Hello everyone, I am Hu Junli.
Family education entrepreneur who accompanys mothers to raise their children scientifically.
※ In addition to original articles, 3 study notes are selected every day.
Learning notes come from: books, official accounts, Zhihu, Weibo, paid communities, group chats, circle of friends, etc., which do not represent personal opinions, and do not know the original source, so most of them do not indicate where they are excerpted and deleted if they are infringed.
This is the 346th study note: 5,000 compliments.
is the main text of the study notes.
1, role model
What parents have figured out, the children will regard him as the default thing.
Instead of worrying about how to let children grow up according to their own ideas, it is better to think carefully about their own life and give them a sample for their children?
My parents often teased my laziness when I was young.
My left ear goes in and out of the right ear, enjoying their care and love for me.
even unconsciously feels that it is so hard for them to be busy with their family from morning to night like them.
But no matter what I think, they always arrange and arrange the lives of this home and family as much as possible.
Wait until they leave, I started a family and started a business, and I had a child, and suddenly I found out that I had changed.
I am willing, hardworking, and arranged to organize this home from morning to night, not thinking it is bitter, it is delicious.
In this process, my parents didn't need to say anything to change the spoiled and willful me back then.
They set a good example. Once I stood in their role, I learned it subconsciously.
2, self-confidence
We always say that a person needs self-confidence, how can he gain self-confidence?
If you can get 5,000 praises from your parents - of course it is about you who have basic self-confidence when you were in your childhood.
5,000 times, I think it's just a number, and there are definitely no scholars doing this research.
It's a popular saying, that's it. However, this is also a source of confidence.
What is "confidence"? My usual explanation is that self-confidence is the “inner child” having confidence in gaining the “inner parent” love.
or from the perspective of spontaneousness, self-confidence is, I believe that when I express myself according to my own feelings, I will gain recognition and affirmation. This is called "confidence".
In my experience, many people don’t say that they have 5,000 praises. Perhaps 70%, or even 90%, may never have heard of their parents’ praise in person in their lives.
We have various folk sayings about this doubt.
For example, parents are embarrassed to praise you in person, but they will praise you behind their backs. Moreover, parents actually recognize you very much in their hearts, and they just don’t say it out loud. I actually deeply doubt the statements of
.
I will understand this way. Parents do not praise you in person because their parents want to weaken your spontaneity by hitting you. You can do it according to your parents' ideas and satisfy your parents' omnipotent narcissistic id.
Why do parents praise you in front of others when you are not here?
Because you are his child, he praises you in front of others and looks bright on his face.
So, whether you deny you in person or praise you behind your back, it is mainly to maintain their narcissism.
If parents are expressing this feeling: "Your choice is wrong, you should not follow your choice. You should do whatever I ask you to do."
In fact, such parents are destroying their children's spontaneity and hurting their children's confidence.
3, pseudo-psychological education
A main feature of pseudo-psychological education is that the main thing to think about is how to control others (and mostly in the name of love and gentleness as a skill), rather than looking at yourself and letting go of control over others.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-