I was a child, I was unhappy and uncomfortable, my parents always changed the topic. I think they didn't like me to say these things, so I won't say them in the future."
Many people have similar experiences with Ms. Li, so they did not develop the ability to distinguish emotions when they were young. Therefore, even if they had negative emotions, they would be very irritable because they didn't know what was wrong with them?
(It is recommended that patients with depression and anxiety go and read the two books "Presist Depression" and "Emotional Self-help")
So, whether it is irritable, sad, angry, or other negative emotions come, we must keep a normal mind and accept them.
We can take several sets of deep breaths, talk to negative emotions in one breath, and tell it: "I see you coming, I accept you, I will be with you."
Seeing is healing. When we see negative emotions, their power has begun to decrease.
Each of us is valuable. Our value is not reflected in how many assets we have, nor in how high social status we have. Putting aside these added value, that is what we mean.
Therefore, even if we are now among patients, we have value and are worthy of being cared for and loved by others. However, first of all, we need to accept ourselves first and care for ourselves first.
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