Introduction
Since ancient times, our most common understanding of elderly care in old age is to "raising children to prevent old age". When giving birth to children, let their children come to retire and see them off when they are old. This is also the most normal ethics.
However, with the changes of the times, it has become less easy to raise children to prevent old age. Especially for the current post-60s and post-70s, the elderly who have experienced family planning and are about to enter retirement, their pension has become an unknown.
Some people may say that young people nowadays have become ruthless and will not put filial piety first like the older generation. No matter how life is, they will support their parents until they grow old. Some people may also say that times have changed. Everyone must learn to rely on themselves or use external services to support their elderly care. They cannot pass on the pressure to the next generation. At present, nursing home elderly care is a popular trend!
So when your parents are old, will you take care of yourself or send it to a nursing home? There is no absolute in the world. Let’s listen to the truth about the three children. Although it is ugly, it is very realistic!
1, 52-year-old Aunt Chen: It is best for families with many siblings to send their parents to nursing homes!
I am 52 years old this year, and my biological parents are already in their old age, and they all need someone to take care of them.
My father is 75 years old and suffers from Alzheimer's disease . My mother is 71 years old and it is normal, but she has a bit of amnesia. In the past, when my father was not so severe in his dementia, they took care of each other. They also had a pension, and each of them had about 2,000 yuan, so we four children didn’t have to worry about it. Just send something and go home to check it out.
But 3 years ago, my father suddenly became serious and often fell ill. My mother couldn't resist it alone. Besides, she also had amnesia and always forgot to give her father medicine or take more medicine. In the end, in order for the two of us to live a peaceful old age, the four of us, as children, began to take turns to retire.
We are the fourth siblings, I am the eldest sister, and there are second, third and fourth sisters below. They belong to a family with more girls and few children. Fortunately, our four siblings live a good life and are very capable of supporting their parents. What we think is that the four families take turns to retire, and the younger brother is the son. They should take care of their parents more, so they only take care of them for half a year. In the remaining half year, each family of our three daughters will be 2 months.
However, we arranged it very well, but in the end, it was not as smooth as expected.
originally said that the parents would take care of everything when they go to. However, when their parents lived at their younger brother's house, they not only asked their parents to pay for their lives, but also asked their mother to help them cook for fire and even pick up and drop off their children.
The mother who is easily forgetful is very tired when she handles her father alone, but she also has to pay and work hard to do this and that. She has forgotten the time to pick up and drop off the child several times, cooked the rice without cooking, and forgot to turn off the air conditioner, etc., and was scolded by her younger brother and sister-in-law. This made my mother cry and made us feel so distressed that we, as daughters.
I also thought that it would not be a troublesome to take my parents to our daughter’s house for two months, and our wife agreed. But when the three of us sisters took our parents to live at home, we all encountered obstacles and complaints from our in-laws. Although my mother-in-law did not complain about me in public, she complained a lot about me in private. She always came over and despised my parents for what happened. She even said that she would drive my parents away, and the same was true for the second and fourth sisters.
Not only that, each family has different attitudes to taking care of their parents, which also leads to frequent conflicts between the four siblings. Especially when parents are hospitalized, there will always be people who refuse each other. Some people think that whoever lives in that month will be responsible for it, and everyone should not share the burden. Some people think that taking turns to accompany the care of the child can be done, but the medical expenses cannot be evenly distributed, and whoever takes care of the child will pay...
Finally, in order to achieve harmony between the siblings and the peace of life of our parents, we decided to spend money to send them to the nursing home. Although doing this will make outsiders irresponsible, we feel that only doing this is the best way to deal with parents and our children.
Nowadays, my parents live in it quite freely. There are nursing care and elderly people accompanying me. There are fewer family conflicts. The four siblings have become much more at ease, and gradually their relationship has improved.
2, 45-year-old Mr. Zhong: I would rather send my parents to a nursing home, nor leave them at home,
I am the only son in the family. Although supporting my parents is a responsibility and obligation that I cannot shirk, when my parents get old, I would rather send them to a nursing home, nor do I want to leave them at home to take care of them. When someone hears me doing this, he may think that I am ruthless and an unfilial son, but I also have my own difficulties.
My living conditions are pretty good, and the couple's work is also developing very well. They gritted their teeth and bought a house and a car in big cities. They are considered to be half a big city. Logically speaking, our superior conditions are enough to bring our elderly parents to live a happy old age.
But we have good conditions, but we are a new generation of "421" families. Our wife is also an only daughter. There are two elders on her side who want us to share the burden. We also have a son studying and will prepare him to buy a house and marry him in the future. So no matter how capable we are, we are still willing but unable. Even if we really keep them at home, we will not be able to do it, but we are afraid that our parents will suffer with us. After all, the houses in big cities are small and narrow, and our family of three is still alright. If both parents come, it will be uncomfortable.
When my wife was pregnant and had children, the parents of both sides also came to live at home for a while. Although life was quite acceptable, their families also had many conflicts, and we, the children, were also stuck in the middle, and we were in a very difficult situation and didn’t know who to help.
Some people say that let your parents stay at their home and be at peace with each other. In fact, my wife and I think so too. Both parents are retired and have some pensions that can satisfy our basic life. If you are in good health, let them live at home.
If I am old, weak and sick, and need someone to accompany and take care of me, then I would rather send them to a nursing home than leave them at home. After all, nursing homes are pretty good nowadays. Although they are not as comfortable as living at home, at least there are people who accompany them, take care of them, and they can eat and drink without worries. The most important thing is that it can relieve our husband and wife and will not run around for the elderly on both sides.
3, 53-year-old Mr. Liao: My parents can take care of themselves healthily, so I can’t take care of themselves. I’m going to take care of myself anymore. I’d better send it to a nursing home
I am the only son in the family. Although I still have two sisters, they don’t care about their parents’ family affairs after getting married, so my parents’ pension problem has become my own business. However, I didn't complain about any injustice. After all, I am my son and should have shouldered this burden.
Many people praise me for being filial. Since I bought a house in the city, I have brought my parents to live with me, and they all live well. Our family of five is also very harmonious, without conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and there is no "relative" behavior of "relatives from generation to generation".
My parents are also satisfied with this kind of life, and praise us for being kind to everyone, and earning us a lot of face. To be honest, having such a family atmosphere and parents is a rare and valuable luck for everyone, and they will never be lost if they encounter it.
So, after our parents gradually grow old and develop various diseases, we did not dislike them, and we did not drive our elderly parents back to our hometown to live like many children.
However, a few years ago, my parents both got sick and lost their ability to take care of themselves, but I was stumped.
My father injured his lumbar spine in a car accident and has to spend it in a wheelchair since then. As for my mother, because of cerebral infarction , her limbs are no longer neat, and she still needs someone to serve her from time to time. At this time, my wife happened to retire and stayed at home to serve the two of them. In fact, this is quite good, and she fulfilled her responsibility for supporting her.
However, when facing an elderly person who cannot take care of himself, we have a filial heart, but the ability to serve is limited.In order to serve the two elders, my wife was busy from morning to night, and she was even more tiring than work. She got sick, and she changed her good temper and had some conflicts with her wife, which made her tired and suffering. After taking care of her for less than half a year, she lost more than ten pounds and became much older.
Every holiday, I will serve my wife for my parents. Although we take care of her for a while and don’t feel anything, I still feel a little uncomfortable. The daily work is to bring shit, urine, wipe my body and wash my face, do massage from time to time, and give my mother. I have to take her around and do aerobics . When the situation is not good, I have to feed her to help her to facilitate it, etc. It looks very relaxed, and it will make people feel tired if they are frequent.
Because my parents lost their ability to take care of themselves, my husband and I also indirectly lost our freedom. Every holiday, we can only stay at home to serve our parents. We cannot travel around like others, and even the simplest social engagements are less.
And my parents are also depressed at home. Apart from the people around us, they don’t need many people to accompany me. They stay at home all day long, watching TV, listening to music, eating, drinking, urinating, and sleeping. Life is very decadent. Later, I found that many people around me sent the elderly to nursing homes, and I also tried to take my parents to visit the nursing home. As a result, they liked it very much and felt that there were many people there and the environment was good, which was more comfortable than staying at home.
Just like that, we finally sent our parents to the nursing home. Although both elderly people went to the nursing home, the expenses were very high, but the couple still gritted their teeth and made such a decision. After all, it is worth it to spend some time to solve the pain of our two generations.
So, I think that parents can take care of themselves as they are healthy, so they can take care of themselves at home, but they can’t take care of themselves. Then it’s better to send them to nursing homes for retirement. This will not cause us young people to suffer, nor will the elderly live a frustrated life. I wonder if you agree with the answer given by the three children above
?
Some children may say something that makes people feel unpleasant, but it is indeed a reality. Every generation has its own difficulties and unscrupulousness, and the elderly care cannot always be limited to "raising children to prevent elderly care". In this new era, we must learn to arrange our lives reasonably and support our elderly care.
Keeping parents by your side to support your elderly care is filial piety, and sending your parents to a nursing home is also a kind of filial piety. In short, no matter what method you use to support your parents, as long as your parents live a good life, this is filial piety. So please don’t criticize children who are unwilling to leave their parents by their side to support their elderly care. Perhaps they have the same last resort as the three people above.
