Today is the day when the Shenzhou 14 spacecraft successfully returned to the warehouse, and it is also the first day when I tried to overcome my psychological barriers. This is a particularly memorable day.
I am 33 years old this year. After experiencing depression for about three years, I began to slowly learn to get out of the cage I set up for myself. I was arrogant, arrogant and conceited in the past, and the continuous blows of life made me fully understand that I am actually the most ordinary person in society.
At the same time, I also feel that I have personality shortcomings such as inferiority, sensitivity, extremeness and cowardice that are not conducive to growth in life. Then I searched the Internet for these personality shortcomings and gradually realized that these are actually brought by my original family.
I was born in a poor and backward countryside. My parents have had high expectations for me since I was a child, but their educational methods are all suppressive education. As long as I do a little bit of it in life, I will be scolded and criticized by my mother the most severely. Therefore, I have hated my mother very much since I was a child. Sometimes I want to defend myself when I am wronged, but my mother doesn't listen at all. She will only use her parents' authority to suppress me, so there are quite a few times when I have a broken mentality.
Now that I am thirty-three, I am not only not able to achieve much success and success in society, but gradually become the lowest level of society. I think this must be closely related to my personality, but my personality comes from my original family.
I feel very uncomfortable when I meet such parents. I often grit my teeth with hatred. I want to escape from my family. Even though I am in my thirties now, I still want to escape. But I also hate myself for being incompetent and I have no ability to control my own destiny.
Even now, my mother must control me all the time, constantly picking my difficulties and pain points in life, sprinkle salt wherever there is a bad word and wherever there is a wound.
I hate them and can understand them. There is no parent who doesn’t want their children to become dragons or daughters to become phoenixes. That was the value of that generation. Not only her, but even the people around them have this view.
But understanding is understanding, I still have my long life, and I must break free from my own thoughts and cage. I looked for corresponding videos on the Internet, including what I saw, thoughts and what I wanted to say, and posted them in the online chat group created by our family. I know that this method may not easily change my family. But this is my first step in deciding to overcome my psychological barriers. Only by recognizing the problems that exist in oneself and daring to face the problems that exist in oneself can one have a positive impact on the future.
The family is also a small society, and a person’s performance in the family corresponds to a person’s performance in the society. I want to get rid of my original family and change it from this small step to change my inner self.
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