An Lingrong has already revealed her good idea of "pretending to be pitiful" when she was choosing the palace. For example, when Xia Dongchun was embarrassed by her, she deliberately put herself very low and put on a pitiful look, letting Xia Dongchun ridicule.
People want to slap you, but you take the initiative to send your face. I didn't understand why she was like this before, why was she so humble?
Over the past few weeks, I have received several paid consultations, and chatted with some old acquaintances during the Mid-Autumn Festival. After communicating with different people continuously, I found one thing in : some people are willing to stay in their own inferiority vortex, while others are desperately trying to break through and grow.
Then, after pushing the article on Fucha Guiren yesterday afternoon, a reader commented: "Breakthrough of cognition is a kind of growth, but this kind of growth is extremely tragic. Sometimes I really don't know whether it is the person who keeps growing up happy or the person who has been in the circle happy."
So, this triggered my further thinking.
So, why are some people willing to stay in their cage? Just because you don’t realize it?
Until this morning, she met and chatted with a friend. Inadvertently, she talked about her breakthroughs in the past years and a very contrasting experience of a person around her not growing up.
This made me realize suddenly: Some people are willing to stay in the cage because these people have accepted the benefits brought to them by staying in the cage.
Yes, although we all say that inferiority and low self-worth are not good, we must be confident and have a self-awareness. But in fact, many people live and work with an inferiority complex, and it is difficult to change because the inferiority complex or this state brings them benefits.
Take An Lingrong as an example.
First of all, in terms of interpersonal communication, being pitiful, or pretending to be pitiful is a kind of moral bargaining chip they use.
I have analyzed before that the accident in Anbihuai exposed An Lingrong's toxic friend attributes (click here to review). As soon as I saw Meizhuang and Zhen Huan , I knelt down and cried, "Sister Help". Without saying anything, I put on my pitiful and humble posture first.
An Lingrong knelt down and cried to the point where he gradually led Meizhuang to write a letter from home to her father. The whole process was to accumulate moral chips in disguise : You see, I am already so pitiful, how can you bear to refuse to help me? You just need to write a letter from home. Can't you do such a simple thing?
Why show weakness first and show pity? It is to force the other party to be unable to refuse and must agree.
This is the same as the moral chips used by many people in their life and work.
For example, when my mother wanted my father to wash the dishes, she would not directly express her appeal and say, "I am very tired, go and wash the dishes." She would say, "You see, I have been tired for a day outside, and you don't know how to understand and feel sorry for you, so you can't wash the dishes?"
"I have been tired for a day outside." This is the moral chips my mother took first. You see, I am very tired, if you refuse to wash the dishes, you don't understand me, it's your cruelty: this is my mother's logic.
So I wrote before that An Lingrong is a friend who is poisonous, because I think she is just using her pitiful Chuchu to plot against Mei Zhuang and Zhen Huan: I am so pitiful. If you don’t help me, you will be too cruel and not enough friends.
This time, the logic of An Lingrong's behavior is straightened out from the root.
Zhen Huan was always confused by An Lingrong's pitifulness in the early stage, and helped An Lingrong a lot.
Secondly, in terms of self-growth, low self-esteem and low self-worth can help her avoid accepting the gap between expectations and reality, and can also make herself feel at ease and not work hard.There is a detail in
. Baojuan persuaded An Lingrong to take the initiative to compete for favor: "I think it is better to rely on others than to rely on myself. The little master wants to compete for the adults and wife, it is better to be favored by myself. It is more exciting to come."
How did An Lingrong answer? She said: "I am neither so capable nor that opportunity." She blocked her own path from the source, saying that she is not capable nor a chance. The essence is that she cannot accept the failure after hard work, so she doesn't work hard at all.
This is like many people who watch others do something in the workplace, and they are obviously very yearning and envious, but they turn around and find reasons to say that they don’t have the conditions to do that, such as no connections or experience.
This is to rationalize your inaction and inability to accept failure and make yourself feel comfortable.
Later, after becoming a concubine, An Lingrong was obviously very unhappy with the name Concubine Li , and he was also very unhappy with the queen not allowing her to attend the ceremony of enthronement, but because she did not have the opportunity to express her dissatisfaction and disappointment, she could not have conflicts and confrontation with the queen.
So She used self-negation to relieve this inner pain , and she said, "It turns out that I am not worthy of it." This logic translates to it: I have not received reasonable treatment, that is because I am not worthy of it, I cannot be angry, I have to accept it.
This also explains very well why some people choose to accept it when they encounter unfair treatment in their lives.
Because I am afraid of confrontation and conflict, I took a step back and suppressed myself to achieve stable and peaceful situations.
In terms of emotions and gender relations, it is well known that this kind of inferiority is nothing more than a small and low-key manner. An Lingrong shows weakness everywhere in front of the emperor, completely following the emperor, providing the emperor with an absolute sense of control and emotional value. Needless to say, everyone understands this.
Finally, what I want to say is:
Inferiority and weakness are traits that some people want to get rid of, because these people are aware of and feel the deep pain brought by inferiority; at the same time, some people are unwilling to get rid of, or are unable to get rid of, other traits, because these people have developed to the pattern of enjoying the benefits brought by inferiority traits.
Take An Lingrong as an example. She was pitiful and automatically retreated to the lowest position, which became a means of survival in her harem.
If I were to ask about such confusion in the past, I would definitely say: Read more, think more, and improve self-awareness. Even if it is slow and difficult, I must break through myself.
Nowadays, when I encounter people around me chatting about such problems, especially when I clearly feel that the person is like driving into the thinking circle, I will remain silent.
Moreover, the experiences of the past few weeks have made me realize that is the root of the problem of whether a person is willing to get out of his cage.
People who want to get out are already talking about feelings and experiences, and even methods; people who don’t want to get out are just talking repeatedly, complaining or complaining.
So, if you are the part of the people who want to come out, then I want to say to you: "Please keep your confidence, you are not alone, we struggle, suffer, and tear, but in the end, we will definitely rise to the clouds and fall into the mud and see another scene of life";
If you are the part of the people who don't want to come out, then I want to say to you: "You are not alone, life is a journey of seeking benevolence and being responsible for your own life."
There is no right or wrong in this question, it is nothing more than everyone's own choice.
I hope you follow your inner awareness and make your own choices.
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