Long Yingtai once said: The so-called father, daughter, mother and son are just that your fate with him is constantly watching his back drift away in this life.
The ultimate mission of being a parent is actually to let children learn to deal with the wind and rain in life alone.
To a certain extent, the world presents the truth to the child.
Therefore, educating children to see the world with what perspective and attitude is the "ability" that should be cultivated more.
The appearance of a child in a family is actually the appearance of this family.
Each of us was once a child; each of us could be a parent. Each of us is in the family.
Today's article hopes to bring new inspiration to everyone.
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Recently, I saw a heartwarming video in the group:
Tydus, a 3-year-old boy from California, USA, prepares dinner for his mother. His independent and mature performance is amazing.
He went to the supermarket to push a shopping cart higher than him, bought bread and other food, went to the garden to pick flowers to decorate the dining table, cook noodles, toast, place tableware, pour drinks...
When he was taking the juice, he accidentally fell and the juice spilled all over the floor. Not only did Tydus not cry, he also quickly got up and cleaned it carefully with a rag, and explained to himself:
"This is life, brother."
His commitment, concentration and self-control are very touching.
Looking at the video, I couldn't help but think of a funny and funny news on Weibo some time ago.
A man was fined 5,000 yuan and detained for 15 days for using a fake driver's license, but his parents questioned the traffic police:
"You are too much! He is still a child, only 31 years old! Why is the punishment so heavy?"
31 years old or a child? Still so righteous? How ridiculous it is.
html The 33-year-old boy has such a strong sense of independence, but this 31-year-old man "has not grown up yet". This gap is certainly not "born" in
.
is just, many times, for the sake of our children, we are used to doing everything we can.
But I forgot to let go of my hands and let them deal with things independently, learn the ability to solve problems and the courage to overcome difficulties.
Wisdom parents love their children more deeply and know how to let go of their hands slowly so that they can learn to be independent.
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Parents who don’t teach their children how to be independent
Do you still remember the prodigy who was dropped out of school Wei Yongkang ?
He has a glittering resume. He was admitted to a key university at the age of 13. He was the youngest undergraduate student in Hunan at that time. He was admitted to a master's and doctoral degree graduate student at the age of 17.
When the future is bright, he was dropped out of school by the Chinese Academy of Sciences at the age of 20 because he cannot take care of himself and be independent in life.
It turned out that his mother thought that the child would have a future only if he was devoted to studying, so he took care of all the housework.
includes helping him wash clothes and bathe, and feeding him until he is in high school, and living in the dormitory to accompany him in college.
When he arrived at the Chinese Academy of Sciences and left his mother, Wei Yongkang was like a child and could not handle his own affairs.
cannot adapt to the independent research model of the Chinese Academy of Sciences in learning. In winter, I went to Tiananmen Square to stroll in single clothes and slippers. After being dropped out of school, he almost ran away and his mother was heartbroken.
Someone said:
"Parents who never teach children to be independent are the most ignorant and cruel. They are like eagles who don't teach the little eagle to fly, but when they become adults, they push it off the cliff without saying anything."
deeply agrees.
does not teach children independence, which not only cheats the child, but also makes parents suffer.
A 44-year-old unemployed son sent his 83-year-old mother to the train station to beg for him every day to support himself;
An old aunt was suddenly beaten by her son while walking on the road because she could not afford 20,000 yuan to pay off his debts.
In the eyes of these children who should have been independent, it is natural for parents to support themselves, without any gratitude and feedback.
Writer Liu Yong said:
Children don’t know how to cherish because they have become birds in cages, waiting for you to feed them every day.He can't be independent and feels that you owe him, so you should feed him then.
Parents who don’t know how to let go actually give their children is not love, but harm.
In the name of love, deprive children of their right to grow and their ability to be independent. The path parents have walked for their children will eventually become a pit that cannot be climbed out in the future, harming each other.
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Children will thank their parents for their "ruthlessness"
As parents, we cannot avoid worrying that our children are still young and cannot take good care of themselves.
always ignores: During the growth process, the desire for independence and self-improvement is the innate ability and desire of children.
I heard a story from a friend. When her child was about 3 years old, he had a strong sense of independence. He had to do everything by himself, but his movements were slow and crazy.
Before going out once, she forced herself to help her impatiently and asked him to pick out clothes and wear them.
Unexpectedly, after the child finished his tossing, he suddenly came and kissed her, and said with a sense of accomplishment: "Thank you mom!"
This unexpected thank you made her awaken. Compared to doing something for the child, the child hopes that his mother will not interfere with him.
When parents are used to letting their children try boldly, their performance is often amazing.
Host Fan Deng once shared a story:
A friend of his pays great attention to encouraging his daughter to solve problems by himself and cultivate his child to be very independent.
14 years old, the girl went to study in the United States, packed her luggage, and flew alone for 27 hours. After
arrived, I realized that the United States does not allow children under the age of 15 to fly alone, and the girl was detained at the airport.
The girl called her parents to tell her the situation. She was alone in a foreign land, but she calmly said, "Let me try to solve it myself."
The girl showed the police a series of documents to prove that she was here to study, explaining that because she did not understand the age limit, she flew in alone after buying the air ticket.
Later, the police let her go, and the captain admired her very much, invited her to visit the cockpit and took a photo with the crew, which was a good story.
Writer Li Yueliang once said:
"As a parent, the greatest achievement is to cultivate children who can get along with the world."
Indeed, children who can handle things independently can do things well no matter where they go and will be welcomed.
The relationship between each child and his mother is symbiotic when he is born. The mother takes care of the child in every detail, and the child also expresses his needs through the mother.
However, as children grow older and have an improved ability, this symbiotic relationship needs to be cut by their own hands.
Only by separating from parents psychologically and independent in action can children truly grow up.
Only when parents know how to let go can children have the ability to walk alone for a lifetime.
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How parents do
can cultivate independent children
American tutoring books ranked first in sales, "How to listen to children, how to listen to children," mentions several specific methods:
1. Listen to let children choose
Many parents think that their children don't know anything, and delegate power to give them choices are easy to make mistakes.
However, if the child is not allowed to choose and does not allow the child to make mistakes, the child will not be able to grow.
Once, host Wu Danru bought a new piece of clothing for his daughter. The daughter liked it very much. Even though the weather was hot, the clothes were too thick, they had to wear them.
She knew it was not suitable but she still held back and didn't stop it. Not long after I put it out, my daughter said, "It's better to change it if it's too hot."
Wu Danru sighed:
"Children have the ability to judge, and it is not scary to choose mistakes. The important thing is to learn to identify and correct themselves in the mistakes."
The so-called independence is the ability to learn from small choices, bear the consequences, and correct mistakes.
2. Tolerate and let the child do what he can and
Children's independence starts with "doing his own things by himself", and parents should resist and not interfere.
html Before the age of 06, parents can let their children learn to take care of themselves, such as dressing, brushing their teeth and taking a bath.After going to elementary school, parents can let their children do some housework within their ability, such as taking out garbage, sweeping the floor, wiping tables and chairs.
Educator Mr. Chen Heqin said:
Let the child do whatever he can do by himself.
even if it is not as good as others, you have to do it.
can only be improved in the future if it is not good once and once.
If you always rely on others, then your life will always be accompanied by poverty and humbleness.
agrees deeply.
If you can’t do your own things well, why do you have the ability to enter society in the future?
3. Slow down and encourage children to solve problems by themselves
The most advanced independence is that children can solve problems by themselves, which requires parents to consciously cultivate them.
Once watched a Thai short film. In the short film, the mother who sold pineapples said that she had never read a book and did not know how to teach her children, but only knew how to encourage her children to solve problems themselves.
The daughter didn't know how to cut pineapple. She didn't help, but cut it aside and let the child learn.
My daughter wanted to sell pineapple popsicles, but she didn't help but asked her daughter to sell it herself.
My daughter’s pineapple popsicle can’t be sold, what should I do?
She didn't help, but asked her daughter to go to the market to see how others sold things.
Finally, my daughter learned sales skills from the market, and all pineapple popsicles were sold short.
When the girl grew up, she received a scholarship and completed her undergraduate studies.
When the child asks you questions or asks you for help, there is no need to lend a helping hand immediately. Let the child try to solve it himself, and his independence will gradually improve.
The most important thing is to trust your children to do it themselves.
Change the concept that children cannot do things well without parents’ care and supervision.
Break out of the inherent experience, believe in the power of children's inner growth, give children the rules of love and freedom, and let them experience it.
Through encouragement and guidance, children can learn the correct way to be a person and do things, rather than doing everything for themselves.
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Real love
is to teach children to be alone
Recently, a heart-wrenching video has been circulating in the circle of friends, touching countless netizens.
11-year-old girl was born blind, but her mother let her go to school alone.
The road to school is only 368 meters. It is only 5 minutes for ordinary people to walk through, but she has to use a blind guide stick to hit the road thousands of times, and walked for a full 15 minutes.
What I don’t know is that behind her, my mother has been following her silently, blocking traffic for her, and never leaving near or far away.
Mother could have sent her daughter to school directly, but she said:
"Only in this way can she be truly confident and independent. One day, her father and I will leave this world and we must overcome everything by ourselves."
Parents' beloved son has a far-reaching plan.
As the famous psychologist Sylvia said:
"All love in this world is aimed at aggregation, and there is only one kind of love that points to separation, that is the love of parents for their children."
No matter how much they love their children, they do not have the ability and time to accompany him through the second half of his life.
Real love for children is to give him an independent personality and strength so that he can take over his life.
The best love that parents can give their children is love that knows how to withdraw with decent attitude. Parents’ most sincere care for their children, in addition to holding hands, they also let go of their hands.
Please don’t forget that only by letting your child give birth to wings of independence is the most lasting love and blessing for him.
After reading this article, do you have anything you want to share?
What impressed you the most about the family education you received?
Welcome to leave a message in the comment area to communicate with me.
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