Lincoln When he served as the president of the United States, he was tolerant and upright. Some people are a little dissatisfied with Lincoln's attitude towards political enemies: "Why are you trying to make your political enemies become friends? You should find a way to fight and eliminate them."
Lincoln said gently: "Aren't I destroying political enemies? When I make them my friends, political enemies no longer exist."
Yes, so some people say that the best way to "win" the enemy is to turn the enemy into our friends. This is how you defeat people, and the same is true for defeating our "bad emotions".
Monica Brion's "I Overcome Bad Emotions" adheres to this concept, so that we should not blindly hate, ignore and suppress our bad emotions, but regard bad emotions as our friends, understand the positive meaning of bad emotions, pay attention to the valuable information conveyed by bad emotions, adjust our cognition and behavior in a timely manner, and heal ourselves.
"I defeated bad emotions"
"I defeated bad emotions" author Monica Briyon is a PhD in psychology in Canada. Psychological treatment is always performed for children and adults, and psychological counselors are trained and supervised. She is committed to psychological counseling for more than 40 years, with both theoretical and rich practical experience. She wrote "How Psychological Counseling Changes People" and scored 8.8 points on Douban. After reading these two books of her, I found that she combined professional knowledge with examples in life to make it easy to understand, which is suitable for people majoring in psychology and for ordinary people to read. As the author said: This book is dedicated to all those who love life, want to fully feel the beauty, and are willing to learn from pain.
"I Overcame Bad Emotions: Let Every Emotion Have Positive Meaning" interprets emotions from a scientific perspective, not only writing about the types of emotions and the causes of them, but also explains the relationship between emotions, feelings, thinking and the body. At the same time, it mentions many methods of self-healing, which are simple and practical.
Now, let’s go back to the question we are most concerned about, how to overcome bad emotions and turn them into our good friends?
Feel bad emotions
If you want to turn enemies into friends with bad emotions, you must first be able to feel bad emotions. This requires improving our emotional abilities and keen self-awareness.
The impact of emotions on people is physiological, it will cause changes in people's heartbeat, adrenaline , and even affect people's physiological functions. For example, when you are angry, you are blushed and cry when you are sad. Some emotions are relatively strong, and they can feel them, and others can see them. There are also some emotions that are very weak, others cannot see and they do not notice them themselves.
After my parents went to another place, I was very tired for a while and couldn't get excited about anything I did. One day after talking to my mother on the phone, I suddenly realized that my state was caused by lack of security and feeling lonely inside.
Although my husband and children are around, they cannot replace the love and understanding given to me by their parents. When I realized this problem, I began to adjust consciously, and my state gradually recovered. Therefore, feeling bad emotions is the first step to turn enemies into friends, and it is also the bond between our body and our heart.
Accept bad emotions
Monica Brion wrote in the book: "When you encounter setbacks, you feel anxious when you face difficulties, and you feel depressed after encountering pain... These are normal emotional reactions. They are part of life, just like joy, confidence and love." So don't think that bad emotions must be bad, it is also a part of our lives. If there is no sadness and sadness in life, there will be no joy and happiness. These are two aspects of a thing and depend on each other.
When we appear angry and sad, don’t rush to deny it and suppress it, but calm down and think about what makes us angry and sad. Such thinking points to the external environment.After finding the event that triggers emotions, ask yourself why I am angry. Then allow yourself to express your emotions in a reasonable way.
For example, there is an example in the book. A woman suffers from major depression. She takes care of her elderly and sick mother. Her mother is very picky about her and often blames her for some trivial matters. And she has five siblings who are unwilling to take care of her mother. The lady was filled with anger, but once this emotion emerged, she felt guilty and blamed herself, feeling that she shouldn't have done this. With the help of the consultant, she realized her emotions and saw her needs. Her power comes back when she allows herself to be angry and expresses her anger.
As the book says: "Everyone has the right to feel sad, and when attacked, there is the right to feel angry, and when feeling scarce, there is the right to be envious and jealous." Yes, although these emotions make us feel painful, they have positive meanings. At this time, bad emotions are our good friends, and their appearance is to help us understand ourselves better.
Change bad emotions
When we feel bad emotions and accept bad emotions, we must start to understand the valuable information conveyed to us by bad emotions, and thus come up with solutions.
1. Imagination thinking
Imagination thinking is more common in our daily lives. If we look out the window when we are riding a bus, but our thoughts are no longer aware of where we have to float: maybe we think of the children at home, maybe we think of similar situations.
Using imaginative thinking to deal with bad emotions is actually to empty your body and let our thoughts wander naturally. We can wander along the same emotions and think of the once unpleasant scenes. You can also float to the other side, another emotion, the more you are not controlled, the better the healing effect. This form can relieve tension inside our bodies and change the way we feel and think.
Dream is this unconscious thinking activity, and the human body, emotions and mind will meet in the dream.
Some dreams realize our subconscious desires, and some dreams deal with emotional events we experience in a waking state. For example, some people experience trauma, and their brains integrate trauma into long-term memory through dreams so that people can forget the trauma and continue to move forward. But sometimes the problem is too serious and the brain cannot do this. The painful trauma will turn the dream into a nightmare, and waking up is a manifestation of the failure of brain integration. Some people have nightmares repeatedly because they are mentally trying to solve problems. So don’t be unable to fall asleep because you are afraid of nightmares, so you miss a very important process of self-healing.
Dreaming can regulate some emotional problems, which sounds a bit incredible. But I want to say that not everyone has the ability to dream. To dream, people need to have a certain sense of inner security and be able to easily treat imaginary content. This sense of security and ease is closely related to childhood experiences.
2. is healed in relationships
Most of our bad emotions are generated in interpersonal relationships, so they can be relieved through interpersonal relationships.
When we feel bad emotions and we are powerless to change, we can ask our family, friends, and colleagues around us to talk to us and find help.
When a person feels understood and accepted, and feels that someone supports him in finding meaning from pain, he can cheer up and get out of pain.
There is a word in psychology called social support system, which refers to the material and spiritual help and support a person can obtain from others in his or her social relationship network. A good social support system can help us fight negative emotions because we can gain warmth, love, belonging and security in good relationships.
Therefore, in normal times, you should pay attention to your social support system, contact your family more, communicate more with friends, put your heart in mind, and be kind to others.
3
3. Change your own cognition.
People do not view reality in an absolutely objective way, but understand it based on the impact of reality on us and produce different emotions.
Just like everyone is facing the snow, some people are very happy because they think of building snowmen in the snow; some people are particularly unhappy because the snow is slippery and the road is so slippery that they cannot ride an electric bike to work. The walk is too slow and the taxi is too expensive.
And our view of things is influenced by our past experiences and experiences. Just like the unhappy person in the example above, he fell on an electric bike when it snowed before, so he especially disliked snow.
It is generally easier to adjust for such emotional problems. For example, self-suggestion: I am unhappy, but I still can't change the fact that it snows. When it snows, I get up early and walk to work. I can not only exercise, but also enjoy the snow scene, and also listen to my favorite books.
This step is that the brain eliminates our unhappiness by constructing meaning, and in this process, what actually changes is our cognition, our views and beliefs about something.
Simple emotional problems we can adjust ourselves, but some emotional problems that affect us for a long time, such as trauma, long-term insomnia, and tormented by depression and fatigue. These are difficult to change with our own strength, so we need to seek psychological treatment. The psychotherapy mentioned here is broad, including both counseling from psychologists and treatment from psychiatrists.
With the popularization of mental health knowledge, people are not completely rejecting psychological treatment. Some people think about psychological counseling and seeing a psychologist, just like when we are sick, we have to see a doctor. Therefore, if there is an emotional problem, it is also a good choice to ask professionals for help.
In short, "I Overcome Bad Emotions" made me re-understand the value of emotions to us, and better understand why we produce bad emotions, the special meaning of bad emotions to us, and how to deal with bad emotions. I hope that in the days to come, we can feel our emotions well and express them appropriately, and work with bad emotions to better adapt to the environment and gain happiness.
Hairong, a national third-level psychological counselor, likes reading and writing, and is willing to use words to describe the flowing years, remember the inner touch, share reading and parenting, please yourself, live up to time, and let us all live the way we like!
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-