1. Me: "Handsome guy, buy a flower and give it to your girlfriend!"
Handsome guy: "I'm sorry, I don't have a girlfriend yet."
Me: "It just so happens that I don't have a boyfriend either. How about you buy it and give it to me if you give it to me. ? ”
2. The roommate asked me: What is the main factor limiting your freedom?
Me: Length of the charging cable of the mobile phone.
3. Recently, my daughter has been doing well in the final exam. Today I got a test paper and only scored 78 points. When I saw it, I became popular: Why are you so few points? Are you proud?
She felt quite aggrieved and said: In the end, I asked to write a short article, which accounted for 20 points. The title was "Diligent Mom". I really don't know how to write it.
4. Last night my wife, my son and I watched TV with me. My son wanted to watch cartoons and my wife wanted to watch TV series. Fighting hard. . .
I suggest voting, and the two of them will also agree.
I just wanted to vote for my wife.
The son suddenly said: If it weren't for me, would you two get married?
I was speechless.
5. My son is going to take the English exam. I urged him to review in the evening. My son said disdainfully: What's the review for this! Can the exam still be difficult for me?
I was delighted. It turned out that my son had already reviewed. I asked my son: Are you so confident?
The son scratched his head: Just brag, what's wrong with being unconfident!
6. After falling in love, I gave my girlfriend a nickname "Taozi". She would ask me curiously why I gave her this nickname, but I kept silent. Finally, the day when I knelt on one knee and proposed to her, she threatened me and asked me to tell the secret of "peach" before I could agree to me. . .
I had to say, "I am allergic to peaches. Whenever I see you, I feel itchy."
7. When she went out for a date with her girlfriend, she bought meals from 8 to 10 people in group purchases, and she pretended to be a human being when serving dishes. He didn't look like he came all the time, and after eating, he shouted: He agreed not to come, so I'm going to eat so much.
8. Female: "Why do you have no girlfriend yet since we broke up?"
Male: "After breaking up with you, I have seen many women, some of which look like your eyes, eyebrows, and lips, but unfortunately, No one is as blind as you."
9. Husband: The wallet is really good.
Wife: Yes, why don’t I buy it for you?
Husband: I just have a little more pockets.
Wife: Just pretend to be money.
Husband: Yes, yes, one square for ten yuan, one square for five yuan, one square for one yuan. Oh, there is still a small corner here, and a penny of coins is home.
10. After the meal, my wife carefully cut my nails for me, and after cutting them, she polished and wiped them one by one. She held my hand and looked at it under the lamp, just like appreciating the extraordinary masterpieces she created. The tenderness revealed in my seriousness and concentration made me secretly swear from the bottom of my heart that I must love the woman in front of me twice as much!
Just as my heart was waving, my wife patted my hands: "Be good, my nails are cut, hurry up and wash the clothes, so that you won't hang up gauze!"
11. When I'm sleepy when I want to sleep, I tell you Self: That is your memorial, that is your country, that is your people. Then I woke up instantly because I wanted to be a wise king.
12. Today I work is relatively easy. When I passed by the front desk, the beauty at the front desk said, "You are idle!"
I smiled and said, "Have you licked it?"
I have to run away, this girl is chasing me all over the company. .
13. I called my mother and talked about my work and was a little emotional. . .
Mom comforted her on the phone and said, "You are the best girl in the world, be happy."
I said, "Mom, add the word "look" and say it again.
The other side of the phone paused and said, "Look, you are The best girl in the world, be happy.”
14. I was preparing to go shopping with my mother. I have been putting on makeup for a while.
My mother was waiting by the side and suddenly said, “It’s all for me. "
I said in confusion: "Mom, what's wrong with you? "
Mom: "It's okay, if you had the ability to make you beautiful, how could you have so much effort to put on makeup? "
15. Teacher: Xiaoming, you can make a sentence carefully!
Xiaoming: Every time I do my homework, my father scolds me, and the rabbit is careful.
Teacher.
16. During dinner in the evening, I asked my girlfriend: " Do you like handsome men? "
" is handsome and can't be eaten as a meal! "She looked up at me, then shyly lowered her head, took two bites of the rice in the bowl and said, "But handsome can make a meal! "
17. Today my girlfriend told me: I'm alone at home, lying on the bed, so lonely.
I said, go watch a horror movie, so you feel that you are not the only one in your house.
18. A : “I remember the last time I had a nosebleed when I was staring at my senior high school girl! ”
B: “Why is this time? ”
A: “This time I was staring at the underworld brother. ”
19. I hope everyone’s worries can be as small as deposits and happiness can be as much as fat as excess fat.
20. As the saying goes: Disasters never happen. It can be seen that even disasters are in a companion. Look at you.
(non-original, reproduced from vx official account please call me Xiangjie)
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