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Chat with some mothers and find that they all like to complain that their children don’t like to tell the truth to them. "I don’t know where she came up with such a lie, but I don’t know why she lied to us"...
A friend’s little baby recently I told her a "whould be a big lie". The kindergarten will hold a parent-child meeting and ask the baby to give the notice to the parents. As a result, my friend learned of the notice from the WeChat group, and the notice was not received at all.
asked the child, the little girl blinked and said to her innocently: "The teacher didn't give it."
asked again, the little girl burst into tears, choked up and said: "I accidentally lost it on the road."
I didn’t expect to find a notice at the bottom of the little girl’s backpack, "Everybody got the money", and the little girl cried: "I don’t want to... mother sees the teacher... Mother scolded..."
Asked carefully, my friend was dumbfounded, because the child recently took a nap in the kindergarten, and it was naughty that made the teacher a headache. The teacher "threatened" and said: No matter how good a nap is, he will tell his parents that the child will listen to the truth When I was scared, I tried my best to prevent my mother from seeing the teacher.
After laughing, my friend is sad: If a child is so young, he can’t tell the truth. As a parent, how can we correct this bad problem of the child?
●What kind of "lie" does the child have and the motivation behind
Psychologist Feldman thinks Lies have different levels, and motivations are generally divided into three categories: the first category is to please others and make others feel comfortable and happy; the second category is to show off oneself; the third category is to protect oneself.
Children "cheating" their parents generally have the following behaviors:
★Fantasy lie
For example, the child may say "The doll can talk", "Daddy Sun is not I'm happy" and so on. Some unreal content is actually not a true lie, and there is no subjective motivation to lie, but because the child's imagination is too rich and can't distinguish reality from illusion.
★Exaggerated lie
Some children will exaggerate the truth on the basis of reality, adding fuel and jealousy, but to attract people’s attention, such as "My grades are much better than others", "The teacher is kind to me and gave me a lot of food..."
★Pleasant Lies
Some children have vanity, I hope that adults can praise themselves, but also want to be admired, so they will use unrealistic lies to shape themselves, in order to get the attention of everyone, this kind of children should often be encountered. When I was in elementary school, I met a tablemate who said that I was a princess with a castle and a huge carriage at home.
★Self-preserving lies
This is even more common, because of fear of criticism and punishment from parents and teachers, children will cover up with lies when they make mistakes, which is a kind of "forced" Self-protection,
★Imitation-type lies
A child is a blank piece of paper, the moral sense has not yet been fully established, and the imitation is extremely strong, especially the child will regard his parents as a template for behavior If parents love to lie, it is easy for children to learn.
●When children "deceive" their parents, parents usually have these wrong practices.
✘Never mind
Many parents think that lying is just fun for children, and it’s not a big problem. As long as it doesn’t cause any major incidents, it’s up to the children to play. After all, they are young and innocent and cute. When a child grows up, he will naturally know the ethics, become sensible, and stop lying.
✘violent treatment
Some parents are simple and rude when they lie to their children. They think that the child’s lying behavior is extremely bad and it is "long crooked", so we must forcefully twist it. . So I didn’t understand the inside story and didn’t consider the child’s thoughts. He simply and rudely judged that the child was wrong, then reprimanded and even beaten up, thinking that only violent education could save the “bad child”.
Children cheating on their parents is a common problem encountered in parenting. Of course, lying is wrong and is not conducive to the healthy growth of the child. However, most parents have gone to extremes in solving this problem, either disapproving, or facing the enemy. They have not tried to communicate with their children, and they cannot really solve the problem of children's lying.
●How do parents tell their children to tell the truth?
✔ You must know why your child "deceives" yourself.
The reason behind the child's lies is that after parents know that the child is lying, they must first investigate clearly. Why do children lie? Only by finding the cause can "prescribe the right medicine" instead of a one-size-fits-all problem, which hurts the child if the problem cannot be solved.
if children are lying because of fear of parental punishment , parents should reflect on their own attitudes and try to find a more correct way of education; if the child is lying because of vanity , Parents must be patient to communicate with their children, and let the children realize their mistakes; if the child is because of shyness and lying , then they must be concerned about the child's psychological condition and solve the child's heart knot.
✔Have enough respect and trust for children, and encourage children to tell the truth.
When children make mistakes, parents should not let anger take over, but should treat rationally and calmly. When a child tells a lie, the parents do not need to beat, scold, or coax, because the parent and the child are not in a hostile relationship.
Therefore, we should encourage our children, telling them that telling the truth is a good virtue. Only by telling the truth and being brave to bear the consequences can we really solve the problem without fear. Because the lie will eventually be punctured.
✔ Have a correct attitude towards lying to children.
It is not a trivial matter for children to lie, nor is the sky falling, so parents must be calm about this and control their emotions, so that they can better educate their children, and there is no violence and temptation to make children more convinced It will not produce resistance.
✔ Parents must lead by example.
The words and deeds of parents have a profound impact on children. In the early stage when children's moral concepts are not fully formed, parents are the moral benchmarks for children. Therefore, children who like to lie and are good at it often have a parent who likes to conceal the truth or run a train full of mouths, so if you don't let your child return the lie to you, please set an example and be honest.
Parents must be good role models for their children, so as to effectively educate their children. Children's love to deceive their parents is never the problem of the children, but the wrong way of parenting education.
Today's topic: Will your child "deceive" you? How would you educate children if they lie? If there are any good education methods, you can leave a message and share with us to discuss.
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Mom and Dad’s parenting recipe, you deserve it!
Let children have double love!
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