Author: Xuanzi
It is said that parents are a mirror of their children, and their children's future is hidden in their parents' education.
If parents want to give their children the best education, they must first update their educational concepts.
These five psychological effects in the field of education may help you become a better parent and raise better children.
Label effect
Put one more positive label on your children
American psychologist Becker believes: " Once a person is labeled with a certain label, he will become the person labeled by the label."
Because people will make unconscious efforts to make their behavior consistent with the label. This phenomenon of
is the " tag effect ".
"tags" have a huge impact on children's personality development and self-identity.
In terms of personality, if a child is not too lively, the parents will label the child as too shy or too introverted, and the child will subtly become less willing to speak.
In terms of study, if a child's performance in a certain subject is not satisfactory, and parents label the child as a "partial subject", the child will deny himself and feel that he is really bad at this subject and cannot learn well.
In terms of behavior, parents often say to their children, "Besides making trouble, what else will you do?" "You really can't do anything." This not only causes psychological harm to the children, but also makes the children move closer to the label invisibly.
As a parent, don’t always stare at your children’s shortcomings.
Be good at observation and find out the shining points of your children. Use positive labels to constantly encourage children to develop their strengths.
When a child shares his favorite food, encourage him: "You are a good child who is willing to share";
When a child takes the initiative to help with housework, affirm him: "You are really a good child who is responsible, hard-working and capable."
Children are not born outstanding, but become more and more confident and outstanding through the praise and praise of their parents.
Desi effect
Incentive is a strategy, but also an art
I once read such a story and was deeply inspired:
An old man who likes to be clean is troubled by the noise of children playing nearby.
So the old man decided to take out some change and reward them according to the volume of their voices: whoever made the louder voice would be given more rewards.
After a period of time, the old man began to gradually reduce the rewards until there were none.
Now, the children have given up, and they all think: There are no rewards for , so who will bother you with !
As a result, the old man's life returned to peace.
This is the " Desi effect": that is, when a person engages in pleasant activities, if too many external rewards are provided, it will reduce the person's intrinsic motivation and make them lose interest in things .
It can be seen that blindly providing material rewards will only interfere with children's internal motivation.
On the surface, it will make the child act according to our expectations; in fact, it cannot really awaken his inner recognition of things.
His son was once partial to Chinese language subjects, so his father decided to encourage his son to learn Chinese well. He made an agreement with his son: as long as he exceeds the average score by 1 point, he will be rewarded with 200 yuan.
As a result, in that final exam, my son’s Chinese test was worse than usual!
My son was very frank: "I have never been interested in Chinese language texts. Your heavy prizes not only put a lot of psychological pressure on me, but also felt that I did well in the exam for the bonus."
So, I started to take my son to read classics and read ancient poems with him.
Whenever I find that my son has used a new idiom or learned a new ancient poem, I will chase him and ask him to explain it to me, and I can praise him when he explains it well.
Slowly, I found that my son actually liked Chinese from the bottom of his heart.
If you want your child to really devote himself to something, you have to start by stimulating his "motivation".
If this motivation comes purely from material rewards, there will always be an end.
But if this motivation, comes from the child's own pleasure every time he makes progress, then the child will gain a steady stream of "intrinsic motivation."
This motivation can allow children to change "I want to do it" into "I want to do it" and constantly motivate themselves.
The Red Apple Effect
Teaching by example is better than teaching by words
In psychology, there is a very interesting experiment - the red apple experiment.
The experimenter divided multiple pairs of mothers and children into two groups, and each mother would have two red apples.
A group, the mother said: "This apple is very sweet, eat it quickly." Then, hand one of the red apples to the child and leave with the other one.
B group, the same words, but after the mother finished speaking, she had to pick up an apple in front of the child, eat it and leave the room.
The results of the experiment showed that almost none of the children in group A ate the apple, while the children in group B followed their mother's example and ate the apple within less than 5 seconds after their mother left.
This is the " red apple effect ": The power of parents' example is infinite, and teaching by example is better than words.
Parents are their children's first teachers. Your words and deeds are the objects for your children to imitate.
The so-called education often occurs in the moment of parents’ behavior.
once saw a piece of news: A 55-year-old mother, in order to encourage her daughter, accompanied her daughter to take the postgraduate entrance examination. As a result, both mother and daughter were admitted to the postgraduate entrance examination.
This mother originally only had a high school education, but later obtained a bachelor's degree through correspondence courses and self-study .
She uses her own efforts to become a better self and also becomes the best role model for her children.
As said on the Internet: The best way to educate children in is to cultivate yourself persistently.
Fishbowl effect
Give children enough room to grow
In psychology, there is a famous story.
Several small fish have been kept in a fish tank for many years, and they are always only three inches long.
People once thought that this fish might be a small species.
Then one day, the fish tank was broken and the small fish were raised into the pond.
No one expected that in just a few months, the small fish that was originally three inches long would grow to one foot!
This phenomenon of giving more space and bringing about full growth is called the "fishbowl effect".
The same goes for raising children.
Every child is like a fish, and home is the space where they live.
The more protection and control parents have, the smaller the living space will be, and the more the child's growth will be suppressed.
Therefore, as parents, we must give our children enough free space to let them explore, play and make mistakes.
You must take your children to see the outside world more often, or participate in competitions, or communicate with peers, so that children can not only understand their own strengths, but also see the excitement of the larger world.
We must respect the child's nature more, give him the right to make free choices, and let him strengthen his muscles, knowledge, and talents in his own ocean.
The law of natural punishment
Let children "pay" for their inappropriate behavior
There was an 11-year-old boy in the United States who accidentally kicked the glass of his neighbor's house while playing football. The neighbor claimed US$12.50, which was not a small sum at the time.
The boy who got into trouble admitted his mistake to his father. The father made him responsible for his fault and took out 12.5 US dollars and said to the boy: "I can lend you this money, but you have to pay it back to me after one year."
From then on, the boy began a difficult working life after school, delivering newspapers and shining shoes for others.
After half a year of hard work, he finally earned enough money and returned it to his father.
This boy is Wilson Reagan, the 40th President of the United States.
President Reagan recalled: It was through such an incident that I learned what responsibility is, that is, taking responsibility for one's own faults.
The famous educator Rousseau also proposed the "law of natural punishment": that is, the punishment a child receives should only be the natural result of his fault.
When a child makes a mistake, do not blame or complain too much. Instead, let the child directly bear the consequences of the mistake, so that the child can self-reflect and correct the mistake.
If your child procrastinates in doing homework, reduce the urging and let him face the teacher's criticism directly. Next time, he will know the consequences of not doing homework.
If your child goes to school slowly, go to school slowly with him, so that he can feel the impact of his foreign education.
uses "natural punishment" to strengthen the child's experience of inappropriate behavior, and the child will remember the lesson and tell himself to pay attention and avoid it next time.
I very much agree with a point of view:
"Education is a practice of crossing others and crossing oneself. It is like a tree shaking a tree, a cloud pushing a cloud, and a soul awakening a soul."
Parents must constantly adjust and reflect on their own education methods in order to protect their children's better growth.
Educating children well is every parent’s best investment in the rest of their lives.
I hope you will gain something from these 5 psychological effects, be a better parent, and have better children.
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