Test your possessiveness level. Do you know how high your possessiveness is? Do a test! If the total score is below 20 points, it is normal. If it is higher than this score, it means that the possession level is too strong. There are 8 questions in total, each question can be sco

Test your possessiveness level

Do you know how high your possessiveness is? Do a test!

If the total score is below 20 points, it is normal. If it is higher than this score, it means that the possession level is too strong.

has 8 questions in total, each question can be scored 1 to 5: 1 point very disagree, 2 points disagree, 3 points neutral, 4 points agree, 5 points very agree.

Question 1: I don’t want my partner to get along with too many people of the same gender as me.

Question 2: I cannot accept that my partner has friends of the same gender as me.

Question 3: I don’t want my partner to look at people who are attractive in public.

Question 4: I hope my partner is my own.

Question 5: The partner must listen to me in everything.

Question 6: I will order my partner not to have ambiguous behavior with others.

Question 7: I would rather stay at home with me and not go anywhere.

Question 8: My partner is my own, so no one else can think of it.

If your score is higher than 20 points, the frequency of "jealousy and suspicion" will often occur relatively high, which will be serious enough to affect the love life, leading to frequent quarrels and conflicts, affecting the trust relationship, and gradually consuming the love between the two.

"jealousy" is an emotion that "harm others and is not good for oneself", causing great pain to both parties in the relationship, but it is not uncontrollable. Here are three steps to help everyone manage their jealousy.

Step 1: Distinguish whether your jealousy is real or fantasy

When you realize that you have jealousy, try to ask yourself "Is my current jealousy real or fantasy?" You can try to describe the events that cause emotions in full and help yourself judge. Let me give you two examples -

First, the reason I am jealous is because there are many women in the team where my boyfriend works, and I feel that they are all potential dangers.

The second one, I am jealous because my boyfriend just called to express condolences when I was sick, but when a female friend was sick, he would buy medicine to deliver it to him in person. I think in his heart, I am not that important.

When you describe the evidence of jealousy, you can intuitively judge the authenticity and illusion of jealousy. In the first example, nothing obviously happened, it was fantasy jealousy, and the second example was the real feeling that something that actually happened brought to oneself.

Step 2: face real jealousy bravely and establish your own boundaries

If it is jealousy caused by a real event, you should actively communicate rationally with your partner, express your feelings, and discuss solutions together.

But before communicating, you must first think about your own principles and boundaries, such as what should you do if the other party refuses to communicate? What should I do if communication cannot reach an agreement? Only by considering these issues and knowing your bottom line can you communicate effectively with the other party. Otherwise, it is easy to blindly compromise and make concessions due to the influence of your insecurity.

Step 3: Find the "unreasonable belief" that triggers fantasy jealousy, and reshape the cognitive model of beliefs

people. It can be simply explained by ABC theory. A is the activation event, B is the belief, and C is the result. We generally believe that emotions are caused by something others or myself have done. For example, because my partner rarely stays with me, I feel sad. But in fact, there was a link missing in the middle, that is, the fact that my partner rarely accompanied me, which made me feel sad. "The belief that is ignored and abandoned" is the key to my sadness.

And this belief has always existed in our consciousness and will appear under the stimulation of events. This belief may be that during the process of growing up, we have accumulated negative thinking patterns bit by bit, and become very sensitive to neglect and rejection, which means that we will focus a lot of attention on things that make us uncomfortable. If this belief is still there, many things may become activation events of this belief, so fantasy jealousy needs to be faced alone.

To change this pattern, you must consciously shift more attention to the negative positive events . For example, the other party sent me a text message during lunch break; he would invite me at parties; he would tell me about his thoughts; he also introduced me to his parents, etc.

might as well try to record these positive events every day. When you have fantasy jealousy, take these records out and take them out to help you overcome your old thinking patterns.