First, get rid of the "doubt internal friction" of sad feelings.
A colleague of mine sighed that my father is in his seventies and now he is becoming more and more suspicious.
The situation of my colleague's family is as follows:
The old father is in his seventies and has four children.
Among them, the eldest and the second have now settled in the provincial capital, and the third and fourth are currently living in the same city with their father.
The youngest of the four-year-old is not married yet.
In recent years, the old father has been very careful about his four children.
Among them, I am the most cautious about the third brother, that is, my colleagues.
But what is it? The third child is the most filial to his father among the four children.
The eldest and the second brother are in another place and have their own family and life. The concern for their father is to make a video greeting every week;
The fourth brother, a single man who is not married, has no sense of responsibility for the family, and he laughs all day long. When he goes home, he just brings a bag of oranges for his father and has never really taken care of his father.
even my father was hospitalized some time ago. The fourth brother never came to see him once, so he said he was busy with work.
Only the third brother and my colleague are the most filial. They visit each week, bring some food, and prepare meat, vegetables, etc. for three days at home to put them in the refrigerator.
also washes clothes for the old father, change the bed sheets and quilt covers...
But, the old father is very suspicious recently and always suspects that the third son is so attentive, so he will wait for him for a hundred years to grab property.
The third child was so amused and crying:
"Dad, how much property do you have to rob me? You can't even sell this old house now. Why should I rob you?"
The elderly are getting older and older, and as their lives pass, they may feel less and less secure.
So there will be delusions in your heart of persecution, and you will always feel that others, or children, will come to harm him.
However, this excessive suspicion will only push the children who are filial to you further and further.
Second, get rid of meaningless "emotional internal friction".
Uncle Wang from the community likes to quarrel with his children and his wife after retirement.
quarreled with the child because his two children, one is 34 years old and the other is 37 years old, and neither of them is currently in contact.
also has no intention of finding a partner.
Uncle Wang called them unfilial, and the old Wang family was going to break their roots here.
However, the more you scold your child, the more you hate you, the less you don’t want to get married. Even if it’s just to treat you, you don’t want to get married.
And his wife, even though she did nothing wrong, she still had to endure Uncle Wang's violent temper.
Every day, cooking is salty and light, the ground is dirty, and other trivial matters, Uncle Wang has to get angry with his wife.
This situation is that he is trapped in serious emotional internal friction.
After retirement, he may suddenly feel that he has nothing to do and no one needs him.
He felt serious disillusioned and felt that he was useless and disrespectful.
So, the focus of life is placed on children and transfer the aggrievance that you have nowhere to vent to your family.
He thought he was caring for his children and urging his children to do the right thing.
Little do you know that children are already adults and know what they are doing and can be responsible for their actions.
In fact, the fundamental reason why he loses his temper everywhere is that he cannot handle the conflict in his heart well.
On the surface, he seems to be thinking about his children and family, but in fact these behaviors are just a projection of his inner conflict.
For example, he forces his children to go on blind dates or get married, but in fact he wants to avoid his own fear that "if children don't get married, they will embarrass their parents."
As for the children who are reluctant to get married, will they be happy and happy? He wouldn't think about this because this is not the scope of his fear.
If the long term continues, the family will be messed up by his self-righteous care.
Third, get rid of unnecessary "interpersonal internal friction".
Nowadays young people have long learned to deal with internal friction caused by interpersonal relationships.
Because young people realize very early on that people are just simple or tired enough.
really doesn't want to add extra trouble to themselves, so many people now have relatively indifferent interpersonal relationships.
Relatives and so on rarely walk around.
Friends just have one or two fun things, and they are too lazy to manage other interpersonal relationships.
. The elderly are different. They are a very typical human society when they are young and need to try their best to maintain good relationships with all kinds of people.
can survive better.
So I developed the habit of trying to manage interpersonal relationships, which continues until old age.
But as you age, your experience, time and time will gradually be allowed.
is not objectively impossible to consider all interpersonal relationships very thoughtfully, just like before.
So, it is better to get rid of the internal friction of interpersonal relationships and devote your time and energy to things that you think are truly worth it.
Don’t destroy the peace and peace of your later years, and avoid inspiring meaningless contradictions.
is more with people you think are important, and you don’t have to get along well with everyone anymore.
Discussion
How many of these common "mental internal friction" in the elderly life?
Welcome to share in the comment area.
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