Reporter | Liu Yanqiu
Editor | Li Fang
This is a real story of "mom fans".
Wang Ying is from Hunan and is 57 years old this year. She described herself as getting older by watching "Everyday Upward". About three years ago, she turned on the TV and found that a boy who was not talking and tall and handsome appeared in the host of "Everyday Upward". What is the name of this boy? She didn't remember the first time, and later she found out that his name was Wang Yibo. But at first, she didn't pay much attention to this person, but was just curious about how a quiet person could be a host. It was not until one weekend when she turned on the TV and saw Wang Yibo dancing alone on the show. When she saw "shocked and dropped her chin", she realized that he had unique skills.
In the autumn of 2019, several friends who usually talk about film and television dramas recommended "The Untamed" to Wang Ying. After watching it, she was completely attracted by Wang Yibo and began to go from being a fan of the drama to becoming a fan of Wang Yibo in reality. She was 56 years old that year. Every day after work, she would watch Baidu, Bilibili and Douyin to watch his various shooting highlights, interviews, and dancing videos, making up for the TV series and variety shows he had participated in.
She took a look at Wang Yibo's early appearance in "The Stunning Taste of the World is Qinghua", and after watching "Accompanying You to the Top of the World" starring him, she also watched the animated film "Yesterday Blue Sky" and "Creation 101" and "Extreme Youth". From 2019 to 2020, Wang Ying will never watch any TV series and programs that appear in Wang Yibo. She was so excited about watching "This Is Street Dance 3". She shouted at home in the middle of the night, and her husband teased her that she disturbed the public.
Wang Ying is known by more people because of the video of "57-year-old grandma checking in across provinces to chase stars". In order to get tickets to the New Year's Eve concert, she and her friends went to Wuhan from Zhuzhou, Hunan to participate in a large-screen check-in event, and took a video on the way to record the journey. This video has been praised by more than 10,000 people on the Internet. "Wow, Wang Yibo is out." In the video, Wang Ying cheered against Wang Yibo who appeared on the screen, and took a photo with the idol on the big screen with the dolls around him. She voiced softly, wearing glasses and a plaid scarf, looking very gentle.
She didn't win the ticket, but the event gave her a ticket after seeing the video. So, at Hunan Satellite TV's New Year's Eve concert not long ago, Wang Ying and his friends took a plane to Haikou to watch Wang Yibo, but were "fashioned" by Wang Yibo.
Wang Ying described his feelings after posting that star-chasing video - it was like during the journey, as he suddenly saw a fantasy and colorful sand appeared in front of him. She once walked through a very difficult road in Bingchacha, Tibet during her self-driving tour, and the rapids in Chayu shocked her. The quicksand shines brightly in the sun, presenting a illusion of satin. When you look closer, you will see that the quicksand is actually a landslide formed by countless stones of large and small accumulated over the years. From time to time, stones will roll down. When she decided to show the outside world her love for Wang Yibo, she knew very well that she might have to face criticism from the outside world, and it felt like seeing quicksand, with surprises inside, but at the same time there was danger.
"Wang Yibo often says to be honest with himself. I also hope to face my inner true feelings. I want to express it and not be afraid of what will bring in the future when showing my true feelings. I believe that most people in this world accept this sincerity. If this must be a double-edged sword, I am also ready to face that kind of bad judgment." Wang Ying said.
"The Debater" Season 7 has a debate topic: "Mom is crazy about supporting male stars, should I stop me?" Defender Xiaolu grasped the stereotype behind this debate topic - dad takes it for granted that the child does not care about family, and it is understandable that the mother does not care about family, so if the mother does not care about family, it becomes the target of public criticism. "Why can't there be a mother in the candlelight?" On the stage, the meme thrown by Xiaolu became a hot search on Weibo that night.
How to understand the emotions of mother fans towards their idols? Under the traditional family division of labor system, does a middle-aged woman have the right to chase stars? How do family members think of star-chasing mothers? Going further, what obstacles should a person overcome if he wants to pursue his true life? These issues actually concern social structure and self-cognition.
Wang Ying doesn't think she is that crazy fan. Her other identity is a psychological counselor, who has been engaged in psychological practice for more than ten years. She also doesn't think that she is chasing stars to break free from some realistic dilemma - her star-chasing journey should be interpreted as a middle-aged man's process of introspection.
Faced with the irreversible passage of time and impermanent life and death, on the one hand, she is creatively expressing herself through star chasing, thereby gaining vitality to resist aging; on the other hand, she also hopes to enrich the perspective of looking at problems through star chasing. After watching Wang Yibo's performance across provinces, Wang Ying had a conversation with her adult daughter and looked back at their respective star-chasing experiences. In Wang Ying's view, this exchange brought the emotional distance between mother and daughter closer.
The following content is compiled based on the interview with Wang Ying by an interface reporter and does not represent the views of interface news.
Why should I wait until I get old? You can do what you like now
year ago, I went to Wuhan to have a lottery and participated in the lottery for the New Year's Eve concert. I didn't get tickets for the public screen lottery, but after the video came out, the company that did this activity contacted me and gave me a gift of tickets. I was so happy because I had asked some people like scalpers before, and their quotes were scary. The live recording of "Everyday Upward" reached more than 10,000, so I definitely wouldn't go.
After many days of excitement, I invited a few friends who chased stars to watch the New Year’s Eve party together. We flew to Haikou on the morning of the 31st and flew back on the afternoon of the 1st. I stooped and ate all the way, talking and laughing, and dopamine rose rapidly. The entry time was 5:30. We settled in the hotel, and after a while, we ran to the scene. We needed to prepare in advance due to epidemic prevention and control. When entering the venue, you can say that you have passed five levels and defeated six generals, check your ID card, nucleic acid test, body temperature measurement, and check the support items you wear. The cold wind blows in the
gymnasium, and it feels very wonderful. The overwhelming sounds on the scene give you a strong sense of experience. Before you see the figures or hear the sounds like tsunamis, you will know that Wang Yibo has come out. We stayed in it for four or five hours, and Wang Yibo started shouting when he came out. At the end, it was 1 a.m., and his voice was hoarse.
We wear green clothes in a uniform manner. The ones sitting next to us were Wang Yibo’s fans. The girl on the right is from Chongqing and the girl on the left is from Xi’an. Everyone came to see him from far away places. Because of the previous video, several waves of fans recognized me. They call themselves "mobile sisters", wear some logos on their heads, and wear green clothes. Several waves of small fans took the initiative to greet me and shook hands and hugged me. They said, "Auntie, I like your mentality very much. I want to be like you when I get old." I thought to myself, why do you have to wait until you get old? You can do what you like now.
In addition to this cross-provincial star chasing experience, I should not be considered a particularly crazy fan, but I will express my love for Yibo in my own way. I am reading "You Fei" recently and am still looking forward to his "Ice and Fire". According to my past habits, I might not have watched this type of drama, but because I like this person, I unconditionally accepted all his performances.
Last year, I stayed at home due to the epidemic. I bought various wool sweaters online to pass the time and also bought Wang Yibo's dolls. The doll was about 20 cm tall and its head was a little smaller than my slap, so I knitted a small sweater for it at home. Yibo has some styles that I like very much, so I knitted a pullover or cardigan sweater and matched them according to the style and color in the online photos. I also bought denim, sewed him a few jeans, and finally put the clothes on the little doll, which looked very cute.
I spent a few hours knitting a small sweater, and my friend said you can set up a street stall. I either want to make money, or just think it’s like it and it’s fun, and this labor process is a creative process.When I went to Wuhan to check in, I also brought these two little dolls. In addition, I will also buy his albums, usually two. The first one is to listen to music, and the second one shows support, that's it. As for the products he endorsed, if you have something you need at home and the price and performance meet my requirements, you will give priority to buying the products he endorsed. That's all, I won't be crazy about krypton gold.
When "This Is Street Dance 3" was broadcast, I almost threw towels to Yibo King Blasting Team every day. I won't spend a lot of time brushing points to save towels. Because I have a job and other hobbies in my daily life, I will browse these online things during my rest period. I have all browsed the Wang Yibo pages on B station, Douyin, and Baidu. Occasionally, when I see news about WeChat’s rankings, I will vote a few times, but sometimes I will forget it and will not participate in the clearing. I basically don’t need to Weibo, don’t play super talk, and don’t participate in fan circle battles, so I should be considered a loose fan.
Do you know how many people are anxious and depressed because of other people’s tags and expectations?
I usually do psychological counseling and need to accompany some people who are trapped in the quagmire of emotions. I will be with another very painful person wholeheartedly in every one-on-one consultation, which requires a lot of effort and emotion. Of course, we will have professional support regularly, but at the same time, my own life also needs to be adjusted in a moderate manner, so I will find some ways to relax myself. When knitting sweaters, I can maintain a high degree of concentration and be in a relaxed and very stable state. Of course, knitting sweaters for Wang Yibo will have some special emotions.
When I was young, I watched "Shaolin Temple" and I liked Jet Li when I was young. At that time, I had just started working and posted a poster of Jet Li on the dormitory wall, posing as a drunken fist. I also like some bel canto singers in Hunan Satellite TV's "Voice Enters the Heart" at the end of 2018, but Wang Yibo should be the one I spent the most time.
The kind of transparency and sincerity towards myself that far exceeds this age are particularly attractive to me. Sincerity is not just sincerity to the world. I think he is sincere to himself, knows his talent, and does not let down his talent. He is very focused and will choose what he likes to do to the extreme, and enjoys that process very much. Some of his words sound quite pleasant, for example, he said, "Don't use your label to price my life" and "other people's expectations cannot limit my life" - such expressions are a state that many people cannot afford.
Do you know how many people are anxious and depressed because of other people’s tags and expectations? I am doing psychological counseling and I have come into contact with too many such people. I think this is probably one of the reasons why he is a young man.
Everyone will project their recognized life ideals on a star and use the matter of chasing stars to express their inner desires. I highly agree with his personality. I am a person who is cold on the outside and hot on the inside. The net name I chose is a thermos, a thermos, etc. Wang Yibo has a cool and cool appearance, but he is pure and passionate inside, straightforward and honest, not silly and not slanderous. In the unfathomable world of the entertainment industry, this requires firmness and courage. Wang Yibo has something that particularly attracted me, he always lives in the present. Others asked him, if you have a choice, where do you want to go the most and what age do you want to travel the most? He will answer, I will choose the present, I will choose here.
Yesterday I was still listening to his radio station on Himalaya. Finally, he said something, the general meaning is, if you like to listen to my voice, if you don’t like to listen, you can like others. You will think he is confronting people all the time, but in fact he is just not more tactful like others. This is also the reason why he has many mother fans.
Among my friends, almost all those who like Wang Yibo are mother fans. The title of mother is a duty. From the day you become a mother, you have accepted the duty given to you by this identity, which includes unconditional love, nurturing, protection, support and tolerance.The relationship between our mothers and children in our prime is always an asymmetrical relationship in terms of emotion. Mothers feel that they will be stronger and more powerful, and they will bear more responsibilities. Children are naive and need protection, just be willful and be themselves. Wang Yibo's straightforwardness and childlike innocence that he reveals from time to time can inspire women's motherhood, so his mother really has a lot of fans.
I really treat Wang Yibo as if he is looking at his own child. I like him very much and think it’s good to spoil him. He often suffers from stomach problems. Sometimes he goes to the hospital halfway through the recording of the program, and I feel distressed. I will also feel distressed when I see the injuries he suffered from dancing. Some of the Heizi attacked him online. Aren’t these all the special natural emotions of a mother towards her children? Many young girls even younger than him claim to be mother fans. I guess it is because they have part of their inner feelings that belong to their mothers.
In the process of chasing stars, stars are like projecting screens. I just interpreted my own life experience on his screen. I like him and use his screen to interpret my life. These things have nothing to do with me, and they have nothing to do with him. Of course, if he responded to me, I would be happy. But I think Wang Yibo must not know that there is a mother-in-law like me who knits sweaters for his little dolls like me? It is just a purely beautiful emotion of mine, and it is my own meaning. I experience whatever I want, just be happy.
A friend also asked me, and she said, "How did you know that Wang Yibo is herself and doesn't mind other people's evaluations," which means that these are all packaged characters. I said, sister, I have lived for 57 years, and of course I know that there are people in the entertainment industry. I don’t deny that his agency will deliberately amplify some of his qualities according to market needs. But because I have such a understanding, I don’t mind whether he knows this or not. What does he think about it? I just need to express myself.
My daughter said, "What you do now is what I played with back then"
Everyone in my family knows that I am chasing stars. When the children see me as happy every day, they are actually very happy. The children are particularly afraid of the attitude of "working hard and selflessly dedicating for you", so that they will feel a lot of guilt and become an unbearable burden in their lives. There is a junior at home who I said to like Wang Yibo now. He will provide me with some information about Wang Yibo from time to time, and we will often talk about this. I also have a niece who would say to me, "I have an aunt who is 18 years old."
My husband has retired, and the fan circle is not on his interest. He doesn't even know who Wang Yibo is, but he never stops me from doing things he is happy about. This is a great deal of respect and support. Couples can keep differences, but we can respect each other's preferences. He knew that Wang Yibo's little doll was very fun and would use it to make toys for his grandson. I also told him about the tickets given to the concert. He joked to me at that time, "Please keep your wallet well, and now the psychology of a liar is much better than you can learn. They were also happy that I received the ticket.
I also have a grandson. I think raising children is the duty of my parents. I worked hard for my duty in the first half of my life, but raising children is not my responsibility. I can help, if others don’t have time and need me to take care of for a day or two, it’s OK, but I don’t think being a full-time grandma is a matter of course. First of all, this is the responsibility of parents, and I am doing psychological counseling. I know that for children, it is more beneficial for their parents to raise their children.
My time is controlled by myself and will not be tied up by a certain thing. Of course, my work and other things may require frequent coordination. For example, I have a 90-year-old father in my family. Although he is not yet at the level of needing people to take care of him every day, he sometimes needs to go to the hospital.Before I went to Haikou, I took him to the hospital to see a dentist. A while ago, his eyes had cataracts and he was almost blind. I took him to the hospital for cataract surgery, and now his vision is recovering very well. This is my responsibility and must be done.
In the group of people chasing stars, I have a little more mastered psychological theory. Among people who understand psychology, I am more dedicated to chasing stars. In this way, I can build a bridge of communication with star-chasing people, which is also the original intention of my willingness to share this video. On the one hand, I am expressing myself, and on the other hand, I hope that by chasing stars and looking at problems, this real experience can make it easier for me to enter the spiritual world of teenagers.
For example, by holding some salon lectures, we give two generations of people who are in communication difficulties the opportunity to communicate. On the way back from Haikou, my friend who went to watch the New Year's Eve concert was also discussing, thinking that I had to do something after returning from cross-provincial star chasing. Originally, we would hold a charity salon every month, but recently we set up a salon with the theme of "Home with fans". Because many teenagers have the behavior of chasing stars, but their parents often don’t understand it, so we want to discuss with you the psychological mechanism behind the star chasing phenomenon. In two hours, several of us who participated in the Haikou Cross-Provincial Chase 1B event shared our experiences on the spot based on psychological theories.
We found that many parents do not understand their children’s mentality of chasing stars. In fact, there are also things like chasing stars in ancient times. Su Dongpo was a fan of Tao Yuanming, Du Fu was a fan of Li Bai, and Li Bai was actually a traffic star of that era. I understand this is the fan circle - the main members are teenagers, who are in their teens and twenties. People at this age have a strong desire to break away from their parents' wings and enter society and seek recognition, and will do everything possible to prove that they have grown up. For example, some children will try to smoke, and some children want to go to the bar secretly. They will constantly express their desire to be independent to the authority represented by their parents, but their parents are used to manipulation and may not be able to accept their desire to turn around and leave at once, so emotional friction between parents and children will arise at this stage, which is sometimes very intense.
Parents are very anxious and often limit their children's rebellion in the name of love; children are also anxious and eager to find external recognition. I agree with that statement, the word rebellion itself is a false proposition. At this age, rebellion means smoothness.
Lu Chuan has a documentary "We Are Born in China". In an episode, the panda baby wants to leave his mother's protection and go to climb a tree alone. The panda mother blocks all kinds of obstacles, but the baby breaks away from his mother again and again, tries to climb that tree, and then rolls down. In the end, the panda mother stopped stopping her and stood under the tree and watched the panda continue to climb. It really finally climbed onto the tall trunk alone.
Animals are like this, let alone humans? If you look at the fan activities online, you can see that the fan group has a complete set of rules. When you devote yourself to the collective with value convergence, individuals are highly recognized. The feeling of weakness and loneliness of adolescents is instantly resolved, and the sense of self-power will be expanded many times, and this power will push every member to safeguard the interests of this group.
There is a saying in psychology called subgroups. Once subgroups are formed firmly, external forces will be difficult to penetrate. If the internal operation mechanism is smooth enough, the group will be like a giant and the power it produces will be amazing. In addition to fan circles, e-sports circles, Danmei circles, fan circles, and LGBT groups... All of these circles have distinct self-identities like fan circles. A growing teenager, being paid attention, recognized, and responded to can be said to be a vitamin for growth. If his emotional needs are not paid attention to, recognized, or responded to in real life for a long time, his spiritual world will inevitably feel lack and powerless. This is also a question I have been thinking about during the process of chasing stars. If more warm attention and permission from families and schools will be paid to children's hearts, then their participation in some non-mainstream activities may be moderate.
My daughter and I have also communicated with each other about cross-provincial star chasing.
I recalled to her that once a boy group Super Junior came to Changsha 13 years ago, my daughter was probably in the second year of junior high school. One afternoon after school, she ran from Zhuzhou to Huanghua Airport to support her without telling me. Our house is more than an hour away from Changsha. We have to take a long-distance bus. She was afraid that I would disagree and then report. She only sent me a text message after she got there. She wrote the text message for a long time, which meant that today I went to pick up the plane with a fan group. I finished my homework, I had to eat at night, and stay in a hotel. Someone arranged a bus to pick it up and drop off. I will come back tomorrow morning, don’t worry. When I saw this text message, I was shocked and angry. She ran away like this. I couldn't find her, but the content of this text message left me speechless because she blocked all the things I was worried about. Later she went home safely and my anger faded.
If she told me in advance, I would definitely not let her go, but I would not be angry after she came back. I thought a lot that night. I could understand that children of this age would do such things, so I didn't criticize her. I heard her talk about the process of chasing stars, and this matter was over. She likes Choi Siwon. I went online to learn a lot of information about this group. I really think she is a group of hard-working children, but since then, she has never had similar behavior again.
My daughter is usually in another place. A few days ago, I and her were in the video, and they restored the situation at that time from different angles. She told me with a vicissitudes that crazy experience was very important. She said that she would not be so interested in such things in the future. "What you do now is what I played with back then." After she released that power in this way, she no longer became obsessed with star chasing, because after she returned home, as a parent, I caught this emotion, and I also caught my own emotion.
This recent exchange has brought us a close emotional distance between mother and daughter. I think we are both doing the same thing, which is looking back at the path we have walked and witnessing each other's growth, which is very beautiful.
Half-life, traveling through the world, sentient beings, will eventually return to themselves
I call myself a "middle-aged girl" in the video, and some people say we are "old girls". Regarding the issue of the standards for middle-aged and elderly people, I think the current title is a bit confusing and should be unified. For example, we can refer to the International Health Organization's dividing line of the age of middle-aged and elderly people. Those in their 50s are typical middle-aged people.
I said in a video interview that I was quite well-behaved when I was a teenager, and I never had any troubles. After middle age, my heart would go into an introspective process. I saw some people replying under that post saying "I'm almost crying." Introspection in middle age will impress so many people, which I didn’t expect, because in my opinion it is an inevitable process.
Last year, I wrote a short essay for the 40-year graduation party of middle school classmates. The title of the short essay at that time was "Where You, No Rivers and Lakes". In the article, I sighed for a long time. Life is like a parabola. If you fold the parabola in half, it happens that adolescence and middle age are in half. Adolescents are in the state closest to philosophers. There will be three consecutive questions about the soul, and they need to figure out who I am, where I come from, and where I am going. The same is true in middle age. We have left half of our lives and traveled through the world and have to return to ourselves. I have to live clearly and know who I live for. If you want to live for yourself, you won’t mind other people’s definitions and labels.
It seems that chasing stars is a very easy thing, but for me, it is actually not easy to let go of other people's evaluations. When I was a child, I was a good student and a good child. The traditional family education I received was very strict, without speaking loudly and smiling. When I was young, I was a little introverted. I grew up in such an environment and I almost had a dignified life. I have a friend who makes fun of me and he says you are dignified, but in fact you are dressed up. But in fact, people are not so dignified at all times. Occasionally, you can relax and become more sloppy and live a little more indulgent life.When a person does not allow himself to have such "little bad" moments, in fact, this person is no longer in his own state, but lives in the eyes of others.
Today, by chasing stars, I can show my naiveness, which is actually very precious. Many people in our generation are like this. A lot of time is spent chasing what seems to be the only correct value, such as scores, wealth, fame, etc., and as a woman and a mother, I must remember the duty of a good wife and a good mother, and taking care of my husband and children. Especially when a person of my age was taught to listen to adults and abide by the rules and regulations. It actually takes courage to overcome the rules, dogmas, and taboos of being in my mind that have been exported by my family and society for decades to touch my deepest and most true desires, and to admit this truth to the world.
There is a middle-aged woman around me talking about her experience. She used to like a certain star, so she used the photo of that star as a computer screensaver. But one day, one of her colleagues saw the photo and threw a meaningful look over. That day, she removed the screensaver. Do you think she struggled in this process? There must be, but in the end she was defeated by the outside world's evaluation and gave up her inner true expression. In fact, we all have similar experiences.
A 57-year-old aunt is chasing stars. Faced with such news, some people can make judgments based on their usual prejudice, such as disrespect, brains, and unbeautiful pictures. When a person reaches middle age, he actually needs to come from various evaluations and judgments in his mind to his heart. The distance between a person from head to heart is only more than 30 centimeters, but in order to cross these more than 30 centimeters, I seemed to have walked a long march. I went through a lot of trekking before I reached my heart.
I am a full-time psychological counselor who has been in the field of psychology for many years. I can use a lot of psychological concepts to explain fan psychology and star chasing phenomena. My real function is still normal, so I can fully maintain a calm mind about star chasing. But that is a professional state, not a simple person. At this moment, in the process of chasing stars, I do not want to create a professional and authoritative image. I just want to present my own existence as a person with seven emotions and six desires.
The motivation behind some people doing shocking things is that they really want to break free from a realistic dilemma, but for me personally, there is nothing in my life that I need to break free from. If there must be such a barrier, it is the limitations I have on myself. My ultimate freedom is freedom of attitude. There may be many things that cannot be free at the reality level, but no one can tie up my attitude towards people and things.
I often ask myself, if every life is a unique art, what kind of art can I create exclusively for my own life for the rest of my life? Chasing stars is just an act that naturally occurs in my heart, and I can do such a thing happily in my own unique way. Perhaps in the future I will create some other life experiences that belong to me, which are actually my own manifestation and expression.
I am almost 60 years old now, and the parabola of life is going down, but I don’t think it’s a fall, but a return. My previous generation left one by one, and there are only one of the four elderly people in the family now. Death is always happening around me, and my peers are ill from time to time around me. Every time it is an impact on me. My own life and body changes will remind me from time to time that death becomes extremely real. Life and death are impermanent. What can I do to make the passage of time without being able to keep it? Whether it is exercise, health care, beauty, travel, or you can still use your remaining energy to continue working, these are topics that your peers often talk about.
The limited rest of my life will inspire me to think about how to make choices so as not to leave any regrets.Other people’s comments “Is she right? Is she stupid or not” not important at all. What’s important is that it can make me feel energetic and feel that life is beautiful, which can resist the process of resisting aging. It’s not about stopping the aging process, but about being psychologically daring to face the fear of aging, which is the most important thing for me.
(Wang Ying is a pseudonym at the request of the interviewee)
