Most of us are now in our senior years, the age where we can look after our grandchildren and take care of ourselves until old age. After retirement, we bid farewell to the work stage. There are no more public affairs, and we don’t need to worry about our children’s affairs.

Seeds in the Dry Fields
Author: Yu Guoxian

There are so many stories about educated youth that I can’t finish them. Most of us are now in our senior years, the age where we can look after our grandchildren and take care of ourselves until old age. After retirement, we bid farewell to the work stage. There are no more public affairs, and we don’t need to worry about our children’s affairs. The rest of the time can be spent reminiscing about the past and talking about things that happened during the days of educated youth decades ago. You can talk about big things, small things, and personal matters. The story I’m going to tell you today is called “Seeds in Dry Fields”, which means that after a drought or prolonged drought in farmland, if you sow seeds without watering them, the seeds will most likely dry out and fail to sprout. Extending to the young generation, love is like a farmland that has been dry for a long time. Even if the seeds of love are sown, the survival rate is very low. Here are two true stories that happened in our educated youth spot in Shanghai, Gannan, and both are related to love.

Let me first tell you the story of our Youth Point. Before describing the main plot, let me first introduce the situation of the educated youth spots. The production team we joined was a large Shandong pioneer immigrant settlement established in 1954. In 1970, 35 Shanghai educated youth came, 27 men and 8 women. Everyone eats and lives together, and is divided into three teams when working. The production team I worked on was all male educated youth. When they first arrived in the countryside, everyone thought less about personal love. In fact, even if they had such thoughts, it was useless. In those days, if you talked too much about this aspect, you would wear a political hat, ranging from writing inspections to criticizing others. But humans are animals with rich expressions of emotions. The older educated youths, who are seventeen or eighteen years old, or those in their twenties, are in the vigorous period of physical development, and will naturally have youthful impulses or sexual demands. For example, a couple of male and female educated youths were caught hugging and kissing in the corn field; it was also revealed that the male educated youth Xiao L often spied on the mating of big stallions at the horse breeding station opposite the dormitory to satisfy his sexual desire. Of course, Little L denied it. In fact, these seem to be normal now. Confucius said: "Eating and sex are also human nature." The sage said it very well. Eating and sex are both human nature. If there is no sexual life, how can the reproduction and continuation of human beings come about. However, in that far-left era, these were taboo.

We came to Gannan County in the summer of 1970 to jump in the queue. Educated Youth Point is located in the wilderness, with endless prairie to the south. Life at that time was very boring, with almost no entertainment activities except work. The brigade was also a poor team. Because there was no money, the county could not afford to hire a mobile film screening team (at that time, the screening team charged 25 yuan for a movie). So when they hear that a movie is being played in a village ten or twenty miles away, the educated youth will walk there "not far away". In fact, there are other purposes besides watching movies. Some want to take this opportunity to strike up a conversation with female educated youths, or even use this opportunity to make some small moves. However, there are too many monks and too little food, and in a short time, the eight female educated youths are almost secretly matched. Some of the remaining male educated youths turned to local young women in the production team.

There is a little girl named J in the team. She is 17 or 18 years old. She is not tall, but she is very well-proportioned. She has a pair of dimples on her face. She smiles and frowns, and she is quite cute. According to fellow villagers, the little girl named J has changed since she came to Shanghai as an educated youth. Although the family is not rich, they often go to the commune supply and marketing cooperative and even go to the county town to buy clothes. As soon as she puts on new clothes, the other girls who work together in the team will be envious and comment on her. Her frequent appearances also attracted the attention of Shanghai male educated youth in the team. Sometimes when taking a break from shoveling the ground, male educated youths would argue and fight with her. At that time, rural young women had not yet had the habit of wearing bras. In the summer, the girl who was shoveling the ground wore a shirt that was a bit revealing. If there was a button missing or she forgot to button it, when she bent over to play, her movements would slip and she would be swaying. The two "white-faced steamed buns" were really exciting for the male educated youth to see. At night, we male educated youth would often talk about her when we chatted on the kang before going to bed. As soon as Little J was mentioned, the entire men's dormitory became excited. Those who had already fallen asleep simply stopped sleeping and started talking about it. Of course, many of the local young people in the team coveted her, hoping to compete with Shanghai's educated youth to see who could marry her.An older member of the team said: Many people wanted to be a matchmaker and introduce local young people to her, but they were all rejected. It seems that girls with the surname J are worth a lot, and there is a trend that they must marry Shanghai's educated youth. Things ended like this, and no one could explain the kiss between a man and a woman. A year or two after we went to the countryside, we often heard rumors about male-female relationships among farmers in the villages. There are many cases of "illegitimate children" being born without registering marriages, and there are even cases of incest. For example, there are stories about the father-in-law and his daughter-in-law "crawling in the ashes", and some of them throwing their "illegitimate children" into the woods to the north; the married cadres in the team having an affair with a girl, and the blind rape of a certain family. Girls, etc., this kind of topic dominates the chatter of farmers doing farm work. The girl named J turned 20 in a blink of an eye, and it was time to talk about marriage. But we didn't hear of anything inappropriate on her part. Who she married seems to be a mystery that no one can guess.

Time flies to the early winter of 1972. One night, it must be late at night, the weather is cold, the north wind is howling, and some snowflakes are floating. The mother of the girl surnamed J hurried to the Youth Point Dormitory and knocked on the window and door amidst the sound of dogs barking. Then she mysteriously called out two male educated youths, Little A and Little B. I saw two educated youths holding sleepy eyes and wearing grass-green cotton-padded jackets. They immediately followed Miss J's mother out in a daze and disappeared into the night. The educated youth in the dormitory was already asleep. He was frightened by the sudden shouting. I wonder what happened? Fortunately, she is an old woman, so I guess nothing will happen to Little A and Little B. Because it was midnight and cold, even if I was woken up a few times, I soon fell asleep in a daze. The next morning, we didn't see little A and little B. Everyone was drinking millet porridge and nibbling corn flour pancakes and talked about the knock on the door in the middle of the night last night. They were very surprised and couldn't figure out what happened. But we all agree that Little A and Little B are our brothers in need, so it’s better not to talk too much about others and mind their own business less. But there is still a mystery in everyone's mind, what is going on? After breakfast, the educated youths went to work in the production team. When I finished work in the evening, I met Little A and Little B. An educated youth who usually loves to joke asked Little A: "What did you do last night in the middle of the night?" "Nothing," Little A replied lightly. "Then why did Miss J's mother come here in the middle of the night and keep us awake?" Little A glanced at the educated youth who asked the question and went out without looking back. It seemed inconvenient to answer, and everyone was sensible enough not to delve into it further, and everyone did their own thing. After all, the fire could not be contained. Within a few days, the story of Miss J’s mother knocking on the educated youth’s door in the middle of the night was revealed bit by bit. It turns out that Miss J loves beauty and is very beautiful. She really wants to marry a male educated youth from Shanghai, hoping to change the current situation of her family. But because of her beauty, both Little A and Little B fell in love with her. She may also be in a dilemma, who to choose? So Miss J started to play games between the two male educated youths. But it was later said that Miss J had many connections, and until the "accident" happened, neither Little A nor Little B knew that they were pursuing Miss J together. However, people in the village will say that Miss J is not the kind of "broken shoe" with a bad reputation.

What happened that night? Girl J gave birth and gave birth. The general information is: After Miss J had sex with two Shanghai educated youths, her "aunt" stopped coming for a few months without her realizing it, and her belly gradually grew bigger. Because I was afraid of what my mother would say or what the villagers would say, and because I didn’t have any knowledge in this area, I kept my stomach tight and didn’t know what to do. Time also helped, as it happened that winter had entered, and I couldn’t really see through the thick cotton-padded jackets wrapped around me. But when she was about to give birth, she couldn't hide it from her family. Girl J was so frightened that she had to tell her mother about her relationship with Little A and Little B. "Then who is the father of the child?" the mother asked sternly. Miss J couldn't make it clear, so she could only call Little A and Little B to find out. Little A and Little B were both dumbfounded. They were going to be fathers, but who should do it? I guess both Little A and Little B will deny it or push it to each other. If there had been a DNA paternity test back then, things would have been much simpler. That night, Little J's whole family, Little A and Little B were probably in extreme panic and helpless.and after? Readers must ask, what happened later? Who should the child's father belong to? There were definitely heated arguments and bargaining solutions, but we were outsiders after all and didn’t know the details. More than a week later, news came that the little boy whose father was unknown was thrown into the woods farther north. Because that's where "illegal children" are thrown. I later asked an older fellow villager to know the whereabouts of the "illegitimate child", and he said that the "illegitimate child" was probably taken away by "Zhang San". Because the dogs raised in the village generally don't run very far, let alone... Think about it, this may be the best result for Little A and Little B, because they can't even feed themselves, how can they Is he worthy of being a father? But is it cruel that a person's life ends like this? And what will happen to little girl J’s physical and mental trauma? Who can understand Xiao J’s pain? And in terms of current laws, they have all violated the law, committed the crime of abandonment, and will be sentenced. However, in that era, human life was so worthless and not valued. After the educated youth went to the countryside (especially the educated youth who joined the queue and settled down), the governments of the two places had little control (except for the educated youth points placed on the Sino-Soviet border), and all matters concerning the educated youth were left to the poor and lower-middle peasants. However, the poor and lower-middle peasants here are often affected by disasters. They eat resold grain and cannot even provide food and clothing. They don't take care of themselves. Even if educated youths sow seeds in the field of love, they will not sprout without a good growing environment.

The second tragic love story of educated youth happened in a nearby commune. I heard this at an educated youth gathering. This male educated youth also stepped on "two boats" when it came to love, and ended up ruining three lives. Not long after Xiao Z, an educated youth, came to Gannan to join the production team, he secretly fell in love with a northeastern girl from the production team. I heard that the two got along very well and were in the stage of discussing marriage. However, the male educated youth's parents in Shanghai firmly disagreed with the marriage and did not want him to take root in Beidahuang . While little Z was returning to Shanghai to visit relatives, his parents introduced him to a Shanghai female educated youth who was working in Anhui and fell in love with him. Two people were talking about it at the same time, and Xiao Z had a difficult choice. Thinking about the Northeastern fellow and the girl who treated him so well and abandoned her, he felt emotionally sorry. And parents in Shanghai cannot disobey their arrangements. Soon Xiao Z returned to Gannan after visiting relatives in Shanghai. Not long after returning to the village, the Northeastern girl's parents asked Xiao Z to get married as soon as possible because the girl was pregnant. At the same time, parents in Shanghai also sent telegrams to tell them that the Shanghai female educated youth they introduced to join the queue in Anhui was pregnant and hoped that he would return to Shanghai immediately to deal with it. Two major events suddenly happened to him. Little Z was caught off guard, got into big trouble, and was completely heartbroken. What to do with a bad debt? After repeated thoughts, Xiao Z chose to commit suicide and escape from this world that brought him endless troubles. Xiao Z's relatives came from Shanghai to handle the funeral arrangements. They were devastated and regretful. During the inventory of the relics, the county police and commune leaders found a well-folded five-dollar bill in the inner pocket of Xiao Z's clothes. This was the only property he had. The educated youth and county educated youth office staff present all sighed and lamented when they saw this. What can he do with these five yuan? Can you handle two major life events, one in the south and one in the north? What to do with the "seeds" in the two love objects?

Just die and everything is over. This is the best way for Xiao Z to deal with the matter in all kinds of helplessness, but his young life ends here. What happened to the two girls from Northeast China and Shanghai? I heard that both subjects had abortions. Three lives were involved in this incident. The living relatives and two lovers must be feeling very, very painful. I don’t want to know more about it. In short, it is very sad.

In June 2012, I returned to the countryside of Gannan County, my second hometown after more than 30 years of separation, to visit my fellow villagers whom I had not seen for a long time. Many people are still alive and came to meet me when they heard that I was coming. At the end of the lunch gathering, the village party secretary asked me intentionally or unintentionally: "Do you want to invite JXX?" Apparently, even though decades have passed, the villagers have not completely forgotten this story about Miss J and the educated youth. I was stunned when I heard the village party secretary’s question. I was a little surprised and couldn’t change my mind."Is he the pretty little J from our team?" I asked. "Yes, all of you educated youths know him," the party secretary replied with a hint of mystery and certainty. "Is she still in the village?" I asked next. "Here, she is fine. She is taking care of her nephew, who is over sixty years old." The party secretary said. I thought about it quietly and told the village party secretary that it was no longer necessary. I had no time to put it down and had other activities. In fact, this is what I thought in my heart: firstly, it has nothing to do with me; secondly, when I see an educated youth, I will recall the bitter past, so don’t disturb her peaceful life. I can only represent the Shanghai educated youth who joined the team in the past and silently wish her happiness and health. But my heart cannot be at peace.

And little Z who chose to commit suicide, are you in heaven? We have gone through the most difficult moments in the Great Northern Wilderness, and now we have all returned to our hometown - Shanghai, but you are lying alone in the black earth, unable to return home, and have become a wandering ghost. More than fifty years have passed, and the concept of marriage has long since changed. Men and women are free to love each other, and there is no need to be secretive. Parents do not interfere much in their children's marriage matters. You were only 19 years old when you died. It was the most brilliant period of your life, but your life ended. You try to taste the fragrant sweet fruit of love, but it is bitter and hard to chew; you try to pour out your troubles and inner pressure, but you are unaccompanied and unable to get any warmth and comfort from your loved ones; you try again Sowing "seeds" in the dry field of love, they eventually failed to germinate due to lack of moisture from rain and dew, and died in the dry soil. You have some responsibility for this tragedy, but you cannot blame it entirely. It was caused by that special era.

These are the two love stories of educated youths called "Seeds in the Dry Field" that I want to tell. There are more than 17 million educated youth across the country going to the countryside, and there are many such stories.