In "The Courage of Being Hate", there is a saying: "Living to satisfy other people's expectations and entrusting your own life to others is a lifestyle that lie to yourself and keep lying to people around you."
Unfortunately, in real life, there are quite a few people who live to meet other people's expectations, and this others are often their parents.
is like Gu Tingwei in " Knows ". Originally, he was just a timid marquis and never coveted the rank of Ningyuan marquis. He just wanted to live a life of eating, drinking, having fun and worry-free life. He never thought about the brother who had always been good to him. He also wanted to have a deep affection with Gu Tingye and spend his life safely under the protection of Gu Tingye.
However, his mother Xiao Qinshi is different. She forced him to fight and forced him to murder his brother, just because she got the title of Marquis of Ningyuan. It was not Gu Tingwei's obsession, but Xiao Qinshi's.
Xiao Qin wants a title, it seems to be her beloved son, and she wants her son Gu Tingwei to inherit the title and enjoy wealth and glory. In fact, she is just for herself. She believed that she was forced to fill in a house for her brother-in-law and could not get her husband's love. After experiencing a loveless marriage, God owed her. Only by getting a title can she not suffer these grievances in vain.
The stepwife will have the idea of fighting for the throne, mostly because I was accustomed to later; but she is different. From the day she married into the Gu family, she gritted her teeth and remembered that she could not fill the house in vain. Gu Hou will definitely be her son in the future!
In the original work, Gu Tingwei, under the expectation of his mother, embarked on the road of no return and tried to murder his brother, sister-in-law and nephew. In the end, he was shot to death by arrows and was convicted. Not only did he pay a heavy price, but he also provoked Yu Fang because Xiao Qin provoked Yu Fang, implicated a pair of children.
Murakami Haruki said: "Don't be too obedient. You can refuse what you don't want to do. Don't force things you can't do. Pretend to not hear what you don't like. Your life is not to please everyone, but to treat yourself kindly."
Your life is in your hands. You have the final say. Even if it is your parents, they can use filial piety and family affection to threaten you and force you. As long as you are reluctant and don't follow their settings and resist resolutely, your parents can't do anything about you. After all, no matter how comprehensive and perfect the plan you are, you will not do, and you as the executor, it will be a waste of talk.
Of course, you can also choose to be a puppet for your parents and live your life according to your parents' expectations. However, since this is your choice, you should bear all the consequences and don’t complain so much.
Some time ago, when I returned to my hometown, I met my childhood friend Ben Xingping. He is 33 years old this year. When I learned that he is not married yet, I was extremely surprised.
01.
The reason why many boys become older single men is mainly because they have no money and cannot afford the cost of getting married, such as betrothal gifts, buying a house, holding a wedding, etc., and they have to go alone.
However, Beng Xingping is not. He is a Phoenix man with an annual salary of 300,000 yuan. With his income, he will not even be able to get the money for bride gifts and the money for buying a house.
Beng Xingping is my childhood friend. His father has a deep relationship with my father and the two families often have contacts. Therefore, I still know a lot about his situation. From childhood to adulthood, Beng Xingping has been a child of other people's families. My parents often talk about it, and I criticize me for not being able to do my best and not studying hard.
"Look at Xiaoping, he got the first place in the whole grade again. His parents were like lotus flowers. You're okay, let alone the whole grade, I can't get the top ten in the whole class. Are you going to get angry to death?"
"The ancestral grave of Lao Beng's family was smoking, and his son was admitted to 985 university. Really, I didn't know what good things the couple did in their previous life. I have such a son in this life."
"Do you know? Lao Beng told me that Xiaoping can earn 300,000 yuan a year, and my mother and I don't have half of it."
However, over the past few years, my parents no longer envied Beng Xingping, but were confused. They didn't understand why Beng Xingping, who had a successful career, never got married.
02.
I remember a few years ago, my mother told me that Beng Xingping was going to get married and took her girlfriend home. She met Beng Xingping. Beng Xingping also asked me if I had time to have a wedding banquet.
"It's been divided, and I've been divided for a long time. The reason is very simple. My mother disagreed and disliked her poor family background and said she was not worthy of me. My mother said that no one is worthy of me except the only daughter in the city. "
It turns out that Ben Xingping's girlfriend, like him, comes from a rural family and is a Phoenix girl. His girlfriend's parents are migrant workers and have been working outside. Her girlfriend graduated from a university that is slightly worse than Ben Xingping School. She works in the provincial capital with an annual salary of about 200,000 yuan. She is very beautiful and gentle and lovely. However, Ben Xingping's parents are not satisfied, especially his mother, who thinks that her son is the best in the world and that she can't marry a girl.
"Do you know what my mother's requirements for her daughter-in-law? First of all, you must have a city household registration, or you must be a provincial capital or other big city of the same level, that is, a new first-tier city! Secondly, she must be an only daughter. Those with sisters do not consider it, let alone brothers. For reasons, she didn't know who said that the boys in this neighborhood married an only daughter, and several houses in his father-in-law's house were his. Finally, we must be filial, behave, sensible, and obedient, and be willing to let her and my dad move home to enjoy the happiness. "
The reason why Ben Xingping's mother broke up and forced her son to break up with her girlfriend was because she did not live with her parents-in-law, which was her girlfriend's bottom line, and this bottom line happened to touch Ben Xingping's mother's reverse scale.
"I will definitely not be able to marry unfilial things. I worked hard to raise you, but I can't enjoy any blessings. Why? Did it take me several decades to raise a husband for free? Get out of here. "
03.
"You said, can I marry an only child in the city? You should know that boys like me call them Phoenix men, and they are so disgusted that they can’t be disgusted anymore. They think that we are targeting the property of other girls and want to use the path of marriage to help ourselves fight for decades and kick them away. "
In fact, over the years, Ben Xingping has not had the idea of marrying a rich and beautiful woman to go home, nor has he tried it. According to him, he met a girl who was exactly in line with his parents' expectations at least three times. He also learned the experience and skills of chasing girls online and pursued them desperately, but they all ended in failure.
"A man has a boyfriend, and he let me work hard and ignore me. In the end, her boyfriend beat me up. Another one was moved, but told his parents. Then, her parents came to warn me that I would not bother with their daughter, otherwise I would lose my job. Another one, who knew very well what I was thinking, not only did I not do it, but also mocked me for being a toad and wanting to eat swan meat. "
Speaking of this, whether it was Ben Xingping's eyes or tone, I noticed the words "unwilling tolerate".
When I persuaded him to be more pragmatic, he shook his head and said that he could not handle his parents: "I can't tell my parents that I am not worthy. Since I was a child, my parents have been used to being looked at by others with envious eyes because of my excellence. They are used to looking at people with their heads raised and their chests up. They will not accept that I am not outstanding enough. "
Recently, Ben Xingping started blind dates again, and the standards have not changed much. I don't know that he will not solve his lifelong affairs until the year of the monkey and horse months.
04.
04.
There is a saying on the Internet: "Marriage must be a matter for two adults, not adults at the age level, but adults at the psychological level. ”
As a psychologist once said: “To a certain extent, many tragedies in marriage relationships are all about two children playing house, not two adults living."
is completely influenced by parents, does not know what kind of marriage they want, and looks for their partner according to their parents' requirements. They are mentally immature and are not prepared to enter and run a family. People like this are not suitable for marriage. Even if they get married, they will ruin their marriage due to excessive interference from their parents.
Marriage is not a tool for profit. Once the marriage is based on interests, then when the interests are gone, your marriage will be disbanded.
END.
Today's topic: Do you have any good suggestions for Benxingping? Welcome to share your views in the comment section.
