Keywords: I don’t know who to choose
01. Letter from readers
Hello Brother Kai, I am a single mother . My ex-husband has lied to me many times, cheated on me and gambled. I cannot accept the choice of divorce.
After the divorce, the child belongs to me. Now my parents help me take care of it, and he doesn't care about anything.
I thought at that time, would just forget about for the rest of my life.
But I didn’t expect that I met an uncle on the Internet. He gave me a feeling I hadn’t experienced in many years.
This uncle has a son who owns a shop, but he doesn’t have a house. I know in my heart that we are not suitable to be together.
During this period, my relatives introduced me to a person . I didn't like him, but he was very enthusiastic about me. I felt that he liked me very much.
He said that for the sake of my child, could accept not having children after marrying me, , and would treat my child as his own. I was very touched.
I know that he is very honest and willing to pay for me, but I don't like him. I don't know if we can really live together like this?
I am very confused now, I am afraid that I will not meet such a suitable person after giving up on him., Brother Kai, what should I do?
02. Kaizi replied
Hello girl, it can be seen from your letter that you are a girl who does not know yourself well enough and has no plan.
Your ex-husband is an irresponsible man who likes to lie, cheat and gamble.
I don’t know if you have asked yourself after the divorce why you chose such a man in the first place, whether you have learned the lessons learned from this failed relationship .
But I don’t seem to see from your letter that you have done this.
You said that if you think about it at that time, you will forget it for the rest of your life.
For a young girl, having such negative thoughts may seem like being pessimistic about the future, but in fact she is avoiding the mistakes she has made.
If you don’t reflect or review, this means that you may repeat the same mistake later.
Some girls may think that the reason why my marriage failed was because I was too young and didn’t know how to read people.
But often the so-called incomprehension of people has a lot to do with their own inner needs.
For example, a girl who has no sense of security will easily fall in love with a bad man.
Because in her heart, as long as this man can treat her well, has a sweet mouth and gives enough emotional value, as for the quality and conditions, they will be ignored.
This is why it is important to sum up the lessons learned from failures. You must know why you fell in love with the wrong person, so that you can avoid making the same mistakes in the future.
If you don’t do this step, you will continue to be tempted by an uncle who has no results.
You said, this uncle gave you a feeling you haven’t had in many years. What is this feeling?
cares about you, considers you, and takes care of you.
Did you find that this is completely in line with what I said earlier about having a sweet mouth and giving enough emotional value.
Even if you know that your uncle cannot satisfy you regardless of your age or finances, you will still choose to date and maintain a relationship with him.
You might as well carefully compare your psychology and motivations for choosing your ex-husband. Are there any similarities in their attraction to you?
Let’s talk about this blind date introduced to you by your relatives. You said that you don’t like it.
After I didn’t like him anymore, I noticed you said: I know he is an honest person .
Usually what is honest in the eyes of girls is that kind of man who is not good at expressing, can't speak, and looks very real, will be called "honest".
From this perspective, the reason why you don't like this man is because he can't bring you emotional value compared to an uncle, he won't coax you, and he won't say sweet words.
I have said this, but I don’t know if you have realized it. Your current situation is not about choosing someone, but about the person you don’t know what kind of person you want..
What you pursue seems to be love and you want to be loved, but in fact it is just a man who will make you happy.
I also have to say, Why some girls’ marriages fail repeatedly , this is the reason.
Because no man will make you happy all the time.
A good relationship is not about unilaterally giving emotional value , but when both parties can give and accept a smooth life, only then will they be happy.
What's more, if you have nothing, you can only be nice to you, and this kind of kindness will only look cheap.
If you ask me what to do, I can only advise you not to blindly choose before you know what you want.
Even if this "honest" man is your best choice at the moment, can you really grasp it?
Your heart is not with him, and he cannot give you the "feeling" you want. Even if such a relationship can barely be maintained, how long can it last?
Even if you insist on being with him, if you hurt him in the end, he will still choose to leave you.
I don’t know what you think this girl should choose? How do you think she should make a choice now?
Welcome to share your thoughts and opinions in the comment area below.
If you are like her and don’t know what kind of person you want to choose to spend your life with, you can send me a private message and I will help you analyze the pros and cons and teach you how to make the right choice.
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