There is a saying in psychology that trauma is everywhere.
Even if you are a very lucky person and have never experienced a pain that will last a lifetime, you will always experience various invisible traumas.
For example:
Every time you make a choice in life, it means that you also lose another, perhaps more exciting possibility.
Every time I spend a fulfilling and unforgettable day, at some point many years later, I feel a sense of sadness that I no longer have youth.
Those who have lost the beauty of and the changes in the world will inevitably leave gray traces on the annual rings of the years.
But we often see that people have completely different attitudes towards trauma, large and small:
Some people try their best to ignore the pain, and they are drunk now.
Some people have been living in painful memories and are repeatedly tortured by memories.
Some people completely give up the fight against their tragic fate and place all their hopes on the afterlife.
Some people also choose to temporarily forget the pain, fill their memories with happiness, and move forward happily with pain.
What exactly determines people’s reactions? Which of these reactions is the effective response that can allow us to truly get rid of the impact of trauma and have a better life?
In the book "Zimbardo Time Perspective Therapy", Zimbardo, a psychologist known as "the image and voice of contemporary psychology", explains the concept of time perspective and proposes: Establishing a balanced time perspective is an effective way to get out of trauma and have happiness and hope.
1. Your view of time is silently affecting your life.
Outstanding memory and thinking ability make us humans naturally sensitive to time compared to other species.
For example, you can clearly recall a specific scene ten years ago without spending much effort. You can also just sit here quietly and let your thoughts wander in your imagination of the distant future.
The past, present and future are three subjective time zones for people. Through this rope of time, everyone connects their own experiences to form a basic view of the world and life.
Various factors in life, such as different cultures, beliefs, experiences, etc., will affect people's understanding of time.
Zimbardo, who has lived in a slum since he was a child, has been influenced by the current life attitude of the people around him. There is a famous saying in his hometown: "Fate arranges everything." People living here rarely worry about the future and have no habit of making long-term plans.
In China, we advocate more preparation for a rainy day. Many people stay away from their hometowns, work hard and save money, and would rather give up their current family affection and happiness for the distant future.
Obviously, this corresponds to two different views of time.
Time shapes people’s experience
But no matter how we understand time, we all live between past experiences and future expectations. Zimbardo once proposed a formula: actions that have taken place + actions that are about to take place = current experience.
When actions are performed as expected, people will feel good about themselves. For example, if you finish reading a book according to the plan you made before, you will get a sense of accomplishment.
When the results of actions deviate from the expected track, people will have negative feelings. For example, if you stay up late to watch football and miss the next day's work and are criticized by your boss, you will feel guilty and regard your previous actions as a mistake, reminding yourself to avoid it in the future.
Just because time shapes people's experience, the concept of time also strongly affects people's thinking, emotions and behaviors, constitutes everyone's different lifestyle, and affects people's response to trauma.
2. 6 typical views of time, which one do you prefer?
By observing different interviewees’ understanding of time, psychologists summarized the six most common views of time based on people’s understanding of the meaning of the past, present and future.
There are two views on time in the past, namely "past positive" and "past negative".
People with a positive view of time in the past will feel happy when they look back on the past, so they are happy to miss the good past.
People who have been negative in the past are more likely to think of the mistakes they made, the regrets they encountered, and other negative traumatic experiences.
's two views on time are "now enjoyment" and "now destiny".
present enjoyment makes people focus on current happiness and novel experiences, and are willing to ignore the pain of the past and future for them.
Nowadays, fatalistic people regard everything as the arrangement of the hand of fate, and believe that letting nature take its course is the best choice at this moment.
's view of time in the future is future-oriented and beyond-future-oriented.
Future-oriented people value the effectiveness of plans and believe that by implementing plans, they can change their lives in the future.
Beyond future-oriented people, they believe that this life is just a prelude to the next life, and place their good hopes on the world after death.
Past orientation, present orientation and future orientation
Everyone's time perspective is gradually formed under the influence of a specific cultural environment and life experience, and is often not a single one, but tends to a combination of certain types, but it can be roughly divided into past orientation, present orientation and future orientation.
In life, when we encounter problems and need to make choices and actions, past-oriented people often rely on memory and experience;
present-oriented people like to make decisions based on current interests and rarely consider long-term consequences;
and future-oriented people pay more attention to long-term costs and benefits, and use future expectations as the basis for current decisions.
Time perspective reflects the inner world
A person's time perspective will have a lasting impact on his/her quality of life. In turn, a person's emotional response will also be reflected in his/her time perspective.
For example, people suffering from depression and anxiety disorders generally hold a strong negative time view of the past, a strong fatalistic time view of the present, and a weak future time view.
In order to test a person's time perspective, you can use the "Zimbardo Time Perspective Scale" tool. Through it, the subject can understand the inner world of himself or others, and further change his or her own time perspective to repair damaged emotions and improve happiness.
3. Establish a balanced view of time, and your life will be very different.
Zimbardo Time View Therapy was originally a new method used to treat post-traumatic stress disorder . Its goal is to help clients get rid of the impact of severe trauma by establishing a balanced view of time. But for people who have not yet reached the level of post-traumatic stress disorder, using this method can also be used to cope with traumatic experiences and improve the quality of life.
Why do traumas many years ago continue to affect later life? The answer of the author
is that the negative experiences in the past are so heavy that they are like an elephant standing on a seesaw, pushing the seesaw far towards the past. As a result, the time system loses its balance, and there is almost no room for the present and the future.
Now is the fulcrum that changes life
How to restore the balance of the seesaw? The key is to find the only pivot point - now.
You must have had this feeling. When you are in a good mood and everything goes well, you will feel very satisfied with your past life and have full confidence in the future.
And when your mood becomes bad and life encounters obstacles everywhere, you will complain about your bad luck and feel that the future is gloomy.
It can be seen that although the past and future cannot be changed, the actions we take at this moment can not only change our current self and world, but also change our feelings about the past and future.
The author believes that we should strive to achieve a more hopeful view of time: a positive view of time in the past, a specific view of hedonic time in the present, and a positive view of time in the future.
A positive view of time in the past
Research has found that people who often remember happy and wonderful experiences in the past will respond to the present with positive memories. They live happier and healthier lives and feel less anxious.
In fact, everyone has experienced positive and negative events, but some people's positive memories are overshadowed by strong negative memories.
What we have to do is to replace bad memories with good memories. Of course, we do not need to reject those bad memories. We should learn from them and then temporarily store them.
Through breathing relaxation and meditation, recall and feel those real happy moments in the past, make good experiences clear, gradually change the focus of memories, and gain a sense of time that "the past was not bad".
Specific present view of time for enjoyment.
The so-called "specific" refers to living appropriately in the present moment and enjoying the pleasure of the present moment without being addicted to it.
Many people are used to delaying enjoyment, always saying "let's wait until we are done with this matter", but things will never be finished, and if we cannot relax and stop and feel the present, we will not be able to obtain happiness.
It is not advisable to completely ignore the future time perspective. The realization of long-term goals often requires enduring the pressure of delaying the satisfaction of . Making choices now also requires evaluating the long-term impact.
It is best to leave appropriate time for yourself and do some simple and happy things, such as having dinner with your family, walking into nature to feel the sunshine and breeze, playing with pets, etc. This will help us feel the meaning of life and improve our mental toughness.
A positive view of time in the future
The future is the other end of the seesaw. Having positive expectations and imagination for the future can balance the painful memories of the past, giving people positive emotions and gaining the motivation to work hard to achieve their ideals.
The specific method is to relax and meditate through breathing, and imagine a certain moment in the future, where you are, who you are with, and what you are doing... Let your imagination penetrate into every detail, such as smell, color, and temperature, and feel the real emotions.
then Make a clear and feasible plan for the goal and start implementing it from now on. In the process of approaching and achieving the goal, a balanced view of time will continue steadily.
The past, present and future are the most intuitive feelings that time gives people, and they are also the intertwined picture of time and life.
The past is the root of life and the basis of identity; the future of
is the challenge that will be faced and the destination that is about to go;
is now the foothold for exploring and changing one's own world and the external world.
There is a metaphor of "river of time" in the book: everyone's life is like a river that merges into the sea. It has a specific channel. When the river flows through different terrains, it shows different flow speeds and changing postures.
Happiness, trauma, tragedy and comedy, all life experiences are like gravel and debris rolled up by the river. Sometimes they will temporarily block the river, but eventually the river of time will cross here and rush to the vast plains, embracing infinite new scenery. But those obstacles remain in place and can no longer influence the direction of the river.
What really affects our lives is not what happened, but how we treat the events that happened: whether we focus on trauma and loss, or on hope and possessions.
I hope that after reading this book, you will form some new understandings of the meaning of time, leave the trauma in the past, grasp the fulfilling present, and welcome the surprises of the future.
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