At that time, I felt that my inner fear was unfathomable and I didn’t dare to look directly. Although I barely divided it into the following categories, it seems that some parts of the sorting out were not appropriate at that time.

When I was in a bad state some time ago, I felt like I was going to be overwhelmed by all kinds of fears. The consultant asked me to sort out what I was afraid of. At that time, I felt that my inner fear was unfathomable and I didn’t dare to look directly. Although I barely divided it into the following categories, it seems that some parts of the sorting out were not appropriate at that time. After thinking about it carefully these days, it would be better to sort it out again.

Overall, my fears are divided into three categories.

The first category is the fear of losing health and even losing life. Since I was a child, because my mother was sick all year round and almost lost her ability to work, I have always paid great attention to my health because I don’t want to follow in her footsteps. But after I got sick, I often couldn't maintain my normal life. I stayed up late and couldn't sleep well from time to time. My personal hygiene was sometimes not very particular, and I couldn't digest well. I even spread it on the sofa or bed for several hours to watch videos and play with my phone. My eyes and cervical spine were so painful that I couldn't even bother to move. This situation will further deteriorate emotions, thus falling into a vicious cycle but unable to end. You can only get rid of it when your mood improves. After reincarnation, I feel that this fear has become stronger and stronger, but I cannot find a way to overcome it. The fear of losing life seems to disappear during the period of depression, because my mind was full of death at that time, but last time I really stood by the railing, I found that I was still very afraid of death. It can be said that this round of emotional collapse was the fear of death that saved me.

The second major category is that it is because it is afraid of losing the ability to work and take care of itself, and since then it has become a burden to others. In recent years, I saw my sister unable to take care of herself due to a serious illness. She has not recovered her normal ability to work so far and can only rely on her parents at home. In the future, she is likely to live on national policies. I cannot accept such a living situation. If I really lose my ability to work permanently or even take care of myself, then I would rather end my life than become a burden to my husband, father, or the country. So when I am in a bad mood, don’t want to do anything, don’t do many things well, and even the normal life is difficult to maintain, I will fall into a deep sense of fear and powerlessness and can’t extricate myself.

The third category is fear of losing self-control and being unable to control one's own destiny. Over the past six months, my emotions have been ups and downs uncontrollably, and I will never know when I will fall into the quagmire and be unable to deal with it. Once you fall into the quagmire, you will have no self-control and almost lose control. The original plan is difficult to implement and the promises you make are difficult to fulfill. So, I can feel that I have accumulated a lot of fear of losing control of my emotions. And over the past six months, because I can't control my emotions and the delay in the transfer of posts, I feel deeply unable to control my destiny. This is undoubtedly difficult for me, who has been used to making decisions by myself since I was a teenager and thinks that my destiny has always been in my own hands.

Overall, I have a lot of fears at this stage, but a large part of these fears are actually caused by the current condition. If I can get out of the vortex of emotions as soon as possible, many fears will dissipate. But the main reason why it is difficult to get out of the emotional vortex is that the working environment is too poor. I receive a lot of negative energy every day when I go to work. I can still relieve it when I am in good condition, but when I am in bad condition, I cannot resolve it, and my emotions will collapse again. Over the past period of time, you have tried all the ways you can try and all the efforts you can make. It seems that it is time to "cut off the fire from the bottom of the pot", and maybe you can open up another world.