Book title: "Mr. Toad Goes to See a Psychological Physician"
Author: Robert Dabold
The author is a senior British psychological counselor. He uses the animal protagonist of a classic fairy tale to interpret a standard template for a psychological counseling course. It embodies the author's years of psychological counseling experience and is also the best-selling entry-level national psychological counseling book in the UK for more than 20 years. This is the fifth time I have read the book
. Whenever I feel unhappy, want to lose my temper, and feel very stressed, I follow Mr. Toad to explore the root of my emotions and experience the details of consultation to complete a self-healing process.
As the number of readings increases, I found that it is not only about psychological counseling, but also about educating children. Parents can also compare their own behaviors to whether they are the picky parents.
book tells the story of an important part of the child's self-state called "natural children". The carrier's basic emotions: happiness and affection, anger, sadness and fear, and these emotions are innate, such as: babies scream for attention and food.
As you grow up, other factors will be involved, and most importantly, parents, everything the baby does will trigger certain reactions from parents. When facing a crying baby, the mother's usual reaction is to give love and comfort. But some parents also make actions that are lacking in love. If your mother is tired or even sick, she will behave very severely. Or, the father’s concept of parenting may be very strict, and he will deliberately ignore the baby’s crying, for fear of ‘spoiling’ him. Slowly babies learn a survival strategy and develop a set of behaviors to deal with parents and others. Just like the three primary colors of red, yellow and blue on the painter's palette, every 'natural child' has basic emotions. But then we must learn to adjust our natural behavior to adapt to special situations. We will darken the tones of the three primary colors to make them look soft to facilitate survival, while also protecting our individual integrity. This means we have to learn to deal with anger, including the anger of our parents, and our own.
What kind of reaction would a person react if he was bullied and hurt by someone who was many times stronger than himself? "
will agree with others' ideas and dare not refute, please, apologize, or even rely on. This powerful person is a parent. So why do some people have obviously grown up and grow tall and powerful, but others say they have not grown up yet. The essence of growth is to reduce and eventually break such dependence so that they can become an independent person. Few people can achieve this completely, some people can achieve it partially, while many people will depend on it for a lifetime."
"So what does this have to do with obedience?
" Submissive behavior may lead some people to learn to regard dependence as a way of life. In other words, these people never really grow up.
How do children show anger
From strong to weak: rebellious_tantrum-willful-willful-depressed-procrastination-boosting-boosting-defying-dragged-retreat-retreat-retreat-retreat-retreat-retreat-retreat-retreat-retreat-retreat-retreat-retreat-retreat-retreat-retreat-retreat-retreat-retreat-
For example, when a child hears an adult say, ‘No, you can’t do this! ’This makes the child very angry and helpless, because the child cannot respond with violent or aggressive behavior to the adult who makes him angry, so the only thing he can do is lie down on the ground, kick and scream. And when adults do the same, we will say that they are "unreasonable". "
When parents are picky, they should pay attention and change immediately. Parents are the first people their children come into contact with, so their impact on children is immeasurable. The 'parent state' includes all the values and moral values that children learn from their parents since birth, and also includes the criteria for judging life, so that children can judge right and wrong. These values come from parents, so parents are the people who can best influence children's behavior. Their words and deeds shape the children's childhood life and inevitably have an impact on the people who will be born."
Only by understanding the reasons behind these behaviors of children and examining the parents' own status can they provide reasonable education to them, set reasonable examples, and enable children to grow up and become better and healthily.
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