In order to get out of the cage of divorce fate, many middle-aged women in China chose to marry overseas.
Chinese Chunhua and Xiaolu who live in Newcastle, New South Wales are a pair of "good sisters". They all have a Western husband and occasionally have dinner together. Qiuju, who is far away in Perth , has bid farewell to her short marriage with her "foreign husband".
The three of them had a marriage before and came to Australia from afar. A green card is needed to change your destiny and escape from the sad past.
They can’t care about the age difference between their “foreign husbands”. Xiaolu was 47 years old when she came to Australia, and her husband was 9 years older than her; Qiuju was 48 years old, 12 years younger than her husband; Chunhua was not only 18 years younger than her husband, but also his third wife.
"It is said that you can live in a big house abroad"
Chunhua and Xiaolu ended their first marriage because of their husband's cheating.
60 years old, Chunhua, who has been married to Australia for 17 years, is still scarred. "He not only looks for mistresses and small fourths, but also has both small sevenths and small eighths at that time." Xiaolu, who was 50 years old and has only three years in Australia, seems much more calm. Her husband cheated on her best friend, and she said, "I wish them."
Chunhua comes from a rural area in Guangxi and works as a painter. Seven years after the divorce, she was so sad that she found the local matchmaking agency through someone. "I really don't want to face my ex-husband. He always comes to harass me, so I want to stay away from him. We are close to Vietnam, and many people marry overseas."
In 2004, someone in Guangxi was already working as an foreign-related marriage agency. The membership system is the annual membership fee of about 5,000 yuan, which is not a small amount for her.
Chunhua is black and thin, like the Saigon woman in Duras . Three months after the photo was uploaded to the Internet, it hit an Australian's aesthetic. The two held a Chinese wedding that year, and the scars of divorce gradually healed. I think I am married overseas, and no one in the village can underestimate me anymore.
The outgoing deer divorced 10 years ago, left her sad place in his hometown of Jilin and went to Beijing to work. Opening a pancake stall and a milk tea shop, a single mother and her daughter work hard alone in the metropolis.
At a friend's party, she met a foreign teacher from Australia. The latter said that his younger brother wanted to find a Chinese woman as his wife and asked Xiaolu, "Are you willing?"
Xiaolu said "I do" 1,000 times in her heart.
She still remembers that she had just met a foreigner for the first time when she went to Beijing at the age of 18. "I thought at the time, it would be great if I found a foreigner, how handsome they would be." This seed sprouted in her heart for 30 years and only blossomed and beared after divorce. She was ecstatic.
60-year-old Northeastern woman Qiu Ju came to Australia for 12 years, and her husband died of cancer. "I took care of him for 3 years and it was very tormenting. On the day of his burial, I felt relieved."
Qiuju was tall and handsome when she was young, and she was arrogant and arrogant. I heard a friend say that a marriage agency could introduce my husband abroad, and I was instantly moved and paid a lot of membership fees. In order to look younger, I also had eyebrows, eyeliners and lip lines.
"Who doesn't want to enjoy it abroad? It's said that you can live in a big house abroad." Although her friends said she admired foreign countries, she didn't care.
"Mother wants to get married"
Chunhua, Xiaolu and Qiuju have a common characteristic. They are all middle-aged brides, which are a huge and silent group in China.
According to the statistical report of the Ministry of Civil Affairs, the number of foreign-related marriages of female residents in mainland China (outside marriage) only appeared after reform and opening up . In 2012, more than 50,000 transnational spouses registered for marriage, which was reduced to about 20,000 in 2019. Among them, the proportion of women remarried accounts for 40% of those who marry outsiders.
Dr. Wang Pan, who specializes in cross-cultural marriages and love in Australia, once said: "Many inter-cultural marriages are remarriages, especially those with children. These women may be discriminated against in China, but foreign men do not care about this."
Chunhua said, "Our family is very poor. Divorced women have a bad reputation and are not easy to find in the village." He also said that there is no better way to allow children to immigrate.
She pulled up her daughter, who was only 10 years old, and plunged into a white Australian world who spoke English. Back then, this foreign son-in-law was less than 10 years apart from her parents. Her conservative father called her "daydream". He even thought it was a disgrace to her family in the countryside."My father was seriously ill later and told my mother not to come to Australia with me, but to be buried with him."
Fortunately, the Australian husband raised the child with her, went to college, worked, got married and had children. She said, "This is my luck and it is also the place where I thank my husband the most."
Xiaolu's parents were not at first stable, "I asked me if this is OK? Can a foreigner be reliable?" They couldn't help but their daughter's insistence, and they finally acquiesced.
She and her daughter agreed that after she went to Australia to stabilize, she would pick her up to Australia. For this reason, she was going through visa and other procedures, "My daughter is here, and my stone can only land."
Qiuju's husband passed away, her son was only 8 years old, and her friend also introduced her boyfriend to her. She said, "Women are in China, it is easier to find a man who dies than divorce."
Unexpectedly, her "lifeline" appears on her son. Every time I told her to take a boy, even if she worked in a state-owned enterprise and had a job, she was politely rejected. Because in China, raising a boy means heavier economic pressure.
Gradually, she lost hope and met an Australian through a marriage agency. A few months later, the two became in love "inexplicably". The other party married her and asked her to bring her children to live in Australia. "They are very simple and like you, and don't care whether you are raising children."
Because there is only this daughter, her parents refused to marry far away at first. But Qiuju handed her parents over to several brothers and took her son on the road of "mother wants to get married".
"The rain hits my face, I cry loudly"
However, interracial marriages are not all beautiful fairy tales.
A local Australian marriage agent who did not want to be named told reporters that among the Chinese women who successfully marry outside, the most common complaints about local men being "stingy", "just find a servant" and "having a third party".
He said, "Chinese people love face. Some people who are married in China are very happy to post on WeChat Moments, but they often complain to us. Some have been holding back to it in order to get a green card."
Despite this, when the annual membership fee is as high as 20,000 Australian dollars, there are still thousands of members, and many people have made the requirement to "get married as soon as possible".
For the above three people, at the beginning of their marriage, they all face cultural differences, loneliness, economic pressure and language barriers, but they can only overcome and endure them silently.
Chunhua once struggled to fight against cultural differences. When she first got married, everything was AA system for her husband, and she had to pay half of the mortgage. It took a few years later that she gradually changed. "He is my bank now, and I bought me an Apple phone some time ago." Chunhua was very proud.
In addition, she was not used to her husband's family only call her own name, not her husband's wife. "It made me feel that his family was particularly dissatisfied and seemed to not accept me." Tolerance made her not say it directly.
There was a time when the couple had a little tense relationship and frequently collided with "storms".
, while Xiaolu was quite disappointed with economic distress and loneliness, claiming that she had a moment of disillusionment with the West.
"Western husband" is a concrete mixer and his hourly salary is less than AUD 30. Without a penny savings, RVs and are all bank loans. In her words, if you pay back the loan every month, nothing will be left.
Last year, she fell to the ground and her chest was in unbearable pain. Because of financial difficulties, her husband did not even propose to take her to the hospital for treatment. After a month of pain, she paid for the film to make the film and confirmed that it was a fracture, but it was almost the same and there was no medicine for the subsequent treatment.
"You can't move when you fall. It rains. The rain hits your face and I burst into tears. I thought to myself, why do you suffer this crime if you don't listen to your parents?"
Loneliness is another "pain" faced by the deer, and it is still unavoidable. "After this year, I didn't have a friend, and later I gradually met some Chinese people."
Chunhua and Xiaolu were still persisting. Both of them felt that their husbands were simple and quiet, and they were still happy after getting started. And Qiuju is not that lucky.
has been here for more than ten years and has a language barrier to this day, which eventually became the fuse for her divorce from her Australian husband. "Slowly, I have no feelings anymore. I rely on translator communication and no child as a bond."
" Later, he went to the bar to drink every night and came home very late. I was in a hurry and kept making noise. "She doesn't want to recall too much about the second scar in life.
"The fallen leaves return to their roots, now I understand."
Local Australian media said that in the eyes of many Western men, the stereotype of Asian women is gentle and virtuous. "They are good wives and mothers, and know how to take care of men. "
The three of them have different education levels. They are women who can endure hardships through wind and frost. They have contracted all the housework at home.
Even now, Chunhua, who works, has to cook three meals for her husband. She once wondered whether her husband found herself at the age of 60 and was just to find a free nanny to serve her old age. However, thinking about his daily care for the mother and daughter, she swallowed all her emotions.
It has been 17 years since her husband made breakfast for herself last year. When she was moved, she posted a message on Moments.
The family of Xiaolu was in financial difficulties, and she had to make money in different ways. Usually, she worked as a nanny, raised chickens and sheep on a 50-hectare farm, planted various vegetables, and sold them to Chinese through WeChat groups. "We used to not even dared to go out for dinner, but recently we can go to the restaurant. "
The husband initially said that the reason he was with her was because he liked Chinese culture and Chinese food. Xiaolu made it for him in a variety of ways, including hot pot, dime , sweet and sour meat, etc., which made her husband unable to stop talking.
"I am not educated and graduated from junior high school. I can't do anything except do some housework," she said.
talks about the issue of retirement in the future. Chunhua and Xiaolu both had a vague worry.
Chunhua said, "My husband and I will always be with us," but said we might return to China. She said that the local children do not support their parents, so they do not expect their daughter who has settled down, and she is unwilling to put her tombstone in a foreign country. More than 0 years later, she finally matched her father's thoughts, who was not optimistic about this transnational marriage, "The fallen leaves return to their roots, now I understand. "
Xiaolu also has a plan to return to China to retire. "Here there is not even a person who speaks, and he doesn't know how to speak English. I want to go back to China to dance square dance. "
Qiuju chose to stay in Australia for her old age with peace of mind. Her son worked in a large company and had good prospects. She usually does cleaning and makes money, and she is still well-off. "My parents are no longer there, and I will be wherever my son is. "
Regarding this journey of marriage, all three of them said "it's okay". But they often want to speak but stop. The taste in their hearts is rolling.
(Note: At the request of the interviewee, Chunhua, Xiaolu and Qiuju are all pseudonyms)
