008, Title: How to deal with the mentality of guilt? The pain caused by guilt is so huge that someone even prays to God every night to make her die in her sleep.

008, title: How to deal with the mentality of guilt?

The pain caused by guilt is so huge that someone even prays to God every night to make her die in her sleep. In this way, she no longer has to be troubled by guilt. Today I read the eighth chapter of " Burns New Emotion Therapy " and got the following insights:

1, the definition of guilt

Guilt is the psychological state that you will experience after you do the following two behaviors.

First, you did something you shouldn’t do, this thing does not meet your moral standards and does not meet your fair concept.

Second, you did this and make you feel like you have become a bad person.

If you don’t deal with the guilt, three situations will occur.

1) Because of my "bad behavior", I will feel worthless and then be depressed.

2) Because of what I'm doing, they will look down on me (shamed)

3) Because of my behavior, I may get punished or retaliated and I will fall into anxiety.

At this time, you should write down your psychological activities and use the 10 distorted thoughts in Chapter 3 to compare whether there is any problem, and if there is any, improve it.

Last time I was unemployed at home, sometimes I felt very guilty because I was dependent on my parents at home and didn’t have the courage to go out to work. I ate and dressed in my parents and felt like I had done something wrong. At that time, you will feel guilty. I feel like a bad person.

Then I will become depressed due to guilt and feel that I am worthless. If this vicious cycle continues, I will never dare to come out to work.

2, two kinds of cognitive distortions lead to guilt.

two distorted thoughts that easily lead to guilt.

First, label yourself as a bad person. Although you are reflecting, putting this label is not conducive to solving the problem.

Second, subscribe all errors. You will exaggerate your mistakes, and then feel more and more guilty and more depressed.

I did something guilty today. Last night, a netizen added me and called me for voice calls as soon as he came. He also recommended someone to call me. I was afraid that he was a liar, so I pretended to agree. He was still looking for me now, and I was going to deal with him coldly. Although I felt that the method I did was wrong and I felt a little guilty, it was the best way I thought of. In my heart, I feel that it is wrong to answer everyone in time. The best way is to take into account your own feelings and make yourself comfortable in advance. Then make others comfortable.

3, the feeling of regret that distinguishes guilt from health

There is a grammar teacher named Janice, who is 52 years old this year. But she always remembered two stealing incidents when she was 15 years old. She stole food from the store twice.

Now she finally gave up on herself and said she was a "thief, a bad guy" all day long. Once she finally couldn't stand it and decided to commit suicide with a pistol, but found that she couldn't use a pistol at all, and she collapsed.

This example tells us not to immerse guilt for too long.

It is certainly wrong for her to steal things, but she already has the intention of remorse, so there is no need to feel guilty enough to commit suicide, and just swear to never steal again.

Don’t immerse yourself in the past and can’t extricate yourself. I used to fight with my boss as a security guard. Now I think about it now. If I was immersed in this incident and couldn’t get out, my life would be ruined, and I would be depressed and couldn’t get out.

This is also why many major events will affect our behavior. For example, major events such as divorce, unemployment, and death can easily destroy our mood. I hope we can see it openly and not immerse ourselves in this example, harming others and yourself.

4, guilt loop

Guilt will have a loop. People with guilt will think that they are bad and should bear the pain. This self-deprecating behavior makes you become more and more depressed and more depressed, and then do a lot of ineffective behaviors.

For example, when some parents come back from work, they naturally vent their anger on their children when they feel pressure at work. When the children notice their parents' anger, they feel guilty and suspect that they have done something wrong. Sometimes they hope that their parents can scold them loudly as punishment. This is also the adverse consequences caused by so-called guilt.

I have made many daily schedules, but sometimes I feel that the task is difficult to complete as planned. I feel guilty at this time, feeling that I am "unable to be called a self-disciplined person" and also feeling that I am a lazy person. So excessive guilt will lead to my self-abandonment, so I chose to watch TV to polish my time and no longer follow the schedule to do tasks.

In fact, now it seems that the plan is for college entrance examination students with ambitious goals. It is already difficult for us to graduate for so long and still want to achieve self-discipline in high school. So I don’t force it now, just try to accomplish the most important things when you wake up early.

5, Irresponsible guilt

If you do something harmful and you feel guilty, how should you punish yourself? Is there a time limit for this punishment, how many days or a month?

Generally speaking, guilty psychology will not change the wrong things, nor will it allow you to speed up the learning process. So what should I do if I do something wrong?

First, you need to realize that this "thing" is wrong.

Second, we must formulate effective measures to avoid making mistakes again.

I used to be unspoken and said a lot of mistakes. Once I went out for dinner with my colleagues and accidentally talked about our relationship. I said, "We are just colleagues." I was criticized by others for a long time, and I felt guilty afterwards, but it took a long time to recover.

How do I avoid guilt from happening again, or that kind of event does not happen again.

First, I want to realize that the saying "We are just colleagues" in front of my colleagues is wrong and will hurt my colleagues' feelings.

Second, try to speak as little as possible in the future and do not say what you think.

6, write at the end

Learn to accept your limitations, and you will become a happier person. So when you feel that you have done something wrong in the future, don’t let guilt hurt you in a bad mood. Try to use the methods provided in this article to try it out and no longer let guilt hurt yourself.