Reporter | Jingting Wu Ruirui
Edit | Yang Xuan Yuan Ling
When pain comes, Nai Wan will choose to lie flat on the beach, wait for the waves to subdue himself, and then become a bystander of pain. She accepted all this and even repeatedly tested where the edge of her most collapse was. "I'm not afraid that it (pain) will drown me, and I can't drown me anyway."
This is the second side of Nawan . In more cases, Naiwan showed himself as a Rapper - a Rapper in the spotlight, knows how to be a Cool Girl, knows which Rap can blow up, and knows how to freeze the end of the stage to make people remember this charm.
From the perspective of rapper's role, Naiwan has undoubtedly achieved some success. More than 70 songs have been released, including two highly singular hit songs "Puma" and "I don't want see you anymore", plus all ten tours across the country have been sold out. As a Rapper in his third year in the industry, this transcript is already excellent enough.
Some rappers will stick to Underground, deliberately separating themselves from the words "idol" and "traffic", and even standing on the opposite side. But Naiwan is not. At the beginning of the fourth year of her career, she signed up for "Youth With You 2". Before signing up, she posted a Weibo post saying, "I didn't betray the place where I came from, nor did I please the place where I wanted to go. The boundaries were not drawn by me. Why do I have to step over? Just walk normally. Do you understand?"
But "Youth has you" is almost a show that smashed her.
She is cool and cool on the stage, but on the back of the stage, Naiwan is a sensitive creator. "Every time I speak the truth, I will tremble and be scared. Every time I speak, I will say it in a particularly majestic tone many times before I speak, and then when I really say it, I still burst into tears, and I am very cowardly." people who are sensitive and dare not express themselves choose to use music to communicate with the world.
Such a proud and sensitive girl threw herself into a strange environment. In "Youth With You 2", there are no familiar people, no way to dance, no understanding of expression management, and no idea how to be an Idol, which is enough to make people crazy. What's more, although you don't understand the rules of Idol, girls with three or five years of training experience are everywhere around you. They are beautiful and excellent, and the program team also lets you compete with them every day.
rejection reaction made Naiwan unable to sleep with depression. When was the most depressing time, she called the agent on the balcony of the dormitory at 3 o'clock in the middle of the night and cried for an hour. While sobbing, she said that I was going to withdraw from the competition. The next day after crying, she appeared in the rehearsal room on time.
"At that time, I no longer said to myself, 'You work harder', and I was numb to my efforts. The most I told myself was 'Just live well tomorrow'."
initially thought it was a first round game, but she thought that her level should be ranked 105th in the 109 individual competition, and then unexpectedly advanced with excellent ranking. In the second game, she won the first place in the group again, and after that, she even had the hope of becoming the nine people who finally formed a group. You all know the final result of
, but she gained far more than the tenth place, as well as the friendship of 108 girls and a brand new self.
In this interview, Naiwan and 36Kr shared the things about You and the things behind the creation. The following is Naiwan's oral statement, compiled by 36Kr.
109 Personally, I thought I was 105
I thought I (studying "Youth 2") was just here to make soy sauce, but I actually passed the interview.
The interview was a talent show for Kakaka, so I sang my own song. After singing, I chatted with me for half an hour. I thought that people were willing to talk to me, but I probably thought I was fun, and I didn’t want to see any other talents, and I really couldn’t dance.
After chatting, I think it will be a bad thing, let's go. As a result, I passed and they asked us to go back to prepare for the first stage. I was panicked, wondering what to do in the remaining months?
Among the 109 girls who first joined the group, I felt that my skills could only be ranked 105. After the first public performance stage, it was time to leave. As a result, I ranked 33rd.
You may miss you 33 names what can I give you? But I was really shocked. Among me, 33 out of 100 people is equivalent to the third out of 10 people. I am so awesome! Then I want to survive the second round, maybe I can survive the third round?
From the first public to the end, I always held such expectations, and hoped that I would be qualified to become a girl group singer. On the last day, I thought about forming a group and losing the election, but I never thought about being the tenth place. This is a good ranking for me. Just like what I said that day, it is both success and achievement.
After I came out of the show, I posted a long Weibo post to summarize this experience. It looked calm and gentle. , but I actually had "rejection reactions" in my psychology and physiology for a long time in the group. This word is my second husband's previous state and I was very anxious.
First of all, you came to a completely unfamiliar environment. You have never dealt with everyone, and you don’t know anyone in the program team, nor do you have the Rapper I was particularly familiar with at the time. In addition, I am quite sensitive in character, so I feel very insecure.
And I am not a trainee, I don’t know how to manage expressions, and I basically don’t know how to dance. I don’t know any of the rules of idol training, so I start from scratch. That’s all, many other sisters have three or five years of formal training experience, and they dance very well when they come up. I jumped out of my comfort zone and came to an environment where I am not good at, but every sister is beautiful and excellent.
I don’t know who I had any pain and sadness during that period, and I’m very depressed.
So from the beginning, I didn’t have any emotional management. There are many scenes with a stern face, expressionless or bad face, and my dissatisfaction with the competition system and songs are basically on my face. But what if you are not satisfied with the song selection of the program team? You must obey the rules after participating.
This is a vicious cycle. I think the more I am like this, the more people think I am not easy to get along with and the more they are alienated from me.
The second male was my most collapsed state. Although my ranking was pretty good, I actually felt too frustrated during training. I didn’t get praise on the rap, and I danced so hard. Then I often had an emotional explosion and told my friends that you practice first, then run to the corner of the balcony to cry, and sometimes I shouted a few times.
The most collapsed time, I went to the balcony at 3 o'clock in the middle of the night and called my agent. I cried and said I was going to withdraw from the competition, but when I woke up the next morning, I pretended to be calm and went to train. at that time no longer said to yourself, and the most common thing I said to yourself every day is to live well tomorrow.
Why did I slowly adapt? On the one hand, my sisters and the program team gave me a lot of love, and on the other hand, my efforts were recognized.
At first, I was afraid that no one would want to play with me, but later I gradually realized that everyone wanted to play with you very much. I started to say hello to others, just like a very middle-aged shout, "Hi!", especially irreversible. But later I found that many sisters would secretly look at you and smile at you for no reason. You can feel their kindness and feel that everyone likes you.
When I was "Melody", I was actually very dissatisfied with the song, and I became a little irritable and in a bad mood. But they didn't think the captain had a bad temper or anything. Seeing that I was in a bad mood, they came over to pat me and hug me. My hairy condition that was about to burst out was actually straightened out.
You would never have thought that in this program team, people from other dormitories often knock on the door and bring you delicious food at night. Everyone visits each other like living in a courtyard house, and they will leave small notes on each other, and everyone is expressing their kindness to you. plus the filming has stopped during the epidemic, so everyone eats snacks and chats together every day. I can say without exaggeration that these 109 girls are very kind.
Sometimes even the staff will put some snacks in your wardrobe. The photography teachers and staff of the program have less time to rest than us, and it may be their first time doing a female talent show, and our small requirements are basically met.
At first, I just thought I was here to experience a talent show, but the more I went forward, the more I felt that I was happy to be seen by everyone, and the more I felt that I was recognized by fans and loved by fans. Then you will start to look forward to it, looking forward to being recognized by more people and want to be seen by more people. You will work hard, work hard, and work harder, hoping that you can gradually gain the ability and qualities to become an idol and want to be accepted by everyone slowly.
Nawan new song "But U" cover
I'm not afraid it will drown me, anyway, it won't drown me
It's really a coincidence to make music. At that time, I was in a confused period of college and didn’t know where the future direction was or what to do after graduation, so I was going to go abroad to study for a master’s degree. But by chance, I met someone who took you into the music circle, , and then at a certain moment, suddenly an idea popped up in my mind, otherwise I would do this in my life, right?
The magic of music is that it allows me to express what I want to say.
I like to think about things, but I don’t like to express it directly, actually I don’t dare. So every time I tell the truth, I will tremble and be very scared. Every time I speak, I will say it in a very majestic tone many times, and when I really say it, I still burst into tears, very cowardly, and I also missed a lot.
I don’t know if you can feel it, I am actually a particularly sensitive person.
This sensitivity is both a gift and a curse. Gifts are that they can make you create, with a constant stream of capture, perception and inspiration, and curse is that they can easily pull you closer to the vortex of emotions and make you suffer.
may be a very small thing, which will open a hole in the pain and pull you into that emotion. But I won't resist it . When pain comes, I will choose to lie in and perceive it. If this pain is a sea and a big wave comes to sweep you into it, I will lie on the beach first.
I'm not afraid that it will flood me, and I can't drown me anyway. , and I'm also very good at it. Every time this emotion comes, I really want to know what a person can collapse the most and where is the bottom line of collapse?
Later, every time when bad emotions are coming and I feel like I am about to collapse, I will first move the chair, pour a cup of wine or tea I like to drink and sit on the balcony, and then lie in this mood, and feel full of ritual and fall into it.
I will not resist any side or emotions of myself. Happiness is ultimate happiness. When I am in pain, I will feel pain. I watched them and recorded them, proving that I have been in this world.
So music is too ventilated for me, especially the words I write are so cool. Your happiness, pain, and thoughts are hidden in the song. One day, someone will find them and find them. People who are thousands of miles away can resonate with you because of a song. It's already lucky to be heard by . If you still praise me for doing well, then I am grateful for this recognized happiness; if you feel that it is not good enough, it doesn’t matter, because each carrot and vegetables have their own love, and you have your freedom.
"creation" is a diary for me. I will keep every song, even if the early songs were recorded poorly and the mixing was poor, it didn't matter, it had a timeline for release? This timeline will be a complete line that records my life. When I am free or not making music one day in the future, I look back and see the early Naiwan songs so bad that they get better and better later. This is a very meaningful thing in itself. I care a lot about my life.
I only write the song I want to write, and then make it and throw it out, not thinking about whether it can "explode". The song will have its own destiny when it comes to this world.
