People must have two things in life: one is love, and the other is courage.
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Author | Wan Muzi
What will love look like when women reach middle age?
Perhaps, the 46-year-old Big S answered this question for us.
html On the last day of September, Da S and Gu Junye accepted the invitation of "VOGUE" magazine and served as the cover character of the October issue. As soon as the cover photo of
came out, it instantly reached the hot search list, which caused heated discussion among netizens. Some people envy, some people bless, and some people don’t like their unequal love.
But no matter which one it is, it will not affect the happiness and happiness brought by love in the present moment.
Looking back, this is the first time after Da S's marriage, he shared the love story between herself and Gu Junye frankly, and expressed her emotions and feelings to the public.
In the interview with "VOGUE", the sentence that Big S, who I remember most deeply, said: "If someone is old, there is really a life stunt, the face that appears in my mind must be him."
Perhaps, this is what love itself looks like.
For a mother who is already two children, being able to be herself bravely and chasing love at the age of 46 is a very amazing thing in itself.
Look at the fireworks life, how many people dare to believe in love again? Dare to get involved in the quagmire of marriage again?
Don’t talk about love and marriage. Perhaps, even our courage to be ourselves has disappeared.
6-year-old Big S has become a way that most middle-aged women dare not live.
01
stumbled, just to find a good man
"Lucky people heal their lives with their childhood, and unfortunate people heal their childhood with their lifetime."
In everyone's emotional experience, there are more or less scars left by childhood. As for every emotion in the future, we deliberately avoid all harm to avoid being hurt again.
Big S's childhood was not happy. Like all children in that era, they had to face quarrels from their parents, family violence, and even the broken family every day.
The father of Big S was named Xu Jian, who was once the young master of a big family in Taiwan. My mother's name is Huang Chunmei, a girl from an ordinary working family. Her father had already passed away before she met Xu Jian.
The family background difference between the two people is too great. Perhaps, this is destined to be an unequal marriage.
Originally, Huang Chunmei thought that marrying into the Xu family and having children for Xu Jian would lead a good life, but the inequality marriage had long laid the groundwork, and finally the marriage ended hastily.
Life after marriage is different from what I imagined. Big S's mother manages everything in the family alone and has to take care of the whole family, but her wholehearted efforts have not won her husband's understanding and understanding.
Xu Jian not only abused her mother, but also had other women outside, and even did not give Big S's mother any more money.
In desperation, Big S's mother had to choose to go out to work, go to the store to do sales during the day, and be a restaurant girl at night to maintain everyone's expenses.
Seeing her mother working so hard and having to face her indifferent and ruthless father, Big S felt very distressed. She advised her mother to leave her father. Even if she lived a hard life, she would always follow her.
Later, Big S's mother finally chose to move out of Xu's family and filed for divorce from her husband Xu Jian, but Xu Jian did not agree.Despite the hardships of life, Big S's mother also raised her three children and grew up with her own strength.
In order to help her mother reduce the burden, she and S began to enter the entertainment industry to make money, thus starting their acting career.
During the process of growing up, Big S saw the emotional entanglement between her mother and her father, and also saw the difficulty of being a female mother in marriage, which made her longing for and fearful for emotions.
grew up in a noisy family, which made her not feel the warmth of the family and feared the breakdown of family relationships, thus lacking a sense of security.
Lack of fatherly love since childhood, which makes her long for the care and preference of the opposite sex and wants to have a warm family of her own.
During the process of growing up, she was too eager to get enough love and security, so that she had more or less a shadow of her mother in her subsequent emotional experiences.
And she also admitted in an interview with the media: "My mother really lived a hard life, but she really wanted to be strong later. I am just like her later."
Yes, in the emotional experience of Big S, you can see her mother's appearance. She is not confident when facing emotions, and is afraid of losing the other party and uses all her strength, but she has also dared to love and hate, faced with the relationship between breaking up and not dragging on the mud.
The first half of my life was stumbling, joy, sorrow, and the second half of my life was just to find a good person, warm each other, and spend the rest of my life together.
Perhaps, this is Big S' expectation for emotions.
02
Full love, just because I love you
"Enjoy the present and devote yourself to you, and you are worthy of your future self."
This also perfectly interprets Big S' attitude towards every relationship. When I devote myself to you, there is only one reason, that is, I love you now.
Looking back at the past five emotional experiences of Big S. She devoted 100% of her emotions to every relationship and everyone, but when the emotions no longer exist, she also cut off the water and made a decision.
Big S First Love is not someone else, but the best male best friend Chen Jianzhou .
At that time, under the pursuit of Chen Jianzhou, they began a two-year relationship.
Love in the school days was like a flower that was about to bloom. It was beautiful but immersive, without any factors, and it could only be regarded as a simple love. So later, when Big S mentioned this relationship, he said it was a joke.
So, even though the two broke up, they could still be friends, and Chen Jianzhou also entered the entertainment industry under the recommendation of Big S.
The second lover in Da S's life is today's husband Gu Junye.
0 years ago, in the popular Cool Dragon idol group, Gu Junye came to Taiwan to record a program to meet Big S. At that time, Big S was also his fan, so facing the handsome and talented Gu Junye, Big S fell in love all of a sudden.
The two of them met, knew each other, fell in love until the last forced breakup also left regrets for Big S's emotions.
Perhaps because of her character of daring to love and hate, when she met Lan Zhenglong and Zhou Yumin later, she showed her initiative and took the initiative to pursue them.
Lan Zhenglong and Chou Yumin are both smaller than Big S, so when Big S meets them, they want to get married and get married, they are both rejected by the other party.
Maybe it was because of not loving enough, or maybe it was because the time we encountered was wrong. Both of these two love affairs ended regretfully because of the different pursuits of both parties.
Big S has worked hard in the entertainment industry for many years and has always longed for a family of their own and a heartwarming person who can know the cold and cold, and have a peaceful rest of his life.
In 2010, at the birthday party of An Yixuan , 34-year-old Da S fell in love with Wang Xiaofei at first sight. The two got married after only 20 days of knowing each other. Since then, Da S has the home he has always wanted.
But she ultimately failed to keep her ideal perfect family. The marriage lasted for ten years and ended with regret.
In every past relationship, Big S devoted all his strength, devoted himself to love each other affectionately.
However, feelings are two-way. There will be a perfect ending of love just because one of them loves enough and works hard enough. It is ultimately a matter of two people.
In love, no one has let down anyone, and no one owe anyone, when I love you, just because I love you, and when I don’t love you, I will silently bless you when I turn around and leave.
This is Big S. Enjoy the present, devote yourself to it with all your heart, and be worthy of your future self.
03
Bravely love, be brave to be yourself
If it is the right person, the wheel of time will eventually bring you to me.
Shortly after Da S divorced Wang Xiaofei, it was reported that she and Gu Junye had reunited and had a flash marriage. As soon as the news came out, netizens were not optimistic about it, and I was one of them.
Everyone expressed disappointment and distress for Big S's impulsive, hasty, and desperate behavior, because the gap between her and him was too great, and this was an unequal marriage.
But when I saw what Big S said in an interview with "VOGUE", I suddenly understood Big S and expressed my agreement and support for her behavior.
After all, she dares to love and hate in her bones, and treats her feelings with decisiveness and simplicity. In addition, she has long since she reached this age, she no longer needs to live in the public. Instead, she lives out of herself bravely and confidently, be herself bravely, and pursues her love bravely.
Facing this relationship with Gu Junye, Big S, like the past, devoted herself to her full love and deeply loved each other.
Gu Junye once said on the show: " Xiyuan has a lot of love. When we are together, we feel that we are going to be overwhelmed by her love. Of course, I can only give more love!"
The two spent 20 years reuniting again, and after going around, they were still together.
And for those past emotional experiences, for Big S, every ex is a growth.
Without an ex, that lonely and insecure woman would not understand what she really wanted.
For your ex, it is a regret for missing out, a beauty that cannot be returned to, and a nutrient that nourishes the rest of your life.
For Big S and Gu Junye who met again twenty years later, life gave them enough time to grow on their own tracks and eventually became the most suitable person for each other.
Having experienced a failed love and a messy marriage life. For Big S, who is already 46 years old, marriage is not important to her. What is important is how the two of them feel when they are together now.
As she said in the "VOGUE" interview, they are so old that they don't need any form of marriage, and they are no longer so important. What is important is the mood and feelings of the two at this moment, happiness and happiness are the most important.
This is the first time that Big S responded positively to the relationship between the two. Some netizens also commented that this is just the beginning of the relationship. True love can last for a long time after experiencing the marriage.
Perhaps, everyone’s values are different. Values determine which kind of life each of us wants to live, so we cannot judge based on our own values or even require others to live according to our values.
After all, that is someone else's life, someone else's life.
When facing life and life, we always look far and far away, and we even see the end point at the beginning and live in the way of the end point. But I only forget that life is not about living in the future, but about the present, your state, your emotions, your happiness, and your happiness, these are the most important things.
What is the future? It is a life that is composed of one after another in the present. If you don’t live well in the present, why do you say that you can enjoy the future well?
We often say that enjoy the present, but how many people can really do it? Most of us are either anxious or sleeping around the unknown future, living in a mess and living in a mess.
Big S is undoubtedly brave. Even a divorced middle-aged girl and mother of two children, when facing love, she chose to love bravely and be herself bravely, and live a life that most of us dare not live.
Even in the end, she and Gu Junye ended with regret as some netizens said, but so what? At least she is happy and happy now and now.
Instead of worrying about the future and not daring to take steps, it is better to enjoy the present and live out yourself.
Yama Eunu said: "There must be another me in this world who do what I dare not do and live the life I want to live."
I think that Big S is exactly like this.
(The pictures in this article are from the Internet. If there is any infringement, please contact us to delete it. Thank you.)
Author: Wan Muzi, CCDM China career planner , BSCh senior career planner, American Shuber School career planner, corporate project management for more than 9 years, registered international psychological counselor, corporate training lecturer for more than 5 years, platform contract author, second child mother.
