In New York, USA, LGBTQ is no longer a taboo topic, but in the Chinese circle, the self-cognition process of many homosexuals is still tortuous.
Like the scorching sun, it was scattered on the uncovered Manhattan streets. The boiling crowds on both sides of the street seemed to completely ignore the heat and continued to wave their arms and shout. Among the crowds on the streets, people wearing colorful costumes danced while walking and expressing their happiness without any scruples - "Apple City" has also ushered in the annual "pride parade" after the epidemic.
Nowadays, the summer "pride parade" that is common in major cities around the world every year originated from the "Stonewall" protest in New York, USA in 1969. On June 28, 1970, the world's first gay parade was held in New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco and Chicago to commemorate the first anniversary of the "Stone Wall Riot".
For more than half a century, the world's attitude towards homosexuality has undergone earth-shaking changes. In New York, LGBTQ is no longer a taboo topic. Even in the Chinese cultural circle, Taiwan has legalized same-sex marriage in 2019.
Among the crowds of people in New York this year, there are obviously many Chinese faces. According to people familiar with the Pride Parade, in recent years, more and more Asians, including Chinese, have begun to break through traditional concepts and face themselves.
Guo Chen is a Chinese in the parade this year.
He was engaged in art work and came to the United States from mainland China in 2018. Like many Chinese homosexuals, he has also experienced a collision with traditional culture and concepts. His story may reflect from some aspects the process of many Chinese homosexuals understanding and acknowledging themselves.
"Love Troubles" in adolescence
Since high school, I have always believed that I am different," Guo Chen took a deep breath of cigarettes and said.
For him, the love for homosexuals is not the end, but the starting point.
Guo Chen was born in 1992 in a small city in Huaibei . He has been with girls since childhood and has also encountered "Love Troubles" in adolescence. In junior high school, he received girls' experiences from girls. Love letter, "I was discovered by my mother," he said with a smile.
It was during this period that he began to realize that girls lacked the attractiveness between the opposite sexes for him. Instead, he slowly gave birth to the men around him "want to protect them" and hoped that they would "protect myself".
However, in that era, Guo Chen had neither references nor anyone told him what to do. Like others around him, he once forced himself to like girls, but he could only feel appreciative and did not succeed in falling in love with anyone.
"At that time, I was very questioning myself. It was such a small place over there and I felt that I was the only one," he said.
"First Love" in Exploration
On the "Time Online" website, an article titled "The Current Situation of Gay Groups in 32 Cities in China - Gone with Men" said that in 2006, the Chinese Center for Disease Control and Prevention published statistics that there were about 20 million gay men in China.
that year, As part of those 20 million people, 14-year-old Guo Chen, like gay people in China at that time, no one was around to teach him what to do.
so he chose to go online. Since high school, he used the Internet to find information, even online dating, and began his own exploration. He said that he participated in an online photo production competition at the school and found a website called MOKO. It was on this website that he met his "first love".
"The first time I found out that I could share what I like with him every day, and I was very happy. We didn't know how to be together, so I felt a lot," he said with a smile. "At that time, I would record my mood in QQ space . Now, thinking about the ability of my lover and the feeling of love were very strong. ”
Although the "first love" lasted for only a few months due to academic tension, it was at this moment that Guo Chen realized the difference between himself and others.During the same period, the famous American pop singer Lady Gaga also had a profound impact on him; when he talked about him at that time, he would think of a song "Born This Way" by Lady Gaga, saying that this song made him realize that it is not just a homosexual group, but a person should be himself.
He said: "So I felt that I would not live a planned life like my classmates. I wanted to go out and see different places and customs and enrich myself."
In order to realize his own plan, Guo Chen deliberately took the English exam in the first year of college entrance examination, so he was able to repeat the year and learn the art he wanted to learn. After focusing on four months of art, he successfully got into the visual communication major of Tianjin University of Technology in the second year.
is suppressed" life
After graduation, Guo Chen started to work in related jobs and changed several companies one after another. However, he never dared to reveal to anyone that he is homosexual, mainly due to lack of confidence and self-restriction, and was afraid that the people around him would not accept it. In addition, in terms of creation, he could not completely release himself, because many things "can't be too explicit", and such indirect expression also made him feel "suppressed" in creativity.
" The Internet is emerging, and the Chinese people gradually have a cognition and awareness of the homosexual group, but it seems that it is not allowed in the system, and some people do not accept it either. So there is a group of people who have been pretending to be straight men," Guo Chen said bluntly. He said that some people settled for the second best and would admit that they were bisexual . The people who observed their relationship were all the same-sex. After working at
, Guo Chen had another relationship in Beijing, and the other party was much older than him. "But he would not admit that he was gay when facing everyone," he said.
older lovers never came out, and the young Guo Chen naturally did not have such courage at that time. The feeling of "suppressed" continued.
is bolder" behavior
Guo Chen had expected to go abroad to develop as early as in middle school. Finally, after a few years of work, he realized his wish he had given himself.
In 2018, he quit his job in China and came to the United States to study for a degree in visual arts and fashion photography, and stayed in the United States to work continuously after graduation.
In 2022, he held his own personal photography exhibition "Saturated Gene" at the 456 Gallery in New York. Although this is not his first solo exhibition, unlike in the past, this time his work is more bold, showing what will appear in homosexual life and various forms of emotions and substances, including depression, desire, fragmented puzzles including clothing, semen, body parts, etc.
He said that according to his current abilities, he can only express himself, rather than turning anything into his own with ease, but for him, who is only 30 years old, all this is a process of self-growth and evolution.
New York's free environment made him feel that everything was taken for granted. "I don't want to change any environment. I just hope that with my limited ability, it will bring strength to more people, at least some resonance and connection, it is not easy. I have already done this, why can't others?"
"I speak more directly now and express my feelings more directly," Guo Chen, who is sitting in the outdoor dining area of New York's Little Italian , said firmly. "I used to be very careful (caring) how others think of me, but now I don't care. I think I am more exciting than ordinary people and I am destined to be different."
