I have no complaints, but I always feel a little inexplicably nervous when I walk alone in the dark night sky, after the dim street lights replace the flashing neon lights on the urban square.

The sun is very strong in winter in Beijing, but there is no temperature, just like the countless car wheels coming and going on the street - how can there be temperature in the steel-building things? I have no complaints, but I always feel a little inexplicably nervous when I walk alone in the dark night sky, after the dim street lights replace the flashing neon lights on the urban square. A young woman lives alone in the dark, spitting out a big mouthful of cold air, like a group of fish struggling in the turbid shallow water, guarding against accidents that may come at any time, bored and reluctant to leave.

When I finally stepped into the house and fell on the bed exhausted, intending to sleep until dawn, I couldn't sleep. I just felt that something was attached to me in this dead air, making me lonely and bored. An unbearable emptiness controlled all my nerves and thoughts. There is nothing unusual today, but it is really unusual. After get off work at noon, I went to the KFC opposite the company with a few colleagues for lunch. When I climbed the first stairs in front of the KFC gate, a beggar suddenly rushed over and grabbed the back of my skirt. I was so scared that I almost fell down and screamed and attached to a friend next to me. Everyone sternly drove away the beggar and comforted me, who had already looked like a little bit. However, the beggar did not walk away, but instead lowered his head and grabbed my skirt tightly. So the friend started to take his wallet and pulled out a hundred yuan and threw it on the ground. But the beggar didn't go to pick it up, he looked up at me. I didn't expect it to be a female beggar! He looked unkempt and the cracked lines on his face were like layers of cracks in the river, but those eyes were staring straight at me, as if she knew me, which was particularly noticeable. The colleagues couldn't help but be surprised, and three or four men and two women were stunned.

But that look, is it a desire for pity or full of hatred? Am I really confused? After stalemate for thirty or forty seconds, I bent down and picked up the hundred dollars and gave them to her hand holding the hem of my skirt. She trembled obviously and slowly let go of her hand, but suddenly shed her hand embarrassedly, lowered her head, and looked up at me. This look made me never forget that look. It was frozen in my 24-year-old memories, and it was longer and more meaningful than all the looks I liked or liked. She finally took the one hundred yuan, turned around slowly, and left staggeringly with the steps that the beggar might have bought.

For a few seconds, we were still standing there, as if we were watching the old woman who disappointed us. And she did look back and still looked at me, still with the indescribable look. I was very busy working all afternoon, and although I was restless and didn't think much, I seemed to have my eyes staring at me tightly. When night came, in my wider and colder bedroom, my eyes became clearer. Gradually, I seemed to have realized the reason. Memories took me through time and space to return to the remote countryside eight or nine years ago. My female neighbor... I originally lived next door to my house, a couple, a five-year-old girl and a four-year-old boy.

Occasionally, a man goes to the construction team to sell his energy and exchanges some change, while a woman takes care of her two children and can sew and cook. The family can barely live like a hundred families in the village. But one day, the woman took the girl away, and this trip disappeared from the eyes of the villagers. Some people said that they saw her holding her daughter's hand and leaving the entrance of the village. Some people said that they didn't think anything was wrong when they saw her talking to people in the village when they passed through the market. Who knew that she wouldn't come back? The man dared to come back from the construction team that day and asked all the men and women in the village to help him find it. He kept finding the pond at the entrance of the village, finding the village, and running all over the city... But the people left, the world is so big, where can I find the lost sand? From then on, the next door to my house was no longer a family. When I opened the window at my own house, I heard the boy's heart-wrenching crying sounds coming from the opposite side, clamping the man's angry scolding. Sometimes when I moved the ladder to the room, I saw the boy tied up on the tree.

At first I felt fussy, but later I got used to it.Anyway, no one can persuade the man next door. Finally one day, the crying and scolding stopped. It turned out that the man was going out to work, and the little boy was sent to the boarding school in the village . The next door was quiet for a while. Suddenly one winter day I heard a woman's voice next door, talking and laughing, as if I had returned to the hard but happy days I used to be. Could it be that the woman who ran away from home has returned? I soon got the news that it was the man who brought back a woman from the place where he worked - the city! That small village is the first woman in this city! So I kept going to the room, looking forward to seeing the beauty of the women in the city. I really saw it! I saw her wearing a pair of black boots that were long up to her knees, a red short-knee skirt, and a milky white tight-fitting dress. That skirt shocked me. Although I was one of the pioneers of the village among my peers, I never dreamed of wearing a skirt in winter! I couldn't help but feel a little bit of admiration and inferiority. And when I really saw her face clearly, her white melon-shaped face, her big eyes with clear and transparent pupils, her white teeth were leaking when she smiled, and her originally floating smile was really unforgettable.

What's more, in that small village where all working women with thick necks of red lotus! So people spread the beauty of the woman next door, so it was full of magical colors, saying that the fairy descended to earth, and the reincarnation of Chang'e , and later some rumors of flowers being put on cow dung. And rumors are free from its source. The man next door is strong and reckless, has no money, no education, no skills, and no spirit. But how could such a beautiful woman come with her? Anyway, she is following her. The man continued to work outside, while the woman stayed at home and kept her door open. Once I went to the neighbor's house to borrow something, walked into her house, opened the door, and I stepped into one foot and stopped involuntarily. It was really clean and tidy, so clean that it was not a place for people to stay. Although there were only three or four pieces of furniture, the table and mirror were shining, and the bed sheets were flattering than the mirror, and people could not sit on them.

The people in the city enthusiastically let me into the house and moved a stool for me to sit on, but she didn't sit and smiled slightly. That time I really looked at her carefully. Her beautiful big eyes conquered me in one go. Later, I didn't know why or what made me used to going to her house, chatting with her, and eating rare sweets. At the age of seventeen or eighteen, what I thought about was nothing but food, clothing, decoration, and weight loss. This woman in her thirties seems to be an expert, telling me how to eat it will not make you fat, what clothes you wear, what colors you wear, what face shapes you have, what kind of earrings you have, and what kind of earrings you have, and gave me a pair of sky blue earrings. At that time, I believed what she said, and after returning to school, she also used it to talk to my high school classmates and admired her. Because my classmates unanimously admired me for going in and out of her house more diligently, I became a regular visitor without realizing it. Just as my mother said, the next door became my and her home! One day, she showed me her album. A red-skinned and white-flowered cover, a very exquisite photo album. She flipped through one by one, each one was perfectly beautiful, as if she was born to the world for painting and beauty. She recalled the interesting things in the photos while flipping through them, and she was always happy with calm and slow tone. It seemed that such a beautiful past did not hurt the pain of the present at all - didn't she feel pain? Don’t she think she was the fate of falling from heaven to hell? I couldn't guess the corner of my smile.

There is a photo of her and a handsome boy, about twenty years old. She snuggled playfully in his arms, and he stroked her hair ambiguously. This was her first boyfriend. She said that he was very kind to her. He had money, house, and a good job. He had proposed to him like her. She promised him, but she fell in love with someone else. She said as she turned over another page, she still snuggled in the arms of another man. He was also very nice to her. She soon knew him and she was pregnant with his child. When she said this, she gave her a moment of bitter smile, and he deceived her - he has a family and a child. She had to abort the child, and at this time her ex-boyfriend had already had something else to love.Soon she met another man in her life. He accidentally bumped into her, took her to the hospital, took care of her, and then the two fell in love - they met each other like lightning, and they left like lightning. It was not anyone who had another love. She married him, and he passed away after less than a month of living between them - he was originally suffering from a terminal illness, but he kept it from her. She was pregnant and gave birth to a baby boy under the comfort of her parents-in-law. And this short marriage made her unable to move forward in the river of love, and she fell into a vortex and could not and dared not come out again. Any possible relationship scares her, and she cannot bear loneliness and regrets of the passing of youth. Without feelings, one cannot be without life.

Later she met a neighbor man, a man from the countryside who can only be described as honest. She told herself that she was over the age of romance and was no longer qualified to have time to choose love. Since you meet, accept your fate. So she followed him here, resting from sunrise to sunset. Life is very peaceful, calm and a little lonely. She said. ‘It is also a blessing to be able to spend the remaining years peacefully in this past life. She said. This made me feel inexplicable sympathy. Although I became nervous about studying day by day, I still couldn't help but run to the next door. And as long as the man is not at home, the door will be in a confinement. She has no one else to talk to, she can talk to heart. Many days, I saw her sewing a schoolbag, and many small pieces of cloth were pieced together, and the thin stitches were connected one by one. Soon I graduated from high school and left home to study in the county. When I went back two months later, I picked up a small photo frame and fiddled with it. It was bought with my pocket money. Who is this for? My mother asked me in confusion. Next door female neighbor. She didn't need it anymore, she left. Mom said. Leaving? ! Where have you gone? Like his first wife, he ran away from home. How could it be? She drowned the child and pressed it into a water tank. How is this possible! The little boy came back from school. One summer noon, someone heard the screams of a woman, heart-wrenching screams. He ran to see the little boy floating in the water tank, with his belly facing up, the woman was covered in water, and his hands and feet were trembling.

That can't be said that she pressed it in! How could a child run into the water tank by himself? He is six years old. When the man came back, he drove her away. Driven away overnight. Don't think about this anymore. Take a rest for two days and go back and have a good class. Mom said while cleaning up the dishes. I found the pair of blue earrings and gestured to the mirror. Have I become beautiful? I want to say it to her. I also like taking photos. Look, I bought photo frames and gave them to you. I opened my mom's small package and wanted to find a piece of cloth to wrap them, earrings and photo albums. At that moment, I saw something familiar. A small schoolbag made of small cloth pieces. It was the small schoolbag she had sewn for a long time. Where did this come from? I asked my mom. I picked it up at the door, but it was still at the door of our house. I thought about it and it was the day when the woman left. I see. What she left for me. But why did she keep such a small schoolbag for me? She had seen my huge schoolbag! I opened my schoolbag and saw a few words on the bottom. It's the little boy's name! The schoolbag she made for the little boy. Mom, when she left, didn’t you say where to go? Where can she go? Find another place to get married! I asked you to have a good rest and think about this. I stopped talking, and I gradually forgot about it. Eight or nine years have passed, I went to high school, went to college, found a decent job, and had a capable boyfriend who loved me. We are busy on both sides of the city on weekdays, and we make an appointment to watch movies or bowl on weekends. I really became a beautiful, independent urban woman. If it weren't for the strange look, I would never remember the female neighbor who had a very talkative conversation in my life.

But how could she end up in this way? Call your boyfriend and he has turned off. Why did I forget? He usually shuts down the phone very early! The next day at lunch time, I went alone to find this neighbor. I searched several nearby streets, but there was no sign of beggars. Behind the company, I met her.After pale, messy hair, deep wrinkles, shriveled lips, dull eyes. She stared at me from a distance, as if she had been waiting for me. You still recognize me? I said. Recognize it. That year, in that village, I only recognized you. You, over the years... Leave your boyfriend, he is not worthy of your love. She interrupted me, but surprised me. No, we love each other and we are going to get married. He is already married, and I have seen them coming and going nearby... Maybe, maybe it's just his colleagues, or clients... I defended that he is the manager of a public relations company. I just remind you. She is very plain. I was speechless for a moment. The little bits and bits of reading the album come to my mind, and my boyfriend’s cold and hotness come to my mind. She looked at me. Then he left. One day Saturday. I asked my boyfriend to go hiking. There were talking and laughing along the way. As before, he cared about me and I was very happy. At the top of the hill we found a quiet space to make it, lay the tablecloth, and took out lunch and champagne. You say some sweet words. I poured champagne and raised it to him. Thinking of me so much! He kissed my neck before he took the cup. Hey, you are so beautiful today, I love you, I miss you... He put down his cup and continued to kiss me.

Let’s get married! I said. Very firm. He stopped suddenly and shrank back. After a stalemate for a moment, his face was a little panicked. Don’t you want to do a career for two years? Is it a joke?... I'm tired, I want to get married. My heart has long been sank, like the yellow leaves in the late autumn, lonely and cold. Isn't this good now? Each has his own free space, an independent career, and... You leave immediately and disappear from my sight. My heart is like a stagnant water, but I don’t want to reveal his secrets and can’t bear to admit the reality of being deceived. What's wrong, let me explain... Get out of here, don't let me see you again! I stood up and walked towards the mountainside. I still remember that we met and got to know each other a year and a half ago on the mountain. At this moment, there was the scenery of the mountains that were invading from the cold frost, and behind them were the sound of footsteps of running away in panic.

I took a leave and spent a painful week at home alone. Later I went to find my female neighbor. But she was never seen again. A colleague said that she saw it once three or four days ago. She was standing behind the company building, unlike begging, but like waiting for someone. Time passed slowly and I had never seen her. Until one day a month later, a courier brought me a package. Some of the jewelry were slightly rusty. A photo album, rubbed for too long, and the edges were raised. A very familiar memory, I suddenly remembered the neat little houses in the countryside. I opened my eyes wide and looked at beautiful accessories and beautiful photos. After so many years, these things have actually appeared magically again. I opened the album one by one, recalling her telling about her first boyfriend and second boyfriend... In a black and white photo, I stopped. How much he looks like. My boyfriend, no, ex-boyfriend. Golden handwriting, souvenir at the age of thirteen. On the back, I love my son. It turns out that my ex-boyfriend is the son of my female neighbor and the son of her husband who has cancer. He knew that this woman was his mother, but she was far away from her. She and her son and daughter-in-law walked on the same street in the city, but could only hide far away. She saw her son cheating on her former neighbor, but she could only give her a little tip. She died, without relatives, no funeral, and used a little savings from begging to trade with her son, so she did not die or have a place to bury her.

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