Many parents are troubled by their children's mental illness. Parents often ask me: Teacher Yun'er, do you think their children can get better? I really want to give up, I don’t want to care anymore, just do whatever you want! This involves a question. If a child with mental illness is ignored, can he get better on his own?
I am here to talk about the term resilience , which is the self-healing ability of people that I have been telling parents before.
When the famous psychologist Laura Burke talked about the impact of biological factors and environmental factors on human growth, she talked about two cases: the growth experiences of John and his best friend Gary. The growth experiences of the two of them were almost the same, but their subsequent development was very different.
Teacher Yun'er
They were all born in a shabby, crime-ridden place. When they were 10 years old, they all experienced family conflicts and the divorce of their parents. They all spent their childhood and adolescence raised by single mothers. Both men dropped out of high school and were often in and out of the police station for various violations.
However, as they grew older, John and Gary embarked on different development paths. At the age of 30, the unmarried John became the father of two children. He often drank heavily, had no regular job, and often went to jail. Gary later returned to school and was admitted to a university to study automotive mechanics. He became a boss, owning a gas station and a car repair company. He got married and had two children. Gary worked hard to earn money to support his family and lived a happy life.
Many studies have shown that risk factors in the environment increase a child's likelihood of developing mental illness in the future. According to this theory, both John and Gary would develop severe mental illness. But why was Gary able to get out of trouble and develop in a healthy direction? The author coined the term resilience.
Teacher Yun'er
Resilience refers to the ability to effectively cope with adversity in development. Many studies have found that some people avoid negative consequences, while others develop various psychological problems. Researchers have summarized four favorable factors for resilience:
1. Personal characteristics. People are a system. This system has strong error correction capabilities, just like some small wounds will heal on their own, and small psychological pressure will resolve themselves.
Before the 1990s, that is, in the 1970s and 1980s, our village was a suburb of the urban-rural fringe. There were many factories and companies in the north of the village, as well as a goods yard. My earliest memory should be around 1978, when villagers went to steal diesel from the oil company's oil tank trucks. The adults stole it, while the children looked at their own oil barrels in some corners. Almost every household in the village has a diesel barrel, uses diesel stoves to cook, and uses diesel to light oil lamps. As a result, every child's nostrils are filled with black oily smoke when they go to school in the morning.
After I went to elementary school, many students went to school with various ball inner tubes to play. I never saw any basketball, football, or volleyball balls. They were just inner tubes. There are also various things that parents have stolen back and then taken to school for their children to play with, which makes other children very envious and ask them where they got them? Said it was in the goods yard. There are also people who steal scallions, onions, garlic sprouts, etc. from vegetable companies, and children eat them while nibbling steamed buns. There are also those who go to some factories to steal scrap metal and sell it for money, and groups of children go to stores to steal fruits, sugar cane, etc. What was very strange was that a group of children entered the store, and when they came out, one person came out carrying a piece of sugar cane. The salesperson didn't know what he was doing.
Teacher Yun'er
When our children grew up, none of them became thieves. Of course, there are also many children of this age in villages in the suburbs who have become thieves and robbers and been sentenced, but they are only a minority.
Now that I think about it, most people are indeed resilient. In the cases I have guided, some people with mild depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and even schizophrenia have gradually moved towards a normal life as they grow older and the environment changes.
remembers the years when I first started working. There would be one or two children in every class who were not very smart. Of course, now it is impossible to say whether they have psychological problems. However, it is definitely not normal. There are some problems in various aspects including study, relationship with classmates, etc. It should be said that it is not a serious psychological problem. Such children will be able to work normally, get married and have children when we see them again a few years after graduation. Some of their children are now in junior high school, high school, or college. This further proves that people do have strong resilience, or that some children mature later, perhaps in one or more aspects.
Teacher Yun'er
2. Good parental relationship
In the cases I coach, I attach great importance to a good family atmosphere. Generally speaking, as long as the relationship between parents is good, especially if the father can take care of the family, love his wife, be considerate, communicate with me humbly, and continue to learn and progress, the child's psychological recovery will be very fast. Some children's medications can be stopped completely. The right kind of care is worth more than a thousand dollars of medicine.
If the relationship between parents is tense, the husband and wife are noisy every day, or even the relationship between the husband and wife breaks down, and the father is playing with women outside, staying out at night, etc., it will cause serious harm to the child's mental health, which is simply adding insult to injury.
The reason why I do family system coaching is because I see that without a good family atmosphere, there is almost no possibility of recovery for children. In particular, some parents see that their children are all wrong, and they always want to correct their children. However, if this continues, the parent-child relationship will inevitably become tense. How can such a tense parent-child relationship guide their children out of the predicament?
Some parents say that he doesn't study every day, plays on his mobile phone, and spends money randomly. Shouldn't they say that? You must say it, but your statement is incorrect and your opportunity to talk to him is incorrect. You need to know why he plays with his mobile phone and spends money randomly. You must know how to establish a good parent-child relationship with your children. Only on the basis of a good parent-child relationship can you guide your children to view their own problems correctly.
Teacher Yun'er
The other two factors mentioned by Laura Burke are the support of social schools and communities. Due to the limitations of national conditions, we will not comment.
Let’s talk about it again, so if we completely give up on children with psychological problems and ignore them, can they eventually get better?
In fact, it is impossible for most children to get better on their own. Whether they have depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or schizophrenia, it is impossible for them to get better on their own. The so-called children who got better on their own were just anxious and depressed emotions caused by some practical problems at the time. For example, if you can't keep up with your studies, in the end, you won't have that pressure anymore if you don't go to school. Or it may be due to problems caused by a broken relationship, but then everything becomes normal when you find a suitable partner.
Every year, many children do not live with their parents. They only contact their parents when they ask for money, and they do not contact their parents at all other times. They live in a house by themselves, do not go out, do not go to school, do not work, and are isolated from the world. In this case, it is impossible for the child to get better on his own. Without the guidance of parents, he refuses drug treatment. In the end, it will not only lead to severe schizophrenia, autism, but also personality disorders and withdrawn personality. Some children will go to a dead end because of this, which is regrettable.
Teacher Yun'er
However, it cannot be said that mental illness will never recover. As long as the psychological counseling methods are appropriate and the drugs are symptomatic, all mental illnesses can be effectively controlled and normal life, work and study can be restored. Therefore, parents must have patience and confidence, and also be mentally prepared to fight for the long term. I have told many parents that as long as taking medicine can help him return to normal work and study life, this is not a serious problem.
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Well, that’s all for today’s story. My name is Yun'er. Welcome to continue watching "Everyone Must Understand Some Psychology". Thank you for your trust and support in Teacher Yun'er. Don't forget to give it a like! goodbye.
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