This is the 1044th real person we told
My name is Xiaopang
(wedding photo taken after returning to China)
1992, I was born in Ningling County, Shangqiu, Henan. When I was a child, I was doing tofu and tofu brain business at home. In the evening, my father could hear his shouts on the streets and alleys: "Drinking tofu brain! Tofu brain is hot!"
My father knew a few words, but my mother couldn't read them. But they believe that hard work can make you rich, and reading too much is useless.
My father often said, "It doesn't matter whether you go to school or not. When you grow up, you can do some small business and live the same life." So, he never asks about the studies of our brothers.
Later, the family business became more and more sluggish. When I was in my teens, my parents went south to Ningbo, Zhejiang to work and handed me and my brother to grandpa to take care of. With left-behind children and their parents do not attach much importance to education, my brothers dropped out of school before they finished junior high school.
(My Laotian daughter-in-law, A Shui)
I was 14 years old when I followed my mother out to work! Because he weighs only 80 kilograms and is less than 1.5 meters tall, he looks like a child, and the factory doesn't want me.
Later, my parents asked me to learn the skills of tying hats with a master in the factory. I cherished the opportunity and studied seriously with him for three years.
Master is a young man, twelve years older than me, but he takes care of me like a father and teaches me how to do things step by step. I am very grateful to him until now, but unfortunately I lost his contact information later.
18 When I was working in Ningbo , I fell in love with a girl. But because I was too young, I haven't learned how to love someone, during the years I was together, I was quarreling all day long and broke up.
(Traditional weaving craftsmanship in Laos)
In 2014, my girlfriend told me that she was pregnant! I was excited and worried. At that time, the woman's family proposed to give a 150,000 yuan bride price, but my father felt that we might not be able to end the end when we make noise every day.
What's more, for my family, you have to do your best to get this number together! He didn't want to give it from the bottom of his heart. (Now I heard that the bride price in my hometown has reached 300,000 yuan)
, but for the sake of face, he had to go to the woman's house to propose marriage. So he took advantage of the time when he went to , Shaanxi to propose marriage, and he quarreled with the woman's parents through alcohol. He didn't give a penny of the bride price and ended up in disagreement. My personal relationship was completely ruined by him!
That is the relationship I have been talking about for seven years! What's more, my girlfriend is pregnant, I know she must be heartbroken, and I have trouble saying. Because of this, I was in a slump. I haven't said a word to my father for several years, nor did I have the idea of falling in love again.
(Take wedding photos, you can only raise your head)
After such a waste of time, I became an older young man in the village.
In our rural Henan, there are many older men. If you don’t have any savings at home, it will be difficult to find a marriage partner that the young girls like.
And I haven't graduated from junior high school and am 1.5 meters tall and can't even get a 150,000 bride price. It naturally became a long-term disaster among the difficult households.
Seeing that I was about to be thirty, my parents began to panic and asked people everywhere to match me, but the matchmaker sighed when he saw my situation. Later, I saw that the girl with the first marriage had no chance, so I looked for a second marriage to take care of the children, but even if she was a second marriage, she would not look down on me.
I have been depressed in those years, thinking that I would be like this in my life. Instead of being a stepfather, I will live my own life.
(a means of transportation for villagers to go to the market on the Mekong River)
At the beginning of 2020, I really didn't want to stay at home. My parents sighed all day long, and I was really upset when I looked, and wanted to go out for some breath.
For the first thirty years, I have always been an obedient child. I follow my family's arrangements in everything, follow my parents' footsteps, and never think about what I want to do, so I just want to change my life.
I first went to Xishuangbanna, Yunnan and wandered around there aimlessly for a month.
Later I heard that countries such as Vietnam, Laos, and Myanmar are very close to Yunnan, so I wanted to try my luck abroad and maybe I could find a wife. Because Laos is closest, I decided to go to Laos first.
But I heard that going to Laos to apply for a visa requires an invitation letter there. I saw that there were Chinese people in Laos who could help with it, so I transferred several thousand yuan to him.
I found two people in a row and they both disappeared after collecting the money. In this way, before I even went, I was cheated of 10,000 yuan!
(the night view of Xishuangbanna)
Even if I were cheated and lost money and were short of money, I never thought of using a bad idea.
When I went to Kunming Railway Station to transfer to , I saw a female handbag in . When I opened it, I not only had a dozen thick cash inside, but also had gold chains, great value coupons, various bank cards and ID cards. Someone next to saw it and quietly said to me, "Don't leave, no one else saw it, let's break two!"
I ignored him and went straight to find the police. I am from Shandong based on my ID card, so I should be here to travel or do business. There was a member of Zhang Hospital inside, so we called the hospital and found her mobile phone number.
was finally handed over to the owner in person through the police, and the property inside was worth almost 40,000 to 50,000 yuan.
may be that kindness will be rewarded, so my trip to Laos can always be saved from danger and gain love in times of suffering.
(I called the police and gave it to the owner)
After several twists and turns, I finally got the visa. I took a plane from Chongqing and went directly to the capital of Laos Vientiane . What caught my eye when I got off the plane was the short check-in building and the French buildings on the roadside, which were completely different from the Chinese environment, which made me both scared and curious. After the quarantine of
, I bought a second-hand scooter from Vientiane Chinatown and wanted to travel through Laos alone from north to south.
I don’t know where I am going, nor do I know anyone. The first stop was the tourist city Luang Prabang .
The northern part of Laos is mainly mountainous areas, and the road is particularly difficult to walk on, steep and rugged, and it is all mountain roads. When I was riding my bike to climb over Laos' famous bandit mountain, my motorcycle broke down on the top of the mountain.
Later, I encountered a passing bus to help and dragged the car to Luang Prabang. After arriving there, I had nothing to do and played for a few days. I didn’t know where to go next, so I simply settled down first.
(Little girl in rural Laos)
I found a street-facing store in the city, wholesale some shoes from China, and opened a shoe store. But because the epidemic had already broken out around the world at that time, business was particularly bad, and I didn’t make any money, but I also lost a lot of money.
Because I failed the Lao , I found a female student from a nearby university to work as a clerk for me.
She worked in my store for a month for summer vacation and thought I was honest and reliable. Before leaving, she asked me if I wanted to find a girlfriend from Laos? If you want, introduce your sister to me!
She said that her sister didn't go to school when she was very young. She was eighteen years old this year. Now she is following her mother in her hometown, more than 200 kilometers away from her. I felt a little moved when I heard about . Anyway, I was not familiar with the place here, so I might as well talk about it. It’s good to have many friends.
(My wife A Shui)
In this way, A Shui and I added friends to each other to start chatting online under the introduction of our sister. Two months later, I couldn't help but feel curious about my future girlfriend and decided to go find her. It took almost eight or nine hours to take a boat to her hometown along the Mekong River.
Our first meeting was in the county town. At that time, she and her friends came to pick me up on a motorcycle. When I saw this girl was black and thin, she looked like she was malnourished, not like a girl like a flower in her 17 or 18 years old in China.
Because of language barrier, I took her home after dinner. As soon as I arrived at the entrance of the village, I saw her mother waiting for us. Her mother is only in her forties and her husband has just passed away. It is not easy to raise two daughters by herself.
She must have heard her eldest daughter introduce me, so she is very concerned about it. When I saw that I couldn't understand Lao language, I specially found a person from Yunnan, China, in a nearby village as a translator and asked me a lot of questions.
(my wife, mother-in-law and wife)
For example, how old are you, what age are your parents, what is your family situation, what is your job in Laos now, etc. It is probably like this in blind dates all over the world.
Their family lives in a wooden stilt house . Daily life is very simple, go out early and come back late every day, go to the mountains to plant rice and corn, and do not water, fertilize and weed, etc. It depends on the harvest of heaven, and you will barely be hungry when the climate is good. has almost no source of income.
When I first met A Shui, I didn’t feel anything about me, after all, I was too short! The language is not clear and there is no way to communicate easily. We determined the relationship was two months later.
During this period, I will help them often. A Shui's sister has to work part-time to continue her studies, and I often pay A Shui's mother to improve their lives.
(Mother-in-law brings my wife to see me)
Because the shoe store business is bleak, sometimes I will take my shoes to the village and go to nearby mountain villages to sell them. I saw more real rural life in Laos there.
Children in the village do not go to school at a very young age, and most of them are girls, who help their families work and sell things. If you don’t have anything to eat, you will go to the mountains to dig bamboo shoots, wild vegetables, catch mice, and frogs to eat. I was barefoot and crawling around in the wind and rain, and I was also very happy.
Once, I went to a village and saw a child who was very cute. The family was so poor that he couldn't get rid of the pot and had nothing to eat. Before leaving , I left 500,000 Laos (equivalent to about RMB 200) for their family. I don’t have much money, but I still hope to help them a little.
Another time I passed by a village on a motorcycle and saw a family holding a wedding, so I stopped to see it. They warmly invited me to sit down and have a wedding banquet, and I also gave them a red envelope of 100,000 Laos coins.
(passed by to attend someone else’s wedding and had a drink)
One day A Shui called me and said that she and her mother were coming to Labrabang to see my sister and then come and see me. I was very excited when I heard this, and I passed the most important level.
My husband stayed here for two days and went back. He left A Shui and his sister to live with him and help me see the store during the day. We had more time to stay together.
As we keep getting along, A Shui thinks that I am a good person, sincere and diligent, and are good to her and her family. Unlike Laos men, who are lazy and have no sense of responsibility, they will often go missing after getting married.
In comparison, Chinese men are much more reliable, and she is becoming more and more dependent on me.
In May 2021, we drove to Ashui’s hometown together and held a traditional wedding in the local area.
I don’t have much money either, so I bought three gold for A Shui according to their customs, bought a few new clothes for my mother-in-law, and paid for a wedding banquet. The total cost was almost 30,000 yuan.
(We are married!)
When we got married, the villagers all sent red envelopes to express their congratulations. Some poor people gave 10,000 Lao coins, which was almost three yuan. Laos' economic inflation is quite strong. In the past few years, one yuan could be exchanged for 1,450 Laos. Now, one yuan is exchanged for 3,000 Laos.
After marriage, we left home to Luang Prabang to continue opening a store. Before leaving, the mother-in-law of repeatedly told A Shui: "Don't quarrel, live a good life. Cook for my husband well, don't order takeout often, it's expensive outside!"
When I heard this, my eyes warmed up, held A Shui's hand, and made a secret decision in my heart that I must take good care of my wife and not let my family worry.
At this time, I have learned a lot of Lao dialect, and there is no problem with daily communication. However, for future plans, I will arrange for A Shui to study Chinese at the Chinese school system. After all, whether it is to go back to China to meet parents-in-law or educate children in the future, it will definitely be inconvenient to not understand Chinese.
(My wife and I)
A Shui is very smart, easy to learn, and very proactive in learning. She is busy in the store during the day, and goes to school to learn Chinese at night. After she gets home, she also has to practice writing and pinyin. She often starts practicing with me. It is difficult to learn Chinese, but she only took her a few months to communicate with me in Chinese.
Newlywed couples need to work together, not to mention two people with completely different customs, languages and diets. transnational marriage faces much greater difficulties in real life.
For example, I like to eat pasta and soup, but she likes to eat glutinous rice, and it is inevitable that she is unfamiliar and disagreement are inevitable. At the beginning, I couldn't eat the dishes she cooked. She couldn't eat the food I cooked.
Later, in order to take care of each other's tastes, when we cook, we will deliberately neutralize some dishes and flavors from the two countries. Over time, our tastes have also changed, and we eat them in a mixed manner.
Now she also likes Chinese pasta, and she often searches for recipes online, and she has become a self-taught person and can cook more Chinese dishes than me!
(Ashui learns to make Chinese cuisine with the video)
Ashui and I are just like the traditional marriages in China before. We first get married and then love each other, treat each other sincerely, and live a happy life. She knew I had no money, never spent money randomly, and helped me manage the store.
all say that true love is revealed in times of adversity. On New Year's Day 2022, I was unfortunately caught and was in a bad mood. Laos has been released, most people have been infected, and Ah Shui is cured in two days just like a cold.
But I am different, especially serious. The high fever continued to subside, and the pain was all over the body rolled on the ground until it was unconscious. A Shui was frightened when she saw me like this and thought I was going to die, so she hugged me and cried bitterly. I ran to get me medicine, fed me bite by bit like taking care of a child, and relieved my fever. Until my situation gradually improves.
Since that time, I know that my true heart has been rewarded. My wife also felt sorry for me, and our relationship became deeper.
(We and the children in the village)
Our love makes Lao girls who come to work in my store particularly envious. There is one girl who may have a normal appearance or some other reason. She has not found a boyfriend until she is 23 years old. Seeing that we are so loving, I love my wife again.
She pestered me all day long to introduce her to a Chinese boyfriend, and it would be fine if it was under 40, but I was also unable to do so by her. I haven't been back for more than two years, so where can I find her a boyfriend?
Besides, if I encounter unreliable people, I cannot take responsibility. I know a Lao girl in a friend's store who can speak Chinese. She fell in love with a Chinese who practiced , Zhonglao Railway , but the child was born, but the man broke up and returned to China.
The girl is only 21 years old and lives alone with her daughter, and now she still wants to find a Chinese man. They have married Lao girls who are Chinese men and look down on Laos native men. I think they are lazy, don’t work, ignore the family, and don’t know how to feel sorry for their wives.
(I want to find a Chinese boyfriend, but I didn't help her)
Laos' economy is backward, with more women and fewer men. Here, those who work in the fields and those who do business on the street will find that most of them are women, and many of them are with children.
Some men still run around even after getting married, not staying at home. Especially in rural areas, there are also fans. Several clerks I know all said that their husbands ran away after they got married.
Although monogamy is legally stipulated, in some areas, it is also common for a man to marry two wives. My mother-in-law is my father-in-law's third wife. There are several half-brothers, but they are not good at it. Another one is arrested and goes to jail.
Here, even if you go to school, most of the jobs girls can find when they go out are waiters, beer, etc., with a monthly salary of between RMB 300-800. But they are easily satisfied. After get off work, they go to drink beer and have dinner together, and have a happy life.
(Nightlife of Lao girls)
And girls staying in the village are more likely to be content. When talking about marriage, they can get married home with a motorcycle. The girls here generally have a significantly higher impression of Chinese men than their own men. They are diligent, content, and kind.
After getting married, A Shui said that she wanted to stay in Laos and was afraid that she would not get used to it after she arrived in China. I agree because, I also want to stay in Laos to develop.
But with the opening of the China-Laos Railway, the transportation between the two countries has become more and more convenient, and my ideas have changed again.Compared with Chinese education, Laos is still much worse. For the sake of the next generation, I think it is more appropriate to go back to China to live.
Ashui did not object after hearing this. For the sake of the child, she was willing to go back to China with me. But when I asked to take A Shui back to China, her stepfather (her mother is married again) asked her mother to ask me to ask me to make up for the betrothal gift and asked me to pay him another 20 million Laos coins. At that time, I didn't have much money, so I borrowed 10,000 yuan from my friend.
(Chorus with my wife and sister)
Ashui cried and said to her mother, "What are you doing for money? We don't have money now..." I could only comfort my wife and say, "It doesn't matter, we will earn money anymore, and supporting our parents is not for others." Good things have gone through, but fortunately everything goes well.
In May 2022, with the good news of A Shui's pregnancy, I also reached my thirty years of my life. We applied for a formal marriage certificate in Laos together . Because A Shui had not reached the legal marriage age before and had not obtained a certificate, he could not apply for a visa to China.
A month later, we successfully obtained the entry visa issued by the consulate. After three years of wandering in a foreign country, I can finally take my wife and my unborn baby home!
At the beginning, he was confused and went out in a single shape. Now, with the hope and love of new life, people with no time and short legs, as long as they keep running, they will reach the other side of happiness one day.
(We are ready to return to China!)
After returning to China, my parents were so happy that they not only had a daughter-in-law, but also had a grandson. A Shui is also very sensible. On the first night of home, he had to wash his parents-in-law's feet according to Laos customs. My parents refused to say anything. I explained for a long time before she felt relieved.
The mother likes this daughter-in-law very much. She cooks according to her taste, for fear that she will not be used to the food in Henan and can’t live in the brick and stone houses here.
Fortunately, A Shui adapted well. With the foundation of studying Chinese before, she could have a normal conversation with my parents and neighbors after returning to Henan. The relatives and friends who came to watch the fun all envied me and found a foreign wife who could speak Chinese.
(hardworking A Shui)
When we went to the public security bureau to register her household registration, our police uncle kept asking me with a responsible and dedicated attitude: "Did you buy it? To be honest, how much did it cost? Did they come with you voluntarily?"
I was very persuading, and later my wife explained it together, repeatedly promised, and called the village and home again. After proof, the procedures were completed! Give a thumbs up for their persistence!
After returning to Henan, A Shui knew that I had no money, and there was a bank note on the door to collect accounts, but she did not dislike me at all. She was willing to go out to work to help me pay off my debts and live a stable life as soon as possible.
I am now in Zhejiang with my wife, helping my mother take care of her hat processing factory. The whole family works hard and look forward to the safe arrival of my child.
(Ashui is at the doorstep of my hometown in Henan)
Ashui said that she likes children, we must work hard and have at least three children. Thanks to my wife for trusting me so much and willing to follow me back to her hometown and wander around with me. I believe that life will definitely get better and better.
Now that the China-Laos Railway is opened, it is becoming more and more convenient to go back. After I make money, I will take A Shui and the children to Laos to see her relatives.
There is a saying that goes, if you have short legs, run faster. The times will eventually flood some people. Rural people like me who are not tall, educated, and have no money will be destined to be submerged along their old paths according to their parents' thinking.
has no choice but to run, run faster and stay away! Maybe, the opportunity is here!
[Oral: Xiaopang]
[Editor: Su Yu]
We cannot go through different lives, but we can feel the real stories of others here, and each story has real photos! If you like such a true story, please follow us! @real person interview
