In recent days, Li Xiaolu's ex-husband, Tianxin father, Jia Nailiang, has been doing good things one after another and is very popular.
"Sound on the Scene" although it was wronged and won the runner-up in the end, its outstanding performance was worthy of the championship; on its 36th birthday, it received sincere blessings from thousands of fans, and the sought-after Brother Liang is back; there are also the latest revelations , was madly pursued by Bai Fumei, who was in her early twenties, and her relationship has been semi-public in the circle, just waiting for the official announcement.
It is said that although the little girlfriend who is somewhat similar to Li Xiaolu is young, her strength is by no means ordinary. He owns several entertainment companies and has a lot of contacts and resources. During the low ebb period in the past few months after Jia Nailiang's divorce, his girlfriend gave him a lot of comfort and support, from resources to emotions, and she rose from fan to girlfriend all the way.
In this relationship, the little girlfriend is proactive, and Jia Nailiang's status is different from the past. She is the one who has the upper hand and is being pursued.
As we all know, during the eight-year relationship with Li Xiaolu, Jia Nailiang has always been suppressed by the "humble" reputation. It’s no wonder that when I met Li Xiaolu at the beginning of the year, Jia Nailiang, who came from a small place, was just an 18th-tier artist with little fame. However, Li Xiaolu, who was born as a child star, had already won the youngest Golden Horse Award for Best Actress. Her good looks and good family background were praised by many for her strength. The financial owner dotes on them, but their conditions are really very different.
In Jia Nailiang's heart, Li Xiaolu was a shining goddess from the inside out. The humble man spent all his hard pursuit, and finally the goddess was moved by God and agreed to become his wife.
In marriage, this man has been in the dust from the beginning. Many netizens still clearly remember the frozen moment of kissing the soles of the goddess's feet on the wedding day; Li Xiaolu likes punk style. Originally a gentle and obedient man, he dyed his hair and got earrings, and he did not hesitate to change his appearance and even personality, just to please the goddess; in the heavy rain She was reluctant to let her feet get wet in the cold water, and even carried her shoes when she was carrying them on her back... She was so nervous holding them in her hands for fear of falling, and holding them in her mouth for fear of melting.
The golden boy and beautiful girl were once envied by many fans. Regarding this marriage, Li Xiaolu admitted that she married Jia Nailiang, who was inferior to her in many aspects, largely because she was really "moved".
However, a marriage in which the man is strong and the woman is weak has its own shortcomings. If the man's career does not improve after marriage and cannot support the family's financial resources, it will inevitably cause disappointment to the woman and the marriage will inevitably become unbalanced.
After all, the lasting relationship between the two parties needs to be maintained by inner joy, and touching alone is far from enough. And continuing to move someone is a very difficult and difficult thing in itself.
After marriage, Jia Nailiang lost herself and could not find a precise position and direction of efforts. Apart from a few tepid variety shows, she had no outstanding works and no career prospects.
The less resources there are, the harder it is to work hard. Jia Nailiang, who is busy making money to support his family, makes Li Xiaolu feel left out, and the original emotion disappears.
Three-year pain, Seven-year itch , the shelf life of feelings is very short. Later, Li Xiaolu's haircut seemed sudden, but it seemed reasonable and bound to happen. The two officially announced their divorce, which preserved the dignity of both parties and the feelings of their sweet babies, and it was considered a peaceful and elegant breakup.
For people who are nearly middle-aged, a divorce is a life "deformation plan". After the divorce, the situation of the two people is very different.
Li Xiaolu lost all her resources and connections, her career was completely wiped out, and she couldn't even see a chance to make a comeback. But her life and mood seem to be better than before. She runs her own clothing brand, realizes her childhood design dream, and spends more time educating and accompanying Tianxin. She is definitely a super qualified good mother.
So many netizens looked back on that incident and felt that Li Xiaolu's temporary mistake was not unforgivable. Some netizens even claimed that it would be a good choice for Jia Nailiang to remarry Li Xiaolu for the sake of their children.
Career is the sexiest weight for a man. After the divorce, Jia Nailiang seemed to begin to understand this truth. With a career, wealth, love, etc. are naturally not a problem. Keep a low profile and focus on your career, and you can never go wrong.
made big movies and transformed into a tough guy image, refreshing fans; he appeared in variety shows and showed off his profound professional skills, which received rave reviews... Jia Nailiang, who is in his best years as a man, is like a rising pearl in the night, striving to become a treasure boy who speaks with strength. .
In the eyes of many netizens, today's two people's equivalents have completely reversed. Li Xiaolu, who has turned from a star to an Internet celebrity, is no longer worthy of Jia Nailiang. Jia Nailiang, who works hard for his career, deserves a better woman.
In fact, no one is right or wrong when it comes to relationships. Whether they separate or get together, no matter how they choose, it is their private matter. It's better for everyone to be well than anything else.
A person always learns to grow from the pain of falling, and in the process of growth, he tempers himself to become more perfect and outstanding.
After a previous love and marriage, Jia Nailiang should understand that although being touched can be the beginning of love and a catalyst for love, being moved itself is not love, and being moved is not enough to be a reason to enter a marriage.
Faced with Bai Fumei's crazy pursuit, Jia Nailiang might as well ask her heart whether it was because she was moved or whether she was really struck by love.
Both Jia Nailiang and Li Xiaolu hope that they can meet the love that belongs to them and gain their own happiness.
Recently, some media said that Jia Nailiang has emerged from the shadow of divorce and has a new relationship.
In fact, Li Xiaolu has always been "happy first":
Playing hip-hop, dancing hip-hop, becoming an Internet celebrity, falling in love, whatever is fun. After
and PGONE rekindled their relationship many times, some netizens ridiculed her for having the guts to cheat on her even though she relied on Jia Nailiang for food, clothing, housing and transportation.
She angrily yelled: Which of your eyes saw her leaning on Jia Nailiang?
She doesn't care about being scolded, as long as she is happy with her life, cheating, getting divorced, or being scolded will not affect her happiness in life.
This makes me feel more and more that Jia Nailiang and Li Xiaolu are really not the same kind of people.
The grievances and unwillingness in marriage have actually been revealed for a long time.
In 2017, Li Xiaolu appeared in the variety show "Hello!" "Life Home", giving advice to my best friend Jiang Yan:
"You can't find a boyfriend like Brother Liang. He is too busy. Don't get in my way."
From Li Xiaolu's point of view, can It felt like she was disappointed and regretful about this marriage.
Otherwise, he wouldn’t have stressed the need to “understand her” and told Jiang Yan to “don’t get in my way.”
But what about Jia Nailiang’s position?
He worked hard to change himself and became the person that the woman he loved loved most;
He tried his best to make money outside and did not let the woman he loved suffer, so what was wrong?
In "Red Rose and White Rose", Zhang Ailing said this:
Perhaps every man has had two women like this, at least two.
Marry a red rose, and over time, the red one becomes a smear of mosquito blood on the wall, while the white one is still "the bright moonlight in front of the bed";
Marry a white rose, and the white one becomes a grain of rice sticky on the clothes, and the red one But it is a cinnabar mole on the heart.
Women in marriage often have the illusion that their misfortunes are all due to "marrying the wrong person."
But are their husbands really terrible?
Not necessarily, because "marrying the wrong person" is just our perceptual understanding.
The "wrong person" in your eyes may not be so bad in the eyes of others.
Marriage matters are like drinking water, knowing whether it is warm or cold.
02
Under what circumstances
will we think that we have married the wrong person?
One situation is: She is lonely in real life, her husband neglects her, and she cannot feel the attention and love in the marriage.
Reader Xiao An has been a full-time housewife for 6 years. During her pregnancy, her husband traveled frequently on business. After giving birth, it became even more serious. He often used business trips as an excuse to stay away from home for whole months.
In the past 6 years, Xiaoan has been responsible for the entire family by himself.
She was very dissatisfied, but her husband sent money to the family every month and was very generous with the children's food, clothing, housing and transportation expenses. She seemed to have no reason to be picky.
Later, the mother-in-law moved in with Xiao An, and the conflict broke out.
Her mother-in-law thought Xiao An’s cooking was “unpalatable”, and she was scolded as “wasteful” when ordering takeout. Occasionally, she would go out to eat, and her mother-in-law would secretly report to her husband, who would then call her and reprimand her:
“Can’t you take good care of your children at home? , Why go out and spend time? Don’t you have food at home?”
After her husband came home, her mother-in-law deliberately scolded Xiao An in front of her husband.
My husband is a "dutiful son". Together with his mother, he has counted Xiao An's various shortcomings.
Xiaoan cried and wanted a divorce. She said that she had "married the wrong person."
No matter how long her husband travels on business, she always believes that he loves her.
But the appearance of her mother-in-law made her realize that she was an outsider in this family after all.
Although loving each other is not the only factor for a happy marriage, a good marriage requires two people to hold hands and hold each other for warmth and mutual support in this cruel world.
If your significant other doesn't know how you feel and doesn't help you solve your problems, it will make people feel that they are fighting alone and lose the desire to communicate with their significant other.
This "sense of loneliness" is the source of the feeling that one has married the wrong person.
In reality, there is another situation that will make you feel that you have "married the wrong person": you have a depressed spiritual life, you and your husband have different views, and the two parties cannot communicate.
htmlThe movie "The Bridge of Lost Dreams" more than 20 years ago triggered a wave of divorce in the United States, just because the heroine in the movie is really like you and me in ordinary life.
There is nothing wrong with a harmonious marriage, a large group of children, and a husband who takes care of the family.
It's just that this is far from the life she wants. The boring husband is completely different from the romantic her, and there is almost nothing to say in private.
By chance, she met a chic and uninhibited photographer. Once the blind spot in her life was illuminated, she was out of control.
While her husband was away, she spent passionate days with the photographer. During this period, she had the idea of divorce countless times, but every time she was suppressed by the smiling faces of her children.
The photographer gave her a wonderful experience that her husband never gave her. She treasured the photographer's photos until her death.
Although they did not choose to divorce, their relationship had actually broken down.
Quarrels, cold wars, tolerance, depression...
If couples lose spiritual resonance and their three views are no longer consistent, the marriage will become an icehouse, making people feel frozen.
George Levinger proposed that there are three major factors in relationship breakdown:
- Many quarrels will reduce attraction.
- individuals have a better choice of alternative partners.
- The price of divorce is too high, so I dare not divorce, but because of this, I hate this marriage even more and want to divorce.
These three factors will not break up the couple's relationship immediately, but they will give people an idea:
What will my life be like if I don't marry him? Will
be happier? Will they fall in love more? Will he be nicer to me?
The answer is almost yes.
Because the motivation behind this idea is that the subconscious mind is trying to divert the cause of unhappiness in marital life.
The more unhappy life is nowadays, the more we think we will be happier if we marry another person.
03
Emotions themselves are fragile.
There is a question on Zhihu: Is it more terrible to marry the wrong person, or to not marry the other person?
netizens unanimously chose the former.
Not marrying someone means that the relationship is not in place yet;
Marrying the wrong person means that the wrong decision was made without the relationship being in place.
Problems in marriage come from many sources: unfortunate experiences in individual families, different education levels between couples, individuals with maladaptive personality traits...
But these factors may not necessarily lead to the breakdown of a marriage. The biggest determining factor is still the emotional foundation. .
The depth of the relationship between a couple before marriage determines how the couple reacts to stressful events.
For example: the mother-in-law comes and the young couple has problems. This kind of sudden conflict in life is called a "stress event".
If a couple has a deep emotional foundation, they will be more inclined to unite in the face of stressful events:
Based on the premise of "not getting divorced", find ways to grow up, change, and solve problems.
At this time, there will be no awareness of "marrying the wrong person". There will only be a concerted effort between the couple to discuss whether and how to solve the problem.
If the problem is finally resolved, we can say that the couple adapted to the stressful event, eliminated the conflict, and their marriage is strong.
If a couple has a shallow relationship and faces stressful events, due to a lack of understanding, trust and respect for each other, they will go their separate ways:
The husband stands on his mother’s side, and the wife stands on her own feelings. Both parties hope that Convince the other party, but no one is willing to give up their own opinions.
Stressful events will cause a rapid decline in marriage and produce subsequent dissatisfaction. Both couples feel that they have "married the wrong person" or "married the wrong person."
This subjective perception, known as the "fragility" in marriage, will snowball and grow.
When the next stressful event occurs, such as the husband losing his job and staying home without doing housework, vulnerability will come into play, and the wife will feel strong dissatisfaction and even have the idea of divorce.
The fragility-stress-adaptation model tells us:
Couples whose emotional foundation is not strong before marriage will continue to decline in happiness after marriage, and divorce is almost a natural outcome;
Couples who have a strong emotional foundation before marriage will also be affected after marriage. Fragility wears out relationships, and although it won't lead to divorce, it will lose the initial happiness and sweetness.
Scholar Ted Huston and others once conducted a study that lasted for decades:
They tracked 168 couples who got married in 1981 and found that 13 years later, 35% of the couples divorced and 20% of the couples divorced. Unhappy, only 45% of couples are happy, but they are not as satisfied and in love as they were when they were newly married.
As our happiness continues to decline, our subjective understanding is also constantly changing:
Sometimes in order to divert our dissatisfaction and anger, we will have the idea of "marrying the wrong person" and blame all misfortunes on the other half;
Sometimes we They will experience major sudden stress events, such as the couple losing their jobs during the epidemic, and their vulnerability increases rapidly. The couple's emotional foundation is unable to cope with such a big problem, and they can only part ways.
04
Marriage is not a safe haven.
Marriage is a boat that needs to be rowed together. In the face of wind and waves, if both parties stop rowing and start arguing, the boat may capsize at any time.
There is no standard answer to "correctness" in marriage. When the storm comes, some people find ways to face the storm, while some people run away from the problem.
If you lack the ability to paddle and do not know how to maintain an intimate relationship, no matter who you marry, it may not be the right choice.
Ted Huston proposed an explanation for the breakdown of marriage:
Disillusionment is one of the sources of emotional breakdown between couples.
Beautiful longings will eventually be defeated by cruel reality, and those fanciful love fantasies will disappear in the ugly appearance of your spouse picking their feet and burping.
Indeed, when we first entered into marriage, we would hold a kind of wild optimism:
No matter how many storms there are in the future, we will definitely grow old together.
But after being disillusioned, the couple will realize that "I am actually not the same type of person as him."
Due to different growth experiences, couples must have certain inconsistencies in their views.
Fundamental values: morality, conscience, responsibility, etc., as long as there are no big differences, it will not make the couple feel that they have married the wrong person.
If there is a problem with fundamental values, the nature will be different.
For example: one of the couple thinks that cat abusers are too hateful, the other thinks that cats and dogs are just props to vent their anger;
one of the couple thinks that raising children requires continuous efforts, and the other thinks that children will grow up if they are left alone...
Once in love When the filter disappears, couples will feel a huge gap when faced with each other's differences, isolating the flow of emotions between the two parties:
The person whom you trusted so much at the beginning is now such a stranger!
Faced with these problems, some experts proposed "relationship maintenance mechanism" to strategically maintain the relationship between husband and wife.
For example: Be loyal to your partnership and avoid or eliminate artificial conflicts.
Even if a couple has a lot of conflicts, as long as they are self-disciplined enough, they can create a positive cognitive illusion of interdependence and think "we still care about each other."
Another point is: be satisfied with the current relationship and cultivate positive joy in both spouses.
Husbands and wives have different interests and hobbies. If they want to be satisfied with the status quo, they must create and maintain a rewarding relationship. For example:
Husbands and wives give each other gifts to meet each other's small needs, and give part of their own interests to please each other.
Even if the relationship between husband and wife is no longer as sweet as before, or even deteriorates as time goes by, a happy marriage can be maintained by deliberately meeting the needs of both husband and wife.
"There is no shortcut to happiness, only management."
Whether you marry the wrong person or not, it is not the decisive factor in an unhappy marriage.
Whether you can solve various conflicts and problems in marriage after marrying the wrong person, and whether you can look at the huge differences between them objectively and wisely are the secrets for couples to grow old together.
Bad guys
No respect for national boundaries
I saw a piece of news by chance recently, and I was heartbroken for a long time.
htmlOn April 7, Foshan Evergrande Yujingwan, a foreign man (Nigerian) was diagnosed as an imported case, causing the entire building owner to be quarantined at home.
The scary thing is that after the incident, neighbors reportedly said that since the man returned to Foshan, he "brings a different woman home every day."
surveillance video also showed that Cong had close contact with many women, including many Chinese beauties.
According to insiders, when the man was studying at a normal university in Guangzhou, he was nicknamed "Love Saint" and was especially good at making girls happy.
I keep changing my girlfriends and dating multiple women at the same time. He once boasted that there was no girl he could not pick up, especially Chinese people.
At present, the woman who had close contact with the man has not yet been completely found. The police urge anyone who sees the news to go to a nearby hospital for examination as soon as possible.
Over the years, China has become a gold mining destination for foreigners.
There are so many foreigners coming to China, it’s really a mixed bag.
There are many excellent foreign friends among them, but there are also many who are trash who cannot survive in foreign countries.
Some people have poor quality, low education, and nothing to do, but they use their "foreign face" to deceive Chinese girls.
Some girls are obsessed with foreign cultures and worship foreigners. It seems that they are superior to Chinese people and deserve to enjoy "thousands of favors".
It is precisely because of such blind pursuit that some foreigners become more arrogant.
I really want to say something: girls, please keep your eyes open, bad guys really do not respect national boundaries.
Please sweep the foreign garbage out of China
Over the years, we have really suffered a lot from foreigners.
Spend money all over the world, but people smile in front of us and turn around and just treat us as wallets.
In China, foreigners are looked down upon, and foreign students are given high scholarships. As a result, a lot of giant babies are born.
Some foreigners are arrogant and even commit crimes in China, but we cannot show mercy and always show mercy.
The most distressing thing is that some Chinese girls blindly worship foreigners, throw themselves into their arms in various ways, and are eventually defrauded of money and sex.
It’s really sad to think about it.
The Lan Kwai Fong incident a few years ago is an example.
A foreigner named Alex seduced a Chinese girl in front of boys, causing public outrage.
What’s even more infuriating is that Alex’s friend David recorded the entire incident and uploaded it to the Internet as a “trophy” to show off.
Later, netizens discovered that Alex and David were unemployed people who couldn't survive at all, but within a year and a half, they moved to Japan, South Korea, Vietnam , and Thailand, hooking up with girls along the way, and they had endless fun.
In the end, they also edited the videos together and named it "16 months after leaving the job to pick up girls in Asia".
was posted on YouTube and taught in the video how to successfully date Chinese girls who don’t understand English.
There is also an American repairman who not only turned into a foreign English teacher after coming to China, but also slept with 200 Chinese girls. In his eyes, China is a "moist and happy life, and everyone loves him."
The young man said that he will continue to stay in China. There are so many girls throwing themselves into his arms, and his life is too "moist". That's right. He also sincerely praised China as a great country.
These things seem magical, but they are happening around us.
I often hear people say in life:
Foreigners are of higher quality than Chinese;
Look at other foreigners, and learn from other foreigners;
Chinese people are just not as good as foreigners, how can China possibly compare? Foreign countries are good
....
The weaker we are, the more arrogant these foreign garbage will be.
On the contrary, if we have vigilance, bloodiness, and self-esteem, these people will not dare to be presumptuous.
We welcome friends from all over the world and will treat all those who respect us with sincerity.
But for these foreign garbage, I really hope to sweep them all out of China.
You must be responsible for your own safety everywhere
A while ago, the incident in Room N in South Korea broke out, allowing us to see the bloody truth clearly.
In this industrial chain, many young girls and even girls are controlled, humiliated, harmed, and become the targets of perverted sexual exploitation.
The person who created everything was a highly educated man who looked weak and weak.
Thinking back to the previous disappearance of Peking University girl Zhang Yingying, the murderer was also a white and obedient man in everyone’s eyes.
Bad people do not necessarily have a vicious face, and they do not distinguish between skin color, nationality, race and creed.
In this world, there are too many traps waiting for girls to jump.
Abroad is not a paradise, some places are much scarier than we imagined.
In September last year, two female international students were attacked in the United States, which aroused great concern among the Chinese people.
html On the evening of September 21, a home invasion and murder occurred in Dallas, Texas, USA, resulting in one death and one injury to two Chinese female students.
The assailant was a white male. After investigation, he had repeatedly followed local Chinese students in an attempt to harm them.
But this time I found out that the other party was two girls, so I followed them and started.
We look at the world with the best wishes, but the world outside is not as wonderful as we expected, but is full of dangers.
Therefore, when you go out, don’t take any chances, let alone be at the mercy of those with ulterior motives.
Don’t think that foreigners are necessarily good people. Scum never respects national boundaries.
Only you will take full responsibility for your own safety. Do not give your life to the hand in the dark and do not let the devil decide who the next victim will be.
Please remember
You are precious
Once upon a time, a foreigner pinned a Chinese woman down on the street and attempted to commit indecent rape.
After the woman called for help, several Chinese men passing by rushed to stop the violence.
The foreigner was so angry that he quarreled fiercely with the people around him under the influence of alcohol and insulted the Chinese people. Then he was beaten violently by several Chinese boys and subdued him to help the molested girl escape.
This is right! In the face of ugliness, patience is not a virtue, anger is!
Every Chinese girl cherishes herself, and every Chinese boy protects the women around him.
I sincerely hope that every Chinese girl can be self-reliant, self-respecting and self-loving, not underestimate the dangers of the world, and not believe in those cheap sweet words;
every Chinese boy can be neither obscene, cowardly, cowardly, nor bullying. When you see compatriots being deceived and bullied, stand up bravely.
Only in this way, our dignity and interests will not be trampled on at will.
I hope that even if you are in darkness, you will still have light in your heart. Even if you see the cruelty of the world, you will not change your original intention of self-respect and self-love.
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