The most powerful divorce variety show in history, "Goodbye Lover," is coming to an end. The program arranged for three divorced couples to travel together, and their daily interactions in just 18 days made celebrity observer Li Weijia cry out of breath;

The most powerful divorce variety show in history, "Goodbye Lover ", is coming to its finale.

The program arranged for three divorced couples to travel together, and their daily relationship in just 18 days made celebrity observer Li Weijia cry out of breath;

made Hu Yanbin shed tears until there were not enough tissues; Guo Caijie I was angry and crying and wanted to take oxygen.

Netizens who are always harsh on domestic variety shows gave it a high score of 8.8.

Some people may ask: What are the good divorce variety shows?

Here, I would like to reply with a comment:

"Looking at the complexity of a broken marriage will give you a correct expectation for marriage."

The marriages of these three divorced couples are like a mirror.

As you watch more and more, you will not only see a certain part of yourself in their marriage, but also, through their interactions, you will slowly understand how to treat your partner and yourself better.

Guo Keyu & Zhang He :

We are separated because we can’t speak our minds

Guo Keyu may be the most famous guest on this show.

She is an actress. She first appeared in the movie "Red Cherry" when she was 18 years old, and won the Shanghai International Film Festival Best Actress.

After she and her ex-husband Zhang He met on the set, they gradually fell in love with each other.

The current relationship status between the two is: they have been married for ten years and divorced for one year.

But what is surprising is that after the divorce, the two people still get along very sweetly.

Riding an electric bike by the lake, Zhang He, who was not good at expressing himself, said directly to Guo Keyu: "If you hold me, we can still keep warm";

After Guo Keyu heard this, he naturally hugged Zhang He's waist and said softly Say "hug".

Such a sweet scene made countless viewers shout "I bumped into each other" and at the same time couldn't help but wonder: How come the two of them are so close, why can't they reach the end?

Except for the flash marriage factor, I think the more important thing is that there is a big problem in the communication between the two.

Both of them have high self-esteem. In order to maintain this self-esteem, neither of them can calmly face their feelings or express their innermost thoughts directly.

In the latest issue of "Thirty-Six Questions", Zhang He said, "I really thank you for these ten years." Guo Keyu was obviously moved, but he still covered his face and laughed, saying that Zhang He was "pretentious";

As for Zhang He, she shed tears before and after the meeting. When faced with Guo Keyu's torture of "Have you ever thought about remarrying?", he still decisively answered "No."

In addition, there was a conversation between the two that impressed me deeply:

Zhang He (question): You just said that you felt like you were receiving a call. I was very surprised. Why did something like this suddenly happen again?

In fact, what he was thinking in his heart was:

You just said that it felt like a phone call. I was surprised and surprised. I really want the relationship to move forward, but I am still not sure about your thoughts on relationships, so I want to know more about it.

But what Guo Keyu felt after hearing it was:

He didn’t understand my feelings, and he didn’t feel like calling me. I am very depressed.

Immediately afterwards, in sadness, Guo Keyu couldn't help but said offensive and repulsive words:

My own feelings. You don’t have to be sympathetic.

In this way, the two could have had an in-depth conversation on the topic of "call again", but due to language misunderstanding, the relationship once again reached a deadlock. How about

? Looking at the conversation between Guo Keyu and Zhang He, did you feel some familiar shadows?

Many couples have this kind of autopilot conversation, and conflicts escalate unknowingly. They obviously have good intentions, but they are in a state of confusion, fail to express what they want, and finally break up on bad terms.

What should a good communication method be like?

First of all, acknowledge the hurts each other has suffered in this marriage, care for yourself and the other person. Let down your guard, let no one hold back, and let each other's vulnerability be seen and understood.

Secondly, empathizes with . Listen carefully to what the other person is saying and thinking, and understand and acknowledge the resulting emotions of the other person based on what is said in the conversation.

Next, express your feelings, try to use sentences such as "I feel", "I think", "I understand" and other sentences to express your thoughts, feelings and wishes, and avoid blaming, attacking or evaluating the other party, otherwise The other person will refuse to communicate with you.

Finally, mentioning some good intentions during the communication process can help you understand the other party's problems and help you understand the other party's thoughts and emotions.

Falling in love is easy, it only takes a moment of passion, but maintaining love is not easy. It requires a lifetime of practice. What we should do is to break the illusion, love more pragmatically, healthily and non-instinctively.

Wei Wei& Tong Chenjie:

We are separated because we are all "children"

Even if you have not followed "Goodbye Lover", you must have seen this famous scene on the Internet:

Facing other guests’ “Why don’t you When asked about "working", Wei Wei said this surprising statement - "I just want her to know that I can't live without her! I think this is an expression of love!" The teachers said, "I have lived for more than sixty years, and this is the first time I have heard such a point of view."

But even with such a husband, in the eyes of his wife Tong Chenjie, he still has an extraordinary loveliness.

Tong Chenjie gave Wei Wei a kind of maternal tolerance and care. She not only had to take care of every aspect of Wei Wei's life, but also shouldered Wei Wei's childish mood swings.

puzzled many netizens.

In fact, many netizens only saw that Wei Wei was a child in the relationship, but did not realize that Tong Chenjie, who seemed to play the role of mother in the relationship, was also a "child".

Tong Chenjie’s native family was not happy. She was raised by her mother since she was a child.

After her mother remarried, she was often in a state of uneasiness in the reorganized new family. In addition, her mother was very strict with her, which made her feel both love and fear for her mother.

When she grew up, her marriage was not smooth. In the show, she revealed the way she and her ex-husband got along: a very formal marriage, without any distractions.

These experiences of a turbulent childhood and a loveless marriage unknowingly formed the foundation of Tong Chenjie's uneasiness in intimate relationships.

So when a man like Wei Wei, who was willing to come to Shanghai to work alone for her, appeared in her life, she felt a firmness in being loved, and she also had the determination to get married again.

Sometimes this world is not fair. Some people are born with stars shining over the moon, and some people can only hold on to a little warmth in their entire lives.

Tong Chenjie is like a "restless child" in this marriage. She constantly burns the little love in her hands for this relationship, tolerates her emotional husband, and hopes to get more warmth and longer happiness. .

However, marriage is about mutual support between two adults, not about mutual salvation between two children.

Just as the guest Shen Yifei on the show said:

Really good relationship changes actually start with self-change.

If one party has serious flaws, they should slowly correct them to get on the right track. You can't always let the other party pull you, but if you are not on track, as time goes by, the other party will get tired, and no matter how good the relationship is, it will be slowly worn away.

Fortunately, Tong Chenjie, who has grown up through years of setbacks, is not just an uneasy child, she is still sober. When

used the word "we" in a sentence, facing Wei Wei who happily said "we may have one or two children", Tong Chenjie, who had been cooperating with Wei Wei, said firmly but gently "we may be separated".

She no longer followed Wei Wei like a mother coaxing her child, but loosened her grip on the warm and uneasy hand, and said what the other party didn't want to hear, but what she really wanted to express. idea.

What is the meaning of husband and wife?

In fact, as Yang Lan said, when you are most helpless and weak, he will hold up your chin, straighten your spine, make you strong, and accompany you to bear your fate together.

At that time, in addition to love, there was also a sincere loyalty, a tacit understanding of never leaving, the growth that was nurtured together, and unforgettable kindness. This is what a happy marriage should look like.

Zhu Yaqiong & Wang Qiuyu:

We are separated because we all think "ourselves" are more important

Zhu Yaqiong in the show is a person who very much needs a partner to satisfy her emotional value.

She hoped to get more care from Wang Qiuyu, but Wang Qiuyu was very unwilling to meet Zhu Yaqiong's emotional needs. He even had to count the time for a hug, saying that one minute would not work, not one more second.

Wang Qiuyu is a person who prefers to immerse himself in his own world. He is very "self" and will not force himself to do anything for the other person if he does not want to.

Zhu Yaqiong and Wang Qiuyu didn’t even have wedding rings. When asked by Ni Ping, Wang Qiuyu said this:

At that time, they bought a love token very early, and then said they would buy it later, but then they didn’t. Take this seriously.

I personally don’t like this kind of thing, inviting a bunch of people I don’t know. Yaqiong seemed to agree with my decision, so the wedding was not held and wedding photos were not taken.

Teacher Ni Ping hit the nail on the head: You always think that your wife is like a little princess, but in the end, the princess has not even achieved her most basic wish, to wear a wedding dress and a ring.

But in later programs, some problems with Zhu Yaqiong can also be seen.

In one episode, Wang Qiuyu was driving according to the navigation, but Zhu Yaqiong kept talking about the route she thought, covering up the sound of the navigation.

Wang Qiuyu asked Zhu Yaqiong to shut up, but Zhu Yaqiong kept talking loudly, which made Wang Qiuyu say "shut up" very angrily.

Seeing this, I have to say that Zhu Yaqiong is also a very selfish person.

From the failed marriage of Wang Qiuyu and Zhu Yaqiong, we can see that a good marriage relationship not only requires caring for each other in action, but also seeing each other in the soul.

Fortunately, Wang Qiuyu is actually a very responsible and responsible man at heart. In the latest episode of the program, he said frankly:

I have always said before that the fundamental problems between us have not been resolved. I always feel that you are not mature enough. After sorting it out Later I realized that the fundamental reason for the two of us was the difference between a rational thinking person and a perceptual thinking person.

The really responsible person should be me. It is difficult for an emotional person to analyze from a rational perspective, but a rational person should be able to solve this problem.

"Self-centered" couples need to take a step back for each other, be more tolerant, respectful and understanding, think from others' perspective, and "look at" each other more in the relationship, in order to have the possibility of long-term happiness.

After watching "Goodbye Lover", my feeling is:

Many people say that adults are separated in an instant.

But in fact, separation is never a happy and happy decision in an instant, but the result of repeated and heartbreaking decisions. The show

has its last episode left. It is still unclear how the three divorced couples will choose, but I still wish them all the best to be happy no matter what they choose in the end.

I hope that after watching this variety show, we can all understand:

A good marriage is not that we never quarrel, but that after the quarrel, we are still willing to communicate, still willing to understand, and still willing to plant a new flower on the crack, Build deeper emotional connections with each other.