How to support the elderly in your later years to be regarded as happiness?
In fact, many people will have an answer to this question. Some people think that being healthy in their later years, having money to spend, and having things to do is happiness. Some people think that being by their side in their later years is happiness. Of course, some people think that children are filial to their children when they are old, and living together for four generations is called happiness... The different answers seem to express the expectation of everyone's life in their later years. It seems that some people may also come up with a different idea:
"You can live with the children in your later years, and have children with them in your later years. Children live together and are happy. Let children support me in their old age. This is happiness."
. There are also many people who agree with this idea, believing that living with children in their old age is happy. If they don’t spend time with children, it means that no one will support themselves, which is unfortunate. You must know that this idea is wrong, especially in the context of today’s times. In fact, more and more elderly people can understand only after experiencing it. In fact, it is not necessary to live with children in their old age to be the happiest.
On the contrary, those elderly people who follow their children to live in retirement often sometimes don’t live happily.
narrator, 62-year-old Aunt Zhou:
I am 62 years old this year and just moved out of my son's house this year. The reason for moving out is to support my elderly care.
My wife passed away earlier. Later, I worked and made money by myself. I stopped until I was 53 years old. At that time, because my daughter-in-law was pregnant, my job was not that important. Moreover, my age was almost at the age of retirement, so I moved into my son's house and lived with them, helping them take care of their children, and helping to take care of their lives.
Later, my life has been at my son's house in the past few years, and I have hardly left. On the one hand, it is because I am old and I need to rely on them for my future retirement. On the other hand, it is because my children are still young. If I am at home, I can better help them take care of their children, pick up and drop off their children, and help them relieve some of the pressure of life, which makes me live at home.
To be honest, in the past few years, I always felt that I would rely on my son and daughter-in-law for my future retirement. Because of my traditional thoughts, I felt that living with my children in my later years was the happiest way. I also thought that now I am basically a helpless elderly person, and my children are my only support, but the days later have hit me again and again, especially in recent years.
I always felt that I was an elder, and all my savings and my dependence were on my son, so my son’s home is my home, which has always been my own idea, but this is just my idea. In the life of a family, we have too many disputes and helplessness. My life was still very stable in the first few years, because the whole focus of the family was on the children. Even if there were some disputes and some quarrels between me and my daughter-in-law, I didn’t care too much about these things. But as my life grew older, conflicts arose. Various quarrels, various helplessness in life, food, clothing, housing and transportation became big problems.
Just talking about eating, there are always many quarrels, because they all have their own jobs and are very busy, so I have always been cooking at home. However, when I cook, I just follow my own ideas and my habits, I am safe and sound at the beginning, but after a long time, there are problems. I either dislike my not delicious cooking, or I am dislike my unhygienic cooking, or I am disliked that I was too oily when I cook. These dislikes began to make me feel full of complaints. For this reason, we also communicated that they ate their own food and I made my own. If they want to eat, they eat it, and if they don’t want to eat, they don’t eat it. The facts prove that I have been worry-free, and they have also saved me from arguing with me.
But after wave after wave, after I stopped cooking for them, my daughter-in-law became dissatisfied again because I didn't like wasting. Sometimes the food I cooked could not be eaten, so I immediately put it in the refrigerator. The next day, I continued to eat it. But my daughter-in-law said that my meal tasted in the refrigerator, which made a smell in the refrigerator, and said that it would breed bacteria and spread it to them at that time.
I tried to argue, but later I gave in because the argument between me and my daughter-in-law still affected the relationship between their husband and wife. After thinking about it, I could only compromise. Although there would be leftovers, I just put it on the table and ate it early the next day, and didn't put it in the refrigerator.
In addition to eating, there are many conflicts in daily life. When it comes to washing clothes, there is only one washing machine at home. My clothes, coverings, etc. also need to be put into the washing machine to clean. However, in the eyes of my daughter-in-law, I feel that my clothes are not clean, so she always cleans the washing machine several times when washing clothes. It is obvious that she dislikes me, but I have no choice and I am angry.
Until later, I got sick, which was not very serious, but because I was old, I couldn't get rid of these illnesses for a while. During that period, I basically went to bed after eating, stopped cooking, and cleaned. But during that period, my daughter-in-law began to feel dissatisfied again. I didn't do anything at home all day, didn't wash dishes after dinner, piled them in the kitchen, the sofa in the living room was messy, and I didn't clean it. There were always broken hair on the floor at home. Her dislike began to make me feel more and more angry. Although my son stood by me, spoke for me, and took the initiative to clean up the things at home, he was still dissatisfied with my daughter-in-law, and the two of them still quarreled because of me.
Although my son’s life is not lonely, it is a lot more uncomfortable. After all, my daughter-in-law is an outsider. I can only accept that she is unwilling to support me. I don’t want to affect their lives because of me.
In the end, it was also because of a small thing, a very small thing that made me feel that I am actually a "outsider" in this family, and even a burden.
That time, my grandson's birthday was on, and my son and his daughter-in-law took their grandson out for dinner. Because my daughter-in-law said there was a very good restaurant, and she also got three discount tickets through other channels, so they wanted to take their children to eat together. Of course, they didn't consider me. Although I might not want to eat, they didn't tell me, and my son didn't tell me that I worked for the grandson's birthday for the afternoon, made longevity noodles, lobsters, and several dishes. I just waited for them to go home in the evening to have fun and had a family. As a result, when I called them in the evening, they said they were already in the restaurant and would not come back to eat.
At that moment, the grievance in my heart turned into tears and emerged directly. My son later explained to me that he forgot to tell me that he was in a hurry and naturally I would not blame my son. But through this incident, I suddenly realized that I really seemed to be an "outsider" at home.
After thinking about it over and over again, I chose to move out of this house. I originally wanted to go back to my hometown to live, but my hometown is too far from my son's house and I have no relatives in my hometown. I accidentally saw a garage in the same community to sell. The garage in their community is on the first floor, which is on the ground. Usually, there are many people playing cards or cooking and sleeping in the garage. My son and daughter-in-law don't have this garage. When they bought this house, the garage was very expensive and the garage was more expensive. This part of the money is not worth it, so I immediately asked, and I decided to buy the garage. I lived in it. The money for buying the garage was for me to sell my house in my hometown. I could still buy this garage with the money from the old house. I could still have a lot of money left. As for buying another house, I really didn’t have much money left. On the contrary, if the environment is better, I had to raise some money. In comparison, the garage is naturally more suitable for me. It can not only solve my life problems, but also allow me to have some money to retire.
After I mentioned this, my son and daughter-in-law objected. They felt that if I lived in the garage, I was afraid that others would gossip and blamed them for being unfilial to me. But I insisted that I didn’t care about them. If they wanted to ask, I explained clearly that I wanted to live in. Moreover, after buying the garage, their car would also have a place to put it in. If one day I was in poor health, I would move back to their house and put their car in the garage, so I didn’t have to rent it anymore. With my insistence, they agreed.
has lived in my son's house for eight years, and has experienced any conflicts and quarrels. But now I just want to live by myself, have an independent space, keep a certain distance from the children, no longer have to interfere in their lives, no longer have to worry about being disliked when cooking at home, or life being disliked. There will always be some friction and some conflicts in the lives of two or three generations. Moreover, the children's homes in the garage are not far away. If there is anything, it will be more convenient. If you usually live your own life, I am very happy.
Now I have just moved into my "new home" and bought some daily necessities. I usually sleep here. I cook and eat by myself, such as taking a bath, washing clothes, etc. I go to my son's house during the day. After all, the garage is only barely able to live in, making a meal, watching TV, and having a sleep.
However, since I decided on this, my son and daughter-in-law's attitude towards me has indeed changed a lot. They often come to see me, and there are also people around me gossiping about my son and daughter-in-law being unfilial to me, but I have explained it all, and I just have a happy and comfortable life. No one dislikes me, no one complains, and I naturally have a happy life. As for winter, I have thought about it. If it is inconvenient, I will go back to their house for a few months. Anyway, I have money and a place to live, and there is no place to worry about.
I blame myself for waking up too late. If I realized the unhappiness of living with them earlier and made a bold decision to move out to live by myself earlier, I might not have experienced those grievances. I blamed myself for making mistakes and making mistakes that many elderly people would make. I always think that living with children is happy, but I ignore my old age and what is more important is my life. Only by keeping myself in my heart and thinking about myself can I live a happier life. Blindly compromising and giving in will only make the grievances in my heart more and more.
Of course, I am not saying that buying a garage is the best, but it is just very suitable for me. If the elderly are rich at hand, I would recommend that you find a house. If you have a good relationship with the children and are willing to support them, then living with the children is naturally good. But if you live like me, you are not free, and you will be disliked, it is better to move out and live by yourself. Let yourself be happy and comfortable. What do you think?
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