It is absolutely impossible to lie in a romantic relationship. We know this, but it still happens.
The problem is that once you lie to your partner, it is difficult to get back to a good state.
Some people say, "It takes years to build trust, it takes only a few seconds to break it, and it takes forever to repair it."
But by learning from your mistakes and moving on, it is possible to fix a broken relationship.
Here are the steps you need to take to fix a relationship you feel is ruined by lying.
How to fix the relationship you ruined by lying: 15 steps
When you make a mistake, it is not easy to admit it.
If you feel you're criticized for doing something stupid you wish you could take back, this may be even more difficult.
Now is not the time to try to avoid everything that is happening. Instead, you need to be honest. And this starts with being completely honest with yourself.
It will be useful to have a little self-reflection here.
Dig deep into yourself, what causes you to dishonesty?
Is this really a stupid mistake, or is there another hidden truth?
Are there some things you need to deal with separately outside of a romantic relationship?
Facing your own shortcomings (each of us) will show your partner that you attach great importance to reflecting on your behavior and the impact they have.
Learn from the lessons through reflection.
) Completely confess
If the lies that were later exposed ruined your relationship, it is time to tell everything out.
Does your partner know everything? Or are you still hiding something from them now?
When you feel your relationship is already at stake, you may try to protect it from more harm.
But if that means telling more lies or keeping more secrets, it is much better to be completely honest now.
You won't want to hide more ulterior secrets, because these secrets may be exposed in the days to come.
If you want this to be a new page in your love history, you have to start over. And starting over means being completely transparent from now on.
If you are here to find a way to repair your relationship, this is obviously very important to you.
So I believe you are sincerely sorry, but you need to let your partner know this through a sincere apology.
Say how sorry you are, tell me why you did this, and tell me what different things you plan to do next time.
It's about admitting your mistakes and making compensation.
It is also to show your partner that you understand their feelings and that you really regret what you do.
Just admit the pain your partner feels because of lying can play a big role.
When learning how to apologize effectively, it is important to understand the value of expressing regrets. It is important to take responsibility, but it is also helpful to let the other person know that you feel guilty about hurting them and hope you don’t hurt them. That's it. They are already sad, and they want to know how sad you are with them.
A good way to show sincerity and transparency in front of your partner is to show vulnerability to them.
This means opening your heart to your partner, putting your guard down, putting your self-esteem aside, and sharing your all about you with them, even if you are afraid of criticism, judgment or rejection.
Fragility can help reduce conflict because we are more likely to soften when we face the vulnerability of others.
Fragility is also a good way to make your relationship more intimate.
This is because, in essence, fragility is an unguarded fact. And when lies ruin your relationship, that's exactly what you need now.
When we speak out our feelings, when we share our fears and dreams with others, we give others the strength to hear us or hurt us.
5) Really listen to your partner
Listening is an important part of communication.
A survey found that 96% of people think this is something we are very good at.
But the study does not fully agree with this view.
In fact, one study says people tend to remember only half of what others say to them.
Listening is not just about hearing what others are saying, listening is about understanding the real message they are trying to convey.
This requires empathy and imagine what they might be thinking and feeling. This means not to defend, not to try to defend, and not to make excuses for yourself.
By truly listening to their hearts and confirming their feelings, it shows that you care about your partner’s feelings and their needs.
6) Promising to do better in the future
Atonement for lying is a process. And part of this process is to make guarantees for the future.
This is when you confirm with your partner that things will be different.
They don't just want to hear your apology, they want to know you won't lie to them again.
Prepare these guarantees not only in language, but also in action when necessary.
Know how you will do better in the future, and then be consistent and stick to the end.
7) Don't make a promise that you are not sure whether you can achieve
In order to get your relationship back on track, people always want to say something and do something. But you also need to be alert to making commitments that are difficult to hold on.
I think it is very important to be realistic. If you have to break your promise on certain things in the future, it may be regarded as another kind of betrayal.
In their minds, making promises that you cannot keep will only prove that you cannot be trusted because you go back on your word.
The promises you make to your partner are better to be real and sensible.
This may require you to be honest about your needs and desires, and where they don't match in the relationship.
8) Get actual support
I often see some articles talking about emotional issues, and mentioned at the end that you can always get professional support if you need it.
But I think this downplays the important role that professionals can provide in helping you repair your relationship.
Getting the right help now may be the difference between success or failure.
Friendship is very difficult and requires active efforts. It makes much more sense to ask an emotional counselor for help than to fight alone.
Consider talking to your emotional counselor about your situation, whether as a couple or alone.
9) Don’t blame yourself
When Fei'er said this, she was definitely not giving you a green light. As Feier said in the introduction of this article, we all know that it is best not to lie.
But the reality is:
No matter how big or small, no one in the world has never lie.
People will mess up, make mistakes, and hurt the people they care about. You are just an ordinary person.
Fix your relationship also includes forgiveness of yourself.Too focused on one's mistakes can be dangerous to become self-indulgent.
Self-strike and constant self-depreciation make the whole situation surround you.
A few years ago, I had a cheating ex. He lied to me more than once and tried to cover up his whereabouts many times.
But when I finally discovered his lie, it was actually a bit annoying that he spoke his guilt so strongly.
He said how bad he felt and how obsessed he was to make himself a "bad guy" that only makes people focus on him, not on me or our relationship.
Be aware of your priorities now, and don't hold on to guilt or blame yourself when it's just getting in the way of you.
If you want to improve your relationship, then you must communicate better.
You all need to be able to talk openly and honestly without worrying about being judged, criticized or ridiculed.
We always hear the importance of good communication in a relationship. But it is easier said than done.
To strengthen communication, you can set aside specific time to get together to discuss feelings, worries and expectations in your relationship.
It is also important to note that each of us has a different communication style.
To a certain extent, the quality of communication is more important than quantity.
Internalized people tend to close and back down in conflict; those externalized people want to say it out, sometimes excessive. In both cases, more communication does not necessarily mean good communication. Internalizers may need space before they are ready to talk; externalizers may need to slow down and refine their message. Before you want to say more, think about how you can say better.
For some couples, boundaries are difficult to reach. If you don't know what your boundaries are, it can lead to confusion and conflict.
Discussing boundaries as early as possible in a romantic relationship helps prevent misunderstandings in the future. But despite this, it usually doesn't happen
instead, we make assumptions about our partner based on what we think is the right thing to do.
Healthy personal boundaries = be responsible for one's own behavior and emotions, while not responsible for others' behavior or emotions. "
Healthy boundaries, just like a healthy relationship, require a certain degree of autonomy.
It means being able to say no to your partner at the right time, which means that you all respect the other party's right to choose the right that suits you best, and also consider the other party's feelings.
In a relationship, unrigorous boundaries will Directly lead to the occurrence of lies.
For example:
You know that your partner doesn't like you going out with friends alone, so you lie to them.
Your partner is furious when you smoke, so you have to hide it from them.
If there is a lack of emotional intimacy, [one or both of you] may feel a lack of security, love, support, overall connection, and it is also likely to affect physical intimacy in romantic relationships. A romantic relationship without emotional intimacy cannot last for a long time.
When trust shakes in a relationship, it can also have a great impact on intimacy. However, even after a long period of distrust, there are ways to rebuild a kinship. Close relationships.
It is helpful to do something that will make you closer. Try to increase physical contact and emotion.
But importantly, this does not necessarily mean sex.
Depending on the extent of your relationship's destruction, sex may be impossible until more repairs are done to rebuild those important foundations of trust.
But hugs, kisses, holding hands, massages, etc. can all help reignite the sparks and intimacy.
In addition to the fragile and open communication mentioned earlier in Fei'er, other factors that promote emotional intimacy can come from giving your partner a lot of sincere praise, making them feel appreciated and needed.
If you want to fix the relationship you ruined by lying, it is important to create new memories together.
This is not about trying to cover up the cracks or cover everything. But to get through this difficult time, you need to remember the good times and create more of them.
This means making time for each other and making your partner feel that you are first.
Leave time alone for your relationship and do some interesting things together.
You can take a walk together, make dinner together, watch movies, play board games, etc.
Think of this time as a date night where you need to focus on retrieving efforts that are usually more common in the early stages of a relationship.
Do something that reminds you of why you fell in love at the beginning.
Expectations are often our enemies, and they put pressure on us.
It is best not to place too many expectations on your relationship now. Instead, focus on giving it what it needs to cultivate it.
Don't set a schedule or expectation for everything you want.
It may take some time to recover from a relationship that was damaged by a lie. You need to allow yourself to heal the wound as a husband and wife.
Rebuilding trust, intimacy and forgiveness does not happen overnight.
focuses on the process every day, not the expected results. Trying to fast forward to everything being forgiven will likely lead to disappointment.
If you really want to make up for it, you can give your partner as much time as possible.
Just as Fei'er said just now, if the lies are serious, then your partner may not simply forgive and forget overnight.
But it is equally important not to be too obsessed with things that have been gone, but try to look forward to the future as a husband and wife.
This may be more difficult for your partner than you.
Once you have publicly discussed the lies and issues in the relationship and agreed on the direction you are moving forward, the best way is to focus on what you want to achieve.
keep mentioning the past will make it difficult for you to make any progress.
This means honestly discussing the future that both of you want and trying to outline your future together.
Summary: Can a relationship be fixed after lying?
If this is what you all want, it is absolutely possible to fix a relationship that has been torn apart by lies.
But this requires effort.
The key is to be honest and open to communication with your partner.
If you are looking for more targeted help based on your own unique situation, you can talk to Fei'er.
Feier can give you specific suggestions based on your exact situation and tell you what the best next action is.
Fei'er not only listens, but also uses her professional knowledge to provide you with practical advice and ideas on how to repair your relationship.
Do you like what you just read? I want to know what you think of it. So, leave a message in the comment section. In addition, remember to search for Fei on WeChat to chat about emotions and follow Fei'er. Fei'er promises that Fei'er will become the lucky charm of your beautiful love life.
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