When children are growing up, we often complain that children are disobedient and too rebellious.
Is it really the child who is difficult to manage, or is it that the child is changing but the parents are still standing still and have not kept up with the pace?
We held the child's hand and walked forward determinedly, regardless of the child's staggering steps, and we did not understand why the child was attracted to butterflies.
When we see children, they are always so "naughty" and "ignorant".
We cannot understand his whims, his emotional expressions, and his subtle meanings.
01
There is no way to "ripen" a child's life
When the child is still a toddler, we eagerly pull him to start running;
When the child just enters kindergarten, we even start asking him to take the Tsinghua University and Peking University.
From the time a child is born, we anxiously hope that he will grow up quickly, but we forget that growth is a "slow" process of walking with a snail .
I read a passage:
"I was sitting on the stone steps in the setting sun, watching the child with clear eyes doing one thing attentively.
Yes, I am willing to wait a lifetime for him to tie this bow calmly with his five-year-old fingers."
Every child's growth has his own time trajectory.
believes in children and allows them to take their time, and all their waiting will not be disappointed.
02
Children are not "products" on an assembly line
When education begins to have unified templates and standard answers, it is not far from stifling children's creativity.
I once heard a saying:
"Good education is to use 50 methods to educate a child, rather than using 1 method to teach 50 children."
But in fact, we mostly become the latter.
In a child's world, clouds can be pink, the sun can be square, and kittens can fly.
But in the standard answers, these are all wrong.
These so-called standard answers take away the wings of children's imagination and leave them in the bare wilderness.
Children are not products. We cannot train and demand children according to unified standards, otherwise we will lose the wonderful blooming of a hundred flowers that they should have.
03
The biggest tragedy of education
is to train children into learning machines
Academic performance seems to have become the yardstick for measuring a good child and a bad child.
Children seem to study hard on the surface, but in fact they are like rootless duckweed , drifting with the wind and water without direction.
There was once a primary school sports meeting, and the slogan of one class was: "I love learning, learning makes my mother happy, my mother is happy, and the whole family is happy."
Although it sounds funny, it is true if you think about it.
Many children have no interest in learning, just to cope with their parents' inspection and meet their parents' expectations.
The reason why the child behaves like this is because he believes that learning is to follow other wishes, and he is forced and suppressed. He cannot gain happiness and achievement from learning.
I once heard a saying: "Education is not about filling a bucket of water, but lighting a fire."
stimulates children's subjective initiative and ignites their desire for knowledge. Children's potential is far beyond our imagination.
04
constantly "higher" requirements, children will never be able to meet
parents' expectations for their children, and they are always "satisfied".
When a child fails to get a perfect score in an exam, we will ask: "Why didn't he get a perfect score?"
When a child gets a perfect score in an exam, we will say: "What's the use of getting a perfect score once? Only if you get a perfect score every time can you be outstanding.""
As a result, the child's eyes that expected to be affirmed became dim under the pressure.
I once saw a child who forged a "Tsinghua University Admission Notice" in order to meet the expectations of his parents. After the incident was revealed, , so ashamed that we ran away from home.
When the child was first born, we just wanted him to be healthy and safe; as he grew older, our demands became higher and higher. Even though we are just ordinary people, we still want our child to be like a genius.
When our expectations get higher and higher every time, the children will either be hit and stop moving forward, or they will "go astray" and ruin their lives.
05
Reward-based education ultimately "punishes" parents
Nowadays, "reward-based education" is becoming more and more popular. In order to stimulate children's desire to learn, you can often hear such promises:
Mom only likes you if you pass the exam;
Score 100 points, and your mother will take you to the amusement park;
If you are admitted to a good university, your mother will agree to your request...
Every sentence expresses "I love you or not, it depends on whether you behave well or not" . This kind of love cannot be called love, but a "transaction" cloaked in love. It is like a trained animal in a circus. It behaves so grandly. Everyone likes it.
Starting from the age of three or four, children's sensitive nerves will sprout and they will feel ashamed. Once a child is "traded", he will only become flattering and have low self-esteem when he grows up.
Material rewards seem to be a "win-win" in the short term.
Children study hard to get pocket money, and parents are happy to see their children's excellent results.
But linking learning with money will subtly make children think: "Learning is for money. If there is no money and no rewards, I will not learn." "
If things go on like this, no matter what the children do, even if it is within their duties, they will threaten them with "demanding payment". In the end, it is easy to develop the bad habit of asking for too much.
06
There is no sense of rules. Education is the most poisonous medicine
In life, you can often see such a scene. There are a lot of toys at home, but the children just keep insisting on buying them. Most parents are defeated in the "tears" of their children.
"Okay, just this time, I won't ask for them again next time." "
In fact, once parents begin to compromise, the children's crying will become even more intense, and they will test their parents' bottom line step by step.
Children's sense of right and wrong and sense of rules are never innate. Where the parents' bottom line is, the child's limit is also Where.
When parents adhere to principles, their children will abide by the rules.
Professor Li Meijin once shared a case where her daughter was clamoring for something, crying, making trouble, and hanging herself. She did not compromise and watched the child cry. Mom didn't compromise at all and finally gave up.
As a parent, sometimes you have to be "cruel".
If it is something good for your children, then stick to your principles and don’t be easily “beaten”.
07
Please allow your children to be children
On rainy days, if the children want to go out tread water , we will say: "Baby, dirty, no." ”
When a child cries because his doll is lost, we will say: “It’s a fake doll. Why are you crying if you lose it and buy it again?” "
When children doodle, we will say: "You have to follow the lines, you have to follow the standards. "
But when we say these words, we forget that he is just a child.
In his world, rain is interesting, dolls are his friends, and coloring should not have borders.
We often cannot understand children, call them "naughty", and dislike them for being noisy, but we do not know that the world in children's eyes is different from ours.
If your child puts shoes on the corner of the chair, let them be naughty, because this is how they first explore the world.
has a good saying: "The so-called education is to squat down and communicate with children."
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