In most families in China, fathers are absent.
The absence here does not mean that the father is not by his side (such as a single-parent family or the father is not at home all year round), but rather that the father is missing from his father's nature represented by the role of "father" , or , or has a weak sense of existence .
Our cultural focus is always on mother-son relationships, and we also pay more attention to the mother who plays the role of caregiver, and weakens the role of father to a family economic provider.
and In fact, the role of "father" is not only a supporter, leader and gender role model for the child, but also a participant in the child's life, and bears the responsibility of raising, communicating, supporting, encouraging and responding to the child.
Some people will say, "Dad gets home on time every day, and he is also on weekends. But I rarely feel that my dad is at home. Mom controls everything at home. I want to eat and where to put clothes, and I can solve it when I find my mom.
And my father, in my impression, he is always the person sitting in a corner of the sofa, taciturn, watching my mother and I stage a love and killing scene. "
The father's lack of participation in the growth process of his children will lead to the "father's absence". During the growth process of the children, there is a lack of positive and healthy two-way interaction and care between parents and children, and the function of the role of "father" has not been well played.
refers to "insufficient participation" . Just like the above example, it does not mean that the father and the child are not living enough time, but more of it means that there is little interaction and communication between the child and the father.
You are all in the same space, but they do their own things, or the father will "appear" only when the child is in need, and the child is given but not educated.
How much is a father involved in his children's lives? He is closely related to his children's gender cognition, cognition and behavior, and intimate relationships as adults.
When a child lacks a "father" during his growth process, he may be affected some negatively in these aspects.
head First, in terms of gender cognition, father is the first and most important male image that children come into contact with during their growth.
In the development of children's gender cognition, both mothers and fathers will have an impact on the development of children's feminine and masculine traits. In a family, parents need to play different gender roles to help their children have basic gender role perceptions.
A boy usually gains male gender identity by "violating" his father, thereby gaining a sense of strength and self-confidence, and completing his own growth and maturity.
So, for the son, if the father he saw since childhood, was a male image with a cowardly personality, avoidance or inability to take on family responsibilities, and ignored the raising of children, then he may grow into a person with a similar personality to his father because he lacked mature male role models to identify with.
For the daughter, if she lacks a mature male image during her growth, she may overcompensately develop her masculine traits to fill the absent father in the family.
And her understanding of the opposite sex and how to get along with the opposite sex may also be negative and negative, and may even produce a complex of "hungry for fatherly love", such as the protagonist Matsuko in the movie "The Life of Matsuko Despised".
it dues, father roles often play a social role in the family.
Flom believes that maternal love and fatherly love are different. Mother's love is unconditional, and maternal love is often "no matter what you look like, I love you."
And fatherly love is conditional. You need to comply with certain social norms and achieve certain academic or work achievements in order to gain the approval of your father. This can help children establish a sense of rules to a certain extent and promote their socialization.
That is to say, if the father is absent, does not or is involved in the child's education and discipline incidents, the child may find it difficult to adapt to social rules, or despise social norms, and establish cooperative relationships with others.
Studies have found that in early parenting, the active participation and care of fathers have a promoting effect on the development of children's cognition and behavior.
A survey on American families showed that children who grew up in two-parent families but have low father participation have the highest probability of misconduct in teenagers, both higher than children who grew up in two-parent families and have high father participation, and higher than children raised by single mothers. After
most After 4, the relationship between the father and the child will also have a profound impact on the intimate relationship between the children as adults.
Research shows that if a father shares housework with his mother at home, no matter what the child’s gender is, he is more likely to form a good view of women. The relationship between husband and wife is good and healthy, and can also help children maintain a positive and optimistic attitude and expectations about marriage and love.
In a family, the absent father is often accompanied by a desperate and anxious mother . The couple presents serious conflicts and power struggles. Children are usually pulled into their own camp by their mothers to fight against their fathers.
, and, in the heart of children, they will also form a deformed view of marriage and love in their hearts, and even repeat the parents' pattern in their own intimate relationships, allowing the drama of "father absent" to be staged again.
So, the boy may have heard his mother tell his father's various shortcomings and all the failures as a man, which creates great anxiety in the boy's heart.
He will be very demanding of himself and avoid becoming the man he calls him the mother, that is, has a great disagreement with the "father" in his heart ;
To go further, there is also 's deep doubts about his own gender . Lack of confidence in yourself as an adult male, so in intimate relationships,
may be afraid that it will be difficult for you to meet the needs of women, unable to establish deep-seated intimacy, and enter into marriage;
may be toyed with or used women to try to prove that you are a man's "strong";
may be dependent on and pleased women, obeying mothers, becoming what we usually call "mama's boy", and let parent-child relationships override the relationship between husband and wife.
For daughters, the relationship with father is the first relationship established with men. Some characteristics of fathers and the relationship between fathers and daughters have largely laid the tone of the intimate relationship of daughters when they grow up.
The absence of a father brings to his daughter an emotional neglect, and women who lack fatherly love often show these two situations:
The first type is to be lying in the father and show a low self-esteem attitude, find an object that is extremely similar to the father, and idealizes and over-reliance on the male image.
exaggerates the other person's goodness in a relationship. Even if the other person has various fatal flaws, he does not love himself so much;
may show low self-esteem and low posture, feel that he is not worthy of the other person, and catch the other person at the expense of his own way.
Another is the extreme distrust of men and fear of marriage and intimacy.
shows that he is picky about men. He always feels that this man is not good enough, and that man cannot satisfy people, so he often cannot maintain a long-term intimate relationship or rarely establishes intimate relationships.
The men written by Zhang Ailing, a female writer in the Republic of China, are almost no normal:
are either typical litter, such as Qiao Qiqiao in " First Incense "; or they are cowardly.
And her own father is also a typical old man who only knows how to spend money and enjoy himself and never assumes family responsibilities. It is hard to say that her relationship with her father has no effect on the male image she describes in her works.
In fact, fathers' participation in upbringing can not only bring many benefits to children, but also benefit men who play the role of "father".
The Japanese movie "Like Father and Like a Son" begins with the drama of the child holding the wrong one, telling the story of the origin and bond between the father and son.
There are many elite fathers not only excellent themselves, but also strict with their children. I hope that their son can also become an excellent person.
But in fact, he rarely participates in his son's upbringing. He devotes all his energy to work and delays the agreement to camp with his children on weekends again and again. He has only strict requirements and picky eyes when facing his son. His relationship with his son is the same as his relationship with his father.
The disclosure of the child change incident made many realize their dereliction of duty as a father and their rigid relationship with their father.
In the relationship between Liangduo and Liuqing, the sons are more like enlighteners in the father-son relationship, allowing Liangdu to reconstruct the father-son relationship, helping Liangduo to re-reach their father-son identity, return to the family, rethink the father-son relationship, and also clear the impact brought by the original family on themselves.
is like a father and a son, and they achieve each other and influence each other.
Integrated raising children can grow up healthily, and on the road to learning how to become a father, you have the opportunity to learn those missing skills, learn to become ties with others, give love and care, and gain more love and experience.
is like a line from Sai Mu in the movie, "Father is also a job that no one can replace." I hope that the "absent" fathers can return to their families and do this job well.
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