Wang Xiaobo said: "The only misfortune in life is one's own incompetence. All human pain is essentially anger towards one's own incompetence."
Japanese psychiatrist Shizuo Kawazawa reveals to us how to avoid this misfortune in his new work "Life Troubles Consulting Room".
01, Reject internal mental friction and inject energy into yourself of growth
Lin Qingxuan once said that the biggest flaw in life is to compare with others: comparing with experts makes us inferior; comparing with ordinary people makes us vulgar; comparing with subordinates makes us arrogant. External comparisons are the source of our mental turmoil and inseparableness, and also make most people lose themselves and block the original fragrance of their minds.
In "Life Troubles Consulting Room", Shi Yuan Huaze found from his many years of clinical consultation and contacts that most people have the mentality of "feeling depressed because of comparison with others".
life is not impossible to compare, but we are not comparing with others, but comparing with ourselves in the past.
read two pages of the book yesterday and three pages today. This is a good progress;
walked ten minutes yesterday and a quarter of an hour today, which is depositing for a healthy account;
earned more than 100,000 yuan last year. Although he was at home this year, he had time to accompany his family and had side jobs to support himself. This is also a better and better proof...
compared with others, it will only increase his worries and worry, and the burden on his mind will hinder his progress;
compared with yourself, but can make himself discover small progress, and the beauty that is getting closer and closer to his dream is worth experiencing.
02, try to reconcile relationships, let yourself objectively observe others,
, all say, "the authorities are confused and the bystanders are clear", but we often get stuck in the quagmire of our original family because of "concerning ourselves, we will be confused".
Even if parents are out of real concern, their long-winded reminders and care will trigger our irritable emotional switch from time to time. A cold saying "You have to care" makes you return to your adolescence instantly, and also makes them hurt. Who can nourish the family atmosphere of love and killing each other?
Why not try the advice given by Kazusa Shiyuan in "Life Troubles Consulting Room" - reply with a smile, "Thank you for always caring about me so much." A simple but warm word can change the tense parent-child relationship. Why not do it?
The era and environment of parents' growth gave them few opportunities to learn emotional management and parent-child tutoring. Today, we have more resources and conditions. Instead of passively waiting for their impossible changes, it is better to take the initiative to try and make ourselves a key step in relationship reconciliation.
It is because we care too much that we can understand our feelings and misunderstand each other. We are always on the wrong path of communication. It is better to observe our parents' behavior like watching TV, as Kazushi Shiyuan suggested.
They are not only our parents, they are also themselves. If they do not immerse themselves in their emotions and needs, they will understand and let go more easily.
03 Maintain self-awareness and continue to be happy in the perspective of transformation
Huaze Shiyuan emphasizes in the book that if you want to drive away your worries and maintain moderate pressure, you must keep taking action. He gave a very easy and easy method in the book, which is the self-acceptance diary method of 4 lines.
The method is simple and easy to use. First write a line of negative events, then give reasonable feedback, and then write two lines of positive content.
For example:
was late for the meeting today, and everyone was very unhappy.
The weather is bad, and it is inevitable that you are late.
On the evening, my best friend invited me to a meal and I felt much more happy when chatting.
Apply a facial mask before going to bed, and you will be healthy when going to bed early and getting up early.
Although the diary is short, it releases negative emotions and gives us a positive experience. Long-term persistence will allow us to have better adaptability and will not constantly deny ourselves because of occasional poor performance.
This book is very suitable for putting it beside the pillow or commuting bag. It is good to read it in fragmented ways. Each time you read two pages, you can have a plan that can be implemented immediately. As long as you do it, your mood and energy will be significantly transformed and improved. If you want to grow further, the book is also equipped with a recommended book for theme reading.
Yang Jiang Mr. Yang Jiang once pointed out incisively, "Your problem is mainly that you read too little and think too much!" You might as well start your own healing journey from this book "Life Troubles Consulting Room".
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