Girl, can you be happy if you fight like that? —Xinyuejun
text | Ruohan
Recently, the big S was on the hot search, because the third pregnancy was aborted:
On May 7, the big S studio stated: due to embryonic hypoplasia, big S S and his family decided to terminate the third pregnancy.
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Seeing this news, I felt mixed.
In 2013, when the big S was pregnant for the first time, the little S once confided on the show that due to physical reasons, the big S's first baby might have problems, but the big S still insisted on giving birth to her first daughter.
In 2015, Big S was pregnant with a second child. But this time, he was not so lucky. The birth of a second-born boy almost made Big S die on the operating table.
In a coma for 10 days and two first aids, Big S finally returned from the ghost gate.
And it didn't take long to exchange his life for his son. In April 2018, we learned that Big S was pregnant with three children and fainted and sent to the doctor due to morning sickness and other reasons.
Upon hearing the news of the abortion of the third child, some netizens said: The big S, who has been through all stages of life, finally does not have to go through the ghost gate of life again. This time, God helped Big S press the pause button of fate.
At that time, many people complained about Wang Xiaofei, scolding him for not hurting his wife; many people were angry at the big S, saying that she would die after being born again. Until she stood up by herself, Yun Danfeng calmly explained: asked for it, without sympathy. In the days to come, I had no choice but to get through.
You don’t recognize your fate,It really hurts
Big S said: "In the days to come, I have to pass the pass."
And what we see is: she has mentioned the four words "Pass the pass" more than once:
in his sister Xiao S After getting married, someone asked her if she yearned for a happy marriage, and she said that she prefers to live a life of decisiveness;
After giving birth to a pair of children, she was asked how to describe her current life.
This kind of life attitude of "passing through the barriers" is not only reflected in pregnancy and childbirth, but also throughout her life:
is not white enough? She spent more than ten years and tried countless ways to make herself an "incandescent lamp";
is not beautiful enough? She said: For beauty, I dare to drink a cup of poison.
is not skinny enough? She has a fat physique and insisted on being a vegetarian for more than ten years.
(size S at the time of debut)
Refusing to accept his fate, almost paranoid.
We are very puzzled, why in her life, there are so many "passes" to pass and so many "wills" to be cut?
Girl, why are you so desperate?
"Desperately" has become her compulsive life attitude
In addition to the big S, who desperately want to be happy, there are also Wu Pace, who gave birth to 3 children in 4 years, and 4 children in 8 years. Hundreds of Billions Daughter-in-law" Xu Ziqi and Chen Haomin's wife Jiang Lisha, who had 4 caesarean sections in 5 years.
Do they really like children? As far as I know, this is not always the case.
Anyone familiar with "Kangxi is Coming" knows that Xiao S will often drink alcohol, using Jiu Jin to complain on Weibo, pulling others to listen to his own thoughts; and we foundBig S will never.
Da S will even say that if the family must have an unhealthy child, then she is willing to replace the sisters to have this child.
And after seeing the size S and their family, I finally understand why she spelled it like this.
The father of size S is an infidelity, whoring, gambling, debt-laden, and all-wicked bastard. He once left his family and lived with a 40-year-old woman who sold benglang.
Their mother, Xu's mother, whom Wu Zongxian called a "semi-old milf", seems to be pushy and molested the male guests in "Kangxi is Coming"; but in fact, after she married into Xu's family, she While working hard to pay off gambling debts for her husband, she worked hard to raise her three daughters.
(size S and mother)
In order to pay off his father's debt, 17-year-old S and 15-year-old S had to choose to debut.
Big S, as an older sister, is desperately making her debut while taking care of her younger sister in the entertainment industry. Not only did they pay more than 8 million yuan in debt for their father, they also gave their father 20,000 yuan in living expenses every month.
And such desperation is actually a vicious circle:
1. She is self-denying:
The father of the big S has been absent for a long time, and the mother grew up with three daughters. The hopes of the family are pinned on S sisters. Entering the showbiz at a young age, she must forget that she has the possibility of getting enough parental love as a girl.
She can't cry on Weibo like Xiao S, nor can she be willing to be ordinary like her elder sister. She must be an eternal positive model, the spiritual pillar of the family.
2. She replaced the role of "father":
The big and small S has become the main source of family income, and the big S is the elder sister and rushes ahead of the little S.In this family, she almost played the role of the "father" in the family.
The result is that she can never lose, can never accept her fragility, and must be more desperate than a man.
3. Automated self-denial, making "desperate" a compulsive habit
Her inner self-denial made her not believe that someone would love herself unconditionally, or that she would get it for no reason. Only by desperately "passing the barriers" can you become the ideal self of others, feel safe and be worthy of love.
As a result, she kept raising her bargaining chip in the means of squeezing herself, and turned "desperate" into her normal state.
Those desperate happiness are not real happiness
These desperate people often use too much force in love and marriage.
such as Shen Congwen.
Ye Shengtao said that whoever marries the four daughters of the Zhang family in Jiuru Lane will be happy forever.
Zhang Zhaohe is Miss San, the best daughter of the Zhang family. Familiar with the four books and the five classics, fluent in English, fluency, study of Kunqu opera, good Danqing.
When she was studying in a Chinese public school, she would get a very high rate of repeating wherever she went. She received several love letters every day, sometimes as high as dozens.
(Shen Congwen and Zhang Zhaohe)
For love letters, Zhang Zhaohe almost never unwraps them, and only numbers the boys who write love letters, namely "frog number one", "frog number two" and "frog number three "...
Among them, half of the dozens of daily love letters come from literature lecturer Shen Congwen.
Because of Zhang Zhaohe's pursuit of Zhang Zhaohe, everyone knows that Teacher Shen in school: everyone knows that he is chasing her, everyone knows that he is crazy in love, everyone knows that he can even die for her. Even the principal Hu Shi persuaded Zhang Zhaohe and Shen Congwen to be together.
For four years, Shen Congwen’s infatuation and desperation,Zhang Zhaohe was forced to have nowhere to go.
He desperately pursued happiness, but caused two people's lifelong misfortune. Although he became a husband and wife, he was tortured by a loveless marriage. Shen Congwen derailed during Zhang Zhaohe's pregnancy. The marriage of the two ended in tragedy.
Yes.
The fat that is forced down will rebound sooner or later.
Flowers that are forcibly picked will wither sooner or later.
Desperate happiness will die sooner or later.
Those who use too much force to pursue happiness are like flower pickers holding big scissors. In the name of love, many better possibilities are cut off.
without restricting the growth of many things is the best help for their growth.
Real happiness, don't work hard, take it slowly and sometimes it is faster.
Happiness does not need to be desperate, in this life,
will finally reconcile with yourself
For the loss of the third child, some netizens said: "You don't want your old life. Are you there?"
And we want to say: Run fast for a while, but not far. In this life, one must reconcile with himself. Please do not use too much force on the road to the pursuit of happiness.
The real-time box office of "Later Us" exceeded 1.2 billion, which reminds us of the "marriage mad" Liu Ruoying who used to desperately wanted to pursue happiness in "Pink Girl".
At the wedding, her fiance escaped. After that, the life goal of "marriage madness" became married. She desperately wanted men, desperately wanted happiness, almost using her life to interpret what it means to be unable to accept herself.
But, where is the real happiness?
Mr. Right is hard to come across. There is no one who can admire oneself in the vast crowd.
But Mr. Right is not so difficult to meet.
At the end of the "Pink Girl" story, the "marriage maniac" stepped out of the lack of self-confidence caused by appearance defects, and gradually realized that she was also worthy of being loved seriously without working hard.
When love really begins to happen, it is not desperate, but just right mutual attraction;
marriage, people who really persist to the end rely not on passion, but just right love and devotion.
Behind his desperate efforts, after all, he denies himself and refuses to accept what he has.
Robin Williams has a movie "Mind Catcher".
A mathematics genius young man, unable to accept that he is excellent, afraid that he will fail in the future, so he deliberately confused himself with mediocrity.
In order to let him open his heart, the psychological counselor came out of this compulsive self-abuse, and talked about an interesting story with his wife:
"My wife had a problem when she was alive, she would fart when she was nervous.
One night my wife farted and woke up all the dogs at home, and later she woke up, and she turned around and asked me: Is it you? I said: Yes, dear, it is me.
Yes, And she always thought it was me. Little things like that are amazing, and they are the things I miss most. These little characteristics make her my wife.
She also knows all my small flaws, which people call imperfect . Actually otherwise, that’s a good thing, we can choose who to let into our world.
You are not perfect, I don’t want your appetite, the girls you know are not perfect, the question is whether you are perfectly suitable.
Intimacy is such a thing. You can know about the world, but the way to discover is to try."
How do we get out of "desperate self-abuse", the practice of psychological counselors is the answer:
loves that fart self.
—— heart is helpful,Not lonely ——
-Author-
Ruohan, a girl who longs to escape from the world, a girl who is willing to live every moment into an eternal baby.
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