Hello everyone, I am Donglinfu. Let’s talk about how to raise ordinary children to be very good and sunny. It is the wish of most parents to hope that their children will become dragons and their daughters will become phoenixes.

Author | Donglinfu

Hello everyone, I am Donglinfu. Let’s talk about how to raise ordinary children to be very good and sunny.

Want your son to become a dragon, and hope that your daughter to become a phoenix is ​​the wish of most parents.

But blindly chicken baby is not a good thing for children. A parent who understands education cares more about his children's underlying abilities, more about whether his children are physically and mentally healthy, and has the ability to let themselves and others live a happy life.

Most parents will slowly accept that their children are ordinary people, and it is not easy to make their children become an excellent ordinary person.

A friend of mine, Cen, said to me: "Before my child was three years old, I always fantasized that she was a child prodigy and could make a name for herself in the future; when she went to kindergarten, I thought that she would be a primary school bully in the future and could shine for her family; until she went to elementary school, I lowered my standards and would not expect her to take the Peking University , Tsinghua in the future. If she could go to 985 and 211 universities, I would be satisfied; when she went to junior high school, I think I really thought too much. As long as she could grow up healthily and happily, she would be fine in an ordinary university. Now I think even if she couldn't get into high school and couldn't go to college, as long as she could support herself in the future and not rely on her parents, I would be content."

friend Cen's expectations for her children are getting lower and lower because she found that the child did not seem to be a material for learning. No matter how Cen helps or how hard her child works, her grades have been wandering in the middle and lower reaches of the class. In Cen's words, you are a top student, but in fact you have nothing to do with your child.

Every child has his own growth trajectory and self-destiny . Perhaps some children are good at learning, some are good at socializing, and some are talented in music, but we have to admit that 99% of children will become ordinary people.

Make children a happy, happy and skilled ordinary person. It is also a wonderful thing to spend their lives peacefully and happily.

How to raise an ordinary child to be excellent? This requires parents to put some effort into it.

1. Be a learning parent and constantly improve yourself.

Many parents do a great job in the fields they are good at, but they may fail when it comes to being a parent.

The principle is very simple. Parenting is a science. We must follow the laws of children's natural growth to raise and educate children. As a father or mother, we have never taken courses to raise and educate children. This requires us to constantly learn and explore scientific parenting methods in practice, rather than raising and educating children based on our personal feelings.

My friend Zhiqiu's parents are both university professors, but she was not happy in her childhood. Now she is middle-aged and her parents are in their 60s. However, in Zhiqiu's heart, she has a deep knot for her parents and is not close to them.

Zhiqiu said: "I was less than three months old when I was born, and I was taken to my hometown by my grandmother. I didn't return to my parents until I was 6 years old.

They don't care about me normally, they just ask me for grades. If I don't get well, I will be cold-eyed. Only by doing well can I get short-term warmth. makes me feel that I was born for the exam, and it is an examination machine .

They always compare my shortcomings with the advantages of other children to stimulate me. I know they hope I am better, , but this makes me feel that they don’t love me, I am just a tool to win their face. ”

Zhiqiu did not get into a good university, but now she is doing a good career. She has opened several car wash shops, and her wealth is tens of millions. She is a rich woman in the eyes of outsiders.

But Zhiqiu told me that she was not happy, even had a little depressed tendency, could not find a goal in life, had no sense of happiness, and had no emotional support. She always felt that the world was indifferent.

"Life is just that, it's meaningless or concerned. An unfortunate childhood must be cured in a lifetime." Zhiqiu often says this.

As a friend, I can’t help her, because a person’s heart is desolate or rich, and it is mainly built by himself. It is difficult for outsiders to help in the short term.

I just stayed with her when she was in a low mood. If she wanted to reconcile with her inner self, she needed to slowly understand and think through it.

Zhiqiu's parents have made great achievements in their professional fields. They are not uneducated people, but in terms of parenting, especially for older parents, it seems normal to treat their children simply and roughly.

Many parents do not consciously understand parenting knowledge, and will not study the growth rules of their children and children's psychology . Many parents think that I will let you eat and wear warmly, and live a good material life more than ten times better than when I was a child. Why are you still not talented? It's all you are not doing well.

In fact, educating children is far from that simple. If parents cannot get into their children's hearts, even if they provide children with good material conditions, the children they raise may have many problems.

2. Cultivating children’s underlying logical abilities is more important than forcing children to get high scores.

My friend Cen once said to me: "In fact, sometimes my child and I are anxious, not simply because she didn't do well in the exam. In fact, the score is not the most important thing. What is important is that she has not figured out a lot of the underlying logic, such as she has no perseverance, laziness, low emotional intelligence, fear of setbacks, etc.."

agrees deeply.

I often say to my daughter, You can’t learn something in kindergarten, and you will teach you when you come back, but you remember that you must listen carefully to the teacher’s lectures, you cannot be absent, and you cannot think it doesn’t matter whether you listen to the teacher’s lectures or not. You must develop the good habit of listening to the teacher’s lectures carefully.

To put it simply, it is to develop the attitude and habit of listening carefully from an early age. The result is not the most important, because if the process is right, the result must be the best result within the child's ability.

Children may have limited abilities in some aspects because everyone has shortcomings and strengths.

But if a child who is kind, persevering, independent in thinking, strong ability to take care of himself, has ideals and a strong sense of responsibility, even if he is not outstanding in a certain field, he will always have a chance to make a comeback.

We often see this phenomenon. Some children have mediocre academic performance, but after entering society, they can make a prosperous career, and have a happy family. This is because of the excellent comprehensive quality of the child, not that the child can only get high scores, but there are too many shortcomings in the comprehensive personal system.

When I was a child, my father taught me this way: music, physical fitness and beauty are not important, I can’t take the college entrance examination, don’t focus on the deputy subjects, you don’t have to do housework, just study, and only look at the grades in the college entrance examination. This educational method of

is of course wrong. I fell a lot about it, and of course I would not educate my children like this.

But I think there are many parents like my dad.

Parents should understand that although the college entrance examination only looks at the scores, society does not only look at the scores of children.

A child with strong comprehensive qualities is more competitive in society and has the ability to have a happy life for himself and others.

For example, many parents now think that boys don’t need to learn to do housework, and believe that the woman will do housework after marriage.

And what is the actual life like?

Parents cannot take care of their children for the rest of their lives. When their children are single, they can only order takeaway. Not only does they spend too much money, their taste and health cannot be guaranteed.

When the child gets married, both the couple have to work, and the housework should be shared together, but because the man has received education since childhood, he is to be a "uncle" at home, and all the housework is pressed on the woman alone. Can the couple not have conflicts in this way? Will the family be stable? Can family life be happy?

Especially after having children, housework will become more and more arduous. It is conceivable that the status of husbands who are hand-off owners in the family can be seen. Whether they can be respected by their wives and children depends not only on their ability to make money, but now many wives have far stronger ability to make money than their husbands.

Therefore, don’t raise children from ordinary families into “pseudo-rich second generation”. To be honest, the richer people are, the less they will not indulge their children. Instead, they pay attention to cultivating children’s various underlying abilities.

In short, cultivating children to become successful is not an easy thing. requires parents' deep thinking and effective practical actions.

Ten years of tree, a hundred years of cultivation, and you will raise a good stock, and you will raise a high-performance stock; if you raise a child, you will become a debtor, and you will not be at ease when you are old, and you will need to keep paying for your mistakes.

I am Donglinfu, follow me, let’s be a learning parent together and cultivate excellent children.