The previous chapter talked about the fact that when facing the induced event A’s, it is our way of thinking that B’s determines our feelings and behaviors C’s. The main discussion in this chapter is B’s. We have four ways to deal with the situation that occurs at B, but three of

The previous chapter talked about the fact that when facing the induced event A’s, it is our way of thinking that B’s determines our feelings and behaviors C’s.

The main discussion in this chapter is B’s.

We have four ways to deal with the situation that occurs at B, but three of them may cause overreaction.

1. Disaster way of thinking

This way of thinking is also called "horrorizing everything". It will make people think about everyone and things they encounter to the worst outcome, and magnify things that are not disasters into disasters, thus causing excessive tension. People with thinking styles like

will always ask countless "what if... what to do" in their hearts, and then they will give an answer in their hearts. For example, what should I do if I don’t get this position if I don’t get this position? This is so scary, I will be ridiculed by everyone! What should I do if I am not popular? I absolutely can't stand it!

What should I do if he doesn’t love me anymore? I will die!

Assumption itself is not scary, what is scary is the answer I gave that horrifies things.

2. Absolute theorist way of thinking

People with this way of thinking always make too many things absolute, overly criticize themselves and others, and keep "I should..." and "I must..." all day long. Sometimes "I should" will develop into "You should..."

This "should be transformed" is not formed overnight. Our brains are always bombarded by "should be transformed". We have learned to recite the "should be transformed" sutra in subtle influence.

Since childhood, parents told us: "You should be better to your younger brother, you should be a sensible and good child."

At school, teachers told us: "You should get good grades, you should abide by discipline."

Even the advertisements that are playing on TV are constantly emphasizing what "I should" do.

3. Rationalization

Compared with the first two, rationalization belongs to the other extreme. The characteristic of this way of thinking is that it does not allow any reaction.

Usually, people often enter a vicious cycle: first terrorize and ought things, and finally rationalize them, and after a period of time, they begin to terrorize and oughttize.

For example, when faced with promotion opportunities, the first thing is to terrorize: What if I don’t get this position? This is so scary, I will be ridiculed by everyone!

Next is the simultaneous: I should be more capable!

Then it is rationalized: it is not a big deal to not be promoted, it doesn’t matter! The essence of rationalization of

is actually an escape.

is these three ways of thinking that make us helpless in the face of all kinds of bad emotions. How can we get rid of them? The answer will be given in the next chapter.