Irish playwright Shaw said: "The biggest problem with communication is thinking that communication has happened."
Sometimes communication is achieved through compromise between both parties or one party, and the purpose of a peaceful solution is achieved.
But this method may make both parties or one party feel a little uncomfortable. Even if it is solved now, there may be a situation of regret in the future. How can
communicate to the level of satisfaction of both parties? " Nonviolent Communication " mentions that "the intention of non-violent communication is not to change others to satisfy oneself, but to help both parties establish a frank and empathetic relationship, and ultimately everyone's needs can be met."
reduces invalid communication and get rid of deliberate compromise, which will save us a lot of trouble.
01
Prejudice is the poison of communication
There are some people who often take preconceived ideas in their lives, label others and define things for granted, but they never really understand this person and really understand these things.
This is what we often call prejudice, so we cannot see the truth clearly, cannot listen to other people's thoughts, and hold ourselves in a state of mind, losing the sincerity of communicating with others.
There is such a story.
Someone threw away the axe. Thinking that when the neighbor came to borrow a few days ago, he didn't lend it. He felt that it must be because the neighbor was dissatisfied and stole it.
So he secretly observed the behavior of his neighbor and found that the neighbor had never mentioned borrowing an axe again. He seemed to know that his axe was lost. The more he thought about it, the more he felt that the neighbor stole the axe. This idea took root in his heart.
Therefore, every time they meet a neighbor, he always has something in his words, and the neighbor is unclear, so he still talks well at the beginning, but after a long time, he becomes impatient. Therefore, the two of them always face tit-for-tat every time they chat and part with each other.
Later, this man found an axe in his yard.
After that, he saw the neighbor again. He changed his mindset and no longer picky or sarcastic. He suddenly found that the communication between the two was smooth.
Many times, we don’t communicate well with people because we look at a person or something with prejudice.
A good communication atmosphere is shaping, and things need to be expressed in an objective manner. If we communicate with personal preferences and prejudice throughout the whole process, we will soon become an unpopular person.
02
Tell me your feelings and build a communication bridge
In the book "Non-violent Communication", the author tells what happened when he communicated with his children:
The author spent three days solving a work problem, and when he drove home, he was exhausted.
I wanted to go home and have a good rest, but I opened the door and saw the children quarreling. When the children saw him entering the house, they rushed to accuse the other party of their mistakes, and he suddenly felt even more tired.
He told the children: I am very tired and uncomfortable now, and I don’t have the energy to care about your affairs. I want to be quiet for a while.
As soon as the words finished, the children stopped and looked at him and said: Are you willing to tell us about your pain?
A problem that needs to be communicated for a long time but cannot be solved, but this time, the author expressed his fatigue and had different results.
After hearing that their father needed a rest and understood their father's hard work, they felt that their grievances and their dissatisfaction with each other did not seem to be a big deal. Then they communicated quickly and reached a consensus, and things were resolved smoothly.
In people's inertial thinking, they always show their strong side to protect themselves, but when it comes to expressing their true feelings, they think this is showing weakness.
In "Non-violent Communication", the author believes that improving the ability to express feelings is conducive to promoting the intimate relationship between the two parties involved in the exchange.
When two people communicate, bravely express their feelings at this moment, or their feelings about something or practice, which can better bring the hearts of both parties closer , so that the other party understands themselves and feels the sincerity of communication.
For two people with great differences in status, age and occupation, communication to express their feelings is more important.
is like parents and children, bosses and subordinates. Telling each other about their feelings can create a good communication atmosphere and put both parties in an equal position in their relationship.
At this time, many problems that do not want to say, dare not say, and cannot say can be solved to a certain extent.
03
makes a request, which is more effective than gorgeous language
Once upon a time, a scholar went to the street to buy firewood, and he said to the person selling firewood: Come here! The firewood seller couldn't understand the meaning of this sentence, but he understood "Come here", so he walked over.
The scholar asked him, "What is the price?" The firewood seller understood the word "price", so he told the scholar how much it costs.
The scholar said again: "The outside is solid but the inside is weak, there is more smoke and less flame, please damage it." It means that your firewood is dry on the outside but wet on the inside. When it burns, it will have more smoke and less flames. Please make a little less price!
But the firewood seller couldn't understand the meaning of any word in this sentence, so he left with the firewood.
Communication with people needs to be based on frankness and make clear requests in simple words.
Ambiguous and profound words can make people confused and unable to communicate continuously.
When communicating with people, you need to express your thoughts and requests clearly. The more specific the better. Beating around the bush will often make communication impossible and even make others misunderstand yourself.
So how can I make a request explicitly?
is to detail your requirements and how to do it.
For example, the wife hopes that the busy husband can spend more time in the family, so she says to the husband, "Don't always spend all his time on work!"
The next day, the husband comes back and says, "I went to apply for a fitness card, and I will go to the fitness after get off work."
However, in fact, the wife's request is to let him accompany him more, but the wife did not express her request clearly, so the husband's feedback is not in line with the wife's wishes.
should make your own request clearly. The wife should say this: "Can you not spend all your time on work? I hope you spend more time with me every week, like you can accompany me out shopping every Saturday afternoon."
Only when we make a request clearly can others give us corresponding responses and actions, and this kind of communication can achieve time-saving and effective results.
Good communication should be able to make the tense relationship more relaxed and finally achieve a happy result for both parties.
People are social animals. With social interaction, conflicts will arise all the time, and communication will occur all the time. Learning to communicate correctly will make us less troubles and regrets.
Author Profile: Huanzi, reveal all the silence, the years are still without trace.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-