There is such a fable that is heavy but thought-provoking: In ancient times, in a cold winter, a carpenter worked at the landlord's house while taking care of his children.

I am Weicheng Chaoyu, expressing my attitude towards life in words.

False empathy deviation : "Seeing others by yourself" may not be reliable Why do we confidently "Seeing others by yourself".

There is such a fable, which is heavy but thought-provoking: In ancient times, in a cold winter, a carpenter worked at the landlord's house while taking care of his children. The carpenter worked very hard and sweated profusely, so he took off his clothes one by one.

At this time, he suddenly thought of the child around him, for fear that the child would be hot, so he also took off all the children's clothes. As a result, the child was frozen to death. After reading this story, some friends may think that the carpenter is stupid, but this "stupidity" is a typical manifestation of false empathy bias.

People always inadvertently exaggerate the correctness of their opinions, and even give their own characteristics to others, imagining that everyone is the same as themselves. In this way, if they have suspicion, they will think that everyone around them is full of suspicion. This false empathy bias can enable you to gain self-esteem and superiority by firmly believing in your beliefs and judgments, but at the same time, it may also bring you decision-making and choice mistakes like that stupid carpenter.

So, what factors affect a person's false empathy bias? We can consider the following five aspects:

1. When the current behavior or event is very important to you in life, you may have heard such remarks: "The deeper love is, the stronger hatred is." When a couple breaks up, the previous love will be transformed into instant anger or long-term resentment. If you are their friend, one of them will always complain in front of you: "That guy is a heartless bastard! Isn't it?" They will firmly believe that you will also stand in the same camp with her and share the same hatred with them, even though you don't think so in your heart.

2. When you are very confident and firm in your opinion or opinion, someone who is quite sure about a question will naturally tend to think that others also have the same opinion and will not easily repent if they are refuted. For example, a high school student is particularly good at certain types of math application problems, which in the eyes of other students are difficult questions, and he can always quickly form a solution to the problem. And if he encounters a problem and is powerless to do anything, he will think that others will definitely not be able to do it. Even if some students have answered it, they will think it is wrong.

3. When your status and normal life are threatened by some kind of threat, if you face a major event, such as a major criminal case in your hometown, or your unit is going to conduct a large-scale personnel transfer, you will definitely pay special attention to these events in your heart, and think that others will also think that this matter is important and will hold the same view as you. In fact, whether it is your hometown or your unit, it is "your". Others may only care about it, but they won't care so much like you.

4. When it comes to a certain positive quality or personality, we always say "judging a gentleman's ambition by the heart of a villain", but the false perception of a false sense is just the opposite, and it is "judging a villain's ambition by the heart of a gentleman." For example, when a company is openly competing, many people always have psychological hints: "I think I have excellent work attitude and performance since I joined the company, and leaders and colleagues also see it, so no one will not choose me." In fact, we all know that no matter what environment we are in, due to differences in personality and other reasons, it is impossible for everyone to like you, and we have no reason to make everyone agree with us.

5. When you see others as similar to yourself, no matter where you are, when people get used to their own lifestyle, they will regard this habit as a matter of course. For example, in a modern society with developed science and technology, people are increasingly relying on computers in handling official duties and life and study. Convene video conferences in different places, publish notifications through information platforms, submit homework by email, etc.When people become more and more accustomed to this communication method, if they accidentally find that there are people around them without an email and use pen and manuscript paper when writing articles, they will be dumbfounded. Little do they know that they just ignored it, not everyone is the same as them.

Let false sympathy deviation return to the origin. Sometimes, in certain occasions and events, because false theoretical deviations are at work, it may cause some small troubles in interpersonal communication, but this does not mean that false theoretical deviations are a selfish and narrow-minded bad quality.

ultimately, it belongs to a human instinct. Since it is instinct, it is neutral, and there is no distinction between good and bad, humans themselves cannot avoid it. However, people can correctly use this law by understanding this theory, so that it can serve and benefit people.

First of all, don’t make subjective assumptions about other people’s opinions with preconceptions. When encountering certain things, you need to express your opinions or ideas, try to start from your own perspective and carefully consider it and express your opinions that are most suitable for you and best represent your own voice. Instead of sharpening your head and making roundworm in other people's belly, guessing what others think. Just imagine, if you guess correctly, it may increase your personal sense of accomplishment in a short period of time, but the long-term result is that such people will become suspicious of others because they are keen on pursuing this so-called sense of accomplishment.

. If you guess wrong, it will cause a psychological gap, affect your emotions, and thus affect the efficiency of work and study, which will not be worth the loss. More importantly, false empathy deviation is just an innate instinct, while subjective conjectures will cause this instinct to deviate from its original track and exaggerate it. Secondly, treat and respect other people’s different views objectively.

We should be aware that everyone’s ideas are different. You have the right to stick to your own opinions, but others do not have the obligation to agree with all your opinions. After understanding the theory of false empathy bias, we should look at our own views objectively and respect others' views tolerantly. If this can be truly done, even the enemy and us on the battlefield can become good brothers. Meeting on the battlefield is just because each of them is their own, but success or failure on the battlefield does not affect personal friendship. This will help people establish communication and dialogue channels, enhance mutual understanding, and deepen mutual friendship.

Finally, you must dare to accept other people’s rebuttals. In nature, there is the phenomenon of biodiversity ; in this large group of humans, there must be a phenomenon of diversified thoughts. No matter what occasion, when two or even a few people have a tit-for-tat view, you must dare to accept it and discuss the matter with the facts. Don’t think that this is a so-called personal attack, which will lead to unnecessary conflicts.

In fact, sometimes, it is a good thing to refute opinions. A good planning plan, an excellent TV program, and a novel and bold scientific idea are often produced after the participants are red in their arguments. As the saying goes, "branching ideas", if you want to stand out, you must allow to contend with . One person's words are usually untenable.

Therefore, face up to false sympathy bias and regard other people's rebuttals as a discussion of the problem. In work and study, people need this kind of "discussion". When people truly understand false empathy bias and can apply what they have learned, the "bias" in this law will return to the origin.

Author of this article: Chaoyu, a writer who keeps walking, has been on the road.