People who can be cold and violent are basically not the ones who will take the initiative to break up.
In the cognition of this type of boys: taking the initiative to break up = bad guy, no matter who caused the breakup.
Of course, even if he himself is a bad person, he has done enough to hurt you, and the naked eye is scum and weak, he himself knows that his behavior will not be on the table - but as long as he admits it himself, takes the initiative to take responsibility, and His series of actions gave a result, and he refused.
1. What is the inner driving force for boys who use "cold violence" to force a breakup?
What drives them to do this is two words: cowardice.
Cowardice is different from cowardice. Cowardice is not afraid to do bad things, cowardice is the courage to do bad things, but dare not admit it.
To some extent, boys who are cold and violent are not as qualified as boys who can take the initiative to break up.
Although both will cause you harm, at least the latter will stand up straight when beaten, be openly criticized, and dare to face your true self, and maybe you can add courage points.
The boy who is cold and violent, regardless of the reasons for the lack of feelings between the two sides, can basically conclude that he is cowardly as far as the solution to "cold violence" is concerned.
Cowardly people only dare to be rude under the table, but have no courage to tear their faces on the table.
In other words, they are not afraid of how bad they are, but how bad they look.
They can do all the bad things, and even make mistakes of principle without blinking an eye. They have no bottom line for their own behavior, and they will eventually shift the blame to the other party anyway.
and cold violence is a way to shirk responsibility with high cost performance and high success rate.Because in this process, the relationship between the two parties will be:
1, mainly against customers, and the thief shouts to catch the thief. In the process of
cooling down, your cognition will go from the beginning of the decision, to the later self-doubt, and finally to the final self-examination. In other words, the cooling process will allow you to pass self-examination and ignore the fault of the other party, so as to achieve the purpose of bowing your head first.
2. Use silence to inspire hysteria, and then use hysteria to make you blame yourself.
In fact, many so-called "shrews" are not violent, but are forced out by cold violence.
Silence is a form of violence, provided that the other party intends to communicate with you and resolve it properly. And your response is silence and disdain, even behind closed doors, as if letting the other party punch cotton.
Her patience will be consumed, her hope will be extinguished, her efforts will be stifled, and in the end she can only take extreme emotions and practices to achieve her original goal of peaceful settlement with you.
3. Persistent torture until you can't bear it.
Do you feel pain with someone who is cold and violent with you? They don't actually suffer from you, only the one who loves deeply will suffer.
Of course, they themselves are quite aware of this fact, so they use it as a skill to torture your patience and consume your love.
He is the player, and you are the pawn, because he has long known that his silent silence will sooner or later make you take the initiative to break up—at that time, finally, as he wishes, you take the initiative to break up, and he passively accepts it.
He passed the test of his false conscience, which not only preserved his personality, but also achieved his goal.
4, it is tasteless to eat, and it is a pity to abandon it.
For them, your current existence means nothing to eat, and it is a pity to abandon it. There is some reluctance to give up on your own initiative, but if you don't give up, you really don't have the feeling of continuing.
Therefore, they chose a method that is most beneficial to their current situation: cold violence, you are still there when you are needed, and disappear when you want to disappear when you are not needed.
If you want to stay, it is your own personal choice; if you want to leave, it is not his head.
Even if they know that the overall situation has been decided, and continuing their relationship is to consume you, but they still refuse to give up their current pitiful interests, it can be said to be selfish to the extreme.
Therefore, a boy who deliberately brutalizes you and forces you to break up is not worthy of your nostalgia.
Because they are cowardly and selfish, they think "cold violence" is a sign of their soft-heartedness towards you.
Second, how to properly deal with the cold violence of boys?
The so-called cold violence here is the cold violence that boys knowingly commit and deliberately torture you. As for the cold violence caused by weakness in character, this article will not talk about it.
In the face of the situation you asked, my suggestion is: handles strongly.
The more you follow the trend and deal with problems according to the script he gave you, the easier it is to be passive. What you need is to break the conditions he created and regain the initiative.
1. First, bow your head in a friendly manner, and then treat yourself with honesty.
For example, you can pretend that you bought him a gift, or want to ask him a favor, and establish contact with him first in a friendly manner to relax the atmosphere.
2, articulate your receptiveness to the results, and invite him to make a choice
After establishing a connection, all you need to do is be honest.
first explained his views on breaking up, and explained his rejection of cold violence, and asked his true opinion.
Note that the inquiry here is not forcing him to make a choice - because he does not dare to make a choice, he can only tell you in a euphemistic way what he thinks of his current relationship.
For example, you first clarify that you are not afraid of breaking up, but you still want to save your relationship. This is your perspective.
uses the same logic to ask him if he can accept the breakup. If he does not want to break up, can the two sides agree on a proper way to deal with the problem in the future; if they want to break up, they can also openly explain the reasons and break up peacefully.
Profound, national second-level psychological counselor, translator of the book "Non-violent Communication · Gender", member of Dalian Psychological Association, 34 years old, married with children, willing to share my attitude.
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