Empirical psychologists divide a person's opposite-sex attraction into two dimensions, a total of seven variables, among which the core variables include: proximity, familiarity, and similarity; sub-variables include: ability, physical attraction, the cost of gain and loss, and each person's attribution way.
1, proximity
proximity refers to whether you are in the other party's circle and whether you can get close to each other.
Why is it easy to die in the light? Because on the Internet, two people only have conceptual and cognitive communication, but no breath connection, real experience and feelings.
When we get along with someone face to face, we can feel the other person's breath, eyes, and the pronunciation and intonation of our speech. This sense of reality and clarity will be invisibly imprinted in our hearts. This is why the song "Missing your socks, missing your shirt, and missing the faint tobacco smell on you" is sung so widely. Most couples, when missing each other, do not miss an abstract person, but their language, movements, expressions, etc.
Long-distance understanding stops at "appreciation". Only by close contact can we feel "heart-pounding" . Empirical psychologists say that the fastest love between people at first sight is 0.67 seconds. Therefore, if we want to increase our range of attraction, we need to expand our circle and expand our contact groups.
2, familiarity
familiarity refers to your understanding and depth of understanding of the other party.
People will trust people who trust themselves, people will like people who like themselves, and when I think you understand me, the familiarity between us will be truly established.
Just imagine, do you know the answer to the following questions: Who is your partner’s favorite? What is your favorite dish? What is your favorite sport? Favorite book? What is your favorite music? What is the most painful thing?
do you know the answer?
The touch between people is often very simple. The husband takes his child to buy snacks. He always remembers to buy two snacks that his wife likes. The husband can feel that he is taken in his heart by the husband and experience the "feeling of being loved"; the husband supports the husband to pursue his own happiness and hobbies, and even plays with him crazy. The husband will be as simple and happy as the child, and he will be more and more dependent on his wife.
If you want to win someone's favor, you need to spend more time and more thoughts to understand the other person and impress the other person.
3, similarity
Similarity refers to the similarity between you and the other party.
We went to a party and almost all people we didn’t know and were very strange. At this time, you hear someone speaking with a hometown accent. Will you feel close to each other in an instant?
People often feel that it will feel beautiful to be with people similar to them. There are many such examples. For example, in the workplace, the first colleagues we get familiar with are often partners with common interests and hobbies, in addition to the partners who work closely at work.
Because of similarity, it turns from "self" to "us". The word "we" means that you and I have some commonalities.
The best way between husband and wife is not to blindly accommodate each other's preferences, but to strive to become more "rich" people. When both of them become more "rich", they will naturally have more common cognition, common topics, and common hobbies.
Life is a practice. As long as we keep working hard to become a happy, interesting, lovely and rich person, our attraction to others will become stronger and stronger.
4, ability
The initial attraction of two people comes from "self" and from feelings. However, if a person's social ability is too poor, when passion declines, when difficulties and challenges in life continue to come, it will be difficult for the other party to live with you for a long time, and he may give up on you and leave you.
A person with strong abilities has a constant attraction; it doesn’t matter if a person with strong abilities occasionally makes small mistakes, it’s called “icing on the cake”, but a person without ability often makes mistakes, which is to make things worse.
5, body attracts
Empirical psychologists found that the popular physical characteristics of girls include: Danfeng Eyes , straight nose, round mouth, oval face, waist and hip ratio 0.58~0.72;
Popular physical characteristics of boys include: national face , big eyes, big mouth, broad shoulders, tight muscles, etc.
But it should be noted that this feature is only the statistical result of popularization. In life, specific people are " carrots vegetables have their own preferences".
6, the price of getting and losing
No matter how good or charming a person is, if we are too far apart, no matter how hard I try, it will not be possible to get the other person, and the other person's attractiveness in my eyes will also decrease.
Conversely, another person loves me especially, but he wants to be with me all the time and stick to me at any time. I will feel bound and want to escape him.
So someone says that love needs "semi-sugarism". It cannot be too light, as it will be tasteless if it is light; it cannot be too sweet, as it is easy to get greasy if it is sweet; it can attract people to drink it all the time.
7, the way of attribution for everyone
Everyone's attribution for everyone refers to how you make the other person feel love.
If the blind date venue is set on the suspension bridge, the success rate will double because we are likely to attribute the feeling of accelerating heartbeat when walking on the suspension bridge to the blind date partner. After all, there is no difference in the feeling of the heartbeat caused by the suspension bridge and the heartbeat caused by the other party. Just like the song "It's all caused by the moon" by Zhang Yu in , "The moonlight is so beautiful, you are so gentle", so I fell in love.
From the "attribution", we can see that whether you are attractive to the other person depends not only on yourself, but also on the other person's preferences. Just like some boys like girls with long hair, and whether there are girls can't accept boys who love them in shortness no matter what. It takes a little fate for two people to fall in love.
"Ten Ways to Practice Happy Marriage" Study Notes (V): Three Key Elements of Attraction between Sexes
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-